Ok so this is going to be in three parts I think. Thank you for all the lovely comments on the last chapter, it was really nice : )
"I don't care how much it costs Raven, just get it done, please. I can not get the train to work again." Clarke sighed, trapping her phone between her ear and shoulder as she placed her instant noodles and instant coffee into a plastic bag.
"It's not the money that's the problem, Clarke. It was time frame, to get it done for tomorrow if have to pull an all nighter and I can't do that, not tonight. Octavia wants us to go look at venues for the wedding." Raven huffed. "She's fucking crazy, Clarke, bridezilla. I'm beginning to think her looks aren't worth it."
Clarke laughed, "You love Octavia, don't pretend you don't."
"I suppose." Raven huffed. "I will try my best, C, but it probably won't be ready until tomorrow night."
"Ok, thanks Raven." Clarke sighed. "Good luck tonight."
"I'm gonna need it," Raven grumbled and hung up the phone.
Clarke chuckled to herself, sliding her phone into her pocket and making her way toward the exit.
She jumped when she felt someone run into her legs. She looked down to see a little boy staring up at her apologetically. He must've been about five years old, his dark brown hair sticking up at all angles and his dark green eyes stared up at her in awe. there was something very familiar in those eyes, about the look in his eyes.
"Sorry, ma'am." He apologised.
"Don't worry about it, buddy." Clarke smiled, glancing around, looking to see if there was an adult with him. "Do you have an adult with you?"
"Yeah, my mommy said I can keep whatever candy I can pick up before her finds me."
"Well, you better get going," Clarke smiled, nudging her head in the direction of the shelves. "Talking to me isn't going to get you a lot of candy."
"Clarke?" Clarke froze at the voice. No, it couldn't be, it had five years and they were in a completely different state.
"Mommy, no. I hardly had enough time." The boy huffed and Clarke lifted her eyes from the boy to look at the woman in front of her.
"Lexa,"
"Mommy, can I have a little more time, please?" The boy tugged at his moms sleeve, pulling the dazed woman's eyes down to look at him.
"Um, yeah, I will give you a couple of minutes." Lexa smiled down at the boy whose eyes widened before he ran off.
"Is that Nathaniel?"
"Yeah,"
"Jeez, that makes me feel old," Clarke said with a nervous laugh.
"What are you doing in New York?"
"I went to Columbia university, decided to do my residency at the local hospital. Octavia and Raven are here, too, Octavia opened her own restaurant and Raven is co-owner of a garage in Manhattan." Clarke explained. "What about you?"
"My sister lives here. Well, in Queens."
"Oh," Clarke murmured because, really, what was she expected to say in this situation. She had thought about it before; seeing Lexa again, but like this, that was never one of the many situations she had thought about.
Lexa didn't seem to mind the fact Clarke didn't really have anything to say, she just stared over at Clarke with the same look she had five years ago (something similar to the smitten look Nathaniel had just given her). Well, that look mixed with something else? Regret, maybe? Clarke couldn't tell.
A loud crash startled both of them out of their dazes and the sound of a young child apologising had Lexa rolling her eyes. "I had better-" Lexa motioned in the general direction Nathaniel had run off in.
"Right, yeah. Of course." Clarke nodded can taking a step away from Lexa, even though she hadn't been all that close to her. "Bye, Lexa."
"It was good to see you again, Clarke."
Clarke gave Lexa a tight-lipped smile, making her way past Lexa and out of the shop.
It wasn't until she had been walking for five minutes before she realised Lexa was dressed in a police uniform. Of course Lexa was a police officer, Clarke wasn't even surprised by that.
Clarke walked in a little daze, not even realising she had taken a left to Raven's garage instead of a right home until she was met with a grinning Wick.
"Hey there, blondie."
Raven looked up from the car she was working on and Octavia, who was perched on Raven's work bench beside the mechanic, handing her tool whenever she requested them, looked up from the book she was reading.
"I didn't think we would be seeing you today."
"Yeah, it seems we are all seeing people we didn't think we would see." Clarke murmured, leaning against the bench beside Octavia.
"You ok there, princess?" Raven laughed, wiping her greasy hands on her grey tee. "You look a little zoned."
"I just ran into Lexa,"
"Lexa Woods?" Raven frowned.
"No, Lexa Stones," Octavia huffed. "Of course Lexa Woods, greaseball."
"And Nathaniel."
"Did she say anything?" Octavia asked.
"We spoke, kind of. She asked what I was doing in New York." Clarke huffed, running her hand through her hair. "I didn't think I was going to see her again."
