---- Chapter 1: The Invisible Wheel
July 19th, 2019
"Miss Sullivan?"
Chloe stood up and plastered on a smile as she was ushered into an office, shaking hands with the man that was interviewing her. He looked like he was sixteen, for Christ's sake. What the hell was he doing running a company? She followed him through his office and sat down in one of the chairs as he sat down behind his desk.
"I'm Blake Stanton. Just to start, why don't you tell me what got you interested in the field of internet security."
"Up until a few months ago, Mr. Stanton, I was a journalist, actually. Since I was in high school, though, I've been using computers and the internet to go that extra mile and get the evidence I need to finish a story or turn somebody in to the police. Over the years, I've learned a lot about how to attack security systems, and now I'd like to turn that knowledge into a new career of protecting your systems."
"If you don't mind me asking, why did you leave journalism? It's a much more stable and steady job than jumping into a small tech company."
Chloe sighed. She'd missed out on a lot of jobs because of what she had to say on this topic. People were afraid to get on the wrong side of the wrong people. She'd become very accustomed to showing herself out after this little speech.
"I printed a story on Lex Luthor that was verified by my editor and the legal department, but when he threatened action against the paper, the board decided not to fight and fired me. When it comes to Lex Luthor, even the truth isn't enough to keep you safe."
The man, if he actually qualified for having that title, sat back in his chair and eyed her a second. "You're the Chloe Sullivan that got fired?"
"I am."
"Your article opened my eyes to who Lex Luthor really was. When they fired you, I cancelled my subscription because it was total bullshit, if you'll excuse my language. I still catch the occasional Lane and Kent article online, but the Planet no longer gets any of my money."
While flattering, that kind of thing didn't get her a job. Hopefully it wasn't hurting her chances. "Thank you. If one person saw the scum that is Lex Luthor in a new light because of my article, then it did the job it was meant to do."
"I think you had more support than just me, Miss Sullivan. Your former paper really took a credibility hit when it printed that retraction, with the pro Lex people thinking they'd print anything and the anti-Lex people knowing you'd been screwed."
"I appreciate you saying that, but I don't think it made much difference to anybody. The nature of newspapers these days is to take the good with the bad if they're going to compete with the instant availability of stories online. It's sad, but true."
"I agree. Alright, so back to the task at hand. Unfortunately, with no prior experience and all your skills having come from admittedly illicit actions, I can't hire you for this job, no matter how much I want to. Even owning the company doesn't make it a good business decision."
Chloe stifled a sigh and plastered on her smile again. "I appreciate you taking the time to see me. Good luck with your company."
"Thank you. I hope you have better luck in the future."
Chloe nodded and smiled once more before standing up and leaving the office. Better luck. She had no luck left. Luck had run out for her about the time her life had become a living nightmare. She hailed a cab, and after a few had passed her by she got in one that finally stopped, telling the driver her building address. Sitting back, she blankly watched the city pass by.
In the three months since her world had imploded this had been her life, at least in Metropolis. Cab ride to an interview, being told she didn't get the job or was virtually not hireable because of what had happened with Lex and a cab ride home. At first most of the interviews had been in different cities at various newspapers. Unfortunately, news traveled quickly and nobody wanted a victim of Lex Luthor, whether they believed the story was a fabrication or not.
Most of those meetings had been a courtesy and nothing more. Gotham had been her real hope; the Batman was fascinating, and having some extensive background in super heroes and secret identities, she thought she might have been able to figure him out. Once more, though, the editor had been well aware of her predicament, and had not wanted to piss off management. It had been the same in New York, Los Angeles, Dallas and seven or eight other cities. They liked her work, but they didn't like the recent history and weren't sure if they trusted her..
Magazines had been the same as papers. They either didn't trust her to write a truthful story or they didn't trust Lex not to put them in a bind because they'd hired somebody he'd claimed was a liar. Tech jobs were the recent thing, but those interviews either didn't last because of the Luthor name or because she had no education remotely related to any technology. Apparently that was just as important as just being good at it, these days.
After paying the cab driver, Chloe got out of the car and looked at her building. After three weeks, she still couldn't help but sigh at the rundown place she now lived. She walked inside and took two flights of stairs up to the hole of an apartment she now lived in. She unlocked the door and walked inside, crossing the five feet between her door and the bed before flopping down on the creaky thing.
The brunt of her belongings were in the basement of the suburban home Lois and Clark now owned. Chloe's hole had a bed, a bathroom and a fridge that barely qualified as mini, it was so small. There was a small stove, but since it had yet to work it just took up space.
Had she any other choice, she wouldn't have moved there. For years she'd been helping her father pay medical bills because insurance companies hadn't wanted to touch him after he'd had a heart attack. When he'd died she'd found out that he hadn't had any life insurance, and she'd ended up footing the majority of the nine thousand dollars it had taken to give him a funeral. Combined with the money she'd already spent on a wedding that didn't happen and her trips across the country to get rejected, her savings had disappeared faster than Clark could fly. Very much longer, even in her current residence, and she was going to have to get any job she could to make ends meet.
