Chapter 8

"It was just me and my mom until I was twelve. I didn't have a dad, and didn't really want or need one either. Didn't know who he was and didn't care. My mom worked as a cook for some rich family in Arizona after she moved out there her hometown when she was pregnant with me. She eventually saved up enough money to open a bakery. We lived in the apartment above it for as long as I can remember. Until the fire. My mom died in the bakery, the firemen found me in the alley behind the building. I still have no idea how I got out there."

"That's when I came to live with Pastor Jim, and met you guys. You were both so cute. Dean was quiet, never saying much, but always watching and listening to everything, taking in every detail. He did everything he was told to, never complaining. He'd ask me if our moms were together, said that'd be nice so they weren't lonely. He was so sad."

"You, on the other hand, were loud, fussy, demanding, and defiant. You'd only been walking a few months, and got into everything. Jim tried to put things out of your reach, but John always told him not to. He said you had to learn your boundaries, which you did because you always overstepped them, every chance you got."

"I think Dean just got tired of you always getting in trouble, so he'd just follow you around, telling you 'no, don't touch that', or 'leave that alone.' He was the only person you ever listened to. John was pretty much an emotional wasteland then. He'd just about shut himself off to everything but you two and learning the hunt. He was pretty new to it, but was already a force to be reckoned with. He learned everything at lightning speed. Unfortunately, that didn't leave much time for you guys, and held leave you two at Jim's a lot. And Jim was a busy man, so he'd leave you with me."

"Jim home schooled me until high school, so I was always around the first couple years. You were too young to remember then, but we'd watch TV, read stories, play games, tell secrets, or just goof around. The older you got, the less you were around, but every couple of months we were all together, and we sure had a good time."

"I lived my whole life with no father, and suddenly I had nothing but dads. They all had an opinion on what was good for me, but John's always trumped them all. He was the only one that had any real say, guess that's because he was one of the only ones that was a dad already."

"He was the one that decided I needed to learn how to shoot and fight. He said I'd need to defend myself someday, and I better know how. So, he taught me, and taught me well."

"That was his big mistake though, because I felt that if I could fight, I could hunt like the rest of them. Didn't matter that I was a girl. I begged to go on hunts with John or the others. John just said it was way too dangerous, and I'd get hurt. Naturally, everyone else agreed. Very few people argued with John."

"When I was sixteen, John came to drop you two off, and I decided I was going hunting with him, whether he liked it or not. I snuck into the backseat of the car, and laid there silently for hours. Man, he was pissed when he finally found me back there, all curled up and half asleep. He'd already been driving most of the day, and had no intentions of turning around and taking me back. That pretty much forced him to take me with him."

"He made me do everything, and I do mean everything. He thought it'd teach me a lesson, teach me that hunting wasn't the life for me. He was wrong. It only made me want to hunt more. I went on a few more easy ones after that over the next couple years."

Sam hadn't said a word, he just sat, totally engrossed in what he was hearing, most of it for the first time. He vaguely remembered some of what she said, but not much. He already had so many questions, but he didn't want to interrupt her train of thought.

"When I graduated from high school, much like you, I was graced with a full academic scholarship to Northwestern. I had no intentions of going. John said I was. Jim and John argued about it for days. John said I had to go, had to get an education, get away from this life. Jim said I was an adult and could make my own decisions. John finally won out, and I went. I came home every summer though. I would hunt as much as I could until I'd go back in the fall."

"That was right around the same time that Dean changed. He stopped talking to me, wouldn't look at me, wouldn't even acknowledge me unless you or John were there. He must have been pretty pissed. I guess he's been pissed off for the last seventeen years."

Sam did interrupt this time. "If it's any consolation, I missed you when you were gone. Jim's was never quite the same without you."

"Thanks Sam. Nice to know someone cared," she let out a sigh before she continued. "My first summer home was, well, let's just say interesting. Dean pretty much ignored me. We tip toed around each other. He would only talk to me when John would make him, and that was two word sentences at best."

"My second summer home was much worse. Dean would throw me an occasional insult, nasty comment, or go out of his way to annoy me. By then, he was thirteen and already seemed pretty full of himself."

"The third summer was more of the same, but he found a way to include belligerence and defiance into the mix. Do you remember how mad you'd get at him for the way he'd talk to me when he thought nobody was around?"

"Yeah, that summer I remember. He was always being a dick to you. I told him if he didn't stop, I'd tell dad. I begged him to tell me what his problem was, and he'd just tell me to shut up and mind my own business. I finally just stopped asking."

"The fourth summer, I was home, I made the effort to avoid him at all costs. The rare occasions we were in the same room together, he'd just glare at me. If looks could kill Sam, I'd be dead a thousand times over."

"What did Dad say? Didn't he see what was going on? Didn't he know what Dean was doing?"

"Dean was smart, Sam. He'd rarely pull that crap in front of Jim or John, and I never told them. I figured he had his reasons, and someday he'd either get over them or share them. I just wish I knew what those reasons were, because I'm still waiting."

"Whatever it is, it's buried in that stubborn ass brain of his behind that brick wall built up in there. No matter what I do, he isn't sharing, but then again, he rarely does," Sam commented.

"Yeah, well, that was the last summer I spent home. I left for med school the following fall. That was also the last summer I hunted too. There was no room for both."

"John would come and see me every now and then, usually on his way back to you guys after some hunt, but I didn't see you guys for almost five years."

"That was at your wedding. I remember how excited I was. I got to see you, and we got to wear suits. Pastor Jim performed the ceremony, and Dad gave you away. It was the one and only time I ever saw Dad dressed up, and in a tux no less. And Dean was less than thrilled about the suit."

