EXT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - DAY
Est. Shot of the orphanage.
INT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - MRS. CAVANAUGH'S OFFICE
Hammerhead Hannigan is with MRS. CAVANAUGH, a very motherly older hen, the director of the orphanage. She is looking at the photograph of Professor Waddlemeyer and Gosalyn.
MRS. CAVANAUGH:
Well, that's Gosalyn Waddlemeyer, all right. You know her, and you willingly came to visit?
She eyes Hammerhead suspiciously. He blinks cluelessly, but offers a wide, cheesy smile.
HAMMERHEAD:
Yeah, I'm an old family friend. Me and the Professor, we were really close. It was his, uh, dyin' wish that I look after his sweet little granddaughter.
Mrs. Cavanaugh frowns at the description of Gosalyn as "sweet," but then she smiles. Apparently, she's eager to get Gosalyn off her hands.
MRS. CAVANAUGH:
I trust you're interested in adopting her, then, Mr. Hannigan?
HAMMERHEAD:
(nervously)
Huh? Well, yeah I guess so. Where is the little cupcake?
MRS. CAVANAUGH:
I think she's outside playing with the other children.
No sooner are those words out of her mouth than a hockey puck flies through the window. She ducks, and the puck smacks Hammerhead in the forehead.
HAMMERHEAD:
Ow!
Remarkably, Hammerhead remains standing (if he can batter down a steel door a hockey puck isn't gonna do too much to him).
GOSALYN WADDLEMEYER skates into the office on rollerblades, wielding a junior hockey stick. A nine-year-old duck girl with bright red hair tied into pigtails.
GOSALYN:
Comin' through! One side, people! All right, now, play it where it lays!
She smacks the puck with the stick, and it flies back out the window, where it hits the goalie of the opposing team in the stomach and knocks him down.
GOSALYN:
Nuts. Oh, hi, Mrs. Cavanaugh. Sorry about the window, I'm in the middle of a game! Can't chat now!
As she turns to skate back out, Mrs. Cavanaugh grabs her by the collar of her shirt, lifts her up, and drops her into a nearby chair.
MRS. CAVANAUGH:
Park it. We've some important issues we need to discuss.
GOSALYN:
I don't know anything about a pig and I was nowhere near the boys' bathroom at the time!
Mrs. Cavanaugh looks genuinely confused.
MRS. CAVANAUGH:
What pig…?
GOSALYN:
Uh, did I say "pig?" I meant "big!" As in how big of you to take such an interest in me. What can I do you for?
MRS. CAVANAUGH:
Uh-huh. We'll talk later. Right now I want to introduce you to Mr. Hannigan. He claims to have known your grandfather and says he's interested in adopting you.
Gosalyn's eyes light up and she turns to Hammerhead, who is currently rubbing his head where the puck hit him, muttering curses under his breath.
GOSALYN:
You knew Grandpa?
HAMMERHEAD:
Oh, yeah! Me and him, we go way back. Way, way back. He even gave me this…
Mrs. Cavanaugh hands the photo to Gosalyn for her to see. Gosalyn looks at it for a moment, then casts a somewhat suspicious look at Hammerhead, who flashes a bright, cheery smile.
GOSALYN:
This was always my favorite picture of the two of us… After he died, they couldn't find it even though he kept it in his wallet all the time.
HAMMERHEAD:
Uh, because he gave it to me?
GOSALYN:
All right, that works for me.
Grinning, he snatches the photo back from her and sticks it into his coat pocket.
HAMMERHEAD:
Alrighty then, kiddo, what say you 'n' me go for a little walk around the block? Y'know, get to know one another, swap stories about the Professor.
Gosalyn gets all excited, so excited that she jumps out her chair, skates over to Hammerhead, and tackles him to the floor in a big hug.
HAMMERHEAD:
Oof!
GOSALYN:
Oh, can I, Mrs. Cavanaugh? Can I? Can I? Can I?
MRS. CAVANAUGH:
Well, it's all right with me. Just as long as you stay within sight of the orphanage.
They leave the office. A moment later, there an O.S. scream and Mrs. Cavanaugh's male assistant EUGENE comes running in.
EUGENE:
Gyah, there's a wild pig in the bathroom!
EXT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - DAY
Gosalyn and Hammerhead exit through the front doors of the orphanage. Gosalyn has removed her rollerblades and put some sneakers on, but still has the rollerblades slung over her shoulder by the shoelaces as she and Hammerhead begin a leisurely stroll down the sidewalk.
HAMMERHEAD:
So kid, let's hear a bit about yourself.
GOSALYN:
There's not much to tell, really. When my parents died in the accident, Grandpa was the only family I had in the whole world. After he died too, they stuck me in this lousy orphanage. Well, it's not THAT bad. Mrs. Cavanaugh's nice, and I have lots of friends. And then adoption day comes along and I say good-bye to my friends one by one.
HAMMERHEAD:
And nobody's ever wanted to adopt ya…?
GOSALYN:
Nope. They all say I'm a "problem child." Like that's supposed to be an insult. But I'm NOT a problem child! Grandpa just said I'm really energetic 'n' stuff. That I was full of spirit, and when you're full of spirit, everybody else looks empty. Someday I'll meet someone else who understands that…
Meanwhile, a plain brown Ford Fairmont sedan pulls up to the front of the orphanage, and AGENT SHALE gets out along with AGENT GRANITE. Shale is a dodo bird, and Granite is a bulldog with glasses. Both wear matching grey suits with black ties.
