Author's Note-I do not own SOA.
Lighting his cigarette, he leaned back in his chair closing his eyes. Jax was still sitting at the head of the table. Church had ended hours ago, the guys had all gone home. He didn't even know how long he had been sitting there.
He couldn't even consider going home at this point, that house wasn't a home anymore. Tara had made it a home, without her it was just pointless. Maybe he would sell it, or burn it. He just knew he could never step foot in there again.
Walking into that kitchen to find Tara dead had destroyed him. He didn't even know it was possible to feel this dead inside. All he had done in the last few months was hurt Tara. He didn't blame her for the things she had done to get away from Charming. Samcro was poison, and it had broken Tara. Jax knew he was to blame for it all. Tara had believed in him, and waited for him to lead her away from all the chaos, but he had failed her. Now he would never be able to make up for it.
Jax loved Tara in a way that was indescribable. From the time they were kids he knew she would be the one he would spend the rest of his life with. Her leaving to go to school and him marrying Wendy had just been a detour. She had come back at a crazy time for him, but she saved him. He was on a destructive path, she grounded him and gave him something worth coming home for.
Jax knew he had not been the perfect partner, but he always did what he thought was best. Every decision he made, he made with his family in mind. When he came out of prison, Jax really had intended to leave Redwood. But he got in over his head with the Cartel, then finding out everything about JT's death had changed things. He couldn't see past his hatred for Clay, and leaving took the back burner. Most women would have left then, but not Tara she took this set back in stride, she supported him and fought for their family.
It was the Otto situation that had tipped Tara over the edge. She had worked so hard to become a doctor. Jax wasn't stupid, he knew the type of career she had given up to move back from Charming. She had come back because of Kohn, but she stayed for Jax. But she didn't mind giving all that up, just as long as she could have Jax and their family. The thing with Otto however, had meant she would never practice medicine again, and it had changed Tara. She was a shell of the person she used to be. It killed Jax knowing that his choice to stay in Charming had done this too her. It killed him even more knowing that while Tara was dealing with all of that, he was sleeping with Collette. It was no wonder she had pulled a gun on him. He knew he would never forget that moment for the rest of his life. It was the moment he knew, he was the reason Tara was broken.
He had to change things. It was time to finally do what Tara wanted and get away from Samcro. He had to get Abel and Thomas out of Charming. And he had to get Abel away from the junkie whore that somehow thought she had some claim on him. Just because she had carried Abel didn't mean she was his mother. And Jax would be damned if Abel every called anyone else but Tara mom. He could practically hear Tara, "Gemma will never let you leave." Well he was going to run her ass over if he had too. He really didn't care what he had to do, he was leaving Charming.