Pinching the bridge of her nose for a second, Chloe let go and got up, walking to her fridge, opening it up and pulling out a beer. She popped it open and promptly downed half of it, closing her eyes as it settled in her empty stomach. It would be easy to drink herself into a stupor and forget yet another empty day in her empty existence, but she had dinner with the Kent's to attend, along with the Olsen's and the Ross family.
Oh, the joy of being the seventh wheel. Whenever Pete and Lana came in from Topeka everybody got together to have a big meal. She'd really enjoyed them when she'd had a job and Mark to go with her. It saved her from being the one everybody looked at and felt sorry for, especially now that they were all having kids. Lucy was currently working on her first, which she and Jimmy had announced about two weeks before, and Pete and Lana already had two, PJ and Richie. With Lois and Clark having Jacob, everybody was turning into one big happy family. Yay.
Taking another swig of her beer, Chloe sighed as she remembered that Lois had taken it upon herself to brighten her life up. Since they usually ate dinner together, be it at a restaurant or them picking her up on the way out to their house, Lois had ample opportunity to try and make her life suck less. She had yet to succeed, and listening to the lame and cliché attempts Lois was making had Chloe fighting the urge to drink herself oblivious more often than she did.
The most recent tactic Lois had taken up was trying to get her to go out on dates. Ha! She had no job, lived in a glorified hole and had no idea what was going to happen next to make miserable seem a happy memory. The stress of dating would most likely put her in a six month coma, if not just kill her outright. The coma was preferred, as she felt she could use the rest and retreat from life.
Chloe finished her beer and pulled another out of the fridge, opening it and taking another big swig. Looking down at herself, she found that she was still in her dress and slipped it off, moving a few feet so she could dig through her bag of clean clothes that she'd washed at the home of her suburbanite cousin. She pulled out a pair of jeans, but tossed them on the bed and pulled out a pair of shorts instead, in case they spent time outside, and slipped them and a plain white t-shirt on.
Sitting down on the bed, Chloe considered her options. She didn't have her television, so that was obviously out of the question. If she wanted to use the internet she'd have to go somewhere that wasn't her building since somehow she'd accidently found the only uncovered spot in the city's wi-fi system.
It was that kind of thing that seemed like it could only happen to her. Every move she made was wrong. Every action she took went wrong. Everything she touched turned from gold into lead.
Looking at her watch, she found that it would still be a couple hours before Clark and Lois came by to pick her up for the big dinner. She took a sip of her beer before setting it down and going back over to her clothes, pulling out a better looking shirt. She pulled off the t-shirt she'd put on and pulled on the less ragged of the two. She grabbed her beer again and downed most of it, not able to finish it because of the cold against her teeth.
A moment later it was gone, the can tossed aside as she grabbed her purse and walked out of her apartment. If she sat in there the until her ride came, she would either be drunk or out of beer, possibly both, and neither seemed acceptable.
Walking down the stairs and out of the building, Chloe headed towards a cheap diner she'd found a couple blocks away. The food was less than stellar, but it did the trick for somebody on a meager budget. Every time she ate there she wished for a bigger budget so she could be somewhere else, but she had to take what she could get. This would be an inexpensive trip, if nothing else. Since she'd be doing dinner with the family and friends in a few hours, she could probably just get a basket of fries to settle her stomach after she'd put down two beers in fifteen minutes.
A few minutes later Chloe was walking into the diner, the place simply going by the name 'Marv's Place,' and sat down on a stool in front of the main counter. A portly man with only wisps of hair left on top of his head walked out from the back and came over to her.
"How ya doing, Chloe?"
She gave him a tight lipped smile. "Had better days, Marv. I'll just take a large basket of fries and a cup of coffee."
"You got it."
After pouring her a cup of coffee, he walked back behind the doors and Chloe gave the rest of the store a quick glance, finding a man sitting in the corner, hunched over and nursing a glass of something. She looked away from him and back at the wall behind the counter. It was decorated with nothing but the occasional splotch where something or other had hit and left a stain. The off white of it, covered in the brownish splotches, really made it feel like the worst dive she'd ever been in.
Chloe took a drink of her coffee, feeling it run down her throat as the warmth radiated from inside her for a second instead of pressing in on her from the summer heat. She studied her hands for a moment, noticing how they'd changed over time. Her veins seemed to protrude more; not in the way she had noticed on her grandparents hands when she was a kid, but in a way that made her hands look older than she thought they should.
Chloe smiled at Marv as he placed the basket of fries in front of her, thanking him before digging into her snack. They didn't seem to last long. Maybe she'd been hungrier than she'd thought; all she'd had to eat before the interview had been a bowl of dry cereal, and that had been four hours before she'd even bothered getting dressed.
Tossing a five on the counter, she downed the rest of her coffee and walked outside, wincing as the sun hit something shiny and reflected directly in the eyes. Turning away from it a bit, she stared at the stretch of road ahead of her. She could walk towards the Planet, catching a cab eventually, or she could head back to her apartment and sit, staring at the walls and probably drinking the rest of her alcohol.
While that sounded like fun, it wouldn't make for the best evening with the Ross clan in town. Being drunk when Lois and Clark showed up to take her out to the suburbs would just make things more complicate than necessary, no matter how much fun it sounded.
