A/N: THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS. You all are awesome. Apologies for the break between updates (final week of summer semester=a lot of work, and it is hard writing a teaching philosophy because I cannot write I just want the little jerks to learn statistics and critical thinking).

WARNING: THERE IS A TOUCHY SUBJECT INCLUDED IN CHAPTER (abortion). Please keep your opinion on the matter to yourself (seriously). I debated on whether or not I would even include it or just hint at it, but I could not get Ben Folds Five song out of my head and it was the main muse behind this chapter.

Chapter 5: Brick

Sara realized as she opened her eyes, she must have dozed off while reading the journal. Stretching, she turned her head to the left than right in hopes of popping her sore neck, she had fallen asleep at an odd angle on Grissom's uncomfortable couch. Her cellphone told her she had been asleep for at least two hours. Not hearing anything, she decided to check on Grissom. She knocked softly on his bedroom door that was open just a crack. She heard the mumbles from inside and assumed Grissom was awake.

"Anna no, please don't." Grissom's weak voice sounded through alerting Sara to possible trouble, he sounded like he was pleading.

Pushing the door open Sara saw Grissom in the fetal position in the middle of his bed, his face lit from the hallway light shining through the now open door. She could see he was sweating. He looked distressed as he clutched a pillow to himself begging Anna in his sleep. Who was Anna?

"I'm sorry Anna. I'm sorry. Please."

Sara face flushed, she felt like a peeping tom, watching her boss who was clearly having a nightmare. However, she could not make herself wake him. This was a new piece of the puzzle that was Grissom. Whoever Anna was, she mattered to him. Finally, broken from her trance she walked into master bathroom wetted a washcloth and walked back into the room. Gently she wiped the sweat from Grissom's brown and said softly, "Grissom wake up."

He was burning up, she noted as she wiped his extremely warm to touch skin. Migraines do no cause temperatures.

It took a few seconds, but when he opened his bloodshot eyes there was pain. Not just physical pain, but the soul sucking emotional pain that dulled the once bright blue eyes to a greyish blue. Grissom startled awake when he saw the figure standing over him.

"Sara?" He asked confused.

"You were having a nightmare." Sara said softly continuing to keep the cool washcloth against his head. "And you were sweating a lot and you are really hot to the touch. Are you sure you don't have a fever?"

Grissom did not respond verbally, instead he pulled away from Sara's touch. His shirtless chest was now visible from under the covers.

"Sorry." Sara said turning her eyes away after having taken in his form. He was more muscular than she had expected. God this did nothing to keep her from wanting to just be friends with this man. He was old, old enough to be her father, but there was something about him that just made her want him.

"What time is it?" Grissom asked still confused as to why Sara was in his room. When had she been in his house? His head was foggy the neurons were not firing quickly enough for a coherent thought to be placed together.

"A little after 8." Sara said standing over the bed not sure what to do. Since Grissom did not answer her previous question she asked again, "Are you ok Griss?"

"No. I don't think I so." Grissom responded sitting up in the bed slowly, his head was hurting still. The medicine usually took over by now and dulled the pain. Why was he still in pain? Why did it feel like the world was spinning around him?

Sara reached over and noticed Grissom start to pull away from her, but he seemed to stop himself. Checking the temperature of the skin on his forehead, Sara decided he had a fever, he was sick.

"It feel like you have a fever." Sara said, "I think you should go to the hospital Griss."

Grissom did not respond, he just looked at her.

"How about I go get you some water, and you make up your mind about the hospital." Sara said taking her leave quickly.

Sara was in the kitchen filling a cup full of cold water for Grissom. She thought about calling Catherine because she was worried now about Grissom. Catherine would convince him to go to the hospital. When she turned and saw him leaning against the wall, she almost jumped, having not heard him coming.

"Why are you here?" Grissom asked truly confused as to why Sara was in his house.

"I promised Catherine I would stay." Sara replied, thinking he was asking why she was still here, and not realizing Grissom did not remember waking up earlier on the floor.

"Oh." Was all he said not moving from the wall.

"Griss you ok?"

"Headache."

"Still. The medicine hasn't lessened your pain?"

"No." Grissom said pushing off the wall, the world felt like it was still spinning but he felt like he had his bearings.

