Suffice to say I was in a rather worse mood than usual when the dawn broke against the gloomy shades of the black night, as a wave of despair seemed to cling within as soon as my eyes opened, they adjusted, and as they moved to the clock lying on the wall, proclaiming that I was already late for school, which I didn't much mind, not now. I wished the sun had shared my sentiments as I lied back against my pillow, hugging my blankets softly. I sighed, knowing I would likely wake to many mornings like this, ones of regret, confusion- mornings where I would babble to myself, I thought to myself dryly. Figuring that this is how the rest of my day would go, too, I turned to my side ready to go back to sleep, comforted little by the warmth it brought, when I realized how eerily quiet it was, and how alone. The birds sung softly in the light breeze through the window, and the curtains billowed softly along the gold trickled air, not to mention my own haggard breathing beating against my desires for a few unseemly cries- true, all clung with their bit of noise to my small room, that brought back burdensome memories. But, there was no knocking at my door, nor the little voice that squeaked behind it, nor the warm greeting of an untimely "good morning" with it. I always hated it, but its never really missed until its gone, whatever it may be.
Thats when my eyes shot open, and everything was forgotten. Despite my friends growing tendencies to lash out, or grow angry, or even miss mornings where it would be his job to pry me out of bed- In which case I would usually miss the first few hours of school, if not awakened by his grandfather- My troubles for the moment vanished, and I rushed down the stairs, anxiously hoping that I would see a familiar face, if against all probability, a friendly one. For a few simple reasons, really. It was my fault, my fault, and my fault. And after last night, I was worried something might have happened. Chances are it was for nothing, I consoled myself, my worries are likely for nothing. No, no thats not right. I knew even before I reached the bottom that I had every reason imaginable to feel the greatest guilt and deepest regret, because, while I wasn't the one plaguing his mind, wiping his memory, or driving him mad as a small voice within his own mind, I had refused to say anything for my own gain. I knew that had to be the cause. What else in this universe could cause such a shift? Then, what stopped me from telling him everything, I mused, besides my own selfishness.
Like I predicted- No one was there. But by this point I could hear hushed voices coming from the other room, so thats where I went next, only to find Yugi's grandfather sitting there with an idle expression, watching the idiot box and the pure facade of the people flashing in colors and sombre visages. I vainly hoped that, that careless posture meant that everything was fine, that Yugi had already gone off to school, or that... his friends had come to walk him there, since I vaguely remembered Anzu showing up on occasion to just that, though it was my job now- I didn't have any right to at the moment. So I sighed, earning attention and the warm greeting I'd gone without today. He seemed surprised that I was still home and voiced this of course, to which I replied that Yugi hadn't been there to wake me, and my alarm clock was, well, broken from the last time it tried to arouse me from my sweet, sweet dreams.
"You don't know where Yugi is, then? I thought the two of you had left early, otherwise I would've said something. He wouldn't have gone without you, would he?"
I uncrossed my arms, shook my head, and let my own concern bound through to the center of my tired eyes. "No, I really don't know," I replied quietly, in a tone I hope could only be sincere, unknowing of the confusion weighing me down. "I think we should go look..."
"I'll call the school first. If he isn't there, then we'll go looking. What has he gotten himself into," he seemed to ask the latter more to himself than me, though I knew I could explain it a lot better than he could.