Figuring she could spring for a cab ride into the city, Chloe got one to stop for her a moment later and told the driver to take her to the Daily Planet Building. The driver didn't say much as they went so Chloe just stared out the window. It always surprised her at how abruptly the city skyscrapers started. One minute you were driving, surrounded by five or ten story buildings, then you blink and almost everything has thirty to fifty floors. It was dizzying when it caught her unawares.
Chloe got out of the cab and headed into the building, nodding at a couple people she knew as she walked to the elevator and getting inside with a group of people. The ride up was pleasant, if not quiet, and when she got out the all to familiar buzz of the bullpen hit her in the face. Nostalgia welled up inside her, but she pushed it away; she'd been here since her firing a few times, and she didn't miss it any less than she had those first few days away.
Making her way through the room, she smiled as people recognized her and waved, even going so far as to wave back to a few people. She got to Lois and Clark's desks, but found them to be empty. Frowning, Chloe headed to Perry's office and knocked.
"Come in!"
Chloe opened the door and walked in, smiling genuinely for the first time that day. "Hey, Perry."
"Chloe, it's good to see you." He pointed at a chair. "Have a seat." When she sat down, he started speaking again. "What brings you by the office?"
"I was looking for Lois and Clark, actually. I haven't called them yet, and I wanted to see if you knew where they were before I set one of their phone's off in the middle of a press briefing or an interview."
"Feels like old times, really. Lois ran off with some half cocked notion about a story and where she could find some evidence, and Clark took off after her."
"Did she have Jacob with her?"
"No, she said he was spending the day with his grandmother today. That's why it felt like old times, really. I've gotten used to Lois thinking most things through since she usually has the little man with her. Boy seems to calm her down."
Chloe smiled. "He does. He seems to have that effect on most people, though."
"Good things in his future, I bet. With genes like Lois's he'll make a hell of a reporter one day."
"I think Clark may have something to do with that, too, Perry."
"Don't get me wrong, Kent is a good reporter. He's still a little timid in his questions when somebody is having some personal tragedy, but partnering him with Lane was the best thing that could have happened for the two of them. She makes him more aggressive and he makes her less liable to get killed. Most of the time, anyway."
"Yeah, they make a good team. I was a little skeptical at first, but sometimes things are just meant to be. They make each other's lives shine, and that's a rare treat in the world we live in."
Perry sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest, nodding his head. He reached over and pulled a cigar out of one of his drawers, leaving it unlit as he held it. He looked up at her and wiggled the cigar a bit. "Would you like one?"
"Well, I don't..." Chloe stopped herself, frowning. She didn't have anything to do except wait for her cousin to come back, and she didn't feel like walking around and looking at all the things she couldn't afford. She reached over and took the cigar Perry offered. "Not much of a smoker, but what the hell."
"What the hell indeed. Since I quit drinking during my stint in Smallville all those years ago, cigars have become a nice little stand in every once in a while." He flipped open a lighter and held it out for her. She leaned over and puffed on the cigar a bit until it was lit, blowing the smoke out of the side of her mouth as she watch Perry light his.
"I've only ever smoked a cigar two times in my life, one being good and the other bad. The first was when I got promoted up out of the basement to work as a real reporter and not a permanent obit writer. It was a cheap piece of shit, but I didn't know any better and just wanted to say I had celebrated an accomplishment by smoking a cigar. It's one of those things in life that everybody seems to have a story about, whatever the situation was. I felt like I should embrace the cliché for once.
"The second was when Lois and Clark got married; she and I each had one to reflect on our lives near the end of the reception. That one was good. It surprised me that Lois actually smoked one, considering she's a former cigarette smoker and always said she was one good drag from smoking two packs a day. That night she told me she wouldn't start again, though, because nothing in the world could be more addictive than loving Clark Kent."
She heard Perry laugh and puffed again, blowing smoke out in a thin stream between pursed lips. "That might just be the most poetic thing I've ever heard Lois say, and she's said some pretty sappy and poetic things ever since she had Jacob."
"Yeah, that little guy has really changed her. I don't think she's even really realized it, and if she has she certainly hasn't said anything about it. Usually she's just gushing about him doing this or that for the first time, and while I enjoy hearing about it, I kind of miss the old Lois that cussed like a sailor and found thinking things through got in the way of getting things done. I actually tried to be like her in that respect, when I was in high school and more or less the lone reporter for a high school paper.
"I would throw myself into ridiculous situations, trying to think less and act more. Most of the time it worked out, but she's much better at it than I could ever hope to be. It seems like one of those things that just has to come naturally."
"Being a parent changes you, Sullivan."
"So I'm told," Chloe said around the cigar as she slouched in her chair a little.
"You seem able and eager to talk about Lois and her life. What's been going on in yours?"
"Are you actually interested?"
"Believe it or not, I am. Why do you think I offered you a cigar? I don't do that for just anybody. You were good here, and were a solid challenge on your own for the team of Lane and Kent at times. Until Kent came along, you had Lane beat when it came to the technicalities of writing, but she just had that ability to throw herself into something and come out with a story, like you said. So, how's life treated you recently? I know what happened right after the Planet fired you, but I haven't heard much since."