SHALE:
Well, this is the place.
GRANITE:
Let's just hope that no one's managed to adopt the girl in the time it took us to drive over here.
They go inside.
EXT. GOSALYN AND HAMMERHEAD - DAY
As they approach an alley, Gosalyn begins to notice they're straying a little too far from the orphanage.
GOSALYN:
Maybe I'm being just a little paranoid, but aren't we a little too far away from the orphanage?
HAMMERHEAD:
Yeah. Y'see kid, I was thinkin' maybe you and me could go for a little ride.
Hoof and Mouth jump out of a Toyota Previa van that was parked nearby.
GOSALYN:
"A ride?" Forget it! I've seen gangster movies! I know what THAT means!
The thugs quickly surround her as she presses back against the chain-link fence that separates the sidewalk from the orphanage playground. Hopelessly, she looks at the other kids who continue to play, oblivious to the danger she is in.
HAMMERHEAD:
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Take it easy, kid! We ain't gonna hurt ya! Our boss Taurus Bulba just wants to have a little talk with you, about your granddad's work.
GOSALYN:
Yeah? Well HERE'S a message for your big boss!
She stamps on his foot and bolts. Hammerhead howls in pain, hopping up and down on his good foot while clutching his injured one. She then swings her rollerblades, clocking the ram in the mouth. He goes cross-eyed and topples over backwards, spitting out a number of his teeth.
She then turns and runs off between Hoof and Mouth, who both make a grab for her at the same time, slamming into one another and faling down. She then runs into the nearby alley to escape, Hoof and Mouth climbing to their feet and chasing her.
GOSALYN:
Help me! Somebody help me!!!
EXT. ELSEWHERE - AT THAT VERY MOMENT!
Darkwing stands on a rooftop, looking out over the city. Suddenly, he hears Gosalyn's cries for help close by.
GOSALYN (O.S.):
Help me! Somebody please help me!
DARKWING:
Ah-ha! Just the thing to brighten my day! An innocent civilian in need of assistance!
He runs and begins hopping deftly from rooftop to rooftop until he finds himself looking into the alley, where Gosalyn has literally been backed into a corner, with Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth closing in on her.
EXT. GOSALYN IN THE ALLEY - DAY
Gosalyn has literally been backed into a corner, with Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth closing in on her.
GOSALYN:
Stay back! I mean it! I'll whack you again!
She swings the rollerblades, catching Hoof in the shoulder. He yelps and staggers back as Mouth grabs her arms, making her drop the 'blades. Gosalyn screams piercingly, making them cover their ears. Mouth angrily clamps a hand over her bill. He and Hoof then begin trying to keep ahold over as she bites, kicks, etc.
MOUTH:
Ow, ow! She bit me, she bit me! She bit me, bit me! The little brat actually bit me!
HAMMERHEAD:
Quit bein' so rough with her, you idiot! The boss needs her in one piece!
DARKWING:
(O.S.)
Let her go!!!
They spin around to see Darkwing at the entrance to the alley, hands on his hips. He wags a finger at them.
DARKWING:
Tsk-tsk-tsk. Naughty, naughty, naughty, boys. Picking on little girls is low, even for scum like you.
MOUTH:
(gasps)
It's that jerk! It's that jerk! He survived the crash!
HAMMERHEAD:
Hold her, I'll take care of this one myself.
Ducking his head, Hammerhead charges at Darkwing. The Masked Mallard deftly steps aside and Hammerhead flies past him, then trips and goes flying into a pile of metal trashcans. Hoof and Mouth exchange nervous glances as Darkwing approaches.
DARKWING:
I suggest you cretins surrender now!
He suddenly begins to strike a variety of martial-arts stances. Behind him, Hammerhead gets up.
DARKWING:
Hyah! Be warned, for I am a master of Quack-Fu! I studied under the great Goose Lee, who taught me every martial arts form on the planet!
Hoof and Mouth exchange nervous/confused glances. Suddenly Hammerhead slams a trashcan down onto Darkwing's head.
DARKWING:
Ow! Except for Trashcan Tai-Chi. I-- I think that's a newer one...
He collapses to the ground in a dazed heap. Gosalyn looks horrified.
HAMMERHEAD:
Some superhero...
The duck springs to life and lashes out, kicking Mouth in the stomach. The donkey stumbles backwards into Hoof, who still holds onto Gosalyn. She is freed when Mouth slams into his friend and sends them both crashing to the ground.
Darkwing turns to Hammerhead, balling up his fist and throwing a punch. Hammerhead ducks, letting Darkwing's fist connect with the top of his head. There is a crunch and Darkwing howls in pain. Hammerhead laughs, and is then socked in the snout by the Masked Mallard's other fist. Darkwing then seizes the dazed ram by the lapels and flips himself over backwards, sending Hammerhead flying into Hoof and Mouth just as the two are getting to their feet.
Gosalyn looks down at the three dazed thugs for a moment in amazement, then to Darkwing. She hurries over to him as he gets up and dusts himself off.
GOSALYN:
Wow! Uh, you're the good guy, right?
DARKWING:
That's what I tell myself.