"How was she looking? She used to be hot, right?" Raven asked, hissing in pain when Octavia punched her. "What?"
"Behave!"
"She looked like a police officer." Clarke said with a little frown.
"Huh, no surprised by that." Raven hummed, "Are you seeing her again?"
"Why would I?"
"Because she's Lexa," Octavia answered carefully.
"Yeah, but we aren't friends, I don't know who she is anymore."
"She's still the same person she was five years ago," Raven said.
"And you don't have to be anything more than friends with her but what you both had, Clarke, that was something people rarely find."
"That was five years ago, we are both different people now."
Raven scoffed. "Ok, Griffin, the only thing different with you is that you are slightly taller."
"And you now understand the importance of the sock on the doorknob when you are entertaining your friends." Octavia added and Raven hummed in agreement.
"I can't just-" Clarke sighed, running her hands over her face. She relaxed slightly when Octavia tentatively touched the back of her neck. "She just left, guys. She left and didn't even say goodbye properly, I can't just forgive her for that."
"No one said anything about forgiving her, Clarke." Octavia said softly, giving her best friends shoulder a squeeze.
"Yeah, maybe just talk to her, go from there." Raven suggested.
"I don't think I can," Clarke ran her fingers through her hair. "She really hurt me when she left."
"We know, and we understand your reservations, Clarke, but you have to understand why she left."
Clarke arched her eyebrows at Raven. "I don't have to understand anything, Raven. She left me and she left me a fucking note to say goodbye. She let me fall in love with her, let me get attached to Nathaniel then just took off."
"She was-"
"Guys!" Octavia snapped, effectively cutting the worn out argument short. "Let's not do this. Again." Octavia gave Raven a warning look before looking back at Clarke. "Lexa left, that sucks, but this could be a second chance for you both. Not many people get that."
"We shouldn't have needed it." Clarke snapped, pushing herself away from the counter and heading for the door.
"You have to talk to her, Griffin."
"Bite me, Reyes." Clarke called over her shoulder as she left.
She crawled into bed when she got home, hoping to get some sleep after the double shift she had just endured and hoping to forget about the fact she had just ran into the only person she has ever truly loved.
It took her over three hours to fall asleep.
Clarke heard the front door open then click closed around eleven that night. It didn't take long for her own bedroom door to open and close and for the bed behind her to dip.
"I'm sorry for earlier." Raven whispered. "I know she hurt you, and I really want to beat her up for that, but maybe you could be happy if you spoke to her. You haven't been happy for the past five years, Clarke."
"That's got nothing to do with Lexa, I've just been stressed. With university and now work, I haven't had time to show you that I'm happy."
"You don't have to show me." Raven sighed and Clarke turned to face the mechanic. "I'm you best friend, Clarke, I know when you are unhappy. She made you happy back then, the happiest I had ever seen you. If she can get you out of this- whatever it is- I'm all for it."
"I'm ok, Raven." Clarke assured with a breathy laugh. "I'm not depressed or anything like that. I have genuinely just been busy. I'm not going to lie and tell you I'm extremely happy but I'm not extremely sad either."
"You'd tell us if you were. Depressed, I mean."
"I would, but I'm not. I'm sharing an apartment in Manhattan with my two best friend and I'm doing my dream job. I'm not unhappy, Raven."
"But you aren't happy, either."
"I will be, eventually.
Raven eyed Clarke through the dim light of the room before nodded. "Ok,"
"Ok. Now, where is that future wife of yours, I'm sure she wants in on this action."
Raven smiled, probably at Clarke calling Octavia her future wife. "'Tavia."
It took Octavia less than five seconds to enter the room, dressed a pair of sweats and one of Raven's old high school softball jerseys and carrying a bundle of clothes.
"Everything sorted?" She asked, throwing the clothes at Raven.
"Yeah, we're good."
"Good. Get changed, tonight we form a spooning konga line."
Clarke laughed and flipped over just as Octavia hopped onto the bed, wriggling under the covers and wrapping herself around Clarke.
"I could have been naked under here." She pointed out.
"And we and sorely disappointed that you aren't." Octavia shot back and Raven laughed as she got into bed, her arm stretching across her fiancée and her hand resting on Clarke's hip.
"Next time." Raven offered.
"Oh, for sure." Clarke retorted sarcastically.
"Score." Clarke didn't see Octavia and Raven high-5 but she heard it, causing her to roll her eyes fondly at her best friends.
She spent the next two weeks throwing herself into work in an attempt to not think about the fact Lexa was less than an hour away and she could easily find her just by going down to the local precinct and asking for her.