I moved to leave the room, the Game Shop, and last bit of warmth from sleep as the cool day overtook it, hearing footsteps slowly follow behind me, putting on my jacket as we wandered out into the streets, the sun mockingly shining down with few wisps of gray to cover it, while my phone buzzed in my pocket nearly nonstop. It wasn't long before it started to get on my nerves, nor was it hard to guess who it was, which meant that he was certainly not at school. We hadn't called as I mentioned that it could bring up certain complications neither of us wanted to deal with. If we couldn't find him soon, then I would get everyone on board with this and we could all go looking, hopefully by doing so, not having to resort to other measures. If answering a phone was enough to annoy me, I couldn't imagine how irritating it would answering endless questions for the school and police. I really hoped it wouldn't come to that. I voiced most of my thoughts aloud, leaving a few choice instances out, and hoping he would understand rather than answering his own phone. Luckily enough, he did, though I could tell he didn't really like it. Searching would be easier, true- But the excitement that came with it was not on my agenda. Everything thats happened, piling up over time, would surely spill out, I would be outed, or at the very least, chaos would ensue, and I didn't want to be caught in it. I was distance by choice, not hated yet. Though perhaps, I would be either way, considering I've kept too many secrets. I didn't belong to begin with. I turned it off the dull device, sticking it back in my pocket. My eyes wandered dolefully around still, I sighed wearily for he umpteenth time. I really did just continue to unwittingly remind myself- I was really not good at this friend thing. In spite of that, I truly didn't see what good it would do.
"You know, he's the second person to disappear in the last twenty four hours..."
It seemed like Gramps was speaking more to himself than me, but that got my attention."What? Who else is missing?"
"I heard on the news today that supposedly that Kaiba kid was reported missing. Not too long ago, in fact, around the time you finally decided to get out of bed."
My mind raced. Kaiba gone- Yugi gone- a pissed off spirit- Oh, there was definitely a connection, but I didn't voice my thoughts aloud. It was revenge, maybe, or perhaps he had heard everything, deciding to do something about it. But I was going to handle it, me. I didn't need help... There was no need whatsoever for that. How would it affect the time-line? What would become of him? Was it a shadow game, or had things escalated beyond that. Could they in this world? What had he meant...This was...I shook my head, my blood boiling, speeding me on with a new found vigor, I raced past, eager to find the answers that lied just beyond my grasp.
Though it seemed like forever, I knew it hadn't been long until we came across the all too familiar place. Oh, the irony. If only it could be appreciated. Here I was, back at lovely park that not long ago had been the battleground of the shadows, where everything was just torn apart. Why? I didn't know, but there he was lying on a nearby bench within the shadows of the landscape, his face covered slightly with his arms, hair matted as much as those dusted spikes could, and body curled as if cold in the washing gray. I was cold myself, so it didn't come as a surprise, but at least I didn't look like such a mess. I didn't see it fit to question why he was there either, mostly because I knew his grandfather would in stead by the almost angry flicker that lit across his gaze. I huffed slightly, annoyed by the sheer and unbelievable lack of responsibility, not to mention the looming chat I would have to have with the darker spirit, if this were to finally reach an end. Honestly, I had no clue his neglect could go this far, but it was about time I didn't something about it. Staring down at the lighter, sleeping form, I would have to admit that I felt my hand curl ever so slightly, that I thought about not only waking the poor boy who hadn't a clue, but throttling him too, taking that puzzle away, or just... I sighed heavily this time, shaking his shoulder instead, forcefully, but softly enough that it didn't exude the frustration I felt about this whole bit of turmoil that so very happened to be my life. All he did was mumble a bit, shaking it off, not really waking up like I had hoped.
Unfortunately, I knew violence wouldn't have any desired effect. Setting aside the desire away, any desire eve close to, like shoving him off the bench and dragging him along until he finally decided to join the party, I settled for yelling instead after several failed attempts at shaking him awake. Right in ear, of course, so I couldn't possibly be ignored. He jolted awake while I back away quickly, dodging a chance at any repeat like the last time one of us tried to wake the other, glaring as I waited for any kind of explanation from either half. He yawned, turning his head at both of us confusedly, almost looking as we felt. Thats when I noticed he looked worse for wear, and much to my disappointment, I felt a little sympathy worm its way past the red picture. There was dark circles under his eyes, which lacked their usual amethyst glow, his face was terribly pale as well, almost gray as if it had frozen in the night, and yet his cheeks were flushed with a light seashell pink.