Chloe sat back up in her chair, pulling the cigar from between her lips to knock some ash off the end of it. "You're probably better off not knowing, Perry, unless you feel like being depressed."
"It takes a lot to depress me, Sullivan, or else I wouldn't be in the news business."
"Fair enough. I can't get a journalism job anywhere. I'm not qualified for anything else, so try as I might for jobs in the tech sector, where I could put my computer skills to use, everything seems to be out of reach. I had to move from my nice apartment into what barely counts as an apartment a good twenty minutes from here. And finally, it seems inevitable that soon I'll probably be working a minimum wage job just to pay for my craphole."
She sighed around her cigar and she puffed again. "This has been my depressing life in thirty seconds."
They sat in silence for a little while after that, and Chloe didn't blame Perry for not saying anything. What the hell do you say to all that crap? She'd yet to hear anything other that 'Wow, that sucks!' and she'd only heard that once. More often than not her life struck people dumb. More often than not it struck her upside the head. Chloe took one last long puff and blew out the smoke, placing what remained of her cigar down in the ashtray, sighing. She stood up, giving Perry one last smile.
"Yeah, so, I'm gonna get out of here and let you work. Two more minutes and you'll be grumbling about something or other anyway, so let me get out of the way so it can happen without interference. If you see Lois and Clark, tell them I'll be back a half hour before their usual end of the day."
Chloe walked away before he could respond, making her way through the bullpen without so much as a glance at another person. The ride down on the elevator was silent, though she was greeted with an abundance of noise when she exited the building out onto the street. She checked her watch, finding it to be four thirty. Making her way along with the flow of foot traffic, Chloe ducked into a nearby bar and walked up to the bartender. She pulled a ten out of her purse and tossed it onto the bar.
"How much can I get for that?"
"Four shots of really cheap tequila."
Chloe gave him a thumbs up and soon was holding four shots as she walked to a table in the back. Sitting down, she put the shots on the table and eyed them for a second before grabbing the nearest and downing it. She grabbed another and downed it right after, shaking her head as the taste finally made its presence known.
She sat back, closing her eyes and waiting for the buzz to hit her. It had to be better than talking to an old boss about how much her life sucked. She was glad that he cared but telling people about what had happened to her was old, and it sucked. It sucked hard. Yay for people caring, boo for having to tell the same shit over and over again whilst feeling her life push in on her more and more with every telling.
Not feeling the buzz yet, Chloe waited another couple minutes then took another one of the shots, hoping to speed up matters. She didn't want to get drunk, but she wasn't driving and it felt like she was at least steeling herself for all the crap she was going to have to endure at dinner that night.
A few minutes later she was smiling, her life feeling a little less like shit than it had not long ago. She knew it still sucked, but now she cared a little less. She sat there in silence for the next half hour, listening to people come in and start filling the place for happy hour. She finally took her last shot and just enjoyed the sound of the day, feeling her thinking dull a little more. She sighed contentedly and let the time pass her by, no longer focused on what was going on with her life. It felt good to not think.
After a while Chloe checked her watch and noticed the time. Sighing, she got up and felt the world waver a little. Apparently she hadn't had enough food earlier to fight the alcohol fully. Steadying herself, Chloe left the bar and walked back towards the Planet. When she got there, she wandered into the elevator and looked at the floor buttons that had been pushed, finding the one she already wanted lit up.
The ride up seemed to go more quickly than usual and she grinned as she walked off the elevator. It was quieter than it had been earlier, as she found it emptier than it had been. It was a lot easier walking over to the desks she aimed for, and she found the people she was looking for there this time.
"Hey guys!"
"Chloe? I thought we were picking you up."
"You were, but my apartment sucks, so I came here instead. Was here earlier, actually, but you were not. Smoked a cigar with Perry and then I went and wet my whistle, so to speak. Better afternoon than I usually have." She smiled at Lois, who was frowning.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"I spread four shots out over about half an hour. Well, I had two pretty quickly and the other two spread out. I'm not drunk, if you're asking, just a little buzzed. Now, instead of being a big downer at the shindig tonight, I'll be happy as a clam! At least until I eat something."
"You didn't really need to do that, Chloe. You're not a big downer when we get together."
"No? Maybe it's just me then, because every time somebody asks me how my life is going I feel like pure shit. Instead of being able to enjoy the time I have with my friends I end up feeling sorry for myself all night. Instead of having three seconds of happiness I feel the eyes of everybody else on me, pitying poor Chloe and her asstastic life. I'm sick of pity being the only thing people have for me besides sadness."
Pausing, Chloe pointed at Lois. "See! Right now, you've got that look of 'God, I wish I could help her feel better about things' that I've seen you have so many times through the years." She turned and looked at Clark, shaking a finger at him. "You're not saying anything, but I recognize your look, too. It's your 'I want to help by listening' look. Don't worry Clark, I've bent your ears with my problems so many times over the years that I owe them some time off."
"My ears are strong, Chloe. They don't need any time off, not from you if you need to talk about things."
