Disclaimers: I do not own Saw or any of the characters in it.
Other: Hi! I just got back from a four day vacation at Savannah, Georgia. It was really great and very fun, even when it was a hundred and two degrees outside. Here's a quick chapter that was mostly meant to get rid of the grandparents. Their absence would make my next few chapters a lot easier. I threw in the fight for a bit of spice, since they've never had a 'serious' fight before, mostly childish bickering. Besides, they won't be arguing much for a while, anyway. I guess it shows how strong his paternal love is for Diana, not to mention the bad memories of the divorce and custody he must've received.
Anyway, before I let you guys read this chapter, I'd like to inform you about the next one. It's going to be a celebration chapter to celebrate the fact that we've reached 20. xD So it's random, silly, and cute. I'll upload it at the same time as chapter 21 in case you don't want to read the celebration chapter.
Enjoy!
The week after Alison took Diana back was slow and miserable. Lawrence wasn't as cheerful and talkative as he usually was. He'd come home from work, drop his brief case, shoes, and coat by the door, grab a bite to eat, and then disappear into the bedroom, leaving Adam to pick everything up and put them away neatly. Adam would watch this every day, leaning against the wall, noting how Lawrence's shoulders sagged and his blonde hair almost as messy as Adam's. He didn't speak much – a mumbled greeting when he came home and a quiet goodbye when he went to work.
When he was in the bedroom, he'd peel off his clothes and climb into bed wearing only his briefs. And after Adam finished cleaning up after Lawrence, he'd slip quietly into the bedroom and join his lover on the bed, lying beside him and speaking softly about his day, stroking Lawrence's warm, muscular arm, brushing his fingertips across his chest. During these times, Lawrence wouldn't say much. He'd simply gaze at Adam and listen.
The apartment was a lot quieter without Diana. The sound of clattering plates, random peals of little-girl laughter, pleads to play dress-up, and small feet hitting the wood floor were all missing. It was strange to not glance over your shoulder and see Diana grinning beautifully, dressed in a fairy princess costume and clutching a stuffed animal of some sort. It was harder on Lawrence. He'd gotten used to living with her all over again, only to have her torn away from him for a second time.
Lawrence's parents weren't always there – they liked touring New York and visiting old friends. So Adam was often alone at the apartment while Lawrence was at work, unless he went out to go drink with his buddies or take photos for his album. During these somewhat lonely times, Adam was tempted to return to being a voyeur. But he resisted, remembering his promise to Lawrence.
On the fifth day of Lawrence's sadness, Adam decided to talk to him about snapping back to reality. Diana was gone, and she would be back, so Adam didn't want to see Lawrence moping and silent anymore. It made him feel bad, like he was incapable of keeping Lawrence happy enough to survive the week. Diana would be coming over tomorrow morning, and Lawrence's parents were leaving today.
When Lawrence came home, he followed his routine of dropping his stuff at the door, grabbing a bite to eat, and then disappearing off to the bedroom. Adam followed him in, ignoring Lawrence's things.
"Look, Lawrence, you gotta stop. I understand you're upset, I truly do. Diana's your daughter; of course you're upset that your ex-wife took her. But you can't mope around and sulk until she comes back. What, are you going to do that for the rest of your life? Man, you gotta cheer up and snap out of it. She'll be back tomorrow morning for the weekend. Why do you gotta be like this?" he said, leaning against the bedroom wall and crossing his arms over his bare chest. Lawrence sighed, getting into bed.
"Adam, I'm in no mood to fight with you right now," the doctor stated indifferently. Adam glared at him.
"You're not in the mood to do anything. Except sulk," he said.
"That's not true," Lawrence said. Adam walked over to the bed, leaning over Lawrence.
"Yes, it is true. When's the last time you laughed at one of my jokes, let alone smiled? When's the last time you cooked us a meal, cleaned up after yourself, started a conversation with me, asked me to go somewhere, sat down and watched a movie with me, or even touched me?" Adam challenged. Lawrence got out of bed, causing Adam to back up.
"You want me to touch you? Yeah? Here, I'll touch you," Lawrence said, pushing Adam backward. Anger flared up in Adam's eyes as he was pushed up against the wall.
"As my boyfriend, you should be understanding. You should understand the grief and stress I'm going through, and just leave me alone to cope with it," Lawrence snarled, his hands digging into Adam's shoulders as he pushed him even harder against the wall.
"It's because I am your boyfriend that I'm trying to help you wake up out of your misery. For four and a half days, I've watched you act dead and…gone. I look into your eyes, and I see nothing. I helped you the best I could, and you know that, Lawrence, you know that I care and understand. How can I leave you alone when I know the pain you're going through of having that bitch take your daughter? But you know what? I can't feel much sympathy when I see you still sulking and moping even though you know she'll be here tomorrow morning. It's not like she died. You'll see her every weekend, and plus more if Alison decides to go travel without her again," Adam replied, struggling to remain calm.