Walking over to Grissom, Sara put an arm around him to steady him. "Let's go to the hospital. Just to get you checked out to make sure you are ok."

Grissom did not fight her, he was not feeling too good. Something did not feel right. God his head was killing him.

Sara walked him over to the couch and helped him sit down. "Where are your shoes?"

"By the door." Grissom answered leaning back against the couch, he was tired, despite the pain.

Sara found his shoes and quickly helped him into them; happy he had put on a shirt before he came out to talk to her.

Helping him up, Sara and Grissom walked, Grissom leaning on Sara, to her car parked outside his house. Once inside Sara noticed Grissom's eyes started to lower. She did not want him to sleep, not sure what was wrong, but sleep may not be a good thing.

Trying to engage him in conversation, Sara asked, "Who is Anna?" As soon as the name Anna came out of Sara's mouth she observed Grissom tensing. An emotion quickly passed through his face. It was quick, too quick for Sara to completely process.

"A friend from when I was training as a CSI." Grissom answered his head resting against the cool window. He was wondering how she knew there was an Anna in his life.

"I'm sorry. I can see I made you uncomfortable. I just thought you could talk about her. I need you to stay awake." Sara said trying to explain why she had asked a question that seemed to be so personal. "It's just when you were having your nightmare you kept crying out I'm sorry Anna."

Grissom shifted uncomfortably on the passenger side, not because of the pain, but because of the line of questioning and the fact Sara had heard anything about Anna. What had he said in his sleep? He did not want to talk about it, and that was very clear in his body language. It was something that was extremely personal. A subject he had long ago banished to a small compartment in his brain of things he did not think about or talk about or remember.

Sara watched as emotions quickly passed across Grissom's face; anger, guilt, anger, sadness, guilt. This was by far the most emotional she had ever seen him. Whoever Anna was, she was someone important, and she held bad memories for Grissom, Sara concluded.

"I have no idea why I was doing that."

"When is the last time you talked to Anna?" Sara tried again she knew she should have let the subject drop but she wanted to know something anything about Grissom other than what she could find on his CV.

"That is none of your business." Grissom said with an undertone of anger in his voice.

Sara decided it was best to end the conversation and decided to keep an eye on Grissom as she drove him to the hospital. Maybe she should have called an ambulance? It had not crossed her mind.

Grissom had decided to remain quiet as well. The cool window felt good against his forehead, and his headache was pounding away. Instead of listening to Sara he listened to the soft sounds coming from the car speakers.

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm heading nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

It was likely he had talked in his sleep, he had dreamt about Anna before Sara woke him up. Dreamt was probably too nice of a word. Would Sara let it go? It seemed like every time she got a piece of knowledge about him she turned into a bloodhound seeking to find everything out. Had he given her enough warning that this subject was one he did not want to discuss, ever. It was in the past and it had to stay in the past.

Why had he thought of Anna? She had not crossed his mind in years. Not since he ran into her father, who had almost knocked Grissom's head off when he saw Grissom. If it had not been for Brass who quickly moved in between Grissom and Anna's father, Anna's father would have punched Grissom. Grissom knew he would have done nothing to stop the older man from hitting him. Brass had asked who that man had been, and Grissom just said a victims father from his days in Minneapolis. Brass had been wise enough not to ask anymore questions. Instead the two had moved to a different bar to continue their night out after a difficult case.

Anna had been Grissom's everything when he lived in Minneapolis. She was the woman of his dreams, or so he had thought. He loved her completely and openly. More openly than he ever had thought possible. She was a prosecutor for the state, fresh out of law school. They had meant when Grissom was testifying for his first case, and it was almost like love at first sight. He asked her out when the case was over, and she had agreed to go out with him. It was the start of a great relationship between the two.

She got him to open up and talk more than just about work. He always felt at peace when he was with her, and it took only a week before all he wanted to do was be around her whenever he was not working. Her laugh was contagious. She had been a light in a sea of darkness or so he had thought. No matter what happened during shift, no matter how stressed he was, when he got to spend his evenings curled up on a couch, with her next to him, everything felt right. The stress melted away, and the horrors he may have observed during the day were not there taunting him in his thoughts. He loved to run his fingers up and down her arm, the skin smooth and warm to the touch. Sometimes she would giggle because his fingers gently running up and down her arm would tickle her.

