WD: I haven't updated in ages… But I'm back to tell you all that I am NOT dead! In fact, I'm not even undead! I am very much ALIVE and if you're reading this then it is very likely that you are alive as well! Let us celebrate our alive-ness with my sorry excuse for humor! F*CK YEAH!

Now that that's outta the way, this chapter is craptastically long. You might want to read it in large chunks rather than all at once. And there's no real 'pranks' in this one, just general idiocy.

Enjoy the story!

"Malik you're awful!" Marik laughed.

"Eh. Only when I'm drunk," Malik responded.

"Or sober," Bakura added.

"Or angry," Yami said.

"Or happy," Marik threw in.

"Or-"

"I GET IT YOU FUCKERS!" Malik cut off Bakura before he could finish.

There was a moment of silence before…

"Hikariiiiiiii," Marik whined, "Don't you wanna go get some more beer?"

"And why would I want to do that?"

"Cuz yer sexy babe," Bakura slurred.

Malik, blinked at him. "Duh. You always go around statin' the obvious when you're drunk 'Kura?"

"Sometimes. There was this one time when Ryou and I were at this bank and a guy came in and he was all 'stick 'em BITCHES' an' I was like 'it don't stick up for jus' anybody-"

"'Kura you've told us this story before." Marik interrupted.

"So Malik has any of this convinced you to go grab us some booze yet?" Yami said.

"Why do I have to do it?" Malik whined. He didn't FEEL like getting up!

"Because we're too lazy to do it! Please hikari, I'll love you forever and ever!" Marik pleaded.

Malik gave a grumpy sigh before dragging himself off the floor (with some help from the couch) and making his way towards the kitchen.

The three yamis waited patiently until he came back.

"There's no more," he said tonelessly.

"WHAT?" All three yamis jumped up and ran to the kitchen.

"IT CAN"T BE TRUE!" Marik cried as he searched the fridge.

"THERE HAS TO BE SOME AROUND HERE!" Bakura dug frantically through the cabinets.

"I CAN'T FIND ANY!" Yami screamed after a fruitless search through the pantry.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," Marik and Bakura screamed simultaneously.

"What are we gonna do? You don't know what it's like to be sober! It's awful! Don't make me go through again so soon!" Yami looked as though he was about to start hyperventilating.

"Relax Pharaoh. We can just go buy some more from that new liquor store down the street. Okay?" Malik murmured soothingly to the stressed king.

"Okay." Yami began taking slow deep breaths.

"Is it open this late?" Bakura asked.

Malik gave him a blank look.

"It's a liquor store, Bakura," Marik said. "You're really wasted huh?"

"Not wasted enough. Somebody grab the keys and let's go."

The ride to the store was fairly traumatic. Marik drove the Camaro at almost 90 MPH to a destination that was only two blocks away. Luckily the car and the traumatized passengers inside were physically unharmed. Mentally they were all pretty fucked up.

Marik frowned as he stepped out of the neon red vehicle.

"Mali-chan, I think it's closed."

"No fucking way!"

Bakura glanced at the advertisements and graffiti on the store windows.

"It doesn't sell just liquor. Apparently it also sells chips and cigars."

"GUYS! I can feel sobriety creeping up on me!" Yami's breathing had sped up again.

"Wait! Don't panic yet! There are other places we get something to destroy our livers. We can go to a bar or Wal-Mart or something!" Malik really didn't want the pharaoh to start freaking out.

"WAL-MART!" The three yamis all seemed to get rather excited at the prospect of going to the superstore.

Malik frowned. "I don't have my ID."

"Aren't you only like sixteen anyway?" Bakura asked.

"I meant my fake ID."

"It doesn't matter. I got the Rod." Marik said as he slid into the driver's seat, only to be booted onto the passenger side by Malik.

"Marik, you're so silly. All guys have rods. It's what makes them guys," Bakura slurred happily.

"ENOUGH TALK!" Yami said suddenly. "I need alcohol. Malik drive."

Malik did as he was commanded. The pharaoh was pretty demanding when he was between intoxication and sobriety.

The ride to Wal-Mart was uneventful as Malik was a fairly decent driver even when drunken to near senselessness.

"Alright everybody, stay together and do not steal anything Bakura… well nothing too cheap anyway." Malik said as they all stepped out of the car.

"Marik, you just stay next to me," Malik added, taking his yami's hand.

"Let's go!"

The foursome marched into the store. As soon as the automatic sliding doors slid open, the yami's proceeded to break all the rules Malik had set for them and split up to run wild through the store.

"Dammit!" Malik yelled as he found himself standing alone at the store entrance.

He then sighed and decided to find Yami first. Yami was, after all, the most sensible one.

Malik frowned as he peered up the wine aisle again. He'd been so sure Yami would be there.

Malik's frown did an acrobatic move (It flipped) as inspiration struck.

He grabbed a bottle of the strongest wine he could find and ran towards the back of the store where a clerk was standing at the layaway area.

"I need to use your microphone thingy." Malik said.

The teen standing there shrugged and continued playing with the snow globe in her hands.

"Yami Motou. Please come to the layaway area. I have liquor." Malik could hear his own voice echoing throughout the store.

"Hey Malik," Yami said as he stepped up to the counter.

Malik whirled around. "You're already here but-"

"I was in line."

"Why?"

"I need to put this on layaway," Yami said, putting a bag of M&Ms on the counter in front of the clerk.

"Yami… you do realize that a bag of candy right?"

