Chapter 15

One hundred and six

"Takao, wait, I can explain!" Midorima yelled in panic. How had everything gone so wrong, so suddenly?

"Oh, there's nothing to explain, I understood the situation perfectly." Takao snapped, rapidly shoving his scarce possessions into a backpack, fully intending to storm out of this place and never come back. He was done with this shit. Done with having hopes and giving Midorima second or third or millionth chances and getting his heart broken over and over again. Done, done, done.

"Please, listen to me, you don't understand!" he grabbed Takao's elbow, trying to stop him from packing anymore.

Kazunari shot him a cold, angry glare. Midorima had never seen him look like that. "Fine, then. What is it that I don't understand? The part where you're still getting married, or the part where you expected me to think that was a-okay? What is it, Midorima?" he asked, his voice venomous with spite.

"I-it's not that simple, I…" This was wrong. So wrong. Takao was calling him by his last name again. He was losing him. He was losing Takao again, just like he'd lost him seven years ago, and the fear made his chest clench in pain and his throat go dry.

Takao yanked his arm away and turned to face him, his eyes burning with anger. "But it is extremely simple, you'll see. Do you love me? Do you want to be with me?"

"I do! Of course I do! But I-" How could Takao even think that he didn't love him? He was scrambling for words that could somehow fix this, but his brain was in such confusion he could hardly breathe.

"But what? This is the fucking problem, and it's been all along. You haven't changed at all from back then!" he had been stupid to think anything would be different now. In the end, he'd just romanticized the memories of his relationship with Midorima because they seemed so much nicer than Toujiro's violence, but the reality was that it would've never worked because Midorima was incapable of making his own decisions.

"How do you expect it to be any different? You never told me what the hell happened that day, you just stormed off!" Midorima started to get angry now. Just like before, Takao was just screaming at him without even telling him what was wrong, as if he was just looking for an excuse to leave him, like he'd done seven years ago.

Takao was now blind with rage. "Oh I DID fucking tell you, you just didn't want to listen!"

He remembered that day as if it had been yesterday. He was supposed to meet Midorima in Akihabara, they had planned to have a date while looking for Shin-chan's lucky item (a Beach Queen model figure). Strangely, the boy in question was already ten minutes late, a very rare thing for a meticulous guy like him. Takao was about to call him, worried that something had gone wrong, when Shin-chan finally showed up, lacking breathe from running, which in turn made Takao 'awwww' mentally, thinking of his cute boyfriend rushing to meet him.

"I apologize for the delay, my father was holding me back."

Takao cocked his head in curiosity. Shin-chan wasn't particularly close with his father, the man was always away on business, trying to turn his local commercial kingdom into a large-scale empire. Takao himself had only seen the man about half a dozen times, and that was saying something, considering how often he had dinner at the Midorima household. "Did something happen?"

Shin-chan huffed in annoyance and produced a yellow envelope from his bag. Takao looked at the contents and his eyes widened.

"An omiai?" So Shin-chan's father wanted to set him up for marriage? His heart clenched. "You didn't tell your father that you're already seeing someone?" he knew Shin-chan couldn't just tell his very conservative parents that he was gay and dating another guy, but surely he could've implied… "When is it, anyway?"

"Next Saturday. I'm afraid I won't make it to watch the beginning of the playoffs like we had agreed."

Well, having to cancel that plan stung a little (especially because watching basketball in Takao's bedroom always ended with both of them naked and tangled with each other in bed and it was just wonderful) but there was nothing they could do about it. Takao understood that, even if Shin-chan intended to reject the proposal, it was at least polite to show up to the meeting and properly apologize to the family.

"Don't sweat it; it's something you've got to do. It's okay, I trust that you'll turn her down properly."

There was an eerie silence following that statement and it took Takao aback. He looked up to find Shin-chan wasn't facing him, and that his expression was stricken with regret.

"You are going to turn her down, right?"

Surely Midorima didn't intend to get married to a random girl he just met. He didn't even like girls, for that matter! Didn't they already promise to move in together when they graduated?

But Midorima didn't look up. He just stayed silent.

"Oi, hold on. You're not seriously considering on marrying some girl your father picked, are you?" his heart started beating so fast with fear he thought it would burst any minute. It was as if the noises of the world had shut down so he could listen to Shin-chan's answer.

"My father has expectations of me as his first-born son and heir. I… I can't disappoint him…"

The words cut through the silence and Takao's heart like a sharp blade.

"Are… are you breaking up with me?" Takao's eyes started to glaze over with tears.

Shintarou looked up, startled. "No! Not at all. That's not what I-"

"Then why won't you turn down the marriage?"

"I-I can't…"

"Of course you can! Just tell your father that you're not interested, that's not so difficult! I know you can't tell him about us, but that doesn't mean you can't refuse the marriage, there's a ton of excuses you could use!" Takao's blood started to boil when he got no response "So you do intend to marry her." What was up with Shin-chan? It was a simple yes-or-no question. He couldn't marry the girl and be with Takao at the same time. The world didn't work like that. Takao didn't work like that.

"Nothing's decided yet." Midorima had said, and Takao wondered if he really thought that was a good response to anything.

"But it will be. Maybe not with this girl, but I'm sure your father has a good set of candidates for his heir. What will happen then?"

