I'd like to note that this chapter (and the rest of this fanfiction) contains several of my personal headcannons for the TF2 group.

Also I'd like to point out that majority of the time with the accents, especially the American ones, the over-accent is intentional. We are seeing things through a sort of third person omni-present perspective on Decoy's own take of the group and the things around her. Thus, the accents are even more foreign to her at times.

As for the explanation of the candle, majority of the Philippines is Roman Catholic, and in many religions candles are often used to make a sort of connection between God or to simply dispel the emotional darkness around a person.

Sorry for the long wait also. Exams are getting started up, plus it was my brother's birthday and a nephew-in-law got born so...Yeah, been sparse on time.

Thank you, that is all for now.

Enjoy!

Decoy shuffled back into the base, groaning as she popped her back with a small grunt. A full week of non stop missions had slapped her in the face it seemed, and it was all reminiscent of that first battle.

Get killed a lot.

Get yelled at a lot.

Get some assist kills via Spy, with a few sometimes from Heavy or Sniper...

Man, was this how Medic felt?

If so then that guy deserved a raise...

"Congrats Maggot!" Soldier's booming voice made the Filipino jump, and give a grunt when he slapped her on the back. "You made it through your first week of war!"

"H-ha..Ha...Yeah..." She gave a shaky smile, and murmuring to herself. "Barely..."

"This calls for a celebration!"

"Hu-"

Just like that she was dragged away and the men seemed to be giving her some what pitying looks. Dear god, what was going to happen to her?

It didn't take long actually, their walk was rather short as they went outside to the training area. He made a few turns, going to the place that he always seemed to head off in during training periods...Well, when he wasn't yelling at her to shoot the targets, anyway.

"Let me tell ya Decoy, I was worried that you weren't gonna stay around long." The male hummed out as they walked. "Away from home, your loved ones, it can make any good warrior feel like turnin' around and runnin' back."

She looked up at Soldier, quirking an eyebrow. "..Uh-huh.."

"But you! You've kept on tugging! Sure ya stumbled around a lot, but ya still got through it! Now look at where ya are, done with your first week of real war. Some men would have turned around and peed their little cupcake undies after looking at what you have seen! Yet you still look ready to fight!"

"..Uh...Huh.."

"I'm proud of you." He grinned, patting her back. "Which is why I think you deserve to see my heads."

...His...

Heads?

They turned around a building and she looked right on ahead, pausing and taking a step back when she sees an actual row of heads...Okay...That...

That was unsettling...

"Well? What do ya think?"

She looked up at the proudly beaming Soldier. It seemed as though he was showing her his war trophies basically...Okay, be nice. Just...Just pretend that it was pig heads! Yeah! Yeah, that's good! Easier to think about! "T'ey are wonderp'ul."

"Thank you! Took me a good, long time ta get them all. But I toughed it out! Ya see, the Scout one was from a battle that we had in back a few months ago. He was a slippery one and.."

Decoy was left to nod her head, glancing at the heads and forcing the image of pig ones..

Fat.

Bloody..

Juicy...

Succulent..

Roasted-

Oh shoot.

Was it bad that she was getting hungry at the thought of the heads on the fence...?

"Uhm.." She cut off the Soldier, earning a confused look from him. "Maybe...We should eat-g'ee't food?"

He grinned and nodded his head, giving her a proud pat on the back. "Just like a warrior of war! Good and hungry after a battle! Alright, I'll whip up some of my grade-A MRE food! You'll love it!"

She didn't love it.

In fact the food just sat in her stomach like a brick.

It was the toughest battle that she and the other mercenaries had faced that day. Yet they all pulled through, and got out of there by some stroke of luck.

"Wait! There's left overs!" Soldier yelled out after them as they practically bolted out of the room. "Hmph..Welp, more for me then."

The next day at work, everyone seemed rather up beat. No one was slouching, and even Decoy seemed a bit hopeful for today's agenda. If everything went according to plan, then they can keep the checkpoints like usual.

She ran up ahead with Scout, grinning as she kept her ax smoothly in her hands, waiting in the valley of Dustbowl to peek through the metal gate.

"G'day Sheila." The Blu Sniper hummed out, tipping his hat to her as the seconds ticked on.

"Ah, hello Snip'ee'r. How are you?"

"Fine, thank ya' for askin'."

"No probl'ee'm, ready to die?"

"Heh, we'll see who'll be dyin' ta'day."

The BLU sniper was the only person who she could distract like this. Scout, Soldier, and Demoman weren't very focusing on just one person. Heavy and Medic would team up and get everyone with Pyro. The Engineer was a stationary soul, and wouldn't get easily distracted from his machines..Spy was terrifying to tease or talk to like this..