She had just gotten out of a surgery when her phone beeped. She reached into the pocket of her scrubs as she made her way sleepily towards the doctors quarters.
She frowned at the unknown number.
'Hi, Clarke. I dropped by Raven's shop today and she gave me your number, I hope you don't mind. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to get together and talk. This is Lexa, by the way.'
Clarke felt her chest burn with angry. After everything that had happened, after everything they had spoken about, Raven still thought it would have been OK to give Lexa her number.
Clarke stuffed her phone back into her scrubs, going to her locker to get her car keys and marching out to the parking lot.
She was in her lunch break, she should really use that to eat instead of driving down to Raven's garage.
"You gave her my number!" Clarke snapped as she entered the garage.
Raven startled at the sudden noise, her head knocking off the hood of the car she was half inside.
"Told you she'd be mad." Octavia said quietly, ignoring the glare Raven sent her.
"How could you? I told you I didn't want anything to do with her."
"Yeah, but you didn't really mean that."
"I didn't-" Clarke shook her head, looking at her best friends incredulously. "You have no idea what I mean and what I don't mean."
"We are your best friends, of course we do." Raven commented and Octavia hummed.
"You loved this girl, Clarke."
"Exactly; loved, past tense. She has been out of my life for five years."
"Feelings like the ones you had for Lexa don't just go away, Clarke." Raven sighed, wiping her hands on her overalls and leaning back against the car.
"I know, I've had five years to get over the the feelings I had for her."
"So you are really over her?" Raven asked, sounding entirely unconvinced.
"Yes,"
"Ok, then I'm sorry I gave her your number." Raven held up her hands in defence. "I just thought-"
"No, Raven, you obviously didn't think. We've spoken about this and you still went behind my back and gave her my number."
"I'm sorry," Raven repeated, and she actually had the decency to look sorry.
"Just- don't do it again, ok? If she drops by again just tell her I don't want to see her."
"I don't think I'm comfortable doing that."
"You kind of voided you right to be uncomfortable after you have her my number, Raven." Clarke snapped, running her hand through her hair as she turned around and headed toward the door. "Maybe I will have just enough time to actually eat on my lunch break."
"She's kinda hot when she's angry," she heard Octavia comment as she left.
Lexa texted her again the next day, then the day after. She called twice, too, but after that she seemed to get the picture and stopped trying.
As much as Clarke didn't want anything to do with Lexa (she didn't, ok?) she felt that same feeling of emptiness she had felt when Lexa left the first time seep in again.
Raven and Octavia seemed to notice her change in mood because they crept into her bed late one night. They didn't talk about it, Raven just wrapped her arms around Clarke and murmured how sorry she was, and then they fell asleep.
Clarke honestly believed that Raven was sorry, but she also knew that this wasn't the last of it.
They asked her out for coffee during her dinner break one day, two weeks after Raven had given Lexa her number, they even promised to bring her a cheese burger, which Clarke was eternally thankful for.
At least she was until she entered the coffee shop and spotted Octavia and Raven sitting at a table with Lexa.
Clarke tensed her jaw, using every little shred of self restraint she had to not just march over to her best friends and tell them how shitty of a move this was.
She turned away before she did something she regretted, leaving the shop without looking back.
"Clarke," a voice called behind her just before she reached her car, causing her to stall in her movements, her hand hovering near the handle of her car door. "Clarke, please. Can we talk?"
"There's nothing to talk about." Clarke turned to look at Lexa.
Lexa looked as exhausted as Clarke felt, her under eyes were shadowed and her eyelids drooping. She looked disheveled on her uniform, Clarke figured it must be the end of her shift.
"Clarke,"
The tone of her voice had Clarke's chest tightening, she sounded hurt, broken, all of the things Clarke felt when Lexa left.
"What did you expect, Lexa? You left me. Did you expect to just slot yourself back into my life again like nothing happened?" Clarke frowned, trying not to raise her voice to avoid drawing the attention of passers by. "I can't let you do that, I won't let you do that."
"It wasn't easy for me either, Clarke."
"You don't get to feel hurt, Lexa. You made the choice to leave."
"You think that's what I wanted? Did you even read the letter?"
"Oh yeah, I read it. And, what? You really thought you were doing it for me? Lexa, we could've worked something out, together, but you jut took off at the first sign of trouble." Clarke snapped. "I guess it is kind of a good job you did, if that's what you do when things get tough then we wouldn't have lasted anyway."
"You might not think so but I did it for you. I wanted you to live your life the way a college student is supposed to, you couldn't have done that with a baby."
"I didn't want that!" Clarke raised her voice slightly, quickly glancing around when she realise that she had. "I didn't want to live that stereotypical college life, I wanted you, and Nathaniel. I wanted to come home from university to you two, I wanted have cosy nights in with you both."
"It's not all sunshine and rainbows, Clarke. I had no money, every dime I had went to Nate, I rarely slept, I was up at all hours of the night to feed him, he would cry and cry and cry and sometimes I didn't know how to sooth him." Lexa narrowed her eyes at Clarke, almost challenging her to interrupt. "Now, imagine trying to do homework with a baby crying, going to class on no sleep for days on end, you probably wouldn't have been able to afford your textbooks. It wasn't easy, Clarke, I didn't want you to deal with that."
"I know it wouldn't have been easy, and props to you for doing it and getting a good job, for making something of yourself." Clarke offered Lexa a light lipped smile. "But I can't let you back into my life."
Lexa's throat bobbed but she didn't say anything when Clarke turned and got in her car.
She was surprised she actually made it back to the hospital safe, what with her vision blurred with the tears that had formed in her eyes. When she parked she let her head fall against her steering wheel, her hands gripping tightly onto the tough leather.
She didn't need Lexa. She didn't want Lexa. What she needed was best friends who didn't completely fuck with her emotions, what she needed was to yell at Raven Reyes and Octavia Blake. But that would have to wait until her shift was over.
Raven and Octavia seemed to be prepared for her, a cup of hot chocolate and her favourite candies waiting for her when she got home but Clarke ignored the peace offerings completely, slamming the living door closed as she narrowed her eyes at her best friends.
"Are you both fucking serious?" Clarke growled. "We talked about it, you apologised yet you still try and get Lexa and I together."
"We're trying to help." Raven offered.
"All you are doing is hurting me!" Clarke's voice cracked as she yelled, her breath leaving her lungs in a rattled huff. "Don't you guys realise what this is doing to me? I don't want to see her, it hurts seeing her."
"It hurts because you aren't letting her in."
"Fuck you guys, ok? Stop pushing, I mean it this time." Clarke warned, anger flaring in her eyes as she stared at her best friends. "You pull something like this again and I'm done with you both."
"Clarke," Raven began to argue but stopped when Octavia placed a hand on her thigh.
"We won't, Clarke we're sorry."
"Yeah, a sorry from you guys is starting to mean nothing to me." Clarke ignored the hurt looks she received from her friends and heading into her room.
She laid in bed for a good four hours before she felt calm enough to get out of bed and head into Raven and Octavia's room.
Both girls were still awake, lying on their backs and staring at the ceiling.
"I'm not ready yet,"
Raven pushed herself up onto her elbows whole Octavia sat up completely. "Yet?"
"Yet." Clarke nodded once, "I'm not sure if I every will be, but I'm definitely not there now."
Octavia nodded, shuffling over to make room for Clarke in between her and Raven. "Come on, Blondie, let's have a Griffin sandwich."
Clarke rolled her eyes but climbed onto the bed anyway, squeezing herself in between her best friends, lying on her back, allowing Raven and Octavia to rest their heads on her shoulders.
"We want you to be happy."
"I know and I appreciate that, but I'll figure it out in my own time."
"Well hurry up about it, it hurts us seeing you sad."
"Do you guys always speak for each other?" Clarke teased.
"Sure," Octavia hummed, "we finish each other's-"
"Orgasms." Raven breathed sleepily, pulling a laugh from both Octavia and Clarke.
"Classy, Reyes."
Clarke focused even more on work after that, using it as a way of filling the void she was currently feeling in her chest. She was either at the hospital or sleeping, she didn't have time to feel anything.
Clarke was exhausted, she honestly couldn't wait for this particular shift to end and she could go home and sleep.
Of course it was just her luck that, ten minutes before her shift ended, there was a huge pileup on the highway.
There was a flood of patients after that, all with varying degrees of injures.
"Griffin, we need you over here!" Kane called and Clarke smiled reassuringly at the woman she had been treating, weaving her way through the chaos to the patient Kane was working on. "Keep pressure on this, she has a collapsed lung I need to deal with that before I deal with anything else."
Clarke pressed down on the bleeding wound on the woman's leg, watching Kane as he inserted a large needle through the woman's ribs, allowing the air to leave the cavity.
Clarke glanced back when she felt someone grab onto her scrubs, doing a double take when she realised it was Lexa lying in the stretcher, looking paler than Clarke had ever seen her.
