Chapter 3

Sasuke stood before him, sharingan bared, expression twisted. He had finally caught up with him. No, Naruto had. He could convince him, he would convince him to come back to the Leaf. Standing there, at the top of the falls, he'd said so - only now he was flying backward, ribs cracking, pain exploding through his chest from the strike he'd taken from his comrade. His best friend.

Landing in the lake at the base of the waterfall, there was a stuttering moment he wasn't sure he'd find the surface. He hadn't had a chance to take a breath before he went under. His heart was a jack hammer against his chest, and he fought panic and the desperate urge to breathe. Sasuke, why? But a flicker of sunlight showed him the way and he swam for it. Breaking through the surface, his lungs ached, he gulped air. And Sasuke was there, smile cruel as the blonde found his feet again, unconsciously balancing his chakra to stand on the face of the water. Naruto started to speak, but the Uchiha was breathing in and the blue-eyed boy threw himself to the side when the word, "Katon!" echoed, flames exploding against the stone walls of the canyon.

The quality of light was the same here as in that other memory, the colors not-quite-right. Under the smell of earth and water, it was there – sweet and cloying, the taste of poison in the air. Again a silent witness as this moment in time played out, Kakashi knew his former self was currently racing through the forest. Knew his former self wouldn't make it in time to stop any of this from happening. And that Naruto would fail. Fire light reflected off the water as the two fought, the booming crack of each strike a chaotic addition to the sound of rushing water.

Poison notwithstanding, this memory was different than the other. At the very edge of his awareness, he sensed the boy's quickened heartbeat and ragged breathing as he relived these awful moments. He'd known it would be hard on Naruto, but he hadn't wanted this. Because this wound remained, regardless of the time that had passed, as raw and fresh as the day it was made. And Kakashi didn't have any idea how he could help Naruto overcome this.

Sasuke's words fell into the air, cold and clear over the echo in the canyon. "I intend to kill you, Naruto."

A heart crushing pressure began to build, forcing him – Naruto - to speak. "You mean … I'm not anything to you at all?" Kakashi didn't want this, to be so close to his student's pain. "All we've been through. Did it mean nothing?"

Kakashi saw Naruto's tears spill as Sasuke replied, and the Uchiha jumped forward with death in his eyes. The blonde's eyes widened, anguish flashing across his features, and then.

'Only Sasuke,' Kakashi thought, not sure if he was thinking it to himself or his student.

Then, Naruto's expression went flat, his body tensing as he pushed off.

'Only Sasuke could hurt you this way. Naruto … believe that it meant something.' But Naruto wasn't listening, rushing forward to counter the raven-haired boy - the call of jutsu, the sound of chidori. He knew the boy didn't hear it when he said, 'I do.'

Kakashi reached out, powerless to stop the battle but unable to let it continue, and suddenly he felt that jarring shift once more, as though a tether had wrenched him away. The forest around him was wild, untouched, but for the path where his comrade stood, shaking with anger and ready to desert him, leaving him to complete the mission alone. The chakra around him had changed, familiar as the sound of his own heart, but different from what he was now used to. Ah, this is my memory.

But the thought was a whisper that he couldn't quite hear as everything flooded him, the look and smell of the forest, the adrenaline from the recent fight with the enemy nin, and the emotion that he couldn't ignore. His younger self, filled with cold determination, looking into Obito's eyes. Uchiha eyes - furious and disbelieving.

'Kakashi-sensei. Who is that?' That voice was familiar. Some part of him knew it, but couldn't place who it was.

Obito was already turning away. Kakashi opened his mouth to answer, saying, "Those who abandon the mission are scum." They had to get to the bridge. Saving their kidnapped comrade would endanger countless lives. Ruthlessly, he tamped down the memory of Rin's sweet smile, and the knowledge that there was more than friendship in her eyes. In his heart, he said he believed it. Obito responded, the Uchiha's words hitting the angry wound that was the memory of his father, the White Fang. And Kakashi denied them.

'Sensei.' Again, that voice. 'This is wrong.' Butit wasn't, was it? His father died for abandoning the mission. Kakashi looked down at his hands, clenched at his side. He felt the weight of his pack, heavier now, with the field first-aid kit Rin had given him. He took a breath that ached, looking north, where the bridge lay, already knowing what he would do.