So that left the distant and watching Sniper to be victim of verbal game play.

She was a bit worried actually about the smirk that was on his face as he took the steps back to go back behind the corner. Something...Wasn't right..

Something didn't feel right..

"Mission begins in ten seconds."

She shook off the feeling, shaking her head a bit as she took a few steps back, brandishing her ax.

"Five..Four..Three..Two..One."

The horn blared and the gates opened, with Decoy waiting aat the entrance of the middle gate..And paling as a figure stepped around the corner instead.

It wasn't just any figure though..

It was her.

Quite literally.

The RED Decoy was staring at the BLU dressed one, the clothing similiar besides colors. Red was blue, orange was silver, yellow was slate grey, and black was...Well, still black actually.

Both woman took a step back, eyes wide as they stared at one another..They leaned to the right, and leaned to the left, trying to understand just what they were seeing..

Before finally understanding that what they were looking at, was themselves.

The RED Decoy opened her mouth to speak, and saw her BLU counterpart had done the same..Each closed their mouth, paling...

"DECOY! NEED YA OUT HERE!" They each glanced at the BLU Scout, and the two woman looked at each other..

"No hard feel'ee'ngs." The BLU Decoy hummed out, before actually pulling out her Primary gun.

The RED Decoy paled, and turned to run away, when she gave a yell when the bullets ripped through her.

Dead.

The RED Decoy gasped as she came back to life, coughing as she let go of the held breath, like usual. Did..Did she just get killed by herself?

That wasn't right..

That was so wrong to all sorts of degrees..

"Darn Sp'ah.." Engineer murmured as he was respawned beside her, and blinking at the woman's hunched over stature. "What's wrong?"

"O-Ot'eer team...D-Decoy..."

The male seemed to understand in an instant what she meant, and gave her a little pat on the back. "Hey...Don't worry, ah know it's rough 'ta begin wit', but you'll get used ta' it soon, 'n then-"

"Alter, the Control Point has been contested."

"...We gotta go." Engineer sighed, already getting out his little device to build things. "..You c'n stay here 'uh bit, 'n catch y'er breath though."

"S..Salamat po." The words fell into the air as the man ran out after speaking, already back into the nit and grit of the war around them.

Decoy had spent a good minute in their Spawn, trying to get a hold of herself. In that time she watched her teammates get sent through the Spawn room, and run back out..Yet it didn't stop the other team from capturing the first control point. And now paled when she saw her BLU counterpart running around, in the open space in front of the building housing the second control point, flashing a flashlight up in the air-No...Not in the air, it was at an upper ledge.

Looking at the direction, she saw that it was at her team's Sniper.

Oh..

Oh...

She gritted her teeth as she could only watch for a moment, her legs not letting her run. Come on, Decoy. This was what you were supposed to do! So just-Nope, the RED Sniper had gotten snipped by his own BLU counterpart.

For a second, all she could see was red as the blood splattered over the side of the building a bit, watching it trickle down the wood.

Finally, her body let her run. This time though, she ran right at her own self, her tongue thirsty for blood.

It was the same craving she had back in the Philippines while on a job, waiting and yearning for that red liquid on her hands. Dripping down her fingers and staining the dirt bellow her.

By the time her BLU self had turned around to look, Decoy was in mid-swing of her ax.

She watched as the blood splattered out for a moment, the metal cutting the other woman's cheek completely. A pained and shocked scream similar to her own resonated in her ear as she took another swing, metal colliding with a collarbone.

Another swing, this time right at the rib case. The body fell down for a moment, the other trying to get up..

Yet the chilling leer of the RED Decoy stayed with her, and planted a foot on the other's stomach. A pained whimper was heard instead, and Decoy held up her ax for the final blo-

Boom.

Headshot.

RED Decoy winced as she coughed up the gulp of air she had taken, her hunger for air having caused her to choke. What...Had she just done?

She had been so close it seemed..To killing herself.

But..That couldn't be her, could it?

No...Nonono, that was impossible.

There was no way that other woman was her. Only she was herself. Yeah...Yeah!

That just must be some female that looked like her...Exactly...

Yeah...

BLU Decoy winced as she coughed up some blood, Medic running over to her swiftly and giving her a quick blast of his healing ray. What..Just happened?

She had been so close to being killed...By herself..

But...That couldn't be her, could it?

She laid a cautious hand over the wound that had been on her torso, the ax-made cavity gone...

No...No, that was impossible.

Just another woman, who looked exactly like her...

Yeah...