"I appreciate the sentiment, but there will be no talking tonight. Well, not until we see everybody else, anyway. For now, I'll sit in silence and wait for you guys to finish up what you're doing." Chloe moved over and fell back into a chair, eyes widening in surprise as it rolled backwards a little. When it stopped, she giggled and used her legs to pull herself forward back towards Lois and Clark. Maybe she was more than a little buzzed. "So, what were you guys working on today?"
Chloe zoned out as Lois and Clark explained their story. She wished she'd have gotten another shot so that she really could have been drunk. Twenty minutes after she got something in her stomach she'd sober up, if not before that. Stupid tolerance. But there would be wine, or maybe beer. There was always some alcohol at these things. That was going to help. She might not be drunk tonight, but she could spend it in a blissful buzzed haze.
Soon they were in the car and driving to the suburbs. Chloe barely watched the scenery, focusing more on what was going on inside the car. Sitting in the back seat on the passenger side with her feet up on the drivers side, Chloe could see Lois's lips barely moving, as if she were talking. Frowning, she watched as they continued to move, then looked up at the rear view mirror and saw Lois glance at her. Looking back down at her lips, they had stopped moving. Raising an eyebrow, she decided to say something to Clark, too. She whispered so quietly that it sounded more like she was breathing.
"I know Lois was talking about me, Clark." Chloe smiled when she saw his head twitch. "I think I've always been a little more observant than my cousin gave me credit for. I don't blame her, really; when you grow up teaching somebody all the things you know you probably don't think about her getting good at them when you aren't looking. It'd be like me watching you hack a database, except I never taught you how to do it."
Chloe glanced up at the rearview mirror for a second, noticing Lois was still looking at the road before she continued speaking. "You don't have to worry about me. I know you will anyway, but something I've learned recently is that worrying too much can make you age. I found my first gray hairs in the last couple months, not to mention a boatload of new wrinkles. I doubt you've noticed, let alone Pete, Jimmy or any other guy I know, but I'm fairly certain Lois, Lucy and Lana can see where I've covered it up.
"If she continues worrying about me as much as I know she does, she's going to go gray and wrinkled before her time, too. One of us is enough in that area, and she has better things to think about, like that son of yours. Please, tell her I'm fine. I know me showing up a little drunk must have thrown her, but it was just one time. I had another interviewer turn me down and I just felt worthless. Alcohol isn't a cure, but it made me feel a little better about my day. I'm sorry if I worried her, and you can tell her I said that."
Chloe ran a hand through her hair, ruffling it a little bit into an organized mess as she sat back and stopped whispering. What had once been a good buzz was now quickly fading. She looked out the window, watching houses and tress pass by until they pulled into the driveway of the intended house. She could barely even feel the effects of the alcohol as she stepped out of the car, and it hadn't been that long of a drive. Apparently she didn't even need to eat now. Stupid tolerance.
She followed them up to the front door and inside, dropping her purse on a little table not far from the front door. "So, what can I help with?"
Clark answered her. "Well, we decided to grill cheeseburgers, so I guess you can make the salad and keep Lois away from what we're eating."
"Hey, I'm learning how to cook, Smallville. Those lessons at the community college I took while I was pregnant will pay off, especially when I get into them again and really apply myself." Lois looked over at her. "I kept getting distracted by Jacob kicking or a story. Got some great thinking done during that class, but none of it really helped my cooking."
"Yeah, I've noticed that. I'm sure you'll conquer it, though. Nothing much in this world of ours whips Lois Lane Kent for long and gets away with it."
Lois smiled and walked off, leaving Chloe and Clark in the room. He had done a super speed change of clothes, apparently, because he was in jeans and a t-shirt instead of the suit he'd been wearing on the drive home. They went about their tasks silently, Chloe making a bland but edible salad as Clark made the hamburger patties.
"She won't believe me when I tell her you're fine, Chloe."
Turning away from the bowl of salad, Chloe watched Clark work a minute before speaking. "What do you mean?"
"She won't believe me if I tell her you're ok. I don't believe it myself. Life has been rough on you for a few months now and we're both worried about you. It's not the drinking that has us worried as much as the way you sound, though you seem to be imbibing more and more." He sighed and turned from the meat he'd been mixing, walking over to the sink and washing off his hands. He grabbed a towel and dried them off, tossing it back in place before he spoke again.
"You barely talk about your life anymore, and when you do, you sound... defeated. You don't sound like you have any fire left in you, no will to fight. When that was going on a month after what happened in April, I thought it was a natural reaction. But now its been three months, and if anything you sound even worse than you did then. And you were wrong in the car, saying that I probably hadn't noticed anything. You look tired, and you look like you're trying to hide from life."
Chloe gulped. He'd read her perfectly, describing how she sounded as the exact way she felt every day when she woke up. She turned back to her salad and started mixing it up again. "Can't really blame a girl for wanting to hide for a little while, Clark. Everything I had, the entirety of the future I had planned disappeared. In the span of twelve days I lost my dream job, my potential husband and buried my father."
"I know, and I'm not telling you how to handle your life. If anything like that happened to me I don't know what I would do. I just... I miss the Chloe I've always known."