"You're so selfish, Adam! You're spoiled and selfish. You don't care about how I feel. You just want some attention. And that's screwed up; after all I've done for you. Almost every night, you wake me up because of nightmares. You scream and cry, and before you go to bed you make me check the closet and under the bed. But did I ever complain? Did I ever say 'Hey, Adam, cheer up and snap out of it, why do you gotta be like this? After all, it's been a year since the bathroom event, you need to wake up and realize that Jigsaw won't be coming back for you'? No! I did my best to keep you happy and comforted. I stayed up at night and held you as you sobbed," Lawrence yelled, his grip on Adam's shoulders bruising.
"And now it's your turn to be the supportive one. But this is the thanks I get for all those times," he snarled, pushing him again. Adam's cheeks were flushed red, and his eyes looked glazed.
"That's not fucking fair, Lawrence. I'm just trying to help you. I don't like seeing you so upset. It upsets me. I love you, and I want you to be happy," Adam insisted, his voice ragged.
"Of course I'm upset! I can't live with my daughter! Alison doesn't deserve her. I only get to see my daughter on weekends. How am I supposed to be happy, Adam?" Lawrence shouted. Adam knocked Lawrence away, a few tears trickling down his flushed cheeks.
"Don't fucking yell at me, Lawrence," Adam screamed, rubbing his throbbing, aching arms. "Maybe you should be happy because you live with your boyfriend, who fucking loves you, and would die for you, and is just trying to help."
Lawrence's eyes narrowed in anger.
"Okay, so now you're going to pull the tears-act and try to make me feel guilty? You're the one who's wrong, Adam! You're the wrong one here, not me! You're selfish and uncaring," he yelled, pointing at him accusingly. Adam forced a laugh.
"Oh, so I'm the wrong one? You need to wake up, Lawrence," he said. In the blink of an eye, Lawrence had Adam against the wall again. Adam could have easily gotten away. He was smaller than Lawrence, but he was quicker, and could fight better. But he didn't. He stared at Lawrence silently, blinking away tears of frustration and hurt,
"Yes, you are the wrong one. And I'm done fighting with you. Get out of the bedroom. Right now. You're sleeping in the living room. And you're not coming with me to drop off my parents. I don't want to look at you. You're making me feel sick with your selfishness and lack of care," Lawrence snarled. Adam's chest hitched, and he began to hyperventilate. Lawrence rolled his eyes and pushed Adam away.
"I can't breathe," Adam gasped, leaning against the wall with one hand, the other hand on his chest.
"Shut the hell up, Adam. Get out and go sit down in the living room. You'll be fine. It's all in your fucking mind," Lawrence said, getting into bed. Adam staggered out of room, slamming the door behind him. He left the apartment and slumped outside the door, dragging his knees up to his chest, and hyperventilated.
He'd only wanted to help Lawrence…But instead he'd angered him. His arms hurt badly, and he knew they'd be pretty bruised tomorrow. Footsteps were suddenly heard, and he looked up to see Lucille and Richard hurrying over to him.
"Adam! Dear, what's wrong? Richard, go get Lawrence, quick!" Lucille cried, kneeling down beside Adam and stroking his sweaty, tear-streaked face.
"N-No, don't," Adam said to Richard, who froze in his tracks on the way to the door.
"Why not? He's a surgeon, he'll know what to do," Lucille said, sounding shocked. Adam shook his head, waited until he had enough air to speak, and then sobbed out,
"Just don't, please."
Lucille pulled Adam into a hug, and rubbed his back comfortingly, speaking soothing words to him. Richard, meanwhile, went inside the apartment. He went into his son's bedroom. Lawrence was getting dressed, and looked over at his father.
"What happened?" Richard asked. Lawrence looked away, sliding on his belt.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbled.
"Adam's outside… I think he's having an attack of some kind," his father said. Lawrence stared at his reflection, making sure he looked alright.
"He'll be fine. Are you and mom ready to go?" he said. Richard looked at his son strangely.
"Yes, we're ready to go," Lawrence's father finally said. The two went to the guest bedroom and carried the luggage out of the apartment. Adam was standing, leaning against the rail with his back to Lawrence and Richard. Lucille was speaking quietly to him.
"Mom, we're leaving, are you ready?" Lawrence asked. Lucille turned, but Adam didn't.
"Yes, I am," she replied. She looked back at Adam.
"It was a splendid time being with you, Adam. I really enjoyed my visit. I expect you, Lawrence, and Diana to visit Richard and I over the summer. You're a sweet young man, and I look forward to seeing you again," she said, giving Adam's cheek a kiss. He hugged her.
"Thank you, Mrs. Gordon. It was nice meeting you, too," he replied quietly, his voice husky. Lucille joined her son and husband, and the three left for the airport. Adam turned and went back inside the apartment.