"Lexa," Clarke breathed, looking up at Miller who was pushed the stretched. "Take over here, Miller, I will take care of her."
Miller agreed and Clarke waited until he was putting pressure on the woman's leg before she moved to push Lexa's stretcher with one of the other residents.
"Clarke," Lexa panted, grabbing onto Clarke's hand. "Nate-"
"Where is he?"
"Don't know. He was in the car-" Lexa stopped to catch her breath and Clarke took the opportunity to scan the emergency room. It was futile, the pile up meant the room was packed. "Please, Clarke, find him and-"
"Don't worry, Lexa. I'll find him and I will look after him." Clarke promised, lifting her head to look at the resident who was with her. "Look after her, report back to me when she's been checked out."
The man nodded and Clarke smiled reassuringly at Lexa before she left to find Nathaniel. She dodged in and out of everyone, looking for long, dark brown hair and little body.
It took her a good five minutes to find him.
"I'll take over, Monroe." Clarke tapped her friends back, smiling down at the little boy on the stretcher. His face was all scratched and cut, his bottom lip was quivering and his eyes were filled with tears. "Hey there, Nathaniel. I'm doctor Griffin but you can call me-"
"Clarke," the boy interrupted in a quiet voice. "You are mommy's friend. Where is mommy?"
"The nice doctor just took her up to get checked out," Clarke explained, pulling the little light she had out of her pocket, telling Nathaniel to look directly at her. "Can you tell me what hurts, buddy?"
"M-my side and arm." Clarke hummed, shining the light in the boys eyes. "Is mommy going to be ok?"
"Follow my finger for me, ok?" Clarke requested softly. "Your mom is tough, buddy, and the doctors here are good, they will take good care of her."
Nathaniel sniffed and nodded, taking in a jittery breath.
"Ok, we are going to need to take you for an X-ray, get a look at those ribs and that arm but, from what I can tell, I think you are going to need to have surgery."
"C-can mommy be there?"
"Sorry, kiddo."
"You, then?" He stared up at Clarke with pleading, green eyes and it killed Clarke that she couldn't say yes.
"I'm sorry, I have to help look after the sick people here. But I promise, once it calms down here, I will scrub in on your surgery."
"What are they going to do?"
"I'm not sure right now but you might end up like Wolverine." Clarke smiled at the boy but he didn't smile back, his eyes filled with tears. "Ok, Nate, I know you're scared but you're going to be ok, and as soon as you're awake we will go see your mom. And, I need someone brave, someone tough, to look after this for me," Clarke unclipped the bracelet she was currently wearing, wrapping it around the boys wrist of his uninjured arm, much tighter than it had been on her own wrist. "You think you can do that for me?"
Nathaniel sniffed and nodded. "Yeah, I will look after it for you."
"Thank you," Clarke pushed the boys hair back out of his face and kissed his forehead. She stood up, giving Monroe a little nod, signalling that the boy was ready to go.
Clarke helped deal with the seemingly endless stream of victims of the pileup and, after three hours, everything calmed down enough that she could slip away.
"Hey, Jackson," Clarke smiled at the boy behind the desk, tapping her torch on the surface. "Can you do me a favour?"
"Sure, what's up?"
"Can you look up Lexa Woods and Nathaniel Woods? They came in with the pileup victims."
"Sure," he agreed and began typing. "Friends of yours?"
"Kind of,"
"Complicated, then." Jackson hummed. "Ok, Lexa is still in surgery, she broke her sternum, the bones moved to much for them to heel on their own. She also had a tear in her vena cava, that's what's taking so long."
"She's having heart surgery?" Clarke felt the blood drain from her face.
"Minor heart surgery, she should be fine." He assured. "And the kid was in surgery, had to have a metal rod pinned to his arm, but he's out and in recovery now."
"Which room?"
"One-eighteen, paediatric ward."
Clarke nodded. "Page me when Lexa comes out of surgery."
When Clarke reached the boys room he was, unsurprisingly, still asleep, so Clarke decided to go to the gift shop and pick him up some candy and a little red panda plushy.
Clarke knew it would take around two hours for the anaesthetic Nathaniel was on to wear off, and he got out of surgery around two hours ago so he should be waking up soon.
Clarke was midway through texting Octavia when she heard a little whine come from the boy in the bed. She slid her phone into her scrubs and sat forward, waiting for Nathaniel to look at her before smiling. "Hey there," she said softly, giving the young boy one of the bottles of water she had bought, knowing his throat would be dry from having the tube down his throat. "You were really brave in there, kiddo. And now you have metal in your arm."
Nathaniel blinked a few times, probably trying to figure out what the hell was going on. "Where's mommy?"
"She is still being fixed up, but she will be out soon and we can go see her, ok?"
"What's wrong with her?"
"She broke a bone, like you did, but this bone is a little harder to fix so it's just taking longer." Clarke explained. "I got you this little guy."
Clarke sat the plushy on Nathaniel chest, smiling when the boy wrapped his arm around it.
"I kept it safe," he whispered, holding up the wrist that was sporting Clarke's bracelet.
"You did, thank you."
"Did you save all those people?" Nathaniel asked, his eyes drooping, probably from the pain meds he was on.
"Most of them," Clarke hummed
"You are like a superhero, saving everyone." The boy smiled lazily. "Like Clark Kent."
"Are you calling me superman?"
"Mm," Nathaniel hummed, pulling the little plushy closer to his face. "You are a superhero." Was the last thing he said before he fell asleep again.
Clarke laughed quietly, slowly standing and leaving the room. She asked one of the nurses to keep an eye on the kid before going looking for the OR Lexa was in.
Instead of scrubbing in she just grabbed one of the face masks, covering her mouth with it and peaking into the room.
"How is she?"
Rhys glanced up quickly, returning his eyes to the suturing he was currently performing. "She's fine, I'm just closing her up then I'm going to stick her in recovery."
"And the tear?"
"Minor, thankfully. She lost little blood, she's going to be just fine."
Harper glanced up at Clarke. "Friend of yours?"
"She was, yeah." Clarke saw Harper's eyes narrow but the girl didn't ask questions. "Let me know what room she's in, I'm going to take her son to see her when he's up."
"I will, Clarke." Harper assured and Clarke decided to get back to work.
It was a half hour before Harper paged her Lexa's room and two hours before one of the paediatric nurses paged her to tell her Nathaniel was awake.
The little boys eyes lit up when he spotted Clarke. "Hi,"
"Hey, how are you doing?"
"Ok," the boy nodded, glancing down at the plain white cast on his arm.
"My shift if over, how about I jump down to Michaels, pick up some paint and we can head to you mommy's room? I can turn that boring old cast into whatever you want while we wait on your mommy to wake up."
Nathaniel smiled brightly and nodded. "Can I be Ironman?"
"'Course you can, kiddo. I will be back in ten minutes."
"You heading out?" Miller asked as Clarke made her way for the door.
"Nah, I'm staying for a while."
"That Lexa girl?" Miller questioned, grinning Clarke nodded. "Nice."
"It's not like that," Clarke huffed.
"But it has been," it wasn't a question, Nathan knew the look Clarke was currently wearing. The boy shrugged, leaning back against the desk as he read over someone's file. "You're holding back, you probably shouldn't, though."
"You don't know what happened,"
"True," Nathan hummed, sliding his pen into his breast pocket. "But I know that look, regardless of what happened you still have feelings for her."
"Ok, Doctor Phil." Clarke scoffed. "I'll see you later."
Clarke picked up all the colours she would need, along with a couple of colouring books and pencils before heading back to the hospital.
"-and she gave me it to look after and I did." Nathaniel finished just as Clarke entered the room, giving Miller, who was checking the boys vitals, a little smile.
"You seem to have taken real good care of it." Miller smiled at the boy, scribbling on his file before walking over to Clarke.
"How is he?"
"He seems to have come off the best out of everyone in that crash. He's going to be perfectly fine."
Clarke thanked Miller, walking over to Nathaniel's bed. "Ready to go, buddy?"
Nathaniel nodded excitedly, allowing Clarke to pick him up and carry him to his mothers room.
He was a little surprised at first, when he saw his mother cut up and bruised but after Clarke assured him that she was perfectly fine he let her start work on cast.
"Mommy said you were friends when she was littler."
"We were, yeah. She worked at my dad's diner while she was pregnant with you." Clarke answered, trapping the pen she was using to trace the outline between her lips, studying the reference photo she had up in her phone as she dipped her paint brush into the red paint.
"Were you both girlfriends?" Nathaniel asked, watching carefully as Clarke went to work. "Joe in school said boys can't love boys and girls can't love girls but mom said that's not true. Mom said she loved a girl once." The boy rambled. "Was that you?"
"You're very curious, aren't you?" Clarke teased, looking up at the boy through her eyelashes briefly before looking back the his arm. "We weren't girlfriends, no. But I did love you mom."