Everything had been going great between them. He had plans, his mom was coming to visit for the holidays, and he would introduce the two. Anna and his mom would get along, they shared a love for the fine arts. He had already gotten her fathers permission to ask Anna to marry him. It had been one of the single most nerve wrecking moments of his life. Anna's father had been an Army drill sergeant and sometimes forgot he left the Army years before and become a successful construction business owner. A business he had built up himself, starting as a lonely apprentice and working his way up through the union and eventually breaking out to own his own business that now build hotels, sky scrappers, and many other bit ticket items.

The future was bright for them. After his mom approved of Anna, Grissom would ask her to marry him a few weeks later. He did not want to do it on a major holiday, he wanted to do it in a way that would make it a special day. A day they could celebrate for years to come. He did not care if she wanted children, wanted to move, or whatever she wanted, he would find a way to make it happen. All he wanted was to be with her, and for her to be happy.

They call her name at 7:30
I pace around the parking lot
And I walk down to buy her flowers
And sell some gifts that I got
Can't you see, it's not me you're dying for

They were fine until they weren't. Anna had been sick for a couple of weeks, and Grissom had urged her to go to the hospital or at least her doctor to see what was wrong. She had finally agreed to take a day off, and go see her doctor. They had made plans to meet at his apartment that night so she could tell him about the doctor, and he could cook for her since she had been so sick recently.

When he arrived home, she was not there. He called her multiple times that night worried about her, but she never answered. It had got to the point that he called the local hospitals just to make sure she was not there. After hours of not hearing from her, he drove to her apartment, and found that she had not been home either. Driving home debated if he should call her parents. Getting home he found he had a message on his answering machine. Pressing play he heard her voice. She told him she was tired and decide to stay at her parents tonight. She would talk to him tomorrow.

He did not sleep that night worried, there was something in her voice. Something was wrong, how sick was she? Did she have cancer? Was there something else seriously wrong? Was she dying? Why did she go to her parents when she had an apartment? Why had she not talked to him? The questions kept him up all night. When shift came it had been a troubling shift. He had lost a body, due to exhaustion and worry about her. It led to him getting into trouble, possibly jeopardizing the promotion that he was likely to receive. Even his mentor Phillip had been disappointed in him. He found the body, but that did not excuse him losing it.

Right before he left work feeling dejected, he was stopped by the receptionist told he had a phone call and it was Anna.

"Can you pick me up at work?" She said, "My mom drove me to the doctor yesterday and my car is still at my apartment."

"Yes." Grissom remember having been a bit too excited. Maybe everything was ok, and she really was just tired.

They had drove in silence for awhile, after he picked her up at work. It was at a red light that she had finally spoke to him. "I'm pregnant."

Grissom did not know what to say, they had used protection, except for a couple of times. For a split second he was happy, "That's great".

"Really?" She said surprised by his reaction.

"Yes. It is a bit sooner than I expected, but we can make it work." He said feeling optimistic about his future. He was going to be father.

"How? With what you make and what I make we barely make enough. Plus we both work so much. How are we going to be able to take care of a child?"

"We will work it out." Grissom said pulling over so they could continue the conversation without the distraction.

"What are you doing?" She said wondering why he was pulling over.

"Just hang on a second." He said putting the car in park, "This was not how I was expecting to ask you, but I already spoke with your father. Will you marry me?"

"What?" She said surprised.

"Anna you make me the happiest I have ever been. Before I meant you I never expected to find someone who I could love as much as I love you. When I am not around you it feels wrong. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you please marry me?"

Anna did not know what to say. She sat quietly for a second and each second that past broke Grissom's heart. "Can I have some time to think about it?" She asked, "I'm not saying no, but the past few days have been full of surprises. I don't want to make any rash decisions."

"Of course." Grissom said all joy leaving his voice, "I wanted to marry you before I knew you were pregnant. I just wanted to wait until I got the promotion."

When they got back to her apartment Grissom walked her inside. He sat on the couch expecting her to sit next to him, as she had often done before. Instead she sat in the chair and looked at him.