Thinking he might have a fever, and ignoring any protest, I raised my hand to his forehead. It wasn't too warm, I noted, but rest couldn't hurt. I mentioned this to the old guy beside me. There was some hesitation, as if he was trying to wrap his head around the situation at hand, but, I noticed, there was a look of wonder as well. I thought perhaps I was imagining things, but now really wasn't the time to analyze anything and everything. So, I pulled my friend rather harshly by the arm, to which he yelped in surprise, helping him to his feet, which nearly gave way beneath the pressure. He shook as his gaze looked up at him, blank and despairing with highlights of unused tears, yet there was nothing. His eyes shimmered dark like dusk with an undefinable characteristic I couldn't begin to guess- Confusion, hopelessness, anger, I truly couldn't say. His tiny frame was shaking though, perhaps from the cold, perhaps from that unknown element he harbored so pitifully. In any case, I shook as well as I took off my jacket, looking at it for a moment with a hint of hesitation, knowing I would miss it, too, once it was gone. But I wrapped it around his thin frame regardless, receiving no thanks, or word, or even a mumble of gratitude. It seemed to sink against him as if he was nothing except skin and bones, so loose and new compared to the ragged navy blue of his worn uniform. It was alright though, I thought, I wouldn't be overly concerned about the small gesture either. I took one last fiery glare at that golden artifact hanging loosely around his neck, then, we made our way back to the shop. I, musing about what exactly I would be telling everyone tomorrow when I eventually stepped back into the petty little world of meaningless quizzes and pointless tests that I couldn't understand at this point.
And there I was, after a long night of a so very few answers, back at school. Yugi hadn't been any help when it came to my endless questions, and the one I owed my growing resentment to, well, failed to make any appearance. I guess he'd had a late night. I slammed my locker shut, glad no one was around to comment on my rather poor mood. What could I say- I was never much of a morning person. No, that wasn't it, I reminded myself all too bitterly, leaning against the cool wall. Then trudging off with a sigh, I made it to the classroom where there never was a dull moment, with paper flying, laughter ringing from all the immature- students. Yes, that was it. Jonouchi was the first of my friends to catch my steely gaze. I set my books down, my bag to the side, as I sat down at my desk preparing for the inevitable confrontation. I had, in fact, decided what I was going to say, since I liked to think ahead-Most of the time- But now, as I saw the thinly veiled shades of concern beneath his eyes, I wondered if maybe I ought to rethink telling him it wasn't that big a deal, that everything was fine, the usual. Another part of me juggled the idea of straight out telling him.
"Hey, Amaya. Where were you and Yug' yesterday?" he asked, sitting in the desk right in front of me now, his eyes pointlessly searching the room. "Wheres Yugi now?"
"Right to the point, huh," I replied somewhat gloomily, the words leaving a bit of a bitter taste as I spoke. "He hasn't been feeling well lately."
"That isn't like him. He never missed a day, even when we use to pick on him." Jonouchi took a second of thought, crossing his arms, before continuing. " To be honest, he hasn't really been the same since then either. Its almost like hes a completely different person."
"You don't say," I muttered, thinking it was somewhat humorous because he really had no idea just how true that was.
"You wanna tell me whats going on?" I turned away from him, not wanting to make eye contact. Jonouchi continued on anyway, pressing the matter much to my inner discontent, although I'm pretty sure it showed well enough through my clear cut frown. "You can tell us anything, you know. We're your friends, thats what we do. It took me a while to see that, but friends listen and they're there for each other. So if somethings up, I'd really like to know."
"Alright... Well... Its not..." What're the right words. Were there right words? I sighed, wondering what I should say now. I knew he was right, I knew what a friend should do, and what I could do. Not much, I couldn't do much. "Its not for me to tell. As much as I would like to tell you and everyone else, I cant say. I hardly know myself..." And its bothering me too. "I don't have all the answers." But I should I reminded myself gloomily, eyes peering down into my desk like frosty daggers. "Besides, I know you mean well, but you cant help... Not now."
His hands curled into fists as I looked up, expecting a mark of anger to flare within his eyes. There was a flash of frustration, no doubt, but there seemed still that wary concern and foreboding of self blame I should have guessed he'd carry. Another transgression to add to my list of many faults. "Then what can I do?!" he all but shouted, voice giving way to desperation. "What secret could be so bad that we wouldn't understand..."