For after all the rules and regulations he'd drilled into his head and the bonds he tried to deny … he was his father's son after all.

Kakashi turned to follow the path Obito had taken and blinked. What? Time had passed. Blurred moments when he stepped in to save Obito from being gutted and Kakashi lost his eye in the process, the flare of pain spearing through his consciousness settling into a throbbing, burning ache. Only tight control on his chakra allowed him to push it away– my eye, I've lost my eye - a bearable loss, almost penance for what he'd done earlier.

Some small part of him knew this was the past, and also sensed he wasn't alone. Someone else was here too, seeing this part of him with wide, blue and pain-filled eyes. Seeing what he'd done. Kakashi was ashamed. The enemy nin would never have had the opening to strike, had Kakashi come with Obito at the start. 'Sensei …'

Saving Rin came next – those nin, they hurt her – and the ache, knowing she'd suffered while Kakashi wavered. Then the rumble of crumbling rock filled the cavern. Turning to run, but unpracticed at being blind on one side, Kakashi only knew the rock was there when it slammed into him, knocking him to the ground, stunned and hands scraped raw under his gloves. Dust filled his nose, even through his mask. His ears were ringing and everything was too loud and he wouldn't be able to get up fast enough … and then he was tumbling, free of the cave and the fall of stone.

When the dust finally settled and the rumble of earth stopped, he was staring down at the half-crushed form of his teammate. Obito, crybaby Obito, had saved his life. Sharingan eye spinning lazily, the young Uchiha must have been numb with shock, for he didn't seem to be in much pain. It felt surreal, that he should still be alive, how could he be? But reality asserted itself all too quickly – the smell of blood and churned earth, and the sound of Rin crying beside him.

And Kakashi knew then, he wasn't fit to lead. If he'd done better, made different choices, Obito wouldn't be dying. But Obito was speaking. "Kakashi, I'd completely forgotten. I was the only one … who didn't give you a gift …" There was forgiveness in the words. That quiet, blue-eyed watcher drew in a hesitant breath as Rin's chakra glowed and the young shinobi captain gained an eye to replace the one he'd lost. "Whatever the village may say … you are a great jounin …"

He didn't have time to mourn, that would come later. The stone nin were still out there. Kakashi blinked to clear the tears from the newly transplanted sharingan, jumping clear of the cave's rubble to face them. But the trees blurred and changed color, the ground rising high around him, moving from greens and browns to blue and gray. Taking a deep breath, trying to ease the ache of his lost teammate, Kakashi was assaulted by the sound of rushing water, the roar of power filling the valley. Vaguely, he saw the poison-soaked air and it came back to him, what he was here to do.

But Sasuke and Naruto were speaking, words so twisted with rage and pain that it hurt to hear. Sasuke curse-transformed. Naruto, fiery and Kyuubi orange-red. Chidori chirped, screamed, and the rasengan was shrill in the air. It was agonizing to see, like a kunai twisting in his gut. Gods, why was I not in time? Watching the shuddering power of the two boys in front of him, he wondered now if he could have stopped this, even if he had been.

The power built in the hollow at the base of the fall, the water disrupted as the circle of energy coalesced, black and terrible. Inside that circle of power, steam swirled from the vaporized river and the sting of ozone filled the air. As their power met, another memory flickered in Naruto, he and Sasuke, much younger - two fingers joined. Naruto's chest tightened, his breath a sharp exhale over the churn of his stomach. 'This is really …' His claw caught on the metal of Sasuke's hitai-ate, scoring a single line into the symbol all Leaf shinobi wore. Blinding light filled the air and the hum of too much sound. 'This is really happening.'

The blast rushed at him, too fast to really see. And the world was fading around him.

'Sasuke.'

. . .

Kakashi floated, somehow knowing that Naruto lay unconscious. He spoke into that void, ignoring the sluggish movement of the tainted chakra around him. 'Naruto.' Movement, but no sound. 'Na, Naruto. Speak to me.'

'I can't … no.' The boy made a sound, filled with such heartache that Kakashi almost wanted to let it go.

