This chapter is getting down to the real issue Robin has with her heart versus her safe mind. This takes a turn for her, she's still with Ted but has been hanging out with Barney more behind Ted's back. She wants to spend her time with Barney because of one reason and one reason alone. She loves him, still after along time being apart but her main problem is these two men fighting over her which cearly does not work for the long term of a relationship. B/R are trying to rekindle that old spark that seems to always be there when they're around each other and Ted and Robin are trying in a new refreshed relationship but they have so many problems and it has to do with Robin's feelings for Barney which Ted does not know about yet. He will though, remember this is a B/R story in which they do get back together but Robin doesn't know how to tell Ted because he loves her too. But, her heart and whole being belongs to Barney.
Also, there will be more of Robin and Ellie's relationship she hadn't seen her since she was a baby but now she's all grown up and loves her aunt Robin.
"So, how are you what's been going on with you lately?"
Barney and Robin have been talking a lot lately, it almost feels like the old days when it was just them alone being themselves and having a good time, but now even though things have changed completely from those times they shared together. They both started talking to each other again for two years. The years they spent apart after the divorce was some of the most loneliest times for both of them but now that Barney has Ellie and is a father (it's so weird that Barney Stinson the man she fell in love with and married some years ago has a child). Robin has watched Barney and Ellie together a lot in the last few months, ever since they became close again and started talking. Once it wasn't so weird and uncomfortable to be around each other. They are back to being Barney and Robin, both of them have been enjoying being close again, so it's nice for Robin to get to spend some time with Barney and Ellie while Ted's away on a business trip and he took the kids with him while Robin stayed in New York to work. It was her excuse to hang with Barney it was their secret to keep none of their friends knew they reconnected and Ted didn't know either because Robin didn't want him to find out that she's spending time with Barney and Ellie after the fight they got into over her almost a year ago on this date.
Ugh, Barney sighs shaking his head. "I knew it. I knew you would do this again Ted. Everytime I turn away for one second you're at Robin's door step with that damn blue french horn. I can't believe you would do that to me. To our friendship, this. This is a new low for you, creeping on my ex wife again after all this time, after Tracy's death. I knew you had feelings for her but not after what you had with Tracy. I thought I could trust you but I guess I can't."
Barney is yelling at the top of his lungs, he's so had it with Ted and his obsession with his ex wife even when he's standing right here in front of both Robin and Ted shouting at both of them.
"Well, it's not my fault that I still love Robin and I know she still loves me. I loved Tracy, she was everything to me but at some point I had to move on and so do you."
Barney has no words left in him to express so all he could do is ball up his fists really tight ready to punch Ted out.
"First of all Robin doesn't love you, she loves me she told me that last night when we were having sex in her bedroom. And, second if you ever loved Tracy you would mourn her, be with your children and spend time with your family. If you want to move on that's fine but why do you always go back to Robin when clearly she does not love you?"
Robin is also standing there watching Barney and Ted yell at each other not knowing what to say after Ted came over with that french horn and saw Barney appear from the other room.
"Okay, just stop it you two. I've had enough, Ted I need you to leave now I need to talk to Barney."
Robin doesn't know why these two men still fight over her or why Ted is here. Okay, she does know why Ted's here but this was not the right time for them to be fighting over her again after all these years and everything that's happened in their lives.
"Fine, but let me tell you I do love Tracy, still love her she was the love of my life but at some point I had to move on and that's why I came here today." Ted's last words made Robin feel uncomfortable especially after she told him while he was still married to Tracy that she does still have some feelings for him but that was an inappropriate time to tell Ted that and she instantly regretted doing that so she moved on with her life until she ran into Barney only a few months ago which lead to them having brunch and talking.
"I'm sorry about Ted, let me explain please."
Robin gestured to Barney to sit down on her couch and he does without saying anything. She follows him and sits next to him facing him.
"A few years ago I told Ted that I had some feelings for him while we caught up during a lunch date, after I was traveling and decided to come back to New York. Tracy was still alive at the time. It was dumb of me to so that especially to Tracy who I did like. I know Tracy and I weren't close but it was a stupid move on my part and I regret doing that. After that I tried to move on so I worked more and stopped trying to have any relationship. I decided to settle down after along time traveling for work in New York again so that's why I think Ted came here tonight. What I told him that was wrong but then I ran into you and I realized that I still loved you, but I was scared to tell you so I didn't. I like Ted, I really do he's one of my best friends but I don't love him like the way he thinks. I love you."