I made sure he was looking me dead in the eyes when I spoke next, making certain my own stare was unwavering. If only to console him, I even let some of my own turmoil through the cracks of my own blue shields. "Simple," I said firmly. "Be patient. And as you so dearly claim, hold to it. Be his friend, always be there for him. No matter what." Especially if I'm not there to do it, I silently added. "Likewise, the truth always has a way of coming out eventually. Secrets are never truly kept."
"Of course. We'll always be his friends, no matter what."
This seemed to comfort him a little as I'd hoped, since a smile had begun to form, his eyes brightened, though I could still see the inner discord. Things wouldn't be resolved so easily. 'The truth always had a way of coming out.'- Words that only served to make myself more miserable at the thought that my own secrets couldn't remain hidden, that I would suffer any consequences my deception held, eventually, likely sooner rather than later. There was a tidal wave coming and I could nearly feel it as if the sullen waves by the shores already washed against me, the sands beneath me sinking, dragging me down as my avoidance took me deeper into the endless cold. I shivered at the inevitability. It would be hard to breath soon. Luckily none of them seemed to notice. They only noticed their missing friend. As I sat there, Jonouchi wandering off, I had to admit that bothered me. I shook away the despairing thoughts, letting ones of irrelevant history sink in.
A dark cloud seemed to lie above, casting down looming shadows, ready for the disastrous storm that would surely bring with it a flashing torrent, only to consume those caught in its wake, leaving my mood in a similar fashion. As the days passed by, I distanced myself from everyone, too preoccupied with the little roars of thunder in the distance to give notice to anything else. That darkness covered everything, including all the answers to my questions, both figuratively and literally. Shielded by gold, he remained hidden beneath it, keeping the secrets locked away. How ironic it was. It gave Yugi a breath of fresh air, no doubt, it was how I convinced his grandfather that no action was needed, that perhaps it was a faze, nothing more, in spite of the lingering doubt in us all. But he always seemed spooked, his amethyst eyes wandering to and fro as if the shadows were waiting to drag him away through that golden glow into the eternal abyss of solitude one wouldn't miss, that fear I could only guess of his friends abandonment. Perhaps also a small voice whispering, eyes glowering red with suppressed foreboding in his minds eye, as I noticed he'd begun the habit of mumbling to himself some time ago, startled by the most sudden, however, softest disturbances outside his periphery, then the most fierce lashes at the strain of such a burden. I myself shared part the anger, the unwillingness to do anything. We had only ourselves to blame. And another whom I couldn't cover for forever. I knew very well that with the strike of piercing light, the truth would flare as unrelenting, and unforgiving. For all those reason and then some, he stayed at the shop, helping out their. I was not so fortunate.
While I'd been so wrapped with my thoughts, my pen tapping against my desk in perfect sync to the sinking thoughts of an unavoidable hurricane. I nearly failed to see the first stepping stone towards disaster-Soft hair like that of a doves folding feathers, wafting lightly against the bitter tinge of the sickeningly tedious colors of the classroom. A familiar feeling of crippling wonderment and shock blasted my perceptions as the black ink fell from my hand rolling away onto the floor with a click. I recognized those soft brown eyes perfectly, dull, lifeless to some extent,brimming innocently beneath fine lashes, against his finely crafted pale porcelain features, contrasting nicely with the royal blue uniform, which stood well amidst his composure, upright and dignified, but not overbearingly arrogant or withdrawn, like a kind royal more than a barbarous thief. That smile, sleek, small, verily forbearing, carrying something indistinguishably, thinly veiled beneath glossy glass. He stood before us, his presence carrying to me as if trying to make a point I wasn't yet getting. A few girls gushed at the unfamiliar specter before them, Miho especially, ignorantly ogling a mere facade. I crinkled my nose slightly in disgust at their desperation, my eyes falling like the moon at dawn to the sun at dusk as suspicion clouded them, hoping my own look struck back nearly so strikingly, while the teacher announced the arrival of our new classmate, who bowed stiffly, either out of shyness, I predicted, or out of the obvious discontentment of being so courteous to none who deserve it.