Midorima was so confused. He didn't understand why Takao was so upset, or why he was asking so many questions. This was very difficult for him too, and he wasn't ready to think about all that just yet. "I-I don't know…"

Takao's throat was constricted. He couldn't believe that Shin-chan would just give up on what they had for his father's wishes. "Then what… what about us?" he choked on his tears, his voice coming out as a strained, painful whimper.

Shin-chan didn't meet his eyes. "I don't know! I…"

He couldn't listen to this anymore. "You don't know? It seems pretty clear to me. We are through. Over. THE END." He turned away and dashed off, not caring in which direction he was headed.

He never turned back. Midorima didn't chase after him.

"What was the big idea? Did you intend to get married and keep me aside like your personal little slut to entertain you? Did you think I would be okay with just being your dirty mistress?" he was crying now too. Fuck Midorima Shintarou. Fuck how he could still hurt him in spite of everything. And fuck him for making him believe he had changed. Obviously, when he'd said Takao was more important than the wedding, it had been just hyperbole.

"That wasn't it! What did you expect me to do? Go against my father and the family?"

"I expected you to fight for us! To show you fucking CARED!" His voice was now cracked and broken, his eyes stung from crying and he wanted to get out of here and forget any of this had ever happened. "And instead you just… you just gave up… you gave up back then, and you're doing it again now!"

Of course he didn't want Midorima to break relationships with his family, he knew how much he loved them. All he ever hoped was that he were willing to face them and confront their outdated ideas, if not for Takao, at least for his own happiness. He never even expected that Midorima would come out to his family, he knew how strict they were. He'd just… he'd just hoped that their love was important enough for Shin-chan to fight for it; but that, much like everything else, had been but vain optimism.

Midorima bit his lip. Why couldn't he have Takao without disappointing his father? "It's just… it's complicated. M-my father… you wouldn't understand."

Yeah, now Takao had had it. "Why, forgive this lousy commoner for not getting the tribulations of you aristocrats, Midorima-sama." He spat out, making a mocking reverence and pushed Midorima aside, heading for the door.

"No! Takao, I didn't… Wait!" Midorima stopped him again by the wrist. He was crying too. Everything was so difficult and confusing. There had to be some words that could make things right again, but he couldn't find them and instead kept making the mess bigger and bigger every time he opened his mouth, and he was losing Takao again, and he was desperate.

Takao took a deep breath and once again he looked back to meet teary emerald eyes. This was it. The last chance. He would not have his heart broken again, not by Midorima Shintarou and his absurd sense of inflexible duty. He'd ask the question once and that would be it. No more opportunities.

"Are you going to marry her?"

The silence was thick and made it hard to breathe. He saw something crack in the back of Midorima's tearful eyes. His lips quivered, but no answer came past them.

And then Midorima looked down and his grip on Takao's wrist loosened.

That was all the answer he needed.

"I see."

He left the apartment and no other word was uttered. He slammed the door shut behind him and stopped on his tracks, frozen, his knees wobbling, his heart aching so much he wondered if it could physically break from the pain. I'll count to five, he told himself, and if he doesn't come…

One... two… three...

Okay, five seconds was too little…

Six… Seven… Eight...

Just five, five more seconds…

Fifteen… Sixteen...

Last time he hadn't waited…

Twenty-six...

Maybe if he had waited a little last time, it would have been different…

Twenty-seven…

Maybe this time would be different…

Twenty-eight…

Please…

Twenty-nine…

Please be different…

Fifty-eight…

Maybe if he waited one more second…

Fifty-nine…

He was biting on his lip so hard he could taste blood. Don't cry. Don't cry.

Ninety-seven…

Just one more second…

Ninety-eight…

His fists were so tight his knuckles where white and his fingertips felt numb from lack of blood.

Ninety-nine…

He should run. Midorima wasn't coming. He shouldn't keep waiting for him.

One hundred…

He thought he heard a door creaking open. His head whipped around, hope bubbling in his stomach and tying his throat in a tight knot.

The old lady next door was taking out her trash.

He forgot he was trying not to cry.

One hundred and one…

What had he expected, really? That if he waited one more second…

One hundred and two…

Midorima would change his mind and come running after him asking for forgiveness and everything would be alright?

One hundred and three…

But Midorima hadn't changed. Seven years ago he had chosen his family and his arranged marriage.

One hundred and four…

Seven years ago, he had run away and Midorima had never tried to chase him.

One hundred and five…

And just like seven years ago, this time Midorima wouldn't come after him either. He won't come.

One hundred and six…

He didn't come.

He ran. His legs could hardly hold his weight. His eyes were so blurry he couldn't even see where he was going. He couldn't breathe. The tears were choking him and forcing strangled whimpers out of his throat. He could taste them on his tongue, feel them on his cheeks and neck, cold, and sticky and burning his skin.

He almost stopped halfway, a stupid, stupid voice in his head telling him one more second, please, just one more second. But he shut it down as he continued running blindly, and he smirked mirthlessly. Of course this was going to happen. He'd been so stupidly caught up in romantic fantasies that he'd forgotten the mistress's rule of thumb:

He will never leave his wife for you.

To be continued

I purposefully made it one hundred and six because of their jersey numbers, you can slay me now, I deserve it.

I hop y'all are a sobbing mess by now but I still expect your opinions?