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A King's Nostalgic Love

The hours passed. He watched his notebook and read his notes in a useless effort to understand them. He couldn't, he just couldn't focus in his school work. In fact he couldn't concentrate on anything at all, especially during tennis practice. He just couldn't get him out of his head. He was always on his thoughts and he had no idea how to help him. Maybe he was overreacting; he always did, because he always worried a lot about his friends. What kind of image was he displaying at school? He is after all the tennis club's vice captain, he can't let his mind wander off while he trains, but then again as the vice captain it was his duty to take care of the rest of the team, the regulars in particular… Him above all others…

"It's no use!" he said to himself as he closed his notebook on his desk and rested his head on his hands. Of all people him. Why him? The captain was his best friend, but he was the most special person he'd ever met. Because they were teammates and doubles partners they spent a lot of time together, and he loved it. He just loved spending time with him, during school and after school, they had become very close friends. Too close for him…

Just watching him happy made him happy, every single part of him felt good and made him want to smile, a big sincere smile. When something wasn't right they would help each other out. Watching him sad and depressed made his heart ache so bad, and there weren't words to help him out, to cheer him, to make his worries go away and return that smile to his face.

He watched a picture of them with the rest of the team, and he tried to think of solutions. He felt guilty, even though he had told himself that he would make sure that he was happy, no matter if it was with him or with somebody else, he would always support him and help him and stay with him.

No matter what…

But he was jealous, very very jealous. Because he was the only one who tried to help him in a relationship with that guy he would talk to him about his lover, what they did and how excited he was about what they did. Like the day they moved together. He had felt that guy was stealing him, taking him away from him. He hated that feeling, even when he said he would be there as a friend he couldn't stand when he talked about how much he loved him, how he loved his kisses and caresses, how they played together and how he would…it was too much!

Didn't he see that it hurt!?

Didn't he understand how hard it was to hear him talk about how he loved another man? Didn't he see it was tearing him apart inside? …How could he? He didn't know what he felt, they were only friends, nothing more but very close friends. And then his feelings couldn't stand being repressed anymore, he just lost control and hugged him, tight, so tight he probably hurt him, but he was afraid of letting go. He said it that day, he told him he loved him…he pinned him to the wall the moment he tried to get away. He knew very well he was scared, a scared kitten confused and cornered with no chance of running away. He regretted what he did, not because he didn't do it out of love, but because he had stolen a kiss, he forced him to return it even when he wasn't sure he wanted it…and everything between them changed. But he just couldn't hold it in anymore, he wanted him, he loved him and wanted to feel loved by him the same way his lover did.

Such a fool…

He ruined their friendship, they couldn't speak normally, and they couldn't even be together without feeling awkward. Everybody noticed it, that something happened between them even when they tried to act like they always did. It was useless. The person he loved the most was afraid of being close to him because he didn't want him losing control again. He apologized for it, but he knew it was hard for him…for both. Were his rash actions part of the reason that guy and his friend had been in the house together? Did telling his feelings to him made him confused about the relation he was in at that moment and made him distance from his loved one or act rude with him? He wasn't sure but he really felt guilty. When the person that he loved the most was hurt, confused and heartbroken, when he was needed the most, he had no idea what to do or say. He as happy they broke up, he was happy that guy had returned his loved one to him, but his happiness was nothing compared to the sadness he felt, the pain he felt watching him cry the way he did that day.

He stood up and laid on his bed watching the ceiling. He remembered that day very well, there was a heavy rain pouring down, even the lights had gone out and he was all alone in his house. His phone rang and he answered it. He knew from the tune that it was him. He felt happy that he would still call him even after what had happened, but it was strange because he would always call him late at night so he didn't have trouble with that guy. When he answered there was no response…He called him by his name three times and then he heard it. His voice was broken and soft and it was hard to make out what he said with the loud sound of the rain falling.

"Oishi…Oishi…I…please…help me…" It was just to shocking to hear him say those words. He made him tell him where he was and ran out to find him. He found him in the park, just like a hurt and abandoned kitten, trying to hide himself, completely wet and covered with mud from the rain and probably he had fallen down in the mud when running. His face emaciated, covered in tears and rain drops running down. He ran to him, fell to his knees and hugged him. He held him tightly against him as he heard him repeating softly to his ear that he was sorry, that it hurt, that it hurt so bad, he said he had just ran out, he didn't know where, he just ran and ran and that he didn't know what to do. He also repeated his name over and over again while weeping.

He threw a pillow at the window. He was mad; he hated that guy for hurting him like that. But then again, he was hurt too; the person he loved the most didn't love him back, and the guy his loved one loved did return his feelings. He knew that guy kept looking for him, he had seen him at school once or twice, he looked hurt. For a guy who claimed to be a King, a high class refined and very arrogant person he didn't look like it. He knew he was suffering too. What had really happened that day? He only knew one side of it. So it wasn't fair for him to hate that guy so much, was it? After all he is a person too, with feelings, a person who was in love as well, who was probably as confused as he was, who wanted to hold the person he loved as tight as he could, tell him he loved him and never let go of him. Just the same way he did…