GOSALTN:
Thanks, Mister...?
The three farmyard hoods, groaning, begin to get up. He reaches inside his suit for his gas gun.
DARKWING:
Proper introductions will have to wait, kiddo, for yon criminals appear to be stirring. Suck gas, evildo-- Huh? I could've sworn I'd brought my gas gun with me.
GOSALYN:
Look, Mr. Superhero, instead of looking for gadgets might I suggest we run?
DARKWING:
An intriguing idea, Little Miss. I'll go with it.
Grabbing Gosalyn by the wrist, Darkwing runs from the alley, dragging her along behind him. As they run, he pulls out the Ratcatcher's call unit and presses the button. Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth quickly race after them.
INT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - MRS. CAVANAUGH'S OFFICE
Mrs. Cavanaugh is seeing Agent Granite and Agent Shale in her office. In the background, Eugene can be seen trying to catch the wild pig, chasing it throughout the building as it oinks and snorts, frightening the orphanage children.
MRS. CAVANAUGH:
Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you gentlemen but Gosalyn Waddlemeyer's not here at the moment.
GRANITE:
Where is she? Mrs. Cavanaugh, it's very important that we be able to speak with the girl immediately.
MRS. CAVANAUGH:
She's spending some quality time with a nice man who was interested in adopting her, which is a big deal considering what a handful little Gosalyn is.
Granite and Shale exchange worried glances.
SHALE:
By any chance did you get this fellow's name?
MRS. CAVANAUGH:
Hmm, well I believe he said his name was Mr. Hannigan. Mr. H. Hannigan? They went for a walk around the block, but said they'd be back in a few minutes.
They recoil with looks of horror and realization, then turn and bolt from the office without even saying good-bye. Mrs. Cavanaugh looks perplexed, to say the least.
EXT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - DAY
Granite and Shale through the front doors and run out onto the street just as the driverless Ratcatcher comes flying past, making the two S.H.U.S.H. agents skid to a halt in shock and watch it go, disappearing around the corner and into an alley. A moment later, the Ratcatcher reappears, now carrying Darkwing and Gosalyn, the latter riding in the sidecar portion of the motorcycle and plainly visible to the two agents, who are even more confused.
GRANITE:
That doesn't look like Hammerhead Hannigan to me, Shale...
SHALE:
But THAT is!
He points as Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth suddenly speed past in their van. They jump into their car parked on the curb nearby and Granite gets on the CB radio.
GRANITE:
Central! Central, come in! We were too late! Somebody else grabbed the girl and now Taurus Bulba's boys are chasin' after them!
EXT. DARKWING AND GOSALYN ON THE RATCATCHER - DAY
They coast along, unaware of the van gaining on them in the background.
DARKWING:
Don't worry, uh-- What's your name?
GOSALYN:
Gosalyn Waddlemeyer.
DARKWING:
Oh, okay then. Don't worry, Gosalyn, Darkwing Duck has you now. You'll be all right with me! I promise I won't let anything happen to you!
Suddenly a bullet ricochets off the motorcycle, making Gosalyn shriek in surprise. Glancing over his shoulder Darkwing notes the henchmen's van fast approaching.
EXT. BULBA'S HENCHMEN IN VAN - DAY
Hoof at the wheel, Mouth riding shotgun, and Hammerhead seated between them. The S.H.U.S.H. agents' car, detachable light stuck on the roof, is right behind them as well.
HAMMERHEAD:
I'm gonna kill that kid! She knocked out four of my teeth!
Mouth excitedly thumps his hands on the dashboard.
MOUTH:
Wow, a car chase, chase! Cool, cool!
EXT. DARKWING AND GOSALYN ON THE RATCATCHER - DAY
GOSALYN:
Oh, golly, thanks Mr. Darkwing. I feel REALLY safe now…
DARKWING:
Don't worry. I have a little surprise for those three!
The Ratcatcher suddenly emits an oil slick just as they turn a corner, with a sign posted saying "ONE-WAY STREET."
EXT. BULBA'S HENCHMEN IN VAN - DAY
Trying to follow them, the thugs' van hits the oil and goes spinning out of control down the opposite street. It finally stops, leaving Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth inside shaking and dizzy.
EXT. S.H.U.S.H. AGENTS IN SEDAN - DAY
Agent Granite and Agent Shale manage to avoid the oil slick, swinging around the corner and continuing after the Ratcatcher.
EXT. DARKWING AND GOSALYN ON THE RATCATCHER - DAY
GOSALYN:
You know, Mr. Darkwing, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to turn onto this street.
DARKWING:
Oh, and why is that?
She points at several oncoming cars. Darkwing yells, Gosalyn clinging to him in terror.
EXT. S.H.U.S.H. AGENTS IN SEDAN - DAY
The other vehicles all swerve out of the Ratcatcher's path, smashing into other parked cars, telephone poles, fire hydrants, etc., a few even barely avoiding slamming into the S.H.U.S.H. sedan.
GRANITE:
This guy is nuts!
EXT. POLICE CAR(S) - DAY
A police Dodge Diplomat, coming from the opposite direction, manages to turn around and speed after the Ratcatcher, siren wailing. Another police car sits parked by the sidewalk, the officers inside eating take-out. They spill the food everywhere as they jump in surprise when the Ratcatcher and the other cop car fly past, and quickly join the chase...