"The Chloe you've always known is gone, Clark. Life crushed her and discarded the bloody husk that was left. People have to adapt or the world passes them by. I adapted, and now I am what I am. I'm sorry you don't like this me as much as you liked old me, but I guess we'll both just have to live with that." She heard a knock at the door and looked over at him as she wiped her hands off on her shorts. "You should put the first batch of burgers on the grill. I'll get that."
Walking away, Chloe wiped a tear out of the corner of her eye and smiled as she opened the door to find Lucy and Jimmy standing there. She pulled Lucy into a hug. "How are you feeling, Luce?"
"Pretty good, actually. No morning sickness, believe it or not. Seems I'm one of the lucky ones, so far at least."
"Has Lois heard this yet?"
"Not unless Jimmy told her."
Chloe looked at Jimmy, who held up his hands. "I don't know what to say or not say, so when people ask me questions I just refer them to the one of us that's actually pregnant."
"Well, don't tell her unless I'm in the room. That's a reaction I don't want to miss, miserable as she was for about six weeks."
After a few more smiles they walked past her. She was going to close the door as she saw another car pulling up in front of the house. Pete and Lana got out of the car, no kids in sight and walked up to the house. She gave each a quick hug.
"Where are PJ and Richie?"
"They're staying with my mom back in Topeka for the night. We thought we'd try an adults only night since Clark said they were leaving Jacob with Martha for the night."
"All of us together and no little voices present. This might seem odd for a little while."
"I think we'll live," Lana said, smiling. "How are you doing, Chloe?"
The first one of the night. Ah well, at least it was getting out of the way early, and since Pete was with her, maybe he wouldn't corner her and ask at some point. "I'm alright. I like to think I'm holding up nicely, and since I'm alive, something seems to be going right. Come on, let's go join everybody else."
Chloe led them back through the house and onto the back porch, where everybody was standing around and talking. Lois had joined Clark, Lucy and Jimmy while she'd been at the front door, having changed her clothes. Chloe saw her smile as the joined all the others.
"Hey guys! No kids tonight?" Hadn't she just asked that? This is why she should always forgo the obvious questions.
"Nope," Pete said. "Mom's watching 'em for us and we're flying solo for the first time in... what? A month?"
"Something like that. I love my boys, but I think a night away from them will keep that love alive and well."
"Is it really that bad? What do you guys think Jimmy and I should expect?"
Chloe groaned inwardly, listening to all the couples start up on the topic of children. She'd hoped they'd just leave it at where are the kids talk. Before they got too deep in it, Chloe interrupted. "I'm getting drinks. Who wants one?"
Everybody looked at her for a second. Clark spoke first. "Uh, I guess I'll take a beer unless somebody wants to open some wine."
After three more beer orders and nobody wanting wine, Chloe headed inside and grabbed three beers out of the fridge. Smiling at the fact that Lois had gotten the good stuff, she popped the top off of all of them and carried them outside. She handed the other three off and took a sip of her own as the conversation about kids went on. She did her best not to look bored out of her mind, but she didn't think it was working. To keep herself occupied she went over to the grill and flipped the burgers for Clark a few times.
Apparently this is what her life was going to be now. She'd go have dinner with all her friends, and on the nights she wasn't 'volunteering' to watch the kids just so she had somebody to talk to, she was going to be stuck in her own head. Being stuck in her own head was depressing; she'd been there for most of the past three months and so far it wasn't working out all that well.
"How are the burgers looking, Chloe?"
Looking up, Chloe found herself to be the object of attention for six other people. She looked down at the burgers, but had no idea if they qualified as done or not. "Uh... Clark?"
He smiled and walked over, looking at them for a second. "Another couple flips, guys, then we'll put on cheese for those who want it. I take it that's everybody?"
After unanimous love of cheese on meat was confirmed, Chloe headed inside to grab the slices. She pounded the rest of her beer and tossed the empty bottle before pulling another out of the fridge. Setting the cheese slices down, she got the top off of her beer and drank a little of it before grabbing the slices again and heading outside.
People were engrossed in child based conversation again, so Chloe walked over to the grill and flipped the burgers, putting the cheese on the newly exposed side. She pulled the top down on the grill so that the cheese would melt more quickly, remembering that much from watching others do this, and took another drink of her beer. She was starting to feel the alcohol again, but since she'd be eating soon, she doubted it would last long. Blinking a couple times, she opened the top again and pulled the burgers off the grill on put them on a plate Clark had brought out earlier.
She walked over to the others, who seemed to take no notice of her until she stood right in the middle of them and hit the metal tongs against her beer glass. "Food's ready, guys."
Everybody walked inside, Chloe trailing as everybody else was volunteering to do other things. Soon it seemed everybody was seated in one chair or another around the living room, eating dinner. Chloe took a couple pieces of lettuce out of her salad, along with a tomato slice, and put them on her burger, taking a big bite. Washing it down with another sip of beer, she smiled; it felt good to have some real, substantial food in her stomach.
It was a comfortable silence for a couple minutes while everybody got into their food, but then Lana broke it. "So, Lois and Clark, how much has Jacob grown since we last saw him?"