"Come, comrade." Medic hummed out, holding out his hand to her. "Let's get z'at control point."

She smiled, and nodded, taking the man's hand. No mercy.

"You've failed!"

The words rang out as Decoy stood right outside of her spawn, watching as her team mates all seemed to shrink up. What...Did that mean?

She felt her heart drop when the BLU Pyro started running towards them, his flamethrower just waiting to engulf another victim.

She tried to unhook one of her Flashbangs, and was bewildered by why she couldn't even get them off of her vest.

What..What was this?.!

She didn't have much time to think though as the flames finally met her, and let out a ghastly cry as her skin flared. Carbon monoxide filled her lungs quickly as she flailed around, trying to put out the sparks.

Only to come face to bullet with the enemy Heavy.

Dead.

Decoy sighed as she folded up her red work attire for the evening, dumping it into a dirty laundry hamper that she had...And collapsed on her bed, curling up to the pillow. She had almost killed herself..Yet it wasn't herself..

Ugh..

She needed to talk to someone...

Maybe..

Decoy sighed as she carefully walked into a church that was a good ways away from her work place, fixing her black dress. It was a simple one, a clean black fabric with no extra trimmings or anything..

She wore a pair of black flats, and carefully glanced around for a moment...Her usual bandana was exchanged for a silk scarf it seems, which she has gently around her neck.

Before carefully going into the confessional stall, and sitting down gently. Once she heard the other side step in, she sighed softly.. "Bl'ee'ss me fat'er, for I ha'b'e sinned. My last con'p'ession was two years ago..."

"What have you done wrong, my child?"

"I...I.."

"...Speak, the lord knows no bias nor judgement. He will forgive you, should you choose to confess.."

"..I ha'b'e tried to...Kill..Mysel'p."

"And why is that?"

"Because ee't ee's my job.."

"Your job to who?"

"My job to...Mysel'p..."

"Then instead focus your courage and strength to another."

... "T'ank you, fat'er..."

"Of course my child."

"I am sorry for t'ese and all the sins of my past li'pe." She smiled softly as she heard him say her penance, and offered her to say an act of contrition. With a bowed head, she spoke. "Oh my God, I am heartily sorry p'or ha'b'ing o'p'ended you and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of hea'b'en and the pains of hell. But most of all because I ha'b'e o'p'ended you, my God, who are all good and deser'b'ing of all my lo'b'e. I p'irmly resol'b'e with the help of your grace, to con'p'ess my sins, to do penance and to amend my life. Amen."

She listens to the words of absolution, and made the cross carefully with the priest. "Give thanks to the Lord for He is good."

And right after the Priest had said that, she replied. "P'or His mercy endures fore'b'er."

With that she exited the confessional and left with a pleased smile..

And pausing when her mirror image for the apposing team stepped into view, the two glancing at each other...Before nodding to one another, and going their separate ways. Neither of them was going to start a fight in a holy place.

Decoy sighed as she stepped back into the RED Base, adjusting the silk scarf around her neck with a shiver. While confessing did help a bit, it didn't dispel the feeling of guilt and odd fascination in her stomach.

Why had the other woman been there? Could she have followed her?

No...She had made sure she wasn't followed...

Could she have been looking to confess also?

Eh, maybe...

But she couldn't tell right now, and a part of her just didn't care. Thus she was left to enjoy herself as she walked to her bedro-

"Well hello there!" Her eye twitched when she heard Scout behind her..Turning around, he seemed surprised. "Whoa-Dec...?.! Damn, where are you goin'?"

"Nowhere."

"Well hey, me 'n you could-"

"No."

"But I didn't even-"

"No."

"B-"

"No." She huffed and left to go to the kitchen first, getting a quick cup of water with a hum. She gulped it quickly, pulling down her scarf to quench her thirst for a few seconds.

She set her cup into the sink with a sigh, and put her head in her hands for a few moments. Okay. Calm down..Talking to the priest may not have worked as well as she had planned, but she would be fine.

Even a person who almost committed technical suicide could be redeemed.

But..That wasn't herself though. She couldn't forget that...Wait, then did she lie to the Priest?

Great. That was just fucking great. She grumbled sourly as she adjusted her scarf over her mouth, and walked out of the kitchen and into the dining room. Only Demo and Heavy were there, and while they gave her a simple look over, they decided not to comment. Mearly nodded to her.

Demo though did point his bottle in her direction with a quirked eyebrow, and she shook her head. No alcohol. Alcohol would only muddle her mind right now, and though it sounded tempting, she needed to think. The Scottish man nodded back at her, and took a swig of the amber fluid himself, with Decoy being on her merry way.