Barney doesn't know exactly what to say, he knows Robin loves him but he still gets the feeling that she might still love Ted. He hates that feeling, it's the same feeling he had over his wedding weekend to Robin after Ted told him that he still had feelings for that woman he was about to marry. And, again after all these years he still has this sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach that maybe, possibly Robin does still loves Ted, maybe even more than him which is the worst feeling he's ever had felt. It's even worse than divorcing Robin when he loved her and that was the last thing he wanted. This is killing him, not knowing if Robin is being sincere or is lying to him, maybe a little over the fact that she still has some feelings left for him that she isn't telling him. Even after the night they had together just last night.
Barney turns to Robin after not looking at her at all while she told him the story about her feelings for Ted. He's so angry at Ted and now angry with Robin for keeping this a secret from him after they rekindled? Their relationship after so long being apart from each other. He's so confused and angry, he doesn't know what to say.
"Robin, I know you still have feelings for him that's obvious even on the day I married you I knew he still had feelings for you and it killed me then to think that the woman I was about to marry still had feelings for my best friend. This kills me to say this but..."
He looks away trying to contain the tears that were about to burst from his eyes. This was more painful then falling in love with her, more painful then the time she picked another guys over him, painful when he had to watch her date every single guy there was when he still loved her, more painful than when Ted told him on his wedding weekend that he still loved Robin and even more painful when Robin asked him if he wanted an out of their marriage. He doesn't know what's more painful but he does know that the look Robin is giving him right now is an honest look. He knows this look very well, the look of her crying with her desperate sad eyes and looking like she wants to go run and hide in her bedroom. It's the same look she had the night they had their first kiss and ever since then that look was also very painful to look at.
She wasn't denying it, it was written all over her tear stained face. She does still have feelings for Ted, he knew it. This was the thing that killed him, knowing that Robin still has feelings for Ted after they decided to try and give their relationship another go-around. It's a never ending thing with them, with her. She's always been so confused about her own life, what she wants, who she wants, who she loves. This has been her MO, her way of getting out of something that she clearly does want but this is just not one thing she's getting out of it's two things. Him and Ted!
"I'm so sorry Barney, I didn't mean to upset you I'm just really confused about everything right now. I love you both but I told you last night that I loved YOU and that wasn't a lie. I love you, always have and always will. If you don't understand that by now then I..."
"No, I do understand it. I understand you perfectly, loud and clear. Robin, I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore, I do love you. More than anything (Ellie not included) and when we divorced it killed me, so much so that after it I started to not care about anything or anyone until Ellie of course. But, that doesn't take away from how devastated I was when we divorced. I-I can't do this again Robin, I love you so much that I'm willing to do you a favor. I'm going to leave, we can still be friends but this sickening feeling I have at the pit of my stomach over you and your feelings for another man, a man who was my best friend. I can't do this anymore, so I'm leaving because as much as I want to be with you I can't do that while you still have feelings for Ted. I thought I could wipe this out of my mind but I can't and that's the most devastating thing in the word to me."
Barney stands up then slowly and sweetly kisses Robin on the head like he's always done after they fought and they would make up or anytime she was upset with something and they talked about it till dawn in the morning.
"Bye, Robin." He sadly walks towards the door leaving Robin sitting on the couch watching him walk out of her life again. She didn't have the energy to get off of that couch and run to him before he's gone forever again, she wanted so desperately to get up and tell him by just one kiss, one passionate kiss on his hot pink lips (lips that always seemed to get her going and made her days and nights completed) those lips made her weak and she knew her lips made him weak but she could seems to get up. This devastated her heart. Again, and again, and again this man has walked out on her, they walked out on each other and she walked out on him but each other they stayed. They stayed because their love was stronger than any fight they had or anytime they felt lonely and missed each other. But, now she couldn't do that, so she stays until the door closes behind Barney and he's gone from her apartment. From her life again... That's when she loses it.
"Damn it, I messed it up again." He left again, he left and she stayed pitifully on this god damn couch with no movement or no sounds coming out of her mouth. He left and now he's gone again after so long being apart and not talking. He left again this time for good. She knows she could never find a way to get back to the times when Barney made her feel special and free it was the times when she thought that the feeling of being alive, being with one man, not only one man but Barney. Was the only thing she ever wanted but now that''s over again. The man she still wanted and loved is gone again and she doesn't blame him for walking out on her again.
"I'm doing great, actually I have a new job which I wanted to tell you the other day when we met for lunch but we talked about other things so I didn't get to bring it up. Ellie's doing great in school too."
Barney is in a good place after that heartbreaking time in his life, in their lives but all of what happened might have been for the best... Until, Robin told him something he never expected to hear after their day was over and Ellie went to bed.
In chapter 4 I'll explain more of the reason why Ted doesn't know about B/R's relationship and why Robin is keeping this a secret. Think B/R between seasons 4 and 5 their secret summer, minus the hotness of their sexual relationship they were in love then and they still are it's just Robin's been terrified to go back to Barney because she doesn't want to ruin things with them again.