EXT. S.H.U.S.H. AGENTS IN SEDAN - DAY
...followed by the S.H.U.S.H. sedan, which is still bringing up the rear of the pursuit.
EXT. DARKWING AND GOSALYN ON THE RATCATCHER - DAY
Still more cars keep coming, swerving wildly about to avoid hitting the Ratcatcher and the police vehicles, etc.
DARKWING:
We have GOT to get out of this!
GOSALYN:
Ooh! There, Mr. Darkwing! There!
She points to another intersection.
DARKWING:
I would've spotted it on my own!
Darkwing turns to the right once he reaches the intersection, the Ratcatcher zooming around the corner and disappearing. A moment later the Ratcatcher comes speeding back into view, taking the street to the left instead, followed by Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth in their van.
EXT. S.H.U.S.H. SEDAN AND POLICE CARS - DAY
The S.H.U.S.H. agents and the police screech to a halt at the intersection to avoid slamming into either vehicle, then turn and resume following them.
EXT. LAUNCHPAD ON MOTORCYCLE - DAY
Right about this time we see that Launchpad is riding along on an old-timey motorcycle, his aviator's goggles down over his eyes, headed towards the big chase. He is also wearing a backpack which contains Darkwing's gas gun (we can see the handle sticking out of the backpack he's wearing).
LAUNCHPAD:
(Muttering to himself)
Great idea. Just drive around town and hope that you run into him, Einstein. Yeesh, what was I thinkin'? The odds of me just happenin' to run into DW are a bajillion to--Huh?
EXT. DARKWING AND GOSALYN ON THE RATCATCHER, LAUNCHPAD ON MOTORCYCLE - DAY
He suddenly sees the whole chase speeding right towards him. Darkwing and Gosalyn fly past on the Ratcatcher.
LAUNCHPAD:
DW?!
DARKWING:
Launchpad?!
LAUNCHPAD:
Hey, wait up! What's the rush?
He seems to notice the other vehicles pursuing the Ratcatcher for the first time.
LAUNCHPAD:
Yikes!
Spinning his own motorcycle around, he follows after the Ratcatcher and is soon keeping pace with Darkwing and trying to reach around and pull the gas gun from his backpack at the same time, with about as much success as you'd expect.
LAUNCHPAD:
DW!
DARKWING:
Launchpad, I told you--
LAUNCHPAD:
I know, I know! But listen! I've got--
DARKWING:
No time for that autograph now, fan! I'm kind of in the middle of a really big chase scene!
Suddenly a bullet fired from the evildoers' van puncture's Launchpad's back tire, causing him to begin veering wildly out of control. In order to save himself, he is forced to leap off of his motorcycle and into the sidecar portion of the Ratcatcher with Gosalyn; his motorcycle meanwhile slams into a newsstand, sending newspapers and magazines flying everywhere.
DARKWING:
This is NOT a taxi service!
GOSALYN:
Ooof! Hi, I'm Gosalyn Waddlemeyer.
LAUNCHPAD:
Heh, nice to meet ya. Name's Launchpad.
DARKWING:
(angry)
Save it, you two! I'm trying to keep us from getting turned into roadkill and it's very difficult to concentrate with all this TALKING!!!
EXT. RATCATCHER AND VAN - DAY
The van pulls up alongside the Ratcatcher and Hammerhead pops out of the window of the passenger's side door, grinning wickedly. He leans over and grabs Gosalyn by the back of her shirt and yanks her from the sidecar. Launchpad, in turn, grabs Gosalyn's arms, and a tug-of-war ensues over the child, who is understandably not too happy about it.
HAMMERHEAD:
Give her to me!!!
LAUNCHPAD:
No!
The struggle is interrupted by a honking sound. Gosalyn, Launchpad and Hammerhead look in front of them (tight shot of all three, favoring Gosalyn) to see a huge truck speeding towards them. In fact, it's the very same truck that Darkwing almost got hit by the pevious evening. The TRUCK DRIVER recognizes the Ratcatcher instantly.
TRUCK DRIVER:
Aw, not again!!!
Hammerhead lets go of Gosalyn, yanking himself back into the van, and Launchpad pulls Gosalyn back into the sidecar with him just as the truck passes between the Ratcatcher and and the evildoers' van.
EXT. TRUCK, S.H.U.S.H. SEDAN AND POLICE CARS - DAY
The truck then proceeds slam on its brakes in the street to avoid colliding with the pursuing convoy of police vehicles, which merely go around it... all except for one patrol car, which smacks into the grille of the truck.
EXT. ST. CANARD DOCKSIDE DISTRICT - DAY
Finally, the chase leads to the seaside district of the city. The thugs' van drops out of the chase, leaving the police and S.H.U.S.H. agents to pursue the Ratcatcher.
DARKWING:
I think it's safe to say that running is getting us nowhere.
LAUNCHPAD:
What do we do, DW?
DARKWING:
Drastic times call for drastic action, fan! How are you two are holding your breath?
Before they can reply, he drives the Ratcatcher out onto a pier. Watching from their car, the S.H.U.S.H. agents are mystified.
GRANITE:
What's he doin'?!
SHALE:
Uh, I think he's gonna drive off the pier...