"So... Which one are you?" I asked after a few days of avoidance, tired of the daunting paranoia weighing down into me over this. I swear, it was almost as if I was seeing an enemy everywhere I looked, a semblance of the past, positively phantasmagoric in their wake, or a slipping shadow out of the corner of my eye that always appeared more familiar than it should have.
"Excuse me?"
Ryou Bakura watched me, his courteous smile vanishing from his soft features, bewildered by my abrupt and rather blunt question. I suppose I could get why. " I know, I know. Most people start by greeting each other, asking stupid, menial questions in an attempt to form an overrated bond that eventually turns into nothing but a dagger in the back." I sighed dreamily, mockingly. That little thing we call friendship. "But...are you going to answer my question?"
"Um, I'm not quite sure I know how to... Do I know you, or do you know someone... I know I met you the other day out on the streets, but I don't..." He seemed very anxious, his hands subconsciously clasping at his white cotton shirt, perhaps thinking of some traumatic experience I could well guess.
I smiled, allowing my eyes a certain brightness in great contrast to my appearance before. It was not my usual standing, cleaning up my more than likely error, however, it would certainly clean up my socially rude start. He'd done nothing so there was little need for my sharp stare or socially taboo greeting as of yet. "Uh, no. Sorry about all that. Its been a long... week, possibly longer..." But I know you. "Never mind it. I'm not very good with anything... to do with social... Communication, of any kind, really. Not thats any excuse of course."
"I see," he replied, his nervousness seeming to fade with the loosening on his shirt, yet some shard of hesitation lingered within his dull eyes. "Thats alright. I can understand peoples... attitude, shall we call it, around me. I don't hold that against you, though. I'm very used to it by now. I've just always had... bad luck with people." His smiled returned brightly, vibrantly melding into that usual look of his, with a hint of a forgiveness, but perhaps a sadness, I hadn't asked for. "And I'm sorry. You do look a little down."
I blinked, taken aback by the sudden change, the concern that came with it. Anyone else and I might have called their bluff. After all, most couldn't give a care in the world. I would admit to being one. But I knew his character for the most part, if it was indeed him. I would also admit to my reservation around him, as I feared what he did, what was hid beneath the porcelain palm placed in sullen white, washed behind worn gold.
"Oh, its nothing, really," I waved off. "So... We don't get transfers very often. Where're you from? Why'd you come here?"
"I travel a lot, actually. My dad is always off on business...And I never really got along well with others at my previous schools, like I sort of mentioned, so I thought it would be best to start of fresh- have a new and better chance at making friends."
He smiled hopefully at me and I partially wondered if he expected for me to offer my hand as a new companion. But I couldn't. I titled my head to the side, taking on a shadier tone, a nonchalance hiding my doubts. I couldn't seem to keep the friends I already had together. Adding another, completely unaware of where it could head and knowing to well my, well, previous encounters with the one so close to me now, I couldn't bring myself to outright offer him a new friend, or me another soul to disparage.
"Well, I've had similar luck, truth be told." I shrugged, brushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Good luck. Mind if I call you Ryou," I asked blocking the oncoming awkward silence.
"Sure." That smile of his, so warm and kind, shown brighter now as he stuck out his hand in formal greeting. "We never really had a proper introduction.
I wasnt one to do any such thing, and was glad I'd avoided it until now, but I took his hand anyway, feeling a kind of cold sweep over me, as if I'd somewhat betrayed my resolution.
The world seemed to brighten a little. Before it dulled back down, accompanied by my own tired groan as a sudden squeal burst out in the otherwise calm classroom. To my misfortune, I could only assume that the basketball game had ended for my two girl friends, one now skulking off, annoyed, and the other, quite accustomed to making people deaf, finding nothing better to do than drool over our new friend.
"Hi! You remember Miho, yes?" She pointed to herself to emphasize her expectation that he would immediately recognize her after only one brief, random passing by on sunset streets.
"Um, afraid not. Sorry," Ryou replied blankly. "Should I?"