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"You are blessed with a wonderful young man, Lawrence. Take excellent care of him. Thank you so much for the lovely visit, it was great seeing you three," Lucille said, hugging her son tightly at the airport. Richard nodded in agreement.
"I love you, mom and dad. I'll make sure to call, and we'll arrange our next reunion soon, I promise. Diana wants to write to you every week, so look forward to her letters," Lawrence said, hugging his father next. They spoke for a little longer, and then his parents left to board their plane. Lawrence watched them go, and he felt as if someone had splashed a bucket of cold water at him after a long sleep.
He was blessed with a young man like Adam, who loved him dearly. And he had hurt Adam. Adam was only trying to help. He was trying to snap Lawrence back to reality. Lawrence realized how lonely and sad Adam must have felt when Lawrence would simply sleep all day and not speak to Adam, despite Adam's efforts to touch him and speak to him. He realized the love and affection in the caresses that Adam would give Lawrence as Adam spoke softly, his voice brimming with hope that maybe Lawrence would break from his depressed state and respond. But Lawrence never did.
He realized that Adam had been right. Diana would be visiting on weekends. She wasn't gone forever. And most importantly, she would be coming over tomorrow morning. He had had no right to act so terribly to the point where Adam had been driven to tears and a panic attack. Lawrence rubbed at his face, guilt and shame overwhelming him.
"What have I done?" he mumbled. He ran out of the airport, ignoring the strange looks he was given, and leaped into his car.
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Adam had taken a clean sheet and tucked it into the cushions of the couch, propped up several pillows against the arm, and then spread a blanket across the couch. When Lawrence walked into the apartment, the lights were off except for the table lamps, and Adam was lying on the couch beneath the blanket. He could hear Adam's uneven breathing. Lawrence went over to Adam and knelt down beside the couch. He was sleeping. Lawrence looked at Adam's arm and felt the sharp prick of tears at the back of his eyes. Nasty bruises were forming in the shape of fingers on both arms.
Lawrence reached out and stroked Adam's face. Adam jerked backward, his eyes opening.
"Adam…I'm sorry. I was completely and horribly wrong. There was no excuse for me to act like that. I can't believe myself. I…I hurt you. I was cruel and wrong. You aren't anything like I said. You aren't selfish or spoiled or uncaring. You tried so hard to comfort me and cheer me up…And I didn't appreciate your efforts. I'm so sorry, Adam. I can't even describe how awful I feel. Could you forgive me?" Lawrence said. Adam blinked, looking at him.
"I shouldn't have neglected you. I was upset that Diana was taken…Not that is a righteous excuse for the way I acted. You…You're a blessing to me. I love you so much…And I treated you like shit earlier. That was so incredibly wrong of me. And…And I…I'm so sorry," Lawrence continued. Adam's eyes were shining as well. There was a silence, and then Adam reached up. He curled his arm, warm from sleep, around Lawrence's neck, tugged him down, and kissed him. He then rested his forehead against Lawrence's and gazed at him through half-closed lids.
"Lawrence…You know what I really want right now?" he murmured, brushing his lips across Lawrence's jaw, nipping at his earlobe.
"Hot make-up sex?" Lawrence guessed, grinning. Adam paused, and grinned widely.
"Yes, that too…But I'd really like some Chinese food," he said. Lawrence laughed, pulling his boyfriend into his arms and hugged him tightly, pressing a kiss against the side of Adam's neck.
"I'm sorry, too, Lawrence. I should've been more…gentle," Adam said, clinging to Lawrence, inhaling his scent. He had been so afraid that he'd lost Lawrence, that Lawrence would kick him out. But here he was, offering sex and agreeing to Chinese food. It made Adam want to cry and laugh at the same time.
"No, don't be sorry. You did nothing wrong. I hurt you," Lawrence said, running his fingers through Adam's soft hair. Adam didn't reply. An hour later, they were sitting in a Chinese restaurant with heaping plates of food, Adam chatting away cheerfully, looking up at Lawrence with a huge grin. He was wearing a long-sleeved black V-neck to hide the bruises, and a pair of jeans. Lawrence held his hand across the table, smiling back.
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"Daddy, Adam!" Diana shrieked, bursting into the apartment with her Strawberry Shortcake backpack and matching suitcase. Both men rushed out and scooped her into a hug.
"Baby, oh princess," Lawrence said, kissing her cheek. Adam grinned at Diana.
"Hey girl," he greeted warmly, stepping back to let Lawrence have his time with her. She grinned back at him.
"Guess what I brought for you, Adam?" she said. Adam pretended to look suspicious.
"What?" he replied. Diana whipped out a pair of large purple, sparkly wings and a bottle of glitter from behind her back.
Thanks for reading! I hope you've liked it...I was very hesitant to upload this chapter, and twice I came close to deleting it all. I'm VERY nervous about posting ch. 21 and the few after that, because I don't know if everyone will accept/enjoy/etc it. So, I thank everyone who's read this far, and everyone who has left reviews. :)