The Ratcatcher does, landing with a mighty splash in the waters of Audubon Bay. The first police car goes flying off the edge of the dock and splashes in after it. The second police car screeches to a halt so it won't follow suit, the two officers inside sighing in relief.
POLICE OFFICER 4:
Boy, that was clo--
But then, the S.H.U.S.H. sedan is unable to stop in time and smashes into the rear bumper, causing their car to go sailing a short distance off the end of the dock.
GRANITE:
Oops...
It then ends up teetering precariously over the edge as well when a THIRD police car smacks into IT.
EXT. BULBA'S HENCHMEN IN VAN - DAY
Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth in their van skid to a halt some distance back from the dock and watch as the police officers get out of their cars and begin to help the waterlogged S.H.U.S.H. agents out of the water. Hammerhead sighs.
HAMMERHEAD:
Aw, man... Taurus Bulba ain't gonna like this.
Mouth suddenly begins having a severe panic attack.
MOUTH:
Oh, no! Oh, no! He's gonna be mad, mad! He's gonna be furious, furious! He's gonna be mad and he's gonna feed us to the pets, feed us to the pets! I don't wanna feed the pets, Hammerhead, Hammerhead!!! I don't wanna be pet food! Aaahhhhh!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!
Hammerhead angrily pounds his fist over Mouth's head, shutting him up.
MOUTH:
D'oooowww...
EXT. AUDUBON BAY BRIDGE
Est. Shot of the bridge.
INT. AUDUBON BAY BRIDGE - SHAFT LEADING TO TOWER
Darkwing, Gosalyn and Launchpad stand, with the Ratcatcher, on a hydraulic platform which is rising up through a hollow shaft that must be one of the support struts of the bridge. Although the motorcycle is dripping wet, all three of the ducks are dry. Gosalyn is positively ecstatic.
GOSALYN
Boy, a real police chase with bullets, crooks and everything! Are all your days like this?
DARKWING
Not realy, since I'm usually sleeping. But, I decided that perhaps I should rotate my crimefighting schedule and fight evil during the daytime on Wednesdays. Luckily I did, kiddo, or else those goons would've captured you for sure!
GOSALYN
Aw, I coulda handled myself!
She tries to look tough, balling up her fists and making little punches in the air. Darkwing laughs and pats her on the head, then turns and leans on the Ratcatcher, tipping his hat back with his thumb.
DARKWING
So, how did you guys like the Ratcatcher's submersible capabilities?
LAUNCHPAD
Boy, that was some trick, DW! That's one way to lose those bad guys!
INT. AUDUBON BAY BRIDGE - DARKWING TOWER
The platform raises all the way into the tower interior. Launchpad and Gosalyn are both in awe at the sight, although Gosalyn starts tugging on Darkwing's cape.
GOSALYN
Hey, Mr. Darkwing, who were those guys anyway?
Launchpad, suddenly interested, comes over.
LAUNCHPAD
Yeah, they looked like the same guys from last night.
Darkwing smirks. He's clearly loving the fact that both of them are giving him their undivided attention. Clearing his throat, he gets off the Ratcatcher and assumes an "expert" stance.
DARKWING
Hired muscle, my young one. The leader was Hammerhead Hannigan, the toughest hood in town. He cracks safes with his head! And they work for... Taurus Bulba!
He lets that sink in. Gosalyn frowns, thinking, while Launchpad just scratches his head.
LAUNCHPAD
And he is...?
Darkwing lets out a deep sigh.
DARKWING
He's a deviously clever criminal mastermind, of course!
Gosalyn hops up and down excitedly.
GOSALYN
Oh boy, just like in the comics! I'll bet you guys are eternal enemies, right?
Darkwing removes his fedora and chuckles nervously.
DARKWING
Eh, not really. Not yet, anyway.
GOSALYN
Whaddaya mean?
DARKWING
I don't think he even knows I exist, yet. But! He soon will! Mark my words!
He attempts to toss the fedora onto a nearby hatrack, misses by a mile. Frowning he walks over to it, followed closely by Launchpad.
LAUNCHPAD
Boy, this is some place you got here, DW! How'd you pay for all of it?
Darkwing picks up the hat and dusts it off, then hangs it up.
DARKWING
Eh, I had a rich uncle that died and left all his money to his favorite nephew.
LAUNCHPAD
Wow, I wish I had a rich uncle.
DARKWING
Speaking of homes, we need to find Gosalyn a safe place to--
He looks around and notices she's gone.
DARKWING
--stay?
GOSALYN (O.S.)
Why can't I just stay here?
Darkwing and Launchpad look up to see Gosalyn on one of the upper levels of the hideout.
GOSALYN
We make a great team!
Darkwing, scowling, goes and hurriedly scales a ladder up to that level, followed by Launchpad, who we can see is still wearing the backpack which contains the gas gun. Once they reach the top we can see that this portion of Darkwing's hideout apparently contains all of his computer equipment, as well as table with a chemistry set on it. A high-tech crime lab to rival any police precinct's.
Gosalyn is examining one of the computers when Darkwing grabs her a bit roughly by the arm. Then, realizing, he slowly releases her and steps back, crossing his arms, looking like a really peeved parent.
DARKWING
I am not a team! Besides, you'd just get in the way!
LAUNCHPAD
Yeah, that's what he said to me last night, too.
Darkwing whirls angrily to Launchpad.
