CLAPTRAP COMPLETE SYSTEM DESTRUCTION IN 14:23:37:48
Claptrap's first action after been giving his terminal status was to set up a digital watch that would tick with every second of his remaining life. Thankfully Sanctuary had plenty of those devices lying around in junk piles following a big market crash with ECHO devices telling perfect time all the time, and having alarms that went off at the right times. After synching his new watch with the death clock that Doc Alpha set up, Claptrap's second action was to write a bucket list. At least he had plenty of paper to write on; he had a lot of letters just sitting around waiting for the dead guys to get up and collect them.
His CPU overflowed with ideas. He would like to tackle a few raid bosses with some friends, and have a entire backpack of legendaries to call his 'collection' so he could be buried with them. Claptrap had bought a camera with his tips earned from his postman job (Or bribes for him to ignore his duties and skip over a few households) so maybe go on a hunt and take a few pictures of the kills? He would like to go and see his old friends on the moon, and perhaps relive the glory days of Fragtrap and the Lost Legion invasion with the people of Elpis who might remember him being a hero. Or instead of waiting to die, he could go out in a blaze of glory! See Tiny Tina, have her strap him up with the strongest and 'boomest' (Patent pending. Tina's attempt to hasten the procedure only slowed down so they could find a new official.) explosives, launch him with Brick's new catapult over into a major bandit camp, all the while the people of Sanctuary watch the fireworks.
But the only things on the list were: 'I'm going to die', 'Why must the good die so very young' and 'I'm going to become a garbage can or a nightstand. When Gaige came by to see him, Claptrap's list went from desperate pleas to a scribbly mess. She peered down to read the list. "You want to watch the entire Family Guy series? Ugh, man…"
"That's not what I wrote…" Claptrap grunted and scribbled it even further to hide the stupid idea. He threw his pen into the wall, joining the other four. Claptrap smacked the list onto his cardboard desk and turned to face Gaige and ask, "Hey…you've had plenty of near-death experiences right?"
"As a Vault Hunter, we call those moments 'Fight For Your Life'. But yeah, I got like…a jazbillion amount of those moments. What, you need examples or something?" Gaige giggled.
"Yeah!" Claptrap flailed his arms up and down. "What the hell do I do before I go off into the big motherboard in the sky, or something like that?"
Gaige sat down onto the ground, taking a second to consider her answer. "Because of how badass I am, I don't think about this all that much, but I would check off my current list of lists. That means shagging all the people I want, building a robot army to conquer my homeworld and remove the corrupt government to replace with my dad, give Deathtrap a powerful AI to support himself after I die, get married to that kick Axton in the butt for that comment he made about Tina…"
"I just Axton go to Scooters to ask something about Ellie." Claptrap pointed over to the garage. "Why not go ahead and do that?"
"Oh!" Gaige jumped up, with her hammer flying up and landing into the palm of her robotic hand. "No sense in putting this off!" But before she darted off to go after the commando, she turned towards Claptrap and sighed. "Honestly, dude? I'm going to miss you. Yeah, you're annoying and all, but your history is…sexy." She flashed a devious smile. "So I propose we throw a huge robo party and invite all the machines to have a swinging funeral party!" While this did perk Claptrap up a bit, Gaige went for the killing blow: "I'll spring for Sereena…" As she trailed off with a singy-song voice, Claptrap started to scribble on his stolen letter a bit harder. Gaige finally took her leave, proclaiming to give Axton quite the thrashing of blows to the butt.
Claptrap couldn't continue, so he slapped down the list and decided to go on a walk throughout Sanctuary. The place had changed so much since Jack's death and the news of upcoming war. While still having a lot of the previously mentioned junk piles and the smell of old beer hanging in the air, the people looked to be a lot more healthier and more energetic. The walls were at least clean of random gunk and rust and the buildings looked to be more stable. The place still floated on without any bumps (save for the few dumb bandits who try to invade and run into the forcefield…the flies were smart enough to go around) and there hadn't been a drop warning in over three months.
