I don't own Naruto. Yadda Yadda Yadda…

For the next three day's I found a set of books sitting at my door. I never actually read them. Not my cup of tea, but I didn't think it was right to simply leave them out there. So I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at what happened next. You see…

(Shimmering vintage fade to flashback)

It had been three days and the group was seated at the practice grounds after running off a group of genin. Seems telling them you were the new proctors of the chunnin exams and would fail them if they didn't beat it was a perfect way to clear a field. Of course, they could have gone with Kiba's idea but no one wanted to scar the kids for life.

"It's day three. What do you have to report?" Shikamaru lorded over the group.

Everyone gave him a quizzical look. It seems they hadn't covered this part of their mission in their hurry to get started. Shikamaru was chagrin to find he'd slipped by this much. Apparently Kiba wasn't the only shinobi who was having trouble dealing with the prospect of a pure and chaste Kakashi. Except Shino, who thought almost every jonin in town was gay.

"Well, since his patterns haven't changed and none of us have been approached by the target, we need to move on to phase two of our plan." Shikamaru lectured.

"So, what's phase two?" Sakura said from her perch on the target post. "Kidnapping and reprogramming?"

Everyone turned wide eyes on Sakura.

"What?" She swung her feet lightly with a dreamy smile on her face.

"Oiy Sakura, you've really put some thought into that." Naruto chimed in with a wary look.

"A little too much thought." Ino intoned.

"Sounds like a GREAT idea to me! When do we get started?" TenTen called with enthusiasm.

Shikamaru shook his head and blew out a puff of air before staring up at the clouds. When did my life get so troublesome? He thought as he stared up at the passing clouds. Moments passed and the others wondered if the lazy ninja had fallen asleep. He had, in fact but was rudely awakened by bad breath and a wet tongue. "That had better be Akamaru."

"So what's the plan?" Kiba asked, pulling his companion back to him.

Shikamaru sat up and crossed his arm. "We collect visual stimulation. Anything that has both words and pictures to help his mind see something other than his own imagination. Since his imagination seems to be limited in this arena, I think we should stick with magazines and books. We just need to collect them and…"

"There's one problem with that." Shino said. "We're underage. We can't buy the books at the stand nor get them from the library."

"I can always get medical books from Tsunada. Since I use them all the time she won't asked questions if I borrow them." Sakura offered.

Hinata spoke up then. "But won't medical books scare Kakashi?" Everyone looked at her. She blushed and looked down. "I m-me-mean, won't they b-be a little to d-d-detailed for him? They are ki-kind of g-gr-graphic."

"She's right. This needs to be books for the general populace. Something you can get at the market." Shikamaru decreed.

"Porn." Kiba said and eyed Hinata from the opposite side of Akamaru.

"Which we can't buy." Repeated Shino.

They all pondered this new problem for several moments. At least most of them did. Naruto started picking his nails and Kiba scoped out Hinata. Finally TenTen looked up, her face alight but stern.

"I think I know where we can get what we're looking for." She started. "But I'm going to need Hinata's help to get it."

Ino scoffed. "Since when do you have porn?"

"I don't." TenTen smiled. "But I know someone who does."

o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

TenTen stopped in front of the door to the small Hyuuga house with Hinata by her side. Both girls looked at the other and with a nod knocked together. Moments passed and the sound of footsteps was followed shortly by the door swinging open. Neji Hyuuga stood framed in the door staring down at his cousin and his teammate. The look on his face showed relief and both girl puzzled over it.

"I'm glad they finally sent someone over here, though I didn't expect it to be you, TenTen. Thanks for showing her in, Hinata." Neji stepped back to allow the girls inside.

They both hesitated. Neji never let ANYONE in his home unless they forced their way in. He noticed their unease and sighed.

"The ANBU didn't send you did they?" He stretched an arm to indicate they should enter and closed the door as they shrugged and moved inside.

"I'm sorry. It's just that he's been so… well, he's Lee. That's the only explanation I have for him."

They moved down a small hall and into the back corner room. There, on a small bedroll lay a dirty, smiling Lee. He was also, from what could be seen through the sheet, completely naked.

"What happened?" Hinata stared wide eyed at the older boy. He was still sporting his mud-stache from their last meeting.

"I don't know. The ANBU brought him by early yesterday morning. Seems for the past two days he's been spotted running naked in the streets, performing acrobatic and contortion moves for anyone who would watch. Apparently a lot of parents were getting worried about their daughters. Then yesterday morning he was on the main road spouting poetry and asking the favor of some young ladies to share the beauty of the youthful love he'd recently learned. Since he was still naked they picked him up, but they couldn't deal with him. He kept 'performing' for the female ANBU." TenTen shuddered. "So they brought him hear and told me to keep an eye on him until they could get someone to pick him up. I thought it was odd they'd send you but since you're closer to his family compound I just thought maybe…"

They all took another look at the sleeping green menace. Images of his two day romp through the streets filled all of their heads and they moved as one out the door before their nightmare became a reality and he woke.

Neji closed the door with a sigh. "I'm beginning to think I'm going to have to keep him." He shuddered. "So, what brings you here? Was there something you needed?"

He was back to being his stoic self.

"I'm s-sorry we bothered y-you cousin." Hinata blushed lightly and hung her head.

Neji's brow furrowed and TenTen glared at him, letting him know if he said anything negative she'd make him pay. He glared at her but answered politely if a bit stiffly.

"It's no bother, cousin." He turned and started for the front of the house.

So much for a tour, TenTen thought. But since she was sure he'd had a bad night with Lee in the house she cut him a little slack and decided to cut to the chase.

"Neji." She stopped as they reached the door and Neji turned as he reached for the handle. "We need your porn."

His hand hesitated on the door as he looked at her with sick horror. His gazed moved to Hinata standing behind her and he pushed open the door with more force than was necessary. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He said in the snottiest voice he could muster. "Now if you'll excuse me I need to…"

"I'll take Lee with me." TenTen cut in.

"I'll get the Penthouse."

Neji shut the door and headed to his room. TenTen and Hinata smiled and bumped hips.

"That was easier than I thought." Hinata spoke softly.

TenTen breathed on her nails and polished them on her chest.

"When opportunity knocks, swing open the door and drag it in kicking and screaming."

Hinata thought about that and as visions of a spiky haired blond shinobi filled her head. She smiled. "When opportunity knocks. I'll have to remember that."

o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

Well, hope it's enough to keep everyone's interest. Next up, phase three and some new faces.