She walked through the halls for a good while, going back to her own room in a mist of silence.

The only time she was brought out of it when Pyro seemed to pass by her, and grabbed her arm, bouncing for some reason. "Hm? What ee's ee't Pyro?"

He didn't respond, just simply tugging him along and into his own room.

Most parts of the walls were a bit charged or burned, and all around there seemed to be candles. Stuffed animals were hazardly thrown about, along with paper and crayons it seems.

The place was a fire hazard just waiting to be lit, it felt like..

A perfect room for a Pyro, really.

She was sat on the oddly well made bed, and watched as Pyro riffled through a box filled with who-knows-what...Before he brought out what could be called little paper flowers. Crudly drawn blossoms with toothpicks stuck in the middles to make stems. They were actually rather cute...

The woman was surprised though when Pyro started putting the flowers in her hair, making a little crown as he hummed behind his mask. Was...This what a 'sleepover' was like?

Eh, she couldn't tell...Her daughter usually didn't let her be around the room when the slumber parties were at their house.

Once Pyro gave her a pat on the back, symbolizing that he was done, she stood up and felt around her hair...Before smiling down at the fire starter. The simple gesture had lightened up her mood a tad bit. "T'ank you, Pyro."

He waved his hand with a flamboyant flare it seemed, as if saying 'oh, it's no big deal'. With a smile she hugged him, and left. This time though she walked past her room, and went right to the pay phones.

She rang up her home, and waited...And smiled when the phone was picked up. "He-"

"Ah, I sorry Miss Ligaya, e'b'eryone asleep or away..." The maid hummed out into

"O...Oh...Okay..."

"W'ee'll you call ah...Later?"

"I...I'll try...When will t'ey be awake?"

"An hour or so..."

"Okay.."

"Goodbye Miss." The phone clicked, and the phone gave it's dial tone...She sighed.

Carefully she got up and left the phone booth, returning to her bedroom to change into her t-shirt and shorts for bed.

Great...

Now fifty five minutes to spare..Now what.

The lingering thoughts of her counterpart finally saw a light in her mind to seep in, having been pushed bath to the far corners of her brain. The sight of her own blood filled the inner dark spaces of her eyes as she blinked.

The warmth of blood flecked onto her skin, and she shuttered.

She usually felt so alive when killing another. But to see her own face on the other side of it...To see what looked like her own blood, and ligaments.

Okay, no.

Just..Don't think about it.

Just forget it.

Just-

She ran right to the bathroom, and emptied out her stomach contents into the toilet. She couldn't handle it. Even the memory was spine chilling.

In that moment she had just wanted to get blood, forgetting all about who she was killing. Or maybe, what she was killing.

She just wanted blood..

She wanted to see that woman dead..

...

Maybe she should ask one of the guys if they had a degree in Psychology. She needed to see a therapist about this.

Maybe Medic had a minor in it..

Eh, conversation for another time, she supposed.

After swishing around the water in her mouth and cleaning up, she returned to the payphones. Once an hour had passed by, she called up the line again...

It was the maid again. "Ah, sorry miss, t'ey gone."

"I see.." She sighed out.

"Sorry.."

"Ee't's p'ine.."She sighed out, and murmured that the money would be turned to her family soon.

With that she hung up the phone and slunk back to her room, flopping down on her bed and forcing her eyes shut. When she started to see the image of her almost dead body though, she clenched them shut to the point where she felt her skin give a pull.

She didn't want to see that.

With a grumble she rubbed clenched fists over her eyes, trying to dispel the image. Yet it was seeped deep into her mind by now. A part of her wondered if the BLU Decoy was having this much trouble...

The BLU Decoy sighed as she took a swig of her Demo's alcoholic drink, using the amber fluid to forget about what just transpired today.

The liquid scorched her throat, but it was nothing compared to the burning sensation that held over her body.

She still felt where the ax had hit her. Her tongue even nervously ran over her cheek to make sure it was still in tact.

The Filipino shuttered, and carefully got up from her seat beside the passed out Demo. She nodded to her team mates as she past them, gripping the bottle in her hand, and flopping down on her bed.

She drowned her suspicion and dark thoughts with alcohol, and fell asleep with the bottle rolling onto the floor.

RED Decoy glared at her ceiling, refusing to blink.

Maybe she should have taken that drink from Demo-

No.

No, she swore to never drink. Not again. Not in this life time...

Not until they allowed her..

With a deep sigh she rolled over to curl up against the pillow, and grasped the little locket around her neck. Thinking a small prayer, for her lips couldn't pray anymore right now, she finally fell asleep.