"I love you Gil." She said, "But we are still so young, and have so much of our life ahead of us. I just started my career, and you are advancing in your career."

He knew than she was going to break his heart, she was going to rip it out of his chest while it was still beating, and she was going to stomp on it. He knew this was something he would never recover from, something that would define him for the rest of his life. The one time he had allowed himself to be open with another human being, and to love her unguardedly and she was going to throw it all back in his face.

"We cannot have a kid. It would kill both our careers." She continued to speak, "And I am not sure if I ever want to have a child."

"What are you saying?" He asked fearing the answer, but he needed a second to let it sink it before she said it.

"I already made an appointment to have an abortion."

"Before we even talked about it?" Grissom said feeling as if his heart would stop at any second. Her fingers were already squeezing it so tight.

"Yes. It is my body, my decision."

"What about what I think?"

"You are not going to have to carry it for nine months."

"So I have no say in this."

"No you don't. I'm sorry." Anna said looking at him.

"What does your mom think about this?"

"She thinks I have the flu, and that is all she needs to know."

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Grissom said, his eyes closed because he could not look at her. Tears threatened to leak out from under his closed eyelids.

"Yes. It is what is best for both of us Gil." She said, "We have an entire life ahead of us, and a child just is not feasible right now."

"When is the appointment?"

"Next Friday."

"I'll get the day off so I can take you."

"You don't have to."

"You'll need someone to drive you home."

"Thank you Gil." Anna said getting up to hug him, "I'm sorry."

"Your body, your decision." He said hugging her back.

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm heading nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

The week passed and they spent time together, but it was not like it was before. Grissom did not push her for an answer regarding his marriage proposal. He already knew the answer was likely going to be no. There was nothing he could do to change her mind, he had tried a few times, but that resulted in them fighting. He gave in, and decided it was just enough to be around her for now. Though being around her no longer was the same. The happiness she brought him was missing.

Having asked for three days off had raised some questions from Phillip, but Grissom had more than enough vacation time saved up that it had not really been a problem. Phillip had just worried about why Grissom needed the time off. Grissom lied to him, he said he was taking Anna on a mini vacation. They were going to a bed and breakfast for the weekend. Phillip had accepted the answer and asked Grissom if it was going to be the weekend he asked her to marry him finally. Grissom responded he was not sure yet. No one needed to know he had already asked Anna to marry him, and she had pretty much said no without having said the actual word.

He waited for her to finish with her appointment. Sitting in the waiting room he was uncomfortable waiting for her to walk out, knowing the child they had made by accident would be no more. Would their relationship survive this?

When she came out the nurse had spoken to him. She told him what to expect, and gave him more information on how to take care of Anna while she recovered. The nurse had been kind, and did not seem to judge him. It was not his decision. He took her back to her apartment, and she asked him to spend the night on the couch, that she did not feel clean enough to have him in her bed.

He agreed, but he would have probably slept on the couch because he was not sure he could be around her. Throughout the night he checked on her, and she said very little to him.

The next morning she said she was fine, that he should go back to his apartment. They could talk later about his proposal.

His anger was too much, she had made a decision for the both of them, and he had stood by her. But now it was over, he was not sure he could stand by her anymore. It was in that second of hurt, he made a decision, "Don't worry about it. I think we should take some time apart anyways."

She had agreed with him, he hated himself to this day for what he had done, and he still had anger towards her for what she had done. He left his key on the table that day, and he left her apartment knowing it was over, they were over.

As weeks went by it showed that she was not fine
They told me son it's time to tell the truth
And she broke down and I broke down
Cause I was tired of lying

It had been a month since he last heard from Anna. He called her throughout the week after the abortion to make sure she was physically ok. The following week she showed up at his, returning his key and grabbing her things she had left behind. They had dinner together and said their goodbyes.

Things were slowly returning to normal, or at least he made it seem like everything had returned to normal. There had been a week or two of his moodiness that Phillip had picked up on, and some talked of his breaking up with Anna, but no one spoke directly to him about it. He actually had a few offers for dates from some of the women in the office. He politely declined them all. No one knew what had occurred between Grissom and Anna, but that did not stop them from speculating.