Claptrap walked into Moxxi's bar, his eye glued to the floor. Moxxi, always wiping down the counter, saw Claptrap all distressed out. Figuring there was no point in ignoring him, she reached over and pushed a sleeping drunk off his stool to give Claptrap to sit and spill whatever he had within him. "I heard from Scooter. You got any big plans before you pop?"
"That's my problem!" Claptrap groaned. "I don't know! Should I go on adventure throughout Pandora, live out a hedonistic lifestyle and die in a hail of gunfire, make amends with whatever enemies I have left, create a monument to my garbage pit existence of a life?" Moxxi shrugged, not only really wanting to throw in her two cents. "Hey, if you got the news that you were suddenly going to die…"
"Honey, I try to live each day like it's going to be my last." Moxxi sighed before going into her showbiz voice. "I like running bars and arenas! If I were given a note saying I have only two days left, I would give the best performance ever; I would serve up all my special stock at half-off, use the money to buy fireworks and throw one hell of a party within my arena." Moxxi coughed to stop herself before she went too far. "Of course, I would leave all my money and property to Scooter and Ellie…Scooter is good with money, and Ellie will have a blast running my bars and arenas…though it might be a literal case…" Moxxi scratched the back of her head. "What can I say? Some men have to find their own way."
"I guess I'll keep going…" Claptrap sighed. "Maybe…maybe…" He continued to repeat that word as he rolled off through the front door. Moxxi shrugged her head. But still feeling some shred of regret over causing Claptrap's slow death (After all, she did try to kill him using a black hole, that probably had something to do with it) and decided to pour herself a tall drink to calm her nerves…and quench her thirst, boy it was hot today!
She took out a bottle of Bang La Bang and tipped it over into a glass. But instead of hearing the soothing sound of fizzy liquid rushing into a glass, she heard…nothing. Moxxi opened her eyes to see the liquid hanging in midair and rising? Moxxi first thought that the anti-gravity generators keeping Sanctuary afloat must be acting up again. Just shrugging it off, she raised the glass up to catch the floating wine.
Moxxi then felt lighter. Her feet left the ground and she found herself floating up to the ceiling. "What the hell…" Moxxi slipped into her real accent for a brief moment right before the ceiling above her exploded. But the shrapnel didn't hit her at all, but seemingly bounced off around her. Moxxi continued to rise up through the hole and up into the giant black cloud over Sanctuary. As she looked above, she could something resembling a giant ship hidden in the cloud…
"Weather didn't report that…" Lilith muttered as she noticed the cloud. "I wonder…" She reached over to grab her old Volcano rifle, standing against a wall, and fired off a single round. The incendiary bullet traveled upwards and hit something in the cloud; Lilith could see the explosion. "Guys…" She turned to face Moredcai and Brick, just minding their own business. "…we have a problem."
But it was too late for any counter-measures. More beams shot down and enveloped more people. Lilith got caught first, and the Volcano fell out of her hands and clattered onto the ground. As she quickly raised up into the sky, Mordecai opened fire as Brick clumsily tried to use the tiny sniper rifle. But they were taken as well, and all their weapons were tossed aside to the ground…save for Brick's fists, that would kill him! More of the Vault Hunters came out of the Crimson Raiders HQ to try and fight off the unknown invaders…but they too were sucked up into the sky.
By now the people of Sanctuary were aware of the giant cloud abducting people left and right. People screamed and pointed at the cloud like they were extras in a kaiju movie. Screams of 'who's next?!' filled the air…but soon a pattern emerged. Only the Vault Hunters and their allies, the helpful NPCs, were being taken up into the cloud. Save for Claptrap, who hopped up onto a ledge to ponder his fate sullenly, with a hand clamped to his nonexistent forehead.