"Why aren't you girlfriends then?"
"Life, buddy. I had to go to university so it wouldn't have worked out."
"You aren't in university now." Nathaniel shrugged.
Clarke laughed, causing the pen to drop from her lips. "I'm not, no."
"And mommy doesn't have a girlfriend." Nathaniel tried to seem inconspicuous about it, avoiding Clarke's eye and shrugging again.
"That she doesn't." Clarke answered, trying to sound completely clueless.
Nathaniel huffed. "You should be mommy's girlfriend."
"I should be your-" Clarke gawped playfully. "Where did that come from?"
Clarke laughed at the boys pout, carefully following the lines she had made with the paint brush.
"I do have to talk to you mom, but that's big people stuff, and I'm not making any promises that we will become girlfriends."
"That's fine," it wasn't, judging by the pout on the boys face.
Clarke finished sprucing up the boys cast, smiling at the excited grin on his face as he stared at it.
"It looks just like ironman. I can't wait to show Toby, he is going to be so jealous."
Clarke laughed as she cleaned everything up. "Let it dry for a few minutes."
Nathaniel crawled into Clarke's lap when the blonde deemed his arm dry, curling up into a ball, his head rested against her chest, and requested Clarke tell him a story about his mom. Clarke opted to the one where they went to the zoo.
Nathaniel fell asleep about half way through the story, after asking Clarke if they could go to the zoo. Clarke couldn't say anything other than maybe.
Clarke spent the next couple of hours reading news articles and texting Octavia and Raven (laughing when Octavia told her that Raven got them kicked out of a wedding show).
"Clarke,"
Clarke's eyes snapped up to Lexa, a smile tugging it's way onto her lips when she noticed the girl staring over at her.
"Hey," Clarke whispered, so not to wake the sleeping boy in her arms. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine. Is he ok?"
"Yeah, broken arm, couple of cracked ribs but he's ok." Clarke assured, chewing on her bottom lip as she averted her eyes to the boy in her arms. "You had heart surgery, Lexa."
"What?"
"It was minor, a little tear in your vena cava, but you would've bled out without the surgery." Clarke explained. "I'm sorry I haven't returned your calls."
"Clarke-" Lexa sighed.
"No, I wanted to, I just-"
"It's ok, Clarke. I understand." Lexa said. "And, I know it doesn't mean shit to you now, but I'm sorry I had to be that way."
"You aren't sorry for leaving?"
"No, I meant what I said, Clarke. We would've just held you back, I didn't want to do that to you."
"That wasn't your decision to make, Lexa."
"It was entirely my decision to make because I know what you would have done." Lexa shot back.
"We will talk about it later, you can't get stressed out right now."
Lexa nodded, "Do you really think I wanted to leave, though? I was never as happy as I was with you, and then Nathaniel came. I had gone from having no one to have two of the greatest things I've ever had in my life but I knew. I knew you were going to go to university, make something of yourself, and I would have just been a deadweight. When Anya called and offered me a place to stay it was a no brainer."
"You could've said a proper goodbye
"Are you kidding? Clarke, I was so unbelievably infatuated by you from the moment I saw you staring at that guy at the diner with a look of pure disgust." Lexa laughed. "I knew that if I said goodbye to you face to face I wouldn't have left."
Clarke sighed, running her fingertips up and down Nathaniel's injured arm. "I'm so tired of being angry. I'm so tired of trying to force myself to be angry."
"Then why are you?"
"Because I should be mad. You left me! You told me you loved me then left, that's why I want to be angry. That's why I should be angry."
"But you're not?" Lexa asked carefully.
"No. I understand why you left, even if I don't like it." Clarke sighed. "I tried to be mad at you because I felt like I should have been. Then I saw you in the stretcher today and I just- I realised I was being stupid. You could have so easily died today and I might not have gotten the chance to speak to you. To talk all this through and maybe become friends."
"Friends?"
"That's all I can do right now,"
Lexa swallowed and nodded. "It's good that's the case, there's a brocode and I'm pretty sure I'd be breaking it since Nate is pretty smitten by you."
Clarke laughed, looking down at the sleeping boy in her arms.
"He's a shy kid, Clarke, he doesn't do well with anyone who isn't my sister or I but you, ever since that day in the grocery store, he couldn't stop talking about you." Lexa laughed quietly, shaking her head at the memory.
"He as asking me questions about when we were in high school. What did you tell him?"
"Just that we were old friends, what was he asking?"
"If we were girlfriends, and he even said that we should be because I'm not at university anymore and you don't have a girlfriend." Clarke grinned. "Proper little wing man you've got yourself here."