He returned to hiding inside himself, keeping almost completely to himself, and rarely speaking to anyone unless it had to do with work. It was in the middle of a shift when his world once again came crashing down around him.

Phillip had found Grissom working in the lab processing some evidence. "Gil can you come to my office?"

Grissom looked up from his work and wondered why Phillip was calling him into his office. Had he done something as stupid as losing a body again? He had been extremely careful this time. "Ok."

"Close the door." Phillip said once Grissom entered his office. "Have a seat please." Phillip indicated on the couch.

Grissom sat down wondering what was going on. Phillip was being weird, and it made him uncomfortable.

"Gil I have some bad news and I'm not really sure how to tell you." Phillip said taking a seat on a chair he pulled over to sit in front of Grissom. "We received a call on a suspicious death. It was at Anna's apartment."

"Is Anna ok?" Grissom asked feeling his chest tighten as he knew the answer but he would not accept it.

"No she's not. " Phillip said, "The initial cause of death is suicide."

Grissom closed his eyes and felt the world fall out from under him.

"It looks like she like she overdosed on valium." Phillip said. "I hate to ask, but when was the last time you two spoke?"

Grissom took a few seconds to collect himself. Softly he answered, "It has been over a month."

"Her father is raising hell." Phillip said, "He does not accept the cause of death. He wants an investigation, and as you know he has some powerful friends."

"When do they want to talk to me?" Grissom asked knowing the police would want to interview him. He was the ex-boyfriend and the most likely suspect.

"As soon as you are ready." Phillip said, "They agreed to do it here, in my office. With me present."

"I did not do anything." Grissom said.

"I know. She committed suicide, the evidence is strong. They are just investigating."

"I need to get some coffee and than I'll be ready." Grissom said.

"How about you wait here. I'll go get you a cup of coffee and bring the detective in too."

"Ok." Grissom said studying his hands for no reason other than it would keep his emotions in check.

When Phillip returned he brought a detective with him.

"Thank you for agreeing to talk to us Mr. Grissom." One of the detectives said studying Grissom.

"Please call me Gil."

"Gil when is the last time you spoke with Ms. Duritz?" The same detective spoke.

"It has been a month."

"You two were previously dating?"

"Yes." Grissom answered.

"Why did you break up?"

Phillip spoke before Grissom could, "Is that really relevant?"

"It's ok Phillip." Grissom said, "We sort of broke up with each other. We decided we needed time apart."

"How did that make you feel?" The detective asked noting the pain in Grissom's face.

"It hurt. But we needed some time apart."

"Did you know she recently had an abortion?" The detective said, having already attended the autopsy that revealed the recent abortion.

"Yes." Grissom said noticing Phillip of shock.

"Was it your child?"

"Yes." Grissom said. "We were monogamous."

"Was it a mutual decision to abort the child?"

"No. Anna chose not to have the child. I supported her decision."

"So you did not agree with her?"

Phillip spoke up in Grissom's defense, "I thought these were routine questions. The girl committed suicide."

"I have to be through Dr. Gerard." The detective answered.

"No I did not agree with her decision, but it was her decision to make. I supported her through it."

"Did you kill her?"

"No I did not kill her. I did not know anything was wrong until Phillip told me a few minutes ago."

"Where were you last night between 11 pm and 5 am?"

"I was here at work. I got called in to help the night shift with a case."

"Does that happen often?" The detective asked.

"They were shorthanded due to a couple of members of the shift being sick with the flu that is going around. I try to get as many hours as I can for the experience." Grissom answered.

"Can anyone collaborate?"

"The night shift supervisor. I worked with him all night. Adam Geffen is the night shift supervisor."

"Ok. Thank you for your time Gil." The detective said satisfied he had done enough to keep his Captain off his back. It was an obvious suicide, but people with money and friends in power could get any obvious suicide investigated.

After the detective left Phillip told Grissom, "Take the rest of the day off. If you need more time let me know."

"Thank you Dr. Gerard. I would like to stay on though."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

She's alone, I'm alone
And now I know it
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm heading nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

"Hey Griss we are here." Sara said getting out of the car to go get help.

Grissom looked at her taken from his thoughts. He watched her walk inside, and come back out with a person in scrubs and a wheelchair.

A/N: The song is Brick by Ben Folds Five.