'Yes, Naruto.'

'I can't do this, Kakashi-sensei.' In the dark the jounin could see a ghostly flicker, an image of his student's face and knew how far he'd pushed the young man. He hadn't heard hesitation like this from him since that first disastrous mission to the Land of Waves, all those years ago. Taking a breath against the desire to stop this torture, he said, 'All these moments, Naruto. They make up who you are. Don't deny them.'

'I don't want to remember anymore,' and that phantom voice faded to a whisper that said, 'How can you bear it?' The valley flickered in around them, and then the cave-in and the image of Obito's body, appearing and disappearing once again. 'It hurts.'

'I'm sorry, Naruto. I never meant for you to see that.' His heart clenched, trying to cope with the feelings Obito's death brought up in him, made fresh again after all this time. This was about Naruto, not Kakashi. Not Obito.

'Kakashi-sensei, his death wasn't your fault.'

He couldn't agree. 'It was, Naruto, but that's not why we're here.'

'I don't understand all this, Kaka-sensei. But your comrade, he made his own decisions.' Intangible or not, the words were sincere and full of certainty. 'You lost your eye saving his life, even if he - I mean,' and the next few words came tumbling past. 'You can't blame yourself for his decision.' The voice paused, as if he didn't want to continue. 'Maybe I shouldn't blame myself …' his breath caught, and too quickly it was followed by another, 'for Sasuke's.'

Kakashi listened, silent as the words faded. Chakra began to move more quickly around him, feeling fresher, and clean. And then they were back in the memory, the after of that horrible battle. Naruto was sloped unconscious across his back, on the way to Konoha. He was opening his eyes and though Kakashi felt the stab of sadness when memory-Naruto asked, "Where is Sasuke?" He didn't get to see his memory-self's reaction to the question, because the colors around them were beginning to shift again.

He knew what it meant and was ready when the flow of chakra strengthened, washing those moments clean, pulling him, yanking him past more of Naruto's memories - of interactions with friends, fights against enemies and always, always, of the boy reaching into people's hearts, and always, always, striving for strength. Seeking the power to control the thing inside of him that would not be controlled.

And maybe Kakashi noticing that common thread is what did it. Because Kakashi knew he had no control over where he'd land. He'd known, but when he opened his eyes to the destruction of his home, it took a moment to realize where he was.

Heavy, malignant chakra hung in the air, smothering. Sound exploded around him and he glanced up, past torn homes and the wreckage of buildings, Konoha destroyed, to trace the outline of the fox-spirit. Kyuubi, rage-filled, nine tails slashing through the air. More screams of shinobi … Anbu … repelled like ants, their bodies crushed against and into shattered wood and plaster, unable to stop the nine-tails. What can we do against this!? Behind his porcelain mask, young Anbu-Kakashi pushed back terror and ran through the jutsu in his arsenal, as he wove the signs for a water dragon attack. The level of the pond next to him drew down, all its water sucked into service against the fox-spirit, but it shattered against the thing's chest – and nothing happened. At all. Kyuubi didn't seem to even notice the attack. Gods, what will kill it? Kakashi wasn't alone in his attempts, the roars of summons and calls of justu, the clang of metal and screams were an ear-fracturing cacophony in the night-chilled air. The blood-moon hung heavy in the night sky, witness to it all.

He heard another sound, underneath the roar of noise. Oddly, he could hear it clearly, even with the chaos around him. A voice, stilting and filled with horror. 'So many, Kakashi-sensei. So many dead … how …'

Running forward again, he nearly tripped over two fallen shinobi. Stopping, he crouched to check, but their spirits were already gone. They had died quickly, he saw. A small gift, in this nightmare made real. Kakashi recognized them, the parents of that boy. The quiet one, until someone upset him, anyway. Iruka? Sorrow lanced through him. Another orphan, in this world of pain. And that other voice hitched with something like a sob.

Yondaime would stop this. A blast of heated air washed over him, stirring unkempt silver hair. A huge mass of chakra was forming in Kyuubi's mouth, blackening as it became denser. He could sense the strength of it from here. This was something terrible, unstoppable. He swept a desperate gaze over what used to be the village square, before it became a battlefield. Where is Minato-senpai? The Yellow Flash of Konoha would end this. They just needed to keep the monster at bay, keep the civilians safe, until he got here.

