I don't own Naruto. Poor world.

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Over the next three day's I was bombarded by copy's of magazines featuring women in little to no clothing and small phrases to describe their activities or other vital points about them (though I don't know how a woman enjoying being smeared in honey and left for a wicked ferocious bear to 'devour' her could be considered vital). Though this wasn't something I'd normally find of interest I did begin to enjoy the correspondence and articles also featured. On the third day, however, I realized I was being watched...

(dramatic musical fade to flashback)

The group decided to meet at Ichiraku's to hand in reports. Neji would have liked to believe the choice of food had been Naruto's but was surprised to find it had been TenTen's idea. Not that he cared. As long as he didn't have to look over Lee any longer they could eat pretzels in a bar. From the corner of his eye he saw Uzumaki Naruto standing in the entrance of an alley. He raised his hand to wave then stopped and slowed his steps. A figure moved up behind the young blond and held out a rolled scroll. Naruto took it without looking back then the figure leaned in. It was ANBU. The mask a stilted pattern of black and red. There must have been a brief word said because the boy nodded then the ANBU slipped back into the shadows of the alley. By this time Neji had stopped in the middle of the street, someone bumped him and dropped a bag. Neji bent to retrieve it and having apologized for being in the way, turned back to see Naruto was gone. He scanned the area for a moment then left to meet with the others. He only wondered what ANBU would be delivering to the blond Genin and if Naruto knew he'd been watching?

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"So what's the plan now?" Sakura sat with one leg crossed over the other at one end of the long table, a bowl of tonkotsu ramen in her hand. The creamy sauce dripping from the ends of her chop sticks.

"Well, with Naruto's report it seems our last attempt didn't go all that well." Shikamaru told the group.

"How do you mean?" TenTen asked around a boiled egg.

"It seems he's reading the articles." Shikamaru explained.

"Reading the... no one reads the articles." Neji stated with mild irritation. If all the man was going to do was read them, he wanted them back. He hadn't slept well in the past three days since he gave them to TenTen. He was glad to be rid of Lee but it was pointless to waste good material on someone who was only going to read it.

"Apparently Kakashi does." Ino intoned as she pushed her empty bowl aside.

"Might I make a suggestion?" Shino asked.

"No!" The entire group yelled at once, earning a few started looks from the tables around them. Choji looked up from his meal and waved to the group before standing and moving over to join them.

"What's going on?" Choji asked as he swallowed the last of his meal and sat at the other end of the table from Sakura.

"Kakashi reads romance novels." Ino said plainly.

"No kidding?" Choji replied and lifted a noodle from Shikamaru's nearly untouched bowl.

The group gave a collective sigh and moved on to the subject at hand.

"So, since phase one and two were a bust it's on to phase three." Shikamaru laid out a map of the village marked in specific areas. "First off, we need to get our hands on some 'educational' videos. The more graphic the better." He spread a hand over the map and started pointing to the marked areas. "Next, we secure the subject. These are Kakashi's usual haunts. We need to try and find out which days and times are most consistent then..."

"Snatch and Grab! Got it!" Sakura announced.

The room focused on them again but as the silence grew attention began to dissipate. Neji eyed the map in front of Shikamaru, recognizing it as the scroll given to Naruto in the alley. Curious?

"As I was saying,"Shikamaru continued in a much more subdued tone. "We need to pinpoint where he spends the most time at the same time every day."

All eyes blinked and Kiba rubbed his temples. Shikamaru huffed and leaned back in his chair.

"If he keeps changing location every day we'll never catch him. We need to find the one consistency in his day. The one place he goes every day that is relatively empty of pedestrians so we don't get caught."

All mouths formed a silent "O" of understanding and all heads nodded.

"How a-about h-h-here?" Hinata leaned over the table and pressed her finger to a spot on the map.

Shikamaru did a double take from the map to Hinata's shirt. Was it lower cut than usual? He didn't remember Hinata showing cleavage before? Someone cleared their throat and the shadow-nin shook himself, looking back to the map.

"The monument at the grave site?" He looked up at Hinata puzzled.

She blushed but continued ahead, excited that Naruto had noticed Shikamaru's stare and called him on it. Even if it was only clearing his throat. "I go on a t-training run every m-m-morning." She cleared her own throat and inwardly steadied her nerves. This was a report. Nothing to be bashful over. "I pass by on my way back to the grounds. He's a-always there."

Everyone stopped to think this over. Akamaru yipped and scratched behind his ear.

"So we grab him at the marker... and what?" Ino asked.

"First we need to make preparations. Naruto, you said you have someone keeping an eye on him right now?" Shikamaru glanced at the blond.

"Yeah." Naruto lifted both arms behind him head. Two heads moved with the expansion of his chest. "They'll keep an eye on him for us."

"Who?" Neji cut in. "Who's watching Kakashi for us?"

Naruto grinned stupidly and laughed. "Ah, never mind that! It's just someone I promised a favor to, thats all."

Everyone rolled their eyes, no doubt believing the most unpredictable knuckle headed ninja had gotten Konohamaru to spy for him. Most likely he'd be spotted but they were all capable ninja. They had no doubt they would be able to catch the crafty jonin.

"Alright. Let's hear some suggestions on material." Shikamaru looked over the group.

Choji, who'd been mostly ignored and had taken Shikamaru's ramen, looked up from the now empty bowl and tapped the table with his chop sticks. "I know where you can find some."

Everyone stared. Choji looked around the table as he lifted a napkin to his lips. "What? Asuma has a ton of stuff at his place. I can show you if you want."

Shikamaru and Ino both blinked.

"How do you know about video's at Asuma's place?" Shikamaru asked suspiciously. "I've never seen any."

"They're in the back, past the bedroom. No one goes back there but him and..."

"Then how do YOU know about it." Ino cut in.

"He gave me a couple and told me it would help me understand a few things..." Choji blushed and looked out the door to the shop. Across the street a young girl stood behind the counter at the barbecue stand, smiling and waving."

"Ooooooh! That's soooo cute!" Ino squealed.

The guys rolled their eyes and Choji waved back at the young girl before turning back to the conversation.

"Can you get us in?" Shino asked with obvious lack of faith.

"Sure," Choji said with a smile. "I have a key."

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As one, the group of ten stepped into Asuma Sarutobi's home. It was well kept and nicely furnished. Music was coming from the back of the house.

"I thought you said he wasn't home?" Sakura asked as they walked down the hall toward the back rooms.

The music was emanating from an open door on the left and a bookshelf could be plainly seen from the door at the end of the hall.

"He's on a mission. Won't be back until tomorrow." Shikamaru replied. "We have a shogi match the next day. I'm hoping we're done with this by then. I don't want to miss winning another free meal."

Ino snickered and Choji smiled as they came up to the room with the blaring music. It was the bedroom. Something with a heavy bouncing beat was playing inside and the door to the bathroom was open, steam pouring out. Everyone stuck their nose in the door to see and Choji started to pull it closed when a hand emerged from the cloud of smoke. It was soon followed by a leg and them a white clad hip. The hip disappeared back into the fog only to come out again as the music tempo picked up. Everyone stared, rooted to the spot as two small feet pushed and slid across the floor in some strange dance move, followed by a set of bare wet shoulders shrouded by black hair. The arms slid out behind the figure again and this time a well rounded, towel covered ass shook it's way out of the steam and across the floor. Everyone sweat dropped as Kurenai threw her arms up over her head and did a full body sway that made the towel slip slightly to show a peek at the round sides of her breast.

"Oh, don't worry about her. She's always here." Choji told the others.

Kurenai spun on a heel and the towel fell off.

Thud...

"Oh for the love of... KIBA! GET UP!!"

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We're not just yet folks. Next up, picking suitable porn. Read and Review please!