Chloe rolled her eyes and took another bite of burger. Unbelievable. Why was it impossible for all her friends to talk about something that was not focused on people under the age of five? Was it really so difficult? She understood that priorities changed, and hell, she'd talked about adapting earlier, but did it have to be every damn conversation? What were the single people supposed to talk about? Oh, yeah, there was only one single person in this pit of despair. Fan-damn-tastic.
Rubbing at her forehead, Chloe swallowed the last bite of her burger, stood up and walked back to the kitchen, grabbing the last cooked burger and plopping it on a bun. She took a big bite, not bothering to put any toppings on it, and walked into the living room. "Hey, I'm going to make more burgers. How long should I cook 'em?"
"Eighteen to twenty, flip 'em every minute at the start and every two or three after that."
Chloe gave Pete a pat on the shoulder and went back into the kitchen, taking a bite of her burger before pulling the uncooked batch out of the fridge. She grabbed her plate and some tongs before heading outside, squinting as the sun sat low on the horizon and hit her square in the eyes. Grumbling, she made her way over to the grill and got it turned so that she wasn't facing west. Getting the burgers on, she pulled a chair over and sat down.
One thing she liked about where Lois and Clark lived was that it was quiet. She didn't get much quiet anymore. Her building was a noise factory disguised as apartments, and most of her time out of the apartment was spent with cab drivers that liked to talk or in an office, talking to somebody in HR that was busy telling her no and the reasons for that no. She rubbed her eyes with her palms for a second before grabbing her beer and drinking some of it.
Closing her eyes, Chloe felt completely alone for a moment. Well, that was a lie; these days Chloe always felt alone. It was more of a degree of alone.
Standing up, Chloe flipped the burgers then sat down again, taking another drink of beer. Out here, with the quiet surrounding her and everybody inside, enjoying their children centered lives, she was totally alone. They had no interest in her, outside of feeling sorry for her.
She ran out of beer halfway through the cooking, but didn't want to bother rectifying the situation. That would only distract everybody else from being engrossed in their conversation, and as much as she wished she were part of it, she didn't want to screw it up for them. Truth be told, she was happy for them; they all had close friends to share their lives and family with.
She kind of remembered what that was like. Chloe flipped the burgers again and stayed standing, looking back to the horizon, or what she could see of it between houses. Jesus, three and a half months ago she'd been as happy as she'd ever been. She would come to one of these get together things and enjoy it, getting engrossed in the whatever the topic was. Sometimes it was her wedding, other times babies, though Lucy hadn't been pregnant then.
For some reason, listening to people talk about babies was a lot more interesting when it seemed babies were in one's near future. She almost missed the constant badgering from Lois about when she was going to have one.
Looking back towards the house, she wondered if anybody even really noticed she was gone. It seemed unlikely, aside from having announced she was going outside. Since nobody seemed to notice her when she was in the room anymore, at least not without her announcing her presence or asking if they wanted a drink, her not being in the room seemed a doubtful cause for anybody to notice her.
This whole not being noticed thing would have been extremely handy when she'd been a reporter and had things to investigate. Now it just kind of went to waste.
Checking her watch, Chloe found that it had been seventeen minutes since she'd started cooking. Sighing, she walked to the house and went inside, heading for the fridge to grab some cheese slices and another beer. There was only one beer left. She sighed again and left it there for somebody else to have. She'd probably had enough alcohol for the day, anyway, though this was going to seriously ruin her blissful haze plans.
She looked over at everybody for a second. Not even a glance came her way. They'd moved on to some couple thing she couldn't decipher from her brief stint of listening. Frowning, Chloe grabbed another clean plate to put the meat on and walked outside, putting the cheese on the burgers and closing the grill. Scratching her chin, she crossed her arms over her chest and stood there, unable to stop thinking about her life.
Maybe that was her affliction. Much like the others had babies, all she seemed to think about anymore was how pathetic her life was. In her defense, she figured, was the fact that every person she knew felt the need to remind her that she had shit left in the world. Makes not thinking about it a whole hell of a lot more difficult. She didn't blame them, though. She would have done the same thing if all of it had happened to somebody else. And hey, what the hell did she have to talk about anyway? 'My life sucks. What are your views on it?'
Chloe opened the grill again and pulled the burgers off, closing the top again once she had them all and walked back inside. "Burgers are ready, guys, for anybody that wants one."
Everybody looked up at her, as if seeing her for the first time all night. Clark looked around at everybody a second before turning back to her. "I think we're good, Chloe, but thanks for making them."
"No problem," she said as she placed one of the smaller ones on a bun and doused it with ketchup. She grabbed a piece of lettuce from the big salad bowl and walked into the living room, sitting down in the chair she'd previously occupied. Taking a bite of her burger, she listened to the conversation they'd moved on to. Cribs. How had that not come up earlier? It never fucking ended.
Chloe looked up from her burger and found Lois looking at her. She shot her a small, closed mouth smile, and got the same in return before Lois jumped back into the conversation. Well, at least somebody knew she was there. A moral victory of the being noticed sort, if nothing else.
