A King's Nostalgic Love
He had been walking for hours, not really knowing where he was going. He had too many things going through his mind to think where he was headed to. He felt sad and confused and angry and brokenhearted and very lonely. Those were too many feelings for him, he wasn't used to it. He hated been confused. Before, he would always go to the same place with one of his best friend and while he watched the sunset he focused his thoughts into solving his problem and finding a solution. Other times he would just let things come as they were and make the most of it. Then were the other times where he would let others solve those problems for him. His two very best friends were good at helping him with that.
He closed his eyes as he waited for a green light before crossing the street. His friends had always been there for him, he trusted them more than anybody else. But when he started dating him they all got mad. They kept telling him he was a bad person, that he would get hurt, that that person was no good for him; to leave him before something bad happened. He also got mad at them for saying such things about the person he loved. They didn't understand him, or so he thought.
They were right…
They were so right, were the words that kept going through his mind, but he didn't want them to be true, not then, not now. Only one of his friends had told him to follow his feelings, if he loved that person to go for it, to take the risk, to enjoy every moment he had with that special person, to love him to his fullest and ignore what others might say about them been together.
To love with all his heart…
Love him with all his soul…
That's why it hurt so much. The only friend that supported him and helped him with his decision about his loved one, was very person that loved him the most. He didn't find out until later on. His dear friend and doubles partner was in love with him and he never noticed, he loved him but not like that and when he found out he didn't know what to do or how to act. Even so his friend kept pushing him on with his new relation. Was that love the reason his lover turned to his best friend and away from him? So, had it been his fault that the person he loved distanced from him and the reason he…
The sound of a car that almost ran over him brought him back from his thoughts. He took a deep breath as he thought how close that car had been from hitting him. He would have ended up in the hospital. Would he have gone to visit him if he had ended up in the hospital? Probably enter the room with a rose bouquet and a basket with some fruits and start scolding him for not been careful and making him worry so much. He would probably put the flowers in water, leave the basket somewhere near and then sit on the bed close to him. He sighed. That face, that smile, those eyes, that voice. He loved them, he missed them, he longed for them, he wanted them back. But he was afraid.
He was scared…
If they got back, would things repeat themselves? Could he really go back to him after all the bad things he yelled at him that day? Could he trust him again? Could he trust himself again? Would he still love him? It was so confusing. He was afraid of doing things wrong again.
When he realized where he was he stopped in shock: the blue house with the rose garden, the very house where they had been together. It had been a big change for him; with such a big family he was used to a house full of live and sound, there was always someone around. It was a big changed for his loved one too; he was used to a big house where all he had to do to get things done was snap his fingers and give an order. They both sacrificed a lot to be together, but they both loved it. Every moment they spent together was fun and a new experience. He smiled thinking about all those things they had done and all the fun he had back then, before everything changed…
How had it all come to this?
He felt rain drops on his face and then looked up to the sky. When had those gray clouds gotten together? He looked at his watch and realized it was late. He had to go back home to prepare dinner. "Little Kei-chan must be hungry too" he thought to himself as he closed the zipper on his jacket and began walking home. Would he find another present when he got home? Or maybe some flowers? Or just one of his sisters telling him he called again? He wanted to call him, to tell him how much this break-up hurt and that he wanted to go back to how things were. But how to tell him that when he was so scared and confused? How to tell him he was sorry for what had happened, for shouting at him and breaking his things and running out of the house and not returning, for not calling him, for not letting him explain himself? He didn't have the courage…not even to tell him how much he wanted to be in his arms again and tell him how much he loved him…