'No, no, no.' What is that voice? Kakashi started to stand, as the hum of that huge mass of chakra built, nearly sub-audible and vibrating along his bones.

'Run Kakashi … you can't stop that. It will kill you. And everyone. Run.'

He couldn't wait for the Fourth, he had to do something before that thing let loose. He started to form seals … and the world spun, swirling and blurring around him. When it stopped, time had passed. A lot of time, razor sharpened moments of battle, all of it fruitless in the end. Now, Kakashi was dizzy from chakra depletion. Stunned mismatched eyes danced over the remains of the village. Like a replay of words he'd heard before, he heard someone mutter in shock, "So many. So many dead." Shinobi, civilians, in nearly equal numbers. "How will the village come back from this?"

At least there were some who had made it through, with the help of the Copy-nin and other shinobi.

And as Kakashi had known, had expected, the Fourth had come. He'd stopped the nine-tails. When silence fell suddenly, breath-taking in its quickness, it filled his ears as completely as the shocking realization that filled his heart.

Because Kakashi had felt it. The moment when, sacrificing himself to save the village, the fourth Hokage … his senpai … was gone. Forever.

Memories of his jounin-sensei flashed by and he tried to deny the emotion they brought. The Fourth was ruthless in battle. He couldn't be dead. He was strength and a steadfast presence. In the Anbu, Kakashi served him. The Fourth was the strongest shinobi of the Leaf.

He didn't need protection, but as Anbu, it was Kakashi's job to safeguard him.

But he. He …

Kakashi heard a gasping breath and knew it was his own. He closed his eyes, and pain was slicing through his chest, sharp enough to drop him to his knees, it may as well have been death's scythe. That other-voice said nothing, but somehow he knew that other understood.

He'd failed.

The scenery around him shuddered once and then again, flickering. The echo of that old pain grew distant. And the devastation, the village, was gone. Muted colors of evening transformed to the now familiar, toxin-colored hues. He squinted against whites that were haloed and over-bright, yellows and greens with a sickly tinge. And it was no longer night. The sun was beating down, merciless, and they'd been at this for hours. "Ero-sannin," he said, panting. His skin felt hot. Naruto looked around the training area, or what was left of it. The strip of devastation was impressive. Across from where he stood, thick, tar-soaked wooden beams were splintered, loosing their stinging smell into the air. Chunks of soil and a shattered boulder lay in a not-so-tidy pile nearby. Still caught in the horror of a moment ago, it took a moment for Kakashi to realize this wasn't his memory. He blinked at the sight of Jiraiya-sama and knew from his appearance that this memory (of Naruto's, not his, this is Naruto's memory) must have happened very recently. It might mean that his job was almost done … but he felt a sense of foreboding, looking at the stifling and muted color of the poison in the air.

So far, all the memories with weight, the ones that had been so saturated with toxin he been drawn to them, had been painful. Agonizingly so. He remembered his student's earlier, feverish words. 'I hurt him, Kakashi-sensei.'

What was he about to see?

"I can do this," frustration edged Naruto's voice. He felt his eyes narrow, unreasonably angry at the look on his sensei's face.

"No, Naruto. You can't, not yet." That expression turned thoughtful, framed by wild white hair. "We've been stuck at this point for weeks. I don't know if you can go any farther now. Unless …" He sighed. "Maybe it's time."

"Time for what?" Anger dropping to simmer, he frowned, watching Jiraiya open a scroll, begin to form seals. His sensei said a word, sharply, and the anger that had been fading suddenly swelled, like fire in his veins, infusing every cell – overcoming every thought. He heard his own voice scream, guttural - and the world whited-out.

"Naruto, you can control this …" the voice came from far away. Naruto knew the sound of it, understood what it meant, those words. But he was so angry, and it was all the fault of that person. Fingers were tipped with claws, extensions of the fury he felt. He slashed at the one in front of him, the one trying to tell him what to do. There was a scream, and it brought satisfaction with it. It fed the dark feeling of power. Yes.

Cold flushing through him, Kakashi knew now, what this memory was.