"He's one hundred times smoother than I could ever hope to be."
"I don't know, he has your eyes, that was always one of your main selling points." Clarke commented playfully, grinning when Lexa rolled her eyes. "He looks so much like you. The moment I saw him I had this... spark of recognition."
Nathaniel chose then to stretch out her limbs, letting out a little whine of pain, probably due to his ribs, and sleepily opened his eyes. "Mommy," He whispered, still not totally away, blinking away the sleepiness and peering up at Clarke, frowning in confusion when he realised it wasn't his mom holding him.
"Your mommy is just over there, buddy."
Nathaniel turned to look at his mom, his sleepiness seemingly gone as he beamed at Lexa. "Mommy!"
Clarke sat Nathaniel down on Lexa's bed.
"Careful, baby, we are both hurt." Lexa warned, wrapping her son up in her arms, burying her face in his neck. "How are you?"
"Ok." The boy smiled, planting an exaggerated kiss on her moms cheek before pulling back, showing off his case. "Look what Clarke did, mommy, she made me iron man."
"Look at you, Mr Stark." Lexa smiled, ruffling her son's already messy hair.
"When can we go home, mommy?" The boy asked, sitting cross legged beside his mom.
"I'm not sure, baby." Lexa looked at Clarke questioningly.
"He is good to go now but we have to keep you in for another few days, just to keep an eye on you."
"I will have to call Anya, see if she can come home from Chicago early to look after him."
"I can take care of him," Clarke offered before she had really thought about it, rolling her lip between her teeth when two pairs of green eyes moved to look at her. One pair excited while the other looked unsure. "I mean, I'm off tomorrow so I can bring him here in the afternoon."
"You don't have to-"
"Mom, can she?" Nathaniel grinned, whipping his head around to look at his mom. "Please."
"You're sure?" Lexa clarified and Clarke nodded.
"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't."
"Ok," Lexa hummed, looking back at her son. "It will only be for two nights."
"That's'ok mommy, we can watch ironman." Nathaniel looked up at Clarke hopefully.
"All three of them." Clarke agreed.
Raven and Octavia entered a few minutes later and Clarke saw exactly what Lexa meant about Nathaniel being shy.
Almost as soon as the girls walked in the young boy seemed to shrink into himself, glancing up at the women every so often but other than that kept his eyes on his cast.
They girls came with chocolates for Lexa and a stuffed lion for Nathaniel. They stayed for about ten minutes before visiting hours were over and they had to leave.
"So you guys sorted it out?" Raven asked Clarke as they walked out to Raven's car, Nathaniel braced on her hip.
"I think so,"
"We're glad," Octavia said sincerely, strapping in the booster seat they had borrowed from Monroe and Harper since they wouldn't be needing it for their little girl until the next afternoon.
Raven and Octavia retreated into their room and Clarke took Nathaniel into her room, setting the small boy down on the bed. "You hungry, kiddo?"
"No, I'm ok." Clarke nodded, moving to her closest to get herself and Nathaniel something to sleep in.
"Do you like football?"
"Yeah, mommy and I watch it every Sunday."
"What team do you like?"
"Mommy likes the jets but I like the Giants."
"Atta boy," Clarke grinned, digging out her Giants jersey and handing it to the boy. "You can get changed in here and I will be back in a second, ok?"
Clarke went to get changed herself and got them both a bottle of water before heading back.
Nathaniel was standing at the foot of the bed, Clarke's jersey brushing his shins.
"I've never stayed out without mommy before." He commented in a timid voice and Clarke didn't hesitate to scoop him up into her arms.
"And I know that can be scary, buddy, but I will keep you safe. And your mom is safe, too, I promise."
The boy nodded, holding his wrist that still sported Clarke's bracelet up. "I still have it."
"Good. Now, how about I put ironman on, hm?"
That seemed to cheer the boy up, a bright smile pulling onto his lips.
Clarke set up the movie and got comfortable on the bed, her back against the headboard while Nathaniel leant his head on her thighs. She brushed her fingers through his hair and he was asleep within half an hour.
Clarke couldn't help but feel a little bitter when she looked down at the sleeping boy. She couldn't been doing this from the beginning but she wasn't because Lexa had left.
She realised after a few minutes that she had no right to be bitter, this wasn't her kid, she wasn't his father so Lexa had every right to just up and leave.
She realised, as she thought about Lexa, that she truly wasn't at her mad anymore. That maybe there was hope for them to salvage a friendship.