(Slipping)
She has no idea who did this and no idea how to find out.
Ever since they'd been told that Will was alive –and even though he hadn't said it, Hope had heard the 'still' in Daniel's voice in such a way that made her wonder how long Will was going to stay alive – she and Rafe had been working on trying to find out who did this. The problem is, there's no real evidence. The would-be murder weapon is gone, probably taken by whoever it was that had done this. Will himself is still unconscious, and even if he wakes up – which didn't even seem certain – they can't be certain that Will will remember who did this. All they have is the phone call to 911, but even that isn't helping them. They did tell her it might help them in the future but for now it isn't helpful. Hope thought the voice sounded familiar, but it was so distorted by the emotion in the caller's voice, she couldn't really tell. And even if they find the caller there is no proof that he was the perp.
They just have no evidence.
Hope suspects, especially by the way he was acting, that E.J. DiMera – and perhaps Victor Kiriakas – knows more. That they know something she doesn't, or at least suspect something. It's not like it's the first time, considering who they are. But if they do, and it was an if, she has no way of discovering it. They will never tell, her and if they do find whoever did this, then they will make him – or her – pay in their very own way. If someone turns up dead suddenly in the next few weeks, then she will know that was the person that tried to kill WIll. She doesn't like it, not one bit, but she has no control over it. Nobody could ever control the DiMera's, not even if they tried, and Victor might have mellowed out a bit over the years, but he is just as dangerous now as he had been before. Especially when someone attacks his family. And Sonny is his favourite nephew.
If she wants the person responsible to be alive when he – or she – pays for his – or her – crime, then she must find this person before either of them does. She just doesn't know how they're going to do that.
There's no evidence. No threats were levelled against Will, there was really nobody in his life that wanted to kill him. Except for one thing, one thing that has been nagging on her mind since she began this investigation. One person that several people have already reminded her of. Nick. Nick had been trying to steal Ari away from Will for weeks. Nick had been trying to make sure that Will barely saw his own daughter, and he had been unwilling to listen to reason from anyone. Not even the people that loved him and wanted what was best for all of them. Nick was determined to get the family he wanted and Will wasn't a part of that. Hope knows that. And she knows that things were starting to get really out of hand, she knows that Nick was getting more and more angry.
But stabbing Will? It just doesn't seem right. It just doesn't seem like something Nick would do. For one thing it would mean risking going back to prison and Nick would never do that, not after what happened to him there. And Nick does truly seem to care about Will, even if he has a very peculiar way of showing it. Besides why would he do it? Sure he was trying to keep Ari away from Will, but stabbing him, killing him? No it just doesn't seem right. It wasn't Nick it couldn't be.
Hope dismisses the possibility and focusses on the case again.
She ignores the persistent voice in the back of her mind that tells her that Nick is a true suspect. And that she shouldn't ignore him. Not even if the guilt of not having realized how far off the reservation he had gotten was getting to her. Not even if she realized that she could have stopped this if she'd just done something. She had to accept the possibility, even if it meant accepting that this was partly her fault.
She can't, not yet.
He can't stay here forever.
Nick knows that.
He can't hide in this room forever, not even if he wants to. People are too used to seeing him around town, to seeing him getting into other people's business. Him not being around for a very long time will odd, unless he has a good reason to be. Like moving away for a job. But people would find it strange that after doing so much to get Gabi and Ari, and to drive a wedge between Gabi and Will, he would just give up. They would want an explanation.
Perhaps if he just convinces Marlena. He'd left her a message, before the whole thing with Will happened. He remembers sounding desperate and pleading for help, something he had meant at the time. Perhaps if he goes to talk with her, she might be able to give him some way to explain why he is leaving. It seems wrong to go and talk to the women when he has killed her grandson, though she was unaware of it.
Except he hasn't killed him, has he.
Will is still alive.
He'd gotten the call from his Aunt Julie just an hour ago. She'd sounded worried, and she'd told him that will is still alive, but in a coma. (Still alive, she'd said, like they weren't sure he would live.) When she'd told him, Nick hadn't wanted to believe it at first, but once it did sink it he'd felt like he could breathe again. Because he hadn't killed Will. He hadn't done that. He'd hurt him, badly, but he hadn't killed him and that was something. He wouldn't have to carry that around everywhere. Except of course for the fact that if Will is alive – and he hopes that Will stays alive – then he would wake up at some point and he might remember that it was him, Nick, who did this to him. And he'd end up back in prison.
Perhaps he shouldn't try to find some excuse or reason, perhaps he should just leave and regardless of what everyone would think about it. If he got far enough they might never find him. He'll never be able to come back, he knows that, but he might be able to stay out of prison. He might be able to find some help.
That's what he'll do.
He'll get away.
Because he's not going back to prison, he's not.
He can't.
He's not even sure he'll make it to prison. Sami will probably just kill him before he gets there.
He's alive.
For the first time in hours Gabi feels like she can breathe again. She's eternally grateful to T for that simple message. Just letting you know, he'd said, Will is alive, he's in a coma and they're not sure when he'll wake up, but he's alive. She knows he's not ok. She knows that the fact that he's in a coma doesn't mean he'll be alright. He's still alive and for now she'll take it because there's not much else she can do. She has to believe that he will be alright and the fact that he's alive is helping a lot with that. She has to believe it because Ari needs him. Because she needs him. Because she couldn't live with herself if he were to die. Because if he were to die she'd never be able to hold her daughter again.
Because it would be her fault.
She knows now that it was Nick, knows it with every fibre of her being. She can't prove it, she hasn't even spoken to him. But once the shock wore off a little, once she allowed herself to accept the possibility that she might be responsible for this, she realized that she just knew. Nothing else made sense. If it wasn't Nick , then he was just really, really unlucky, to have someone attempt to kill someone he wanted out of the way at the exact moment it was best for him. And she knows that's not what happened. She knows. It was Nick. Perhaps he'd intended to do it, planned it out in every detail, perhaps it had been an impulse, it hardly mattered. He had done this and she knows it.
There's no way to prove it but she knows it.
And it's her fault.
Because Nick was only in their lives because of her. She can hear Will's voice in her head, telling her to stop blaming herself, that he doesn't blame her. (Because that was Will ,easy to forgive, easy to tell others not to feel guilty. Even though he himself constantly feels guilty about things that are not his fault.) But she blames herself and that was enough.
He has to live.
God, please let him live.
Because she loves him. Because Ari loves him. Because if he dies she'll never forgive herself. Because Ari will never forgive her, either.
He has to be alright because who else will protect her and Ari from Nick?
Who else?
He should have already left.
Nick knows that. He should not have lingered. He should have left the second he'd packed his bag. He knows he can't go into town and say goodbye to anyone. Even if no one knows what he has done it seems so wrong. Even if they can't prove it he knows, that Sami and E.J. and probably others think he has done this. E.J. and Sami won't just wait for him to go to prison, no he won't survive that encounter. He should leave before E.J. DiMera finds him here, he should. He can't go to see Gabi and say goodbye to her, he can't.
But he loves her.
He loves her and he wants to say goodbye to her. So he lingers. His packed bags were there, all he has to do is pick them up and run, but he can't. Instead sits there, waiting to hear any news, thinking that perhaps he might still be able to talk himself out of this. Because Will isn't dead, he hasn't killed him, he hasn't done that, and that is the most important part, isn't it? Surely, the fact that Will is alive, counts for something?
He knows it doesn't make sense, he's not a complete idiot, he knows that the fact that he tried to kill Will is enough. But still. If he can just convince them it wasn't him, that it was someone else, he might still be able to hold onto his old life. Except, of course, that it's all gone, because even if he can convince everyone else Will will know. Will will remember. Will Horton will be able to tell the world that he did this.
He should go.
He gets up and grabs his bags just as someone knocks on his door.
It's already too late.
He'll make it quick.
He'll just go to where Nick is hiding – he already knows where it is – and he'll kill the other boy. He won't drag the moment out. Not because he doesn't want to, because he really, really does, but because he doesn't have time. He shouldn't even be doing this. It's rule number one. If you don't want to get caught doing something bad, something that will end with you going to prison, don't do the illegal thing yourself. Pick someone that can't be connected with you, someone who understands that one never, ever betrays a DiMera, and sit back and watch the fireworks. That's how one does not end up in prison. But he doesn't have time to wait.
The last time he waited, William ended up in the hospital.
He will not allow anything else to happen to Sami's son, to his step-son.
So he'll have to do it himself, right now, it's the only choice he has. He knows where Nick is – and he even has an alibi. He's made sure that everyone that matters is in the hospital and he's on his way home to check on Ali. The staff will back him up, and nobody will think he did it himself. Not a DiMera. They will look for proof that he hired someone, but they won't find any because he didn't.
He'll do this now.
Today.
But when he gets to where Nick is hiding Rafe and Hope are standing in front of Nick's door. He can't do it with them there and he can't wait around for them to looks like Nick will get a short reprieve.
That doesn't mean he'll escape.
Rafe was the one who said it out loud.
Hope hadn't wanted to acknowledge the very real possibility. She had accepted it a while ago – even if she hadn't wanted to – but she hadn't wanted to say it. Because she should have seen how lost Nick was, how much help he needed, how dangerous he was. But she hadn't seen it and she now has to accept that it was all true. Because if Nick had truly tried to kill Will, then she needs to arrest him and put him back in jail. She'd make sure he got help and that he's protected from having those horrible things happen to him again, but she will not allow him to walk free. She can't. And even if she could, even if she wanted to, she wouldn't be able to. Rafe would never let her. Rafe is furious because Nick was quite close to his little sister, leaving her in a lot of danger. Rafe will get Nick, if it is the last thing he does, and no matter what Hope might want or think there is no way she can get around it. But they have no evidence.
All they have is what they know. They know that Nick is dangerous, they've always known that. They know that Nick was losing his grip on reality, that he was losing control. They know that it was getting worse, because Marlena called to tell them about the voice mail. (She suspects the other women too thinks that Nick did this. Hell, she thinks everyone thinks that.) They also know that Nick would do anything in his power that get what he wanted, and Will was directly in the way of what he wanted the most. They know all of that. But none of that is proof. The only evidence they have is a phone call they haven't traced yet and Will's statement, which he hasn't given because he's still not awake. Still Rafe insisted they go and talk to Nick.
Perhaps the boy will confess and save them all the trouble.
He should have left.
If he had he would not be having this horrible conversation. When he'd heard someone at his door he'd first thought it would be E.J. DiMera and that these were his last moments on earth. Instead it was his Aunt Hope and Rafe – the man who, for a very short time, had been his brother-in-law. He'd breathed a sigh of relief. Not because he thought the conversation would be simple or not dangerous. But because no matter how angry Rafe looks and no matter how disappointed Hope is, he knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he will survive the conversation. He will not be killed by them. He knows that. But there is still the conversation to get through. And he can't slip, he can't let them know it was him because he will not be going to prison.
He will not return to prison.
He will not.
All he has to do is not incriminate himself. They have no proof it was him, they just think it was. He knows that because if they had any evidence they would have arrested him already. And the fact that Roman – Will's grandfather – is not here makes him suspect that they didn't tell anyone they were coming here. It's pretty obvious they're believe he did it, and when they start talking about the phone call he knows that it won't be that long before they know for sure. They already do, but it won't be long before they can prove it, too. He'll have to be gone before that.
"I haven't been anywhere but here today. I don't know what you're talking about. I did not hurt Will, I would never do that."
He wonders, briefly, if he sounds as unbelievable to anyone else as he does to himself.
Is it just because he knows?
They don't stay long – and Nick supposes the biggest stroke of luck he has is the fact that they never see his packed bags. At least he managed to hide those. He suspects if they had seen them he'd already be in cuffs. Hope is the one who tells him they will be back soon. They both know that he has done this, Nick understands, they both know, even if Hope can't prove it right now. He wishes he could explain, but he still can't quite explain it to himself. He's lost, there is no way he can stay here and get what he wanted so much. He has to leave this town behind forever.
Right before he leaves Rafe turns around, looks him straight in the eyes and says: "I don't believe you. I'm going to prove it was you, and then I will come back to arrest you. Stay away from Gabi or you'll regret it."
And then they're gone.
Nick sinks down on the floor beside his bed and waits. He waits for a full half hour to pass, until he's sure that Hope and Rafe are truly gone before he grabs his bags and leaves his home behind.
He's lost.
All that is left is leaving and never coming back.
His hands are shaking.
They've let him into Will's room for a few minutes even though Will needs to rest. At least they've let him in so that he can see him. He's mostly grateful for it. He's grateful for the fact that he can see Will, that despite the fact that he is pale as a ghost he can tell that Will is breathing. He can hear his heart beat. He can hold Will's hand. But Will is pale and unmoving and it scares him, it truly, truly does. He thought last year was the worst. He'd truly, truly thought that. He'd thought the worst moments of his life were when he'd been told that Will had been shot. He'd thought that waiting period was the worst that could ever happen to him. He'd made Will promise him that would never happen again and that was that. He'd convinced himself it wouldn't happen again and they would just go on with their lives.
It was still one of the worst moments of his life, but it was nothing compared to this.
At least Will is alive, he thinks, at least he can hold him.
He hasn't lost him.
Not yet, not yet, not yet. He can hear it in the Daniel's voice every time he talks to him. He's not dead, they say. Not yet, he hears.
He won't lose him.
He can't lost him.
He can't live without him, he doesn't know how and he doesn't want to try. He doesn't want to find out what the world without Will will look like.
He doesn't want to know.
Will's heart is beating, he knows that. He's breathing. He is not dead. Those are the things he must focus on. Will's hand is cold in his, but he doesn't let go. He has to hold on. Someone tells him to talk to Will, that perhaps his husband can hear him. And so he does. He talks about Ari and Gabi and all that has happened. He weaves together a happy future where they are the perfect happy family.
He imagines a world in which Will wakes and they take Arianna (and Gabi) on a holiday.
He hopes that Will can hear him.
He hopes it will wake him.
It has to.
Because he doesn't know how to live without him.
The world is no longer dark.
He's no longer floating, either. Or, perhaps he'd never been floating. Perhaps he'd always been falling, or flying (though he doesn't think he was doing that at the end). It doesn't matter what he was doing in that darkness back then, he's no longer doing it now. He's not sure where he is, though. Well, he knows where he is. He's in his and Sonny's apartment, though it's completely empty. The furniture is there and all of their stuff is scattered around, but he's the only one in it. He can't even hear anything besides his own breathing. Most importantly there is no door, no way of getting out of this place. So he knows where he is, but he doesn't know how he got there or how to get back home.
Perhaps he is dead, perhaps this is whatever comes next.
Is he supposed to wait for the people he loves?
That would just be horrible.
There's nothing he can do but sit here and wait, though. He's already looked through the entire place and tried to open every window but there is no way out. So he waits. He looks around and he waits for some sign that he is not dead, that there is some way for him to get back to Sonny and Ari. And then he hears it. It's Sonny's voice. He can't hear what he's saying, it's too distant, too soft, for him to be able to distinguish any of the words.
But it is Sonny's voice.
And that means something.