-1A Second Try

"Mmmm what is that amazing smell?" I rolled out of bed. Edward was already gone, I suspected he was talking with Carlisle. I threw on some clothes, a pair of jeans and a simple t shirt and wandered downstairs in search of the aroma wafting through the house. It didn't bother me that he didn't wait for me to wake up, seeing as how he just barely made it back alive I thought I'd cut him some slack. After all, it was entirely my fault he had rushed off in the first place.

What was I thinking? Going to see Jacob was possibly the dumbest thing I had ever done. Still that little part inside me ached to be with him. I couldn't entertain thoughts like this in my head. I married Edward. I was in love with Edward. Edward, Edward, Edward. Everything was Edward. Jacob gave the best hugs though, and knew exactly what to do to make me smile. But Edward was the one I fell in love with. The one I was going to spend all my time with. Jacob couldn't keep entering my mind this way. It wasn't fair to Edward. Lost in my thoughts I bumped into a few things on the way downstairs but finally made it into the kitchen.

"Bella! There you are. Good morning. I made you some Belgian waffles. Are you hungry?" Esme's voice snapped me back into reality.

"Oh thanks, Esme. I would love some. They smell delicious." I sat down at the kitchen counter and looked around hoping Edward would pop out of no where like usual.

"Is something wrong, dear?" Esme looked concerned.

"Oh no, I was just wondering where Edward was. Is he home?" relieved by the smile on esme's face I waited for her to speak.

"Oh he's gone hunting with the men. He should be back very soon. He was anxious to get back before you woke up but obviously you beat him to the punch." she looked puzzled for a moment and then went on,

"Bella, can I ask you something?" I nodded, "I know you and Jacob have always been good friends since you moved to forks, but why did you go see him without telling Edward? I think its hurt him more than he let on. He trusts you with all that he's got and so do we, but I don't want Edward getting hurt. Or you for that matter. Jacob may be a good friend but he doesn't seem to be a reliable, loyal friend." She stopped washing dishes and looked over to me, waiting for a response.

I took a quick drink of orange juice then answered, " Thank you for the waffles. They're amazing. Anyways, honestly, right now I have no idea why I went to see Jacob. I shouldn't have gone home while he was there without telling Edward first, or at least having someone go with me. I never meant to hurt Edward. I wasn't thinking clearly. I was just so excited to tell them how great the trip was. I wish I never would have lied like that. I could have put the whole family at risk and I cant keep doing that to all of you. I'm clumsy enough as it is. I don't need to cause any more drama" As if I wasn't feeling guilty enough already, Esme trusted that my intentions were all good and that I only liked Jacob as a friend. It was almost like my conscience was screaming to get out.

"Esme. I think I still have feelings for Jacob. I love Edward with all my heart but I think there will always be a part of me that loves Jacob. I don't know how much that part is but I know its there and I don't know what to do." there. It was out.

Had Esme not been a vampire she would have broken the plate she dropped when the words came out of my mouth. She looked at me with a confused face at first, then slowly it changed to what could only be described as disgust.

"Bella I think it would be best for you to wait at Charlie's, well your house, for Edward to return. I will let him know where you are." and she turned and walked out of the room.

I was stunned. I had never seen Esme upset like that in the entire time I'd known her. Instantaneously I started crying. I was upset with me for saying that, even more upset for feeling that way and upset with the reaction I got from Esme. I was ashamed and depressed. With all the strength I could muster I grabbed my bag from the kitchen table, my keys off the key ring and got in the truck to go home.

I started the engine and backed out into the driveway. The radio was turned to a rock station but I couldn't think with it on so I turned it off. What had I done? I shouldn't have told Esme about my unjust feelings for Jacob. They probably weren't feelings for him like that at all. Maybe I was just imagining them. I always had a way of making my life more complicated than it needed to be. Jacob wasn't even that great of a person. Edward was ten times the man Jacob was. Jacob lied to me. He left me when I needed him the most. And he wasn't willing to co-exist with me as a vampire.

What was it that I saw in him? Nothing of importance. Admittedly he was there for me when Edward left. He did try to protect me and he was a lot of help with fighting off Victoria and the other vampires. He also was a great kisser, there's no denying that. I got butterflies whenever I was close to him. And he could have a family, while Edward could not. But it didn't matter. Edward was still the man I married and the only one who knew me and loved me for who I truly was. I didn't have any real feelings for Jacob. The little white lies I continued to tell myself were becoming increasingly hard to believe.

I pulled onto the main road and continued on my way home. I was glad no one could see me. I looked horrible. My eyes were red and puffy, my lip was cracked and bleeding from biting it and my hair, well I had just gotten out of bed so I didn't expect it to be behaving anyway. Finally I saw the cruiser outside of my house and relief washed over me. Charlie didn't know about what a horrible person I was becoming. He wouldn't be angry with me. I could just walk in and go to my room.

I pulled into the driveway and hopped out of my truck, slamming the door behind me. The door was locked so I grabbed the spare key and let myself inside. Charlie was sitting on the couch talking on the phone. He looked upset. Great. Someone told Charlie. Now I'd be answering to him as well. He looked over and put a finger up. "wait one second." he mouthed. I went into the kitchen to get a drink and splashed water on my face, hoping to somewhat deflate my patchy inflamed skin. Charlie came into the kitchen with his uniform on, getting ready to go.

"There was an accident at the gas station, I'll be gone for a while. If I'm not back when you leave just lock the door, sorry I couldn't stay to talk." he gave me a kiss on the forehead and walked out the door. Relieved I let out a deep sigh and turned to walk upstairs to my room.

"Oh, you wont be here when he gets back. That's for sure." a sour small voice cackled, and everything went black.

whoahhh. crazy!!! ok so i havent gotten many reviews and with my hella busy life ( a kid, work, etc) i hardly have time to write and i need some good reviews to keep me going. please review review review!!

ashley