Chapter 14

It had been a very long eight weeks. Very long, and very painful. Bobby had long since gone, leaving them alone. They needed time alone. They needed to heal and regroup. The regrouping part was easy, the rest they weren't so sure about.

Dean stepped out onto the deck and into the cool night air, a beer in each hand. After weeks of physical therapy, he was finally feeling normal, well, almost normal, anyway. He'd finally been able to go a whole two days without some kind of pain killers. Beer didn't qualify in that department. Easing himself into a chair, he handed a beer to the right, and just sat back staring into the star-filled sky.

"Nice night."
"Yeah, it is."

"Remember when we were kids, we used to lay in the grass and stare at the stars for hours?"

"Yeah, and you gave them your own names, Dean. Orion's belt you named Angus, Malcolm, and Bonn. And the Big Dipper's handle, you named that Plant, Page, and Bonzo."

"Just honoring the greats. Isn't that how they're made immortal?"

"That's what I hear."

"So, I've been thinking.."

"I think that's a first for you, Dean."

"Would you shut up and listen for a minute, I'm trying to be serious here."

"Another first Dean, you're on a roll now."

"Shrew."

"Jag."

"Seriously, I just want to say tha…."

The patio door opened, and the group was complete. "Hey, what are you two talking about?"

"Nothing Sam, grab a beer and join us," Dean suggested.

"Already got one." Sam joined them on the deck, all three just staring at each other, not really sure what to say.

Lou spoke first. The sooner it got started, the sooner it would be over.

"Is this where the two of you tag team me now? Two against one isn't very fair, don't you think? Of course, in the battle of wits, I am dealing with two unarmed men."

They'd all engaged in small talk the last few weeks, but none of them had even attempted to bring up the subject they knew they'd inevitably have to work out amongst them. They just danced around it like fireflies at a campfire, curious, but knowing if they got too close, they'd get burnt.

"You knew it had to happen some time, didn't you?" Sam was asking the questions, and Dean was more then happy to let him take the lead.

"I was hoping for later, or never."

"Well, later and never is now, so let's have it."

"Have what Sam, my good reasons for hiding who I am? I can't give you one because I don't have one. Not a good one, anyway. I did what I was told, keeping that secret. Then, when I got older, it just seemed natural. And then Dean, well, we know what happened between us, and I thought there was no point. It seemed pretty obvious he didn't want anything to do with me anymore by the way he behaved."

"That's not true," Dean's turn to speak now. "The way I behaved was because you kept quiet. I wanted to hear it from you, not from Dad and Jim from behind closed doors."

"I couldn't tell you, don't you get it. I wanted to, I really did, but I just couldn't. My mom was already dead, and John told me if I wasn't careful, I could end up dead too. Or worse, you guys could. He said being a Winchester was dangerous, so I was to pretend I wasn't one. And that was that. When John Winchester spoke, you listened. You both know that."

"Why didn't you tell me, when I contacted you after Dad died? He was gone, there was no reason to keep that secret anymore. His reasons were bullshit anyway, none of what he did protected you. The very things he tried to hide you from already knew who you were anyway. What difference did it really make, except for keeping us all apart? All the years we could have been together were wasted because Dad needed to hide it like some dirty little secret."

"Sam, that's not fair, Dad's reasons were always because of us," Dean shot him a look. The 'Don't Start In On Dad' look.

"No, they weren't Dean. How did hiding the fact that we had a sister help us? Look what it did to you. That wasn't right. And we could have done a better job protecting each other. Maybe, some of the horrible things that happened would have been stopped before they started." Sam was on a roll now.

Lou looked puzzled. "What things are you talking about Sam? John would probably still be dead, and you two would still be fugitives. Nothing would have changed any of that. It was all out of your hands. And what the hell did I need any protection from. Up until Crazy Iris, I was left alone."

Dean cleared his throat, "Sam." Lou saw the way he looked at Sam, and heard the tone of voice when he said his name. And she knew he was hiding something.

"What are you not telling me?"

Sam started to speak, but Lou cut him off. "No Sam, I want to hear it from Dean. You know something Dean, and you're gonna tell me what it is."

"I can't."

"You can, and you will. We may as well get everything out in the open. No reason to hide anything anymore."

Dean wasn't sure he could do this, but he knew he really had no choice. Clearing his throat, and trying to clear his mind, he began.

"Lou, Dad found out some things about the accident you may not want to hear, but if you really want to know, I'll tell you."

Her face instantly turned white, "I really want to know Dean."

"Dad checked into the driver of the other car. He wasn't drunk. Blood alcohol level was next to zero. And he said he wasn't in control of himself. He knew he was driving, but couldn't stop anything he was doing. He said he tried to stop the car, but he couldn't make his body obey his brain. Said it was like watching himself on TV. And when it was over, it was like nothing had ever happened. That's why the cops assumed he was drunk. You'd have to be drunk or crazy to make that shit up."

"Or possessed," Sam added.

Dean continued, "He went to check out the cars too. The smell was there, lingering in the car that hit them. And that's when Dad knew. He knew it was no accident."

Lou just stared at Dean, the wheels in her head could be seen turning through her eyes as she tried to absorb what she had just heard, and tried to figure out just what to say next.

"And neither one of you could have told me this sooner? You stayed with me for all that time after, knowing what had happened, and didn't tell me. How could you do that?"

"He felt guilty."

"Bullshit! Guilty for what?"

"Getting them killed. He got drunk the night of the funeral, said it was his fault, our fault. If we hadn't come to you, that bastard would have left you alone. He never meant for any of this to happen."

"How the hell did he think that you coming to me that night caused any of that?"

"He said I probably would have died that night if you hadn't helped me. He said the demon tried to kill you so you couldn't. You'd be dead, and so would I. But it didn't happen that way. Demon's got a pretty shitty track record for killing Winchester blood, but he sure is good at getting everyone else."

"Jason was a Winchester, demon got him, didn't he." Dean didn't know what to say to that. He just hung his head down, staring at the empty bottle in front of him.

"John Winchester sure did a bang up job fucking up all our lives, didn't he. I'm tired, I'm going in now. I'll see you in the morning." And with no further discussion, Lou entered the house, slamming the door behind her.

"You think we should follow her, Dean?"

"No Sam, just leave her alone. She needs to work this out herself. If she wants us, she'll let us know."

The subject was not brought again over the final two weeks Sam and Dean stayed. They'd made their apologies, and only wanted to look forward, not to the past. Dean and Lou even started talking like friends again. They had a silent understanding between them. They both knew that no matter what, they were family. And family mattered most.

Dean also knew that they had to get back on the road though. They knew they still had work to do. They'd packed their belongings, loaded up the car, and prepared to say their goodbyes.

"I never finished thanking you, you know, for everything you did. I treated you like shit, but you didn't let that stop you. And I'm alive because of it."

"You're welcome. And don't worry, I won't tell Sam you just turned mushy for a minute there. Just don't be strangers, Ok. But when you do show up, make sure you're both on two feet for a change."

"Not promising anything there, you know that Sam, he's pretty clumsy. Always getting himself hurt."

"Yeah, right. Take care of yourself Dean, and let Sam take care of you once in a while too. There's no crime in it."

"Yeah, but there'd be a lot of grief later. No thanks, I think I'll pass." Dean gave her the first hug he'd given her in over seventeen years, and was surprised by how good it felt. He almost didn't want to let go, until he heard Sam coming. He silently got in the car, and waited for his brother.

"Sam, I want to talk to you for a second. Take this with you, use it for emergencies." Lou handed him a debit card, with his name on it. His real name. Sam Winchester.

"What's this for?"

"It's for when you need it. I got it covered. No questions asked, unless I see shit on the bill for strip joints, or porn. Then I'm gonna personally come and kick your asses, got it?"

"Yeah, I got it. I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything, just take it, and don't tell Dean. Some things really should stay secret."

Sam tucked the card into his wallet, and matched Dean's display of affection, hugging her like he thought he'd never see her again.

"One more thing, Sam. I loaded your bags with some new clothes. You guys really need to do laundry more often. I threw most of your old socks and boxers out. Probably should've burned them. You call if you need anything, and I mean anything, you got it?"

"Wouldn't call anyone else." Sam got in the car, and they headed out, watching behind them in the mirror as they left, not as happy to leave Illinois behind as they usually were.

They'd been on the road for an hour, when Dean forgot the little treasure he'd tucked into his pocket. Pulling it out, he smiled briefly at Sam, then stuck the tape into the deck. Sam was so shocked at what he heard from the speakers, he was rendered speechless.

And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away

And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don't belong to no one
That's a shame

But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em' your name

"Goo Goo Dolls? Since when do you listen…"

"Driver picks the music Sammy…'

"Yeah, I know, shotgun shuts his cakehole, but I swear, the second I hear 'Iris' out of those speakers, that tape goes out the window."

"Dude, don't ever throw anything out the window."

End Notes: Ok, so it's not one of my best stories, but it was the first one I wrote, so thanks to all that read it. I hope you read my other ones, they really do get much much better. :-)