"Yeah, you were happy to see me, but Dean sure hadn't changed. I don't think it was just at having to be dressed up either. He was still angry and bitter, about god knows what. He didn't hide his obvious displeasure of having to be there either."

"Everything was going great, until just after dinner. You had wondered off with one of Rick's cousins, just chatting the night away. I think you were chatting, anyway. Dean was off in a corner alone, getting drunk. Dean Winchester and an open bar were an accident waiting to happen. I think it took all of an hour for him to get totally plastered. That was when he decided to give Rick a piece of his mind."

"Is that what happened? Nobody would ever tell me what went on. I only remember some shouting, then Dean was gone. No one saw him for the rest of the night."

"Well, I'm gonna tell you what Dean did that night. Dean stumbled up to Rick, and started poking him in the chest, asking him who the hell he thought he was. He had no right to marry me, he wasn't good enough. Called him a pussy, said I deserved someone better. Like he'd know what I deserved anyway. Then he punched Rick, right in the face. I thought John was going to kill him. He'd attracted a pretty big crowd by now. That's what happens when you pick a fight with the groom, I guess."

"Before John could do anything, Jim and Bobby dragged Dean outside, and he was absent from the festivities the rest of the night. Jim came back, Bobby didn't. I guess Bobby got saddled with babysitting duty."

"Why the hell would Dean say all those things? He didn't even know Rick," Sam questioned.

"I don't know Sam. He was drunk and just went off. Have you ever been able to explain Dean's thought process?"

"You mean one of the mysteries of the universe, No."

"Thought so. By the time we got back from our honeymoon, a whole three days in Las Vegas, you guys were long gone. The next time I saw the two of you was when Rick and I had Jason. That was right before you left for school. And it was the last time I saw you."

"I remember. He was such a cute baby. Dean even liked him, I think."

"I think so too. After you left, John and Dean would stop in when they were passing through. Dean would rarely come in. He'd just sit out on the porch, even in the bitter cold. He'd be out there for hours sometimes. If John decided to spend the night, Dean would only come in when everyone else had gone to bed. But he'd sleep on the floor in Jason's room. I caught him a couple times, rocking him back to sleep. I don't think he knows that I saw him though, and I don't want him to know. It's my only good memory of adult Dean. He'd play with him in the mornings in his room until John decided it was time to leave. I'd never interrupt. I'd just wait until he'd had enough."

"Dean used to do that? Dean Winchester? Was he feverish, or possessed?" Sam couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"No Sam, he wasn't possessed. It was a lot like the way he'd be with you when you were little. John and Dean would be around every few months, just stopping in on their way to another job over the next few years."

" The last time I saw Dean was probably the worst day of my life. Rick and I were going to a birthday party when John called. He said Dean had been hurt, was in bad shape, and needed my help. I sent Rick ahead with Jason, told them I'd meet them later."

"John and Dean got to the house in about twenty minutes, and Dean was a mess. He'd been thrown into a tree on a simple salt and burn that he insisted on going on alone. He got cut up pretty bad, but never told John. John finally figured it out when Dean had spiked a 104 fever, and John needed to ice him down in the tub. He saw it when he took Dean's clothes off. He had a huge, infected wound on his back that should have had stitches put in it when he got it. He hid it because he thought John would be mad, Dean had insisted on going alone. He didn't want John to think he could take care of himself."

"The wound was bad. It had abscessed and it was filled with pus and blood. There were even pieces of bark in it. I lanced it, cleaned it out, and started pumping him full of antibiotics. I couldn't even stitch it closed, it was so bad."

"By the time I was done, he was out and John was furious. He started going on and on about how careless Dean had been by hiding what had happened. It was a simple wound, none of this would have happened if he'd just let John clean it out and stitch it. That was when I heard the knock on the door."

"Two policemen stood in front of me, and I had no idea why. The only thing I could think of was that they were looking for either John or Dean. That was a bad assumption. They told me there'd been an accident, and I think you know the rest."

Sam just shook his head in silence. He knew the rest. Her husband and son were dead, killed by a drunk driver on their way to the party, while she took care of Dean.

"I replay that day in my head all the time, Sam. If John hadn't shown up with Dean that night, I would have been with them, and I'd probably be dead too. That was over two years ago, and I haven't seen Dean since the funeral."

"I couldn't live in that house anymore after that, so I sold it, and moved here. Built this house out here in the middle of nowhere."
"Why such a big house, anyway? This place is huge. Why not just live close to the hospital, your never here anywhere, are you?" Sam was curious about why the house had to be so big, and in the middle of nowhere.

"You really don't know Sam?"

"No, please enlighten me."

"That night got me thinking. If Dean had been able to get that would treated properly in the first place, he never would have gotten as sick as he did. Hunters can't always treat themselves, and sometimes need a place of sanctuary to heal, or when they need help. Let me show you something," she grabbed Sam by the hand, and led him to a door he had totally ignored before.

"You haven't seen the basement, have you?"

"No, do I want to know what's in the basement?"

"You'll see."

She opened the door, the lights automatically turning on. There were no stairs, just a long ramp down to the bottom. They descended the ramp, and Sam had to shake his head at what he saw in front of him.

The basement was a fully functional mini-ER, complete with just about everything she'd need to save someone's life.

"Holy shit. Who knows about this?" He couldn't help but ask. He'd never seen anything like it before.

"Most of the hunters do. They are safe here, and they can get proper medical care when they need it. I can't believe nobody told you. It's a hunter's safe house, Sam."

"Does Dean know? Did Dad know?"

"They both knew. Guess Dean didn't feel he needed to tell you though. Guess he though he'd never need any help. He really can be an asshole, can't he."

"Yeah, well, I sure as hell am gonna find out why. Enough is enough."

"Well, good luck with that one Sam. I'm going to bed."