DARKWING
What ARE you doing here, anyway?
LAUNCHPAD
Well, I kinda had to jump into your Rat-thing to avoid being run over--
DARKWING
Not that, I mean before that. Why were you even trying to track me down?
Launchpad opens his mouth, but a thought occurs to Darkwing and he holds up a hand.
DARKWING
Wait, wait, wait, I remember, hang on.
He zips off, and quickly returns with a slip of paper and a fountain pen. He hurriedly scribbles his illegible signature onto it and hands it to Launchpad, who looks at it, blinking, and then smiles.
DARKWING
There, now beat it! And take her with you!
Behind them, Gosalyn continues messing with the computer and presses a button, activating a loud alarm.
GOSALYN
Uh-oh...
DARKWING
What do you mean, "uh-oh?"
He gets his answer as one of his own security devices, a laser stun-gun shaped like a radar dish, swivels down and gives him a good zap, leaving him slightly singed.
DARKWING (voice broken, cracked)
See...little things like that...tend to...cramp...my style...ack...
Gosalyn giggles. Shaking off the effects of the stun-gun, Darkwing goes over to the table with the chemistry set on it and begins rifling through some papers.
DARKWING
Look, I'll pay for you both to stay in a nice hotel tonight, if you'll just--
He pauses, blinking.
DARKWING
I gotta get the wattage of that stun-gun worked out. I recovered from that in less than the ten minutes those jokers at the security company promised! Where's my phonebook? Oh, I am so gonna give those guys a talking-to!
He continues searching, and then Gosalyn taps him on the shoulder.
GOSALYN
Well, I suppose I could leave, but we might let it slip where a certain masked avenger lives.
LAUNCHPAD
We would...?
She elbows him good-naturedly.
LAUNCHPAD
Oh! Oh, oh yeah, we would!
DARKWING
You wouldn't! Why, you little extortionists! You, you, you--
He clenches his fists, struggling to control his rage, but then slowly cools off and sighs.
DARKWING
Like I said. You need a safe place to stay until I can figure out why Bulba's boys were trying to kidnap you. So, I better keep you close.
Gosalyn leaps into his arms and gives him a big hug.
GOSALYN
Thanks, Darkwing!
He sighs and rolls his eyes.
INT. S.H.U.S.H. CENTRAL - J. GANDER'S OFFICE
J. Gander Hooter sits behind his desk in his office, flanked by Agent Gryzlikoff, who arms his arms crossed and his scowling fiercely. J. Gander twiddles his fingers.
J. GANDER
So, in other words, you didn't get the girl?
Agent Shale and Agent Granite, both dripping wet, stand before the large desk, looking sheepish.
GRANITE
Uh, yeah, that's the gist of it, sir. She got taken by that guy from the train robbery last night.
GRYZLIKOFF
I knew you should've sent ME, sir, instead of these idiots!
The other two agents flinch, but J. Gander holds up a placating hand.
J. GANDER
It's all right, Gryzlikoff, mistakes are made all the time. Now then, we must find the girl. The fate of the entire city may depend on it!
GRYZLIKOFF
And how do we do that?
J. GANDER
By finding this 'Darkwing Duck' character. If we find him, we'll find young Miss Waddlemeyer!
GRYZLIKOFF
You don't suppose he's working with Bulba, do you?
J. GANDER
We won't know until we can actually find him. Get the word out.
INT. SECRET LAIR - OFFICE
In Bulba's office in the secret underground lair, Hammerhead is down on his knees before a thoroughly enraged-looking Taurus Bulba. Clovis sits on Bulba's desk behind him, filing her nails and looking bored.
BULBA
I give you a simple mission, and you blow it! You fools!
CLOVIS
I told you.
HAMMERHEAD
But how were we supposed to know that stupid duck would show up outta the blue again?!
Bulba clenches his fists with fury, steam jetting from his nostrils. He looms menacingly over Hammerhead, who cowers.
HAMMERHEAD
It wasn't my fault, it wasn't my fault! I was--It was THEIR fault, it was THEIR fault!
He points over to Hoof and Mouth, who are doing their best to hide behind a large potted plant and failing miserably. Bulba's rage grows and grows, his muscles straining and stretching at the seams of his suit, frothing at the mouth, until, finally, he gains control of himself and calms down, and grins.
BULBA
Luckily for you, you succeeded at obtaining the Ramrod. If you'd failed twice, you'd be in there without so much as a second thought from me!
He points over at the large trapdoor to the Pit of Doom. Hammerhead winces. Turning away from him, Bulba stomps over to his desk.
BULBA
So, that duck is back. Again! Curse him and his ridiculous heroics!
CLOVIS
Relax. So Hammerhead and Dumb and Dumber botched the job.
MOUTH
Am I Dumb or Dumber, Dumb or Dumber?
Hoof smacks him. Clovis finishes with her nails and holds out her arm, examining them.
CLOVIS
At least she isn't with S.H.U.S.H.
BULBA
A very good point. If she was with J. Gander, surrounded by hundreds of guards, we'd never get at her. Instead, she's with some half-baked comic book reject who likely lives in his mother's basement!
He strokes his chin.
BULBA
Hmm, a plan is forming. Clovis! Get the airship ready for takeoff immediately.
Clovis gets off the desk and nods.