Athena was smart enough to not try and fight the unknown enemy. She staid out of sight and carried no weapons on her, thinking it was how the enemy was able to track the others. She looked for any other Vault Hunters or anyone capable of fighting (At the very least, somebody who didn't point the gun at their own face.) as she staid within the shadows and observing the cloud. Much to her constant annoyance, she saw only Claptrap was left. Taking this as any port within a storm of abduction, she called out to him: "Claptrap! I'm going to need…your help."
"What's the point?" Claptrap moaned. "These aliens are going to end up killing by accident when they realize we need air to breathe, so why delay it?"
"Claptrap, for real now…" Athena grunted and stepped right out of cover, getting her caught within a instant beam. "Help?" Athena asked. Claptrap responded by jumping off the ledge and retracted his arms and wheel inside of him like a turtle.
A second beam shot down, but for Claptrap. Instead of capturing someone, it delivered someone down. At first, it looked to be a woman only a few years older than Gaige, dressed in a colorful blue and green proper military uniform. Hair as bright and red as Lilith's, but cleaner looking and longer. Her only weapon seemed to be a old pistol in a holster on her left. As she exited her beam, she skated her boats across the ground before approaching the pacified Athena. The woman spoke. "Athena? Atlas Assassin, Gladiator, and Savior of Elpis?" Athena went still and quiet, not wanting to give this woman anything. The woman responded by drawing out her pistol and firing off one shot into Athena's leg. Without a shield active, the bullet was free to tear a nasty red hole in Atehna. Even with her intense training, it hurt like hell and Athena cried out loud. "I'll ask again. Are you Athena, the Atlas Assassin that put the final nail in the coffin of your company, a Gladiator who worked for a Hyperion programmer named Jack and helped him become Handsome Jack, and you saved Elpis from destruction by Dahl's Lost Legion?" The woman asked, slightly more forceful.
"…yes." Athena grunted. "Who are you?"
"My name is Lillian." The woman yawned before continuing with: "Not as flowery as Athena or Lilith…but still…it's a good name." Lillian shrugged. "I apologize. Unless I'm giving orders, asking questions, or torturing people, I'm not a good talker." She looked away from Athena. "Is 'good talker' even something smart to say…" Lillian asked herself with a mutter. She turned back to Athena with a serious look. "I'm taking you prisoner in advance to prevent you and your friends from interfering with my plans. You will be held in separate cells that are designed to block or inhibit your abilities. There will be a four man 24/7 watch on every single cell to insure you stay in that cell."
"Highly pragmatic of you." Athena sighed, the pain subsiding. "But you could kill us instead of explaining…"
Athena got cut off by Lillian laughing. "And have you revive at a New U station? No! I want to keep you under my watch and away from any weapon. I'm cutting off the Hydra's heads and cauterizing the stumps is what I'm doing." She tapped Athena on the stomach and up the gladiator went into the cloud. Claptrap still remained in his turtle-like position. Lillian walked over, waited a few seconds, and gently shoved Claptrap over. This got the bot to leave his shell and face the new villain. "Claptrap? Also known as the Fyrestone Claptrap, the Interplanetary Ninja Assassin Claptrap, and Fragtrap?"
Having overheard what happened to Athena, Claptrap immediately responded with a "Yes." Lillian took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "The only reason I'm not taking you with me is simple. You can't fight back nor can you fight at all." She shrugged again. Seemed to be her tic. "Plus, I hacked into your computers and noticed you have only a few days left alive. You aren't going to cause me any amount of trouble in that short amount of time." Claptrap attempted to swing his arm forward to punch the lady right in her crotch area, but his arm went limp and fell to his sides. "Lovely. Rule one." Lillian muttered before shoving the Claptrap back onto the ground. "So please. Do yourself a favor and just forget about what happened. Enjoy what's left of your life…" She tapped something on her wrist and the beam returned to pick her up. "…because it's notgoingto…" She cleared her throat and started over. "…because you're going to die." Lillian sighed as she started to rise into the air. "…great words there. Real great."
She vanished into the cloud like the Vault Hunters and their allies, and the cloud started to move away from Sanctuary. