Thanks for the reviews. Has anyone been reading the spoilers for 4.04 Eggtown :( They're getting really depressing. Not at all what we hoped. I swear sometimes I like writing about these characters more than I like watching them.
Oh, and I was kidding last time: Sam's fate was decided back at the beginning... ;)
Chapter 17. A Team
For a brief moment, as she stepped out of his embrace and into the tunnel that would take her to the plane, Kate considered telling Jack that she'd changed her mind, that she wanted him to come with her, but something urged her to hold back.
After seeing the aftermath of their decision, it would be too easy for them to slip back into the routines they'd had before: her with school and J.J., and now, caring for her father, and him with his job at the hospital and his addiction. Once things settled down, he would phase himself out of the picture, so that before long, it would be as if he'd never come back into her life.
But she knew that that wasn't the only way she could lose him; as she turned in time to watch him fade into the crowd, part of wondered if she was seeing him for the last time, if the next time her cell rang, it would be the police telling her that he'd ODed in a park somewhere, too overcome with guilt and despair to fight for her or their son.
That thought, more than anything, made her want to go after him, but she had to believe that she could count on him now, when she needed something from him. It was his turn to take care of her, just like he always had, back before any of this started.
The distance was the same, but the flight back to L.A. was lonelier than the one she'd taken out now that she remembered what it was like to hold his hand. Closing her eyes, curling into her blanket, she tried to imagine that it was his arms around her, his voice telling her to stay calm, to keep hope, but even after all this, she didn't manage more than a few hours sleep, her whole body feeling heavy as she trudged off the plane.
During the train ride back to Glasgow, she'd called Daniel back to arrange to pick up J.J at the hospital, so she took a cab straight there, arriving with her luggage still in tow.
One of the nurses directed her to a room at the end of the hall where her father lay pale and still, hooked up to a series of tubes and monitors, and she sank into the chair beside him, unable to take her eyes off the thick, white bandage that covered most of his head.
They'd tortured him, Daniel said, but how? With bamboo and pokers like Sayid, or something more severe, intended not just to main, but to kill? She wondered if the Iraqi could tell her; after all, wasn't this what he did now?
Letting her thoughts wander back to their meeting in Germany, she was filled with a sudden burst of rage as it hit her that she had to have been right about Elsa the first time: she was a mole sent to make sure that Sayid didn't make contact with any of the other survivors because of her resemblance to Shannon. It couldn't be a coincidence that less than twenty-four hours after she'd seen them together, their enemies had made good on their promise by putting her father in hospital.
It hurt to look at him, to know that if it weren't for her, he'd be at home reading the morning paper, or feeding some new gooey concoction to her son. He'd sacrificed everything to keep them from taking him, and now, because of it, he might not even live long enough to take him on his first camping trip, or buy him his first fishing rod, or spend an entire day tracking deer with him like he had her.
She couldn't bring herself to touch him, even to pick up his hand, so she just sat there a few feet away, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest, the peaks and inclines of his heart, waiting for a line that was a little too flat, a breath that was a little too long, until she heard a voice behind her.
"He's proud of you, you know."
She started at the sound, turning to see a tall, grey haired man whose face was vaguely familiar standing in the doorway with J.J.; without a word, she was on her feet, sweeping her son into her arms and breathing him in, the sweet scent of his hair, his milky baby breath, clinging to him while he clutched back at her.
"You know yourself, all any parent wants is to know their child is strong enough to take on the world," Daniel continued, crossing his arms and leaning into the doorframe as he watched the reunion with a smile.
He waited until she kissed J.J.'s head and tore her eyes from her son, bouncing him on her hip as she glanced up at him, curious, to add, "The fact that you are… I could see it in his eyes the day he told me what you were doing. He's proud of you. He'd want you to finish it."
It was almost as if he'd read her thoughts, reaffirming Jack's claim that this was how her father would have wanted it, even if he wasn't around to see the outcome. "You really think so?" she asked him, and his smile widened, though she could see the sadness in his expression at the thought of losing an old friend.
"He told me once that he gave up on you too easy. He was a soldier and he took the coward's way out. Helping you now is his way of redeeming himself for not doing what he should have done a long time ago. He wants you to be happy, Kate. Don't let that go to waste."
He didn't seem to expect a response, setting a bag on the floor just inside the room, and acknowledging her with a curt nod before ducking back out into the corridor. While he never said it, in that moment, a silent agreement passed between them: he would take care of her father by keeping vigil if she decided to take his advice.
It was strange to think that someone might know him better than she did; as she dropped back into her chair with J.J. in her lap, she realised that Daniel was right. She told Jack that he couldn't give up before they'd done what they set out to do: why should it be any different for her? He needed her. They were a team.
J.J. babbled something incoherent, wriggling in her grip, and glancing down at him, at the perfect melding of her and Jack's features that greeted her every time she looked at him, it occurred to her that that team didn't just include the two of them anymore. Their son was as much a part of what was happening as either of them, no matter how much she wished that she had the power to shield him from it. By the very fact of his birth, he was involved. She could try, but she couldn't keep him safe, not if she wasn't there to protect him.
Before she could think too much about what she was doing, she shifted J.J. onto her hip, adjusting her father's blankets, and pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek, before collecting her luggage with her free hand and letting herself out of the room. Daniel wasn't in the hall, so she headed straight for the lift, calling a cab on the way down.
What she saw when she manoeuvred her way in to the house almost made her wish that she hadn't come home: the living room was a mess, the chair where they'd kept her father prisoner tipped on its side, the restraints discarded a few feet away. She could still see his blood staining the carpet.
Swallowing the bile that rose in her throat, she dragged her suitcase up to her room, replacing the dirty clothes with clean ones, and tossing some things in for J.J. before forcing the lid shut.
She would have left then, but as she struggled back down the stairs, her eyes fell on her father's computer, and she found herself thinking about Sayid's instructions. He deserved to know the truth, even if it wasn't something that he wanted to hear.
Depositing her luggage at the foot of the stairs, she booted it up, and settled herself at his desk with J.J. on her lap. Once she'd finished setting up the account, was staring at a blank email with Sayid's address at the top, she wasn't sure what to put, so after a few moments deliberation, she just typed:
"We've been compromised. Someone saw us in Berlin."
It wouldn't take him long to draw the same conclusion that she had, and she wouldn't want to be Elsa when he did. Something told her he wouldn't be all that forgiving of the fact that she'd exploited his pain.
Reading it over a couple of times, she hit send and logged out, opening her own inbox just in case there was something worth noting.
It was mostly junk, but buried amidst all the SPAM and the handful of emails from classmates, there was one from her professor reminding her that the paper she'd tried and failed to complete on the plane was now two days late. She thought about replying, but she didn't know how to explain without relying on the age-old 'family problems' excuse, which she knew he wouldn't accept, so she closed that down too.
"Screw it," she said to J.J., who flashed her a gummy grin in return, deciding that at that moment, school wasn't high on her list of priorities.
Then, shutting down the computer, she gathered their bags, and walked out of the house.
Next chapter: Kate and J.J. arrive in Korea, Sun and Jin (and Ji Yeon!), and Jack finally gets to spend more time with his son... ;)