CLOVIS
Right away, Taurus Bulba.
BULBA
And YOU!
Hammerhead jumps up.
HAMMERHEAD
Yeah, boss?
Bulba hands him a sealed envelope.
BULBA
Mail this.
EXT. MOUNTAINSIDE - EVENING
A fake section of the mountain slides away, revealing a large tunnel, from which flies an enormous, jet-powered airship shaped like a bull's head. It soars into the sky, the entrance to the hangar closing behind it, and the mountain looks like a normal mountain again.
INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - BRIDGE
A high-tech, large control center with multiple (and at the moment unoccupied) control stations, a large viewscreen, and a large throne-like chair. Clovis is seated at the controls, Bulba standing behind her, Tantalus the condor visible on his perch behind them, which is next to the throne.
BULBA
Now then, take us downtown.
She nods, and he turns and goes and plunks down in his throne.
BULBA
It's time I met this 'Darkwing Duck' for myself!
INT. DARKWING TOWER - DARKWING'S BEDROOM
Night has fallen over St. Canard. Darkwing is in the middle of tucking Gosalyn into bed. Launchpad is nearby at one of the windows, looking out over the city.
LAUNCHPAD
Boy, this is some view of the city you've got here, D.W. Loads better than the view from MY bedroom.
DARKWING
And what do you see from YOUR bedroom?
LAUNCHPAD
My airplane hangar. It completely blocks the view of the city skyline!
Darkwing rolls his eyes.
GOSALYN
Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed, Mr. Darkwing.
DARKWING
Now listen. You're only getting my bed because I'm a night person. And this is only temporary so don't get used to it.
GOSALYN
Well, how long can I stay?
DARKWING
Until I can put Taurus Bulba in jail where he belongs, of course.
GOSALYN
What does he want with me, anyway?
DARKWING
I'm working on that, kiddo. But...you're absolutely sure you've never heard of him before?
Gosalyn frowns, thinking.
GOSALYN
Well, now that you mention it, I do remember seeing that one guy, the one who called himself Mr. Hannigan. I saw him at Grandpa's lab a couple of times, but I don't remember any Taurus Bulba.
DARKWING
Hmm. Verrrry interesting. Welp, it's off to dreamland for you, and back to work for me. C'mon, Launchpad.
Darkwing turns and starts for the door.
GOSALYN
Wait, Mr. Darkwing! Grandpa always used to sing my a lullaby...
Darkwing stops in his tracks and visibly cringes. Turning, he walks back over to the bed.
GOSALYN
I can't sleep without it. Mrs. Cavanaugh at the orphanage even sings it to me.
DARKWING
I don't do lullabies.
He looks over at Launchpad, who blinks, looking like a deer in headlights for a second, before holding up both hands in a warding-off gesture. He moves away from the window and backs towards the door.
LAUNCHPAD
Hoooooooooo-no, no, no way. Uh-uh. You're cute, kid, but I'm completely tone deaf. If I sang you a lullaby, you'd have nightmares.
He hurriedly exits, leaving Darkwing alone with the girl.
GOSALYN
Pleeeeeeeease?
DARKWING
All right, all right, all right. If it'll get you to sleep, and thus QUIET, I'll do it. But since I don't know any lullabies, why don't you teach me one of your grandfather's, and then I can sing it back to you?
He grins. Gosalyn looks a bit uncertain, but then nods. Darkwing pulls up a chair alongside the bed and sits down. Softly, she begins to sing.
GOSALYN
(singing)
Close your eyes, Little Girl Blue, inside of you lies a rainbow. Yellow, blue, red, blue, purple, too. Blue, purple, and green and yelloooooooow.
DARKWING
That's it? Hmm, not much on lyrics. Lemme see if I can spice it up a bit.
He clears his throat and then also begins to sing; surprisingly, he's not half bad.
DARKWING
(singing)
Rest your head, Little Girl Blue. Come paint your dreams on your pillow. I'll be near, to chase away fear, so sleep now and dream 'till tomorrow.
Gosalyn's eyelids begin getting heavy. Sensing her iminent slumber, Darkwing smiles and gets out of the chair, backing towards the door as he continues singing, softer now.
DARKWING
(singing)
I'll be near, to chase away fear, so sleep now and dream...'till tomoooooooorrow.
Within seconds, Gosalyn is fast asleep. Darkwing smiles.
DARKWING
(softly)
G'night, kiddo.
Exiting, he slowly and quietly closes the door.
INT. DARKWING TOWER - MAIN CHAMBER (LATER)
It is sometime later. Darkwing is on one of the upper levels, seated at a computer with a very large screen, looking both tired and bored as he goes through tons and tons of old newspaper headlines online. Launchpad appears at the top of the ladder. Darkwing turns and sees him.
DARKWING
Don't you have somewhere else to go, McQuack? I appreciate having a fan but I can't say I like having you lurking around like this.
Launchpad finishes climbing up and walks over.
LAUNCHPAD
Well, I, uh, I don't know how to get down from here, and even if I did, my motorbike got totalled so I don't have a ride back to my airfield...
DARKWING
Yeah, well, I'll give you a ride back to your place in the Ratcatcher later. Will that do?
Launchpad shrugs.
LAUNCHPAD
Sure, I guess.
Coming over to stand beside Darkwing, he looks up at the big screen.
LAUNCHPAD
Doin' research, huh? About the kid?
DARKWING
Yep. Trying to find some link between her late grandfather and Bulba besides vague recollections of one of Bulba's thugs visiting the Professor's lab. All I could find about the guy was this.
He brings up a newspaper headline that says 'WORLD-FAMOUS SCIENTIST KILLED IN FREAK INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT.'
DARKWING
Apparently, he was in a lumber mill for some reason, and a pile of logs fell on him.
Launchpad cringes.
LAUNCHPAD
Ouch, that's a lousy way to go. What about her parents?
DARKWING
Died in a car crash, ironically only a couple of years before Waddlemeyer himself bought the farm.
Darkwing sighs and leans back in his chair, rubbing his eyes. Rising, he stretches with a grunt and walks over to the ladder; Launchpad follows.
DARKWING
So, fan, how 'bout that ride back to your countryside airfield? I mean, now that you've got the autograph you came to get--
LAUNCHPAD
Autograph? Oh, holy smokes, I almost forgot! Wait right here!
He zips past Darkwing and hurriedly climbs down the ladder. Darkwing is left standing there, flabbergasted.
DARKWING
(to himself)
He wants ANOTHER autograph? Yeesh!
He climbs down after him. Launchpad has got his backpack in hand as he comes walking over, meeting Darkwing halfway.
LAUNCHPAD
The autograph was great, D.W., but the real reason I stopped by was because the other night, I found THIS in the crashed plane.
From the bag he takes Darkwing's gas gun and shows it to him. Darkwing blinks, astonished.
DARKWING
I've been looking all over for that thing!
LAUNCHPAD
Yeah, you must've dropped it when we crashed.
DARKWING
And, you went to all this trouble just to return it to me? Not because of the autograph?
He eyes Launchpad warily, as though he doesn't buy that anyone would be that good-natured.
LAUNCHPAD
Well, yeah. I mean, it IS an important crime-fighting tool. And you're a crime-fighter, so...
He trails off and shrugs. Suddenly green flashes of light begin flooding through the windows at seemingly irregular intervals. They both turn and look, perplexed, and go over to the windows. Launchpad is still holding the gas gun, although he's set down the backpack.
LAUNCHPAD
Lightning? Without thunder? What's goin' on?
DARKWING
I don't think lightning is normally GREEN, Launchpad. Besides. The pattern is too regular for lightning.
He strokes his chin, thinking.
DARKWING
Do me a favor. In the top right drawer of the kitchen cabinet to the left of the fridge, you'll find a pen and a notepad. Get those for me.
LAUNCHPAD
Sure thing, D.W.
He heads off. After a moment, Darkwing yells after him.
DARKWING
And whatever you do, DON'T touch the egg timer!
EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP
The massive airship is flying in the clouds above the city in a holding pattern. The flashes of green light are coming from beacons on the tips of the "horns."
INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - BRIDGE
Taurus Bulba is with Clovis at the forward controls.
BULBA
Excellent. Keep this going for another half-hour or so. THAT should get the duck's attention, heh-heh.
CLOVIS
Yes, Taurus Bulba.
Bulba turns and walks over to the throne-like command chair. The newspaper with the tiny article about Darkwing is sitting in it. Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth are all standing to either side of the chair; Hammerhead to the left and Hoof and Mouth to the right. Tantalus is on his perch, wearing the collar with the camera on it from before.
HAMMERHEAD
Nice lightshow, boss. Takes me back to the Sixties. But what's it for again?
BULBA
Do I have to explain everything to you pinheads?
They nod. He sighs.
BULBA
It's simply a matter of knowing how one's enemy thinks. Based on what I know of this...'Darkwing Duck,' I think I have been able to pinpoint his weakness.
He suddenly begins parading around the room, gesturing broadly.
BULBA
His posing!
He strikes a ballet pose.
BULBA
His flamboyance!
He prances back and forth.
BULBA
The mask and cape!
He makes circles around his eyes with his fingers as though he were wearing a mask. He then throws back his head and laughs, grabbing the newspaper which has a picture of Darkwing.
BULBA
And that hat!
Hoof blinks, removing his hat and looking at it glumly as Bulba tosses the paper aside, letting it come apart and flutter everywhere.
BULBA
It all indicates one thing: an ego the size of a small planet! So, it's simple. That's Morse code out there.
He points out the front viewport.
MOUTH
What's it sayin', what's it sayin'?
BULBA
"Taurus Bulba, the criminal genius, having recognized the error of his ways, is offering to surrender himself on the roof of Canard Tower, tonight at midnight, but ONLY to Darkwing Duck!" It's perfect. He can't possible resist. And when he takes the bait...
He extends his arm. Tantalus hops off his perch and swoops over, lighting on Bulba's arm. Bulba smiles and pets his head.
BULBA
...my eyes will be watching. He will give away where his hideout is, and then you three will go in and grab the girl.
He walks over to a window and presses a button; the plexiglass slides away. Extending his arm out the window, Tantalus takes to the skies and flies away from the ship.
HAMMERHEAD
Yeah, but, boss, what if he doesn't know Morse code?
Bulba closes the window.
BULBA
That do-gooder? He probably sleeps with a Junior Woodchuck handbook under his pillow! Now then, prepare the chopper for takeoff!