The lavender haired girl looked down at her shoes, clearly disappointed by his honest reply, before regaining that chipper smile she usually wore. "Thats okay. I'm sure we'll be the best of friends anyway! Or maybe more! Miho would like that very much." Her eyes closed as she gave her hair a girlish flick to the side, swaying lightly on her heels as if the words she spoke had just as much little weight.
"Yes, I'm sure we can be good friends."
However, I knew his insecurities well, making it clear with my own thoughtful expression of uncertainty. He smiled similarly to the girl beside me, innocently, like there really was nothing more to it than a rather bold declaration for his circumstances. Perhaps it was the flame of distrust in my mind obscuring my vision, shaping what I wish to clear away from his own deflective mind, but I could've sworn I still saw the true meanings of his words, the hesitance that laced them. This being none other than him, there could be no easy turn to a friendship thats escaped his grasp this whole time, not without some sort of act to shake away the delusion, which I knew very well as the season finale. Still, I was unsure at this point whether that would happen at all, seeing things have changed drastically with the call of Death T and its builders disappearance.
"You're so sure?" I questioned, not with any malice, but a genuine inquiry, and there it was again, made all the more apparent by the small frown dauntingly beginning to form on his pale face, the masked "could" gliding comfortably over the timid "can".
"Oh, Amaya. Miho didn't notice you. Now that Miho thinks about it, actually, Miho hasn't seen you at all lately." Her small lips suddenly sank, her eyes growing wide and desperate as she spoke her next words shrilly. "Has Miho done something wrong?!" I didn't answer immediately, somewhat taken aback by the outburst. "Miho has. Miho must've done something to offend Yugi-kun too." Tears formed in her eyes as she looked down, her features turning just as distraught by the conclusion she'd come to with no amount of thought.
"No, Miho. You haven't. Yugi has been... feeling unwell recently and I've been busy." I was walking on thin ice here, I knew.
"Jonouchi said something similar," she conceded. "Still, Miho doesn't see why we cant go visit him..."
"He's too sick for company. His grandfather wouldn't allow it."
"Miho knows, but..."
"Then, please, drop it, Miho. I'll let you know... when, when somethings changed, okay?" If, I'd wanted to say "if".
She sniffled, nodding in understanding. "Will Miho see you again?"
"Around, Miho. I really am busy. Tell everyone I said 'hi', I guess."
With that, she gave another nod and finally nodded off, the skip in her step giving way to a sluggish gait.
I sunk down into my chair. My words had become a farce, my "if" becoming "when", my upbeat note no more real than the possibility of ever having a degree of normalcy with them. Nothing was more amusing though than the fact that I had become as terribly pathetic as the guy now sulkily turned away, his white hair cascading over his face as a thin sheet hiding the downtrodden walls built from years of loneliness. I held sympathy, sure, but it truly was such a low manner of state. That begged the question of- Could I really call him out for being no better, or try to find consolation with someone who could solve this problem no better than I?
"Your friend is ill," he asked. I nodded. "I'm sorry to hear that. I hope he gets better soon."
"So do I. I'm sorry if I've given the wrong impression," I bit out.
"For once, I'm not alone in that."
He spared me a glance before turning back, his brown eyes shimmering knowingly, almost pleading, as if he'd wished to say something, then thinking better of it, shaking his head in what seemed disapproval at his actions or my own so similarly entwined. I could only imagine what he wished to say, however, I think I caught the gist of it as class began once more.
I had good friends. How could I possibly be letting them go?
Well, here it is, an update. Its not very long, I'll than previous chapters, but, you know. At least I'm continuing, right? I'm not exactly happy with this or where I left it. I felt I could've added more, but wasn't sure how? I don't know, I just hit a writers block about half way through and was, like, 'whatever'. I have some notes for the future, but heres hoping I can start placing crap together from here on out, or try to make this story make any sense, basically. I'm still updating old chapters every so often, too, but I can only take so much. Heh.
Anyway, hope you guys liked what little there was to be had, and please, do feel free to review.