"Naruto, stay in control ..." Dimly, not-Naruto heard that voice again, breathless, as if the strength had been stolen from it. At that seeming weakness, a malicious joy filled him. Laughter, deep and satisfied, came from the darkest part of his soul. Some small part of him heard that and knew it was wrong, felt everything his not-self was doing and hurt for it, adrift in rage-filled chakra. And despaired as he slowly lost his grip on the power he held, no longer caged by the seal on his body. His form changed. His eyes reddened, grew feral. Claws thickened and lengthened. One tail and then another. Finally, four. Desperation edged its way in and agony tore through when he felt his skin being eaten away by the tailed cloak. But all he could do was scream, the sound ragged and wild.

Dimly, he felt jutsu cast against the body-that-was-not-his. He ignored it, gathering chakra for his attack. All the while, Kyuubi laughed. When Jiraiya-sensei came at him again, grim determination painted across his features, Naruto saw he held something in his hand. As soon as the symbol on it registered, Kyuubi roared, but the seal struck home, sucking that powerful chakra back. Chaining it. Releasing his lucid mind from its prison.

"Naruto …"

When he opened his eyes, Jiraiya-sensei was on his back, breathing hard, blood pouring from a wound on his chest. Stunned and frightened, he'd run to the sannin, putting pressure on the wound. They had to get him to a hospital and all the while, his mind was whirling. Naruto had no idea what happened and when he looked around, there was only the two of them. There was no way to ignore it.

He'd done this.

Blue eyes wide, fighting tears, he wrapped a makeshift dressing on the wound. "Stay with me, sensei. Ero-sannin … Jiraiya-sensei. Please …" He was scrambling as quickly as he could, through the devastation, Jiraiya in shock and stumbling along beside him, trying to stay conscious. Somehow, they made it there.

Kakashi managed to pull away enough to watch it play out, the terror in Naruto's eyes when they reached the hospital. The hours of waiting, while the medi-nins tended to the legendary sannin. And he saw those colors here too, that unnatural toxic brilliance clouding the air with its unnatural weight - stronger even, than in any of the memories they'd faced before. Perhaps it was because this memory was so fresh. 'Naruto.' The 'why' of the extra weight of poison here didn't matter, the antidote was the same. Memory-Naruto continued pacing, oblivious to the call of his name, agitation trailing in his wake. Drawn back into the memory, Kakashi felt the prick of tears in his eyes and the squirm of discomfort at seeing too much, knowing too much of how the boy felt. But it was familiar, and too close to how he'd felt, too often before. Myfaultmyfaultmyfault.

The hospital flickered out of view and he was in the village again. Someone was screaming, people were running. Others knew something had happened to the Yondaime. Blinking the blur from his vision, Anbu-Kakashi stood, looking in the direction he'd last sensed Minato's chakra. His mind said it was too late, but he had to be sure. "Minato-sensei." He barely felt the wind streaming past his mask as he ran. He told himself the tears burning his eyes were from the smoke still hanging in a choking cloud over the village, lit red by the blood-colored moon.

It was harder, this time, to realize he was reliving something that had already passed. That other-voice spoke again, the one he remembered hearing before. 'Sensei.' He knew that there was something he was missing, something vital. 'Kakashi-sensei.'

He was almost there now. Yondaime had pulled the nine-tails so far away the village. Beyond the fearful pounding of his heart, he was amazed at the power of the man, his sensei. He could see a group of people clustered in a tight circle. The Third was among them. All of them, blood-spattered and silent, in the center of the wreckage of the forest. Something cold dropped into his stomach, seeing that. Seeing their silence, and how nothing seemed to be moving - the dread inside him blossomed and became real. Without making the conscious decision, he slowed.

He could hear a sound.

A baby. A baby was crying. The people were clustered so closely, they were blocking his view - he couldn't really see. Except for a splash of yellow hair and blood. The edge of white cloth, with red lettering. It told him all that he needed to know. Wanting to scream, breathing through the ache in his chest, he whispered, "Thank you, senpai," when the scene faded this time, he didn't think or question it. He just closed his eyes.

a/n: thanks so much to everyone who is following this, and everyone who has reviewed. *hearts*