"Yep."

"Sooo… why are you putting it on layaway?"

"I don't wanna buy it right now, but I might want to later. Until then, I gotta keep it here so no one else will get it. Yugi says that's what this place is for."

"I don't think-" Malik facepalmed. "Forget it. I'll buy the M&Ms and you can keep them at my house until you want them."

"Okay," Yami said, seeming satisfied with Malik's idea.

"Good. Let's go find Marik and Bakura, so we can grab some booze and get the fuck outta here."

"But I thought you already had booze," Yami said as Malik pulled him through the store, stopping abruptly near the furniture section.

"Well, I did but… It like… vanished… or something… Whatever, we can just get more."

Malik was cut off by the sound of a woman screaming in the ladies section.

Wal-Mart sure was crowded at three in morning…

Malik and Yami ran towards the sound where a woman was starring, horrified, at a rack of clothes.

"What's wrong?" Malik asked. It was just a harmless clothes rack.

"I-it.. it.. It… Ahhh!" The poor woman was barely able to speak, but Malik got the message and approached the rack of clothes.

When he walked up to nothing happened. He glanced back over at the woman and Yami.

"Excuse me, but what exactly were you doing when it did… whatever it did?" Yami asked the lady.

"Nothing I was just looking for a shirt in my size!"

"Malik try flipping through the clothes or something!" The pharaoh called out.

Malik shrugged and began moving the clothes around. He spotted a cute fishnet shirt, but it was a little too big.

"Damn me and my petite form…" Malik thought as he hunted for a smaller size.

"Pick Me! Pick Me!"

"Huh?" Malik frowned and looked around. There was no one around but himself, Yami, and the woman, who had passed out on the floor next to Yami's feet.

"Pick me! I'm the cutest!"

Malik looked down at the clothes rack in front of him. Were the clothes talking to him?

"Please pick me! I'm easy to keep clean!"

"No fucking way."

Malik separated all the clothes to reveal Bakura crouching in the center of the rack.

"PEEKABOO!"

With that, the tomb-robber jumped up and ran off before Malik could grab him.

"Bakura! Get back here! I am NOT drunk enough for this!"

Malik chased after Bakura, following him all the way to the hunting department before losing him.

He growled and looked around.

"Yami, see if you can-" Malik turned to the pharaoh to find that the ancient ruler had disappeared.

"Dammit!"

"Hey! Excuse me can you help me?"

Malik glance across the aisle to find none other than Marik talking to an employee.

Malik nearly screamed at the scene before him.

Why?

Because Marik was holding what looked to be a supersized bazooka. The price tag still hung off it. The thing was on sale.

He ran up next to his yami as he spoke with the employee, a short freckled boy with red hair.

"What can I help you with?"

"Can you show me where the anti-depressants are?" Marik said shifting the bazooka in his arms.

"Wh-wha?" The poor worker suddenly looked scared out of his mind.

"The anti-depressants. I've been having a lot of problems lately and I'm super stressed! Sometimes I feel like I might just blow something up!"

Marik waved his arms (and therefore the bazooka) to emphasize his point.

The boy let out a shrill scream before running away from Marik.

"Well, the service here sure sucks," Marik muttered.

"Marik! What the hell are you doing?" Malik demanded.

"What do you mean?"

"I told you to stay next to me!"

"Oh yeah. I forgot."

Malik facepalmed again. "Let's go find the other two and go home!"

The duo wandered through the store, Marik dropping boxes of condoms randomly into people's carts.

Malik stopped suddenly.

"What's wrong?" Marik asked.

"Bakura's nearby."

"How do you know?"

"Well, there's that." Malik pointed to a 'Wet Floor' sign on the carpet.

"Oh."

"Shh." Malik said. "Listen."

The pair could hear the faint sound of someone humming the Mission Impossible theme.

They headed towards the sound to find Bakura darting suspiciously up the aisles and humming loudly to himself.

"Bakura!"

The thief froze and stopped to stare at Malik.

"Get over here!" The hikari commanded.

Bakura looked as though he might actually do as he was told until a voice came over the intercom.

"Can we get a janitor in the Ladies Clothes department? A woman has fainted there." The voice echoed through the store.

"No!" Bakura crouched into the fetal position. "It's those voices again!"

Malik made to go towards Bakura, but the thief jumped up and darted off again.

The hikari ran after him, making sure Marik was following him.

Malik nearly screamed when Bakura disappeared again, leaving him and Marik standing in the camping section.

"I knew bringing you three in here would be a bad idea." Malik said sitting down next to a tent.

"Aw. Poor Mali-chan. I'll let in here with me if you bring pillows from the bedding department."

Malik jumped up in surprise, when Yami's head popped out of the tent flap.

"Have you been there this whole time?"

"Yep. It's comfy!" Yami seemed very chipper for some reason.

"Yami you haven't had any liquor have you?"

"Uh…"

"Yami," Malik growled threateningly at the pharaoh.

"You remember that wine you lost? I had it."

"I should've known. Does Yugi know about this drinking problem of yours?"

"It's not a problem until he tries to make me get sober!"

Malik sighed.

"Marik stay here with Yami. I'm gonna go find Bakura."

Marik and Yami cheered as the tallest yami dived into the tent with the shortest yami.

'I am never letting the three of them go out in public with me Ever again.'

WD: TO BE CONTINUED! Cuz it got really long and my fingers started cramping. Show me yer luvinz n review!