The rest of the night passed more slowly than Chloe could have imagined. It was like time had been stretched out to be extra long, just so she could have a little more time being somebody nobody noticed. At the beginning of the night, if somebody had told her that she'd only have to talk about how much her life sucked once, she'd have thought they were crazy and thought such a party would be great. She'd have been very, very wrong.
Finally Chloe got up, not able to take it anymore. "Guys, this was... well, it was what it was. I'm going to call a cab and head home."
"Are you sure, Chloe? I'm more than happy to give you a ride."
"Thanks, Clark, but I'll be fine. Bye, everybody."
Chloe walked outside, dialing the cab company whose number she kept handy for just such occasions. A few minutes later she was sitting on the curb, waiting patiently when a motion in the corner of her eye alerted her to somebody else sitting down.
"How ya doing, Chlo?"
"I'm fine, Lois."
"You were buzzed at five thirty in the afternoon and didn't say five words tonight, at least not five that weren't involved with getting drinks or food."
"I didn't have anything to say."
Lois scoffed. "I seriously doubt that."
"I got turned down for another job this afternoon, so the drinks were just a consolation prize." Chloe paused for a second, laughing to herself. "And of course, tomorrow was supposed to be my wedding. Can't believe I'd almost forgotten that tidbit."
"Chloe..."
"As far as tonight... I don't even know why I came. I knew what was going to happen because I've been to these things for two years now, ever since we made it a regular occurrence, but I came anyway."
"What are you talking about?"
Chloe looked over at Lois and smiled sadly. "This is a couples night, Lois. The fact that the couples are made of our friends and family is nice, but that doesn't change what it is. Before, when I was actually part of a couple, I could enjoy it without realizing what it was, but to be single and go to it... perspective is everything."
Lois looked like she wanted to frown, but looked away instead. After a minute of silence, she finally spoke. "You could always date, Chloe. That might help."
Chloe let her head drop and chuckled. "Lois, I've loved three men in my life. The first was Clark, and yeah, he was a high school and slightly beyond crush, but I was never what he wanted. It happens, ya know? Then there was Jimmy. I loved him, he loved me. I felt I had to hold a little back in that relationship, and that part was my fault, but I saw him looking at Kara as soon as he met her. Hell, this was before I even pulled away a bit, or near the same time, and still felt like I was in it as much as I could be, and it wasn't enough.
"And then there was Mark. A man I loved like no other, really. I had never opened myself up to a guy like I did Mark because I saw what you had with Clark, what everybody around me seemed to have, and I wondered why I didn't have it. I figured that part had to be it, because I'm not good at it and my relationships didn't last. So I really opened up, and I was with him for two and a half years. It was amazing. And then that night came. He never loved me. He wanted to, but it wouldn't happen.
"I've now become unlovable to guys. How did I need that? I already had enough problems with men because I was never the hottest one in a room, or the most interesting or even the go get 'em type that could be aggressive. I never stood out because I was in the midst of excellence, always with my friends and family.
"I thought I had gotten lucky, though, because I had found somebody I thought loved me for me. In reality, I had found somebody that thought I was good for him but never loved me, and couldn't no matter how often he said he did. Then he found somebody else and didn't tell me for eight months. Love at first sight, of all things!"
Chloe rested her face in her hands for a moment, then lifted her head and wiped away a tear. "I appreciate the offer to get me out there, Lo, but I think I'm done with trying to find somebody that loves me. I'm tired of being the wrong girl. It hurts too much. One way or another I end up alone so I'm just cutting out the painful part to keep what little heart I have left."
"Will you at least keep coming to these get together's whenever Pete and Lana drive into Metropolis? They love seeing you. I can go get them right now and have them tell you."
"Maybe I will again someday, but now... now I'm just tired of being the person everybody feels sorry for, the person everybody wishes didn't feel so awkward. The only thing people ask me anymore is if I'm alright, Lois. It's not their fault, because I would do the same thing in the situation. To endure more nights like this, though... I don't know if I would survive another conversation centered on children with my sanity intact. I can't do it, Lois. I don't have it in me because I'm not that person anymore."
Chloe spotted the cab driving down the street and stood up, holding out a hand to wave the driver over. She looked back at Lois, who was standing up and dusting herself off. "We want you here, Chloe. Never doubt that."
"I don't, and I won't, but like I said, this is a couples night, and I have no couple to be a part of." She leaned over and hugged Lois quickly before pulling away. "I love you, Lo."
"I love you too, Chloe."
As soon as it stopped, Chloe jumped in and told the driver where to go. Half an hour later she was walking into her building, heading up the stairs and into her hole. She let her purse drop to the floor and pulled off her shirt and shorts before sitting down on the bed. She felt a little cool air hit her back from the window mounted air conditioning unit before bringing her legs up onto the bed and stretching out.
Lying on her back, Chloe stared at the ceiling. She really wanted to be tired, but it wasn't happening. She felt like she should be tired, but just wasn't. In her lonely apartment, laying on her bed and staring at the ceiling after drinking like a fish for most of the afternoon, she couldn't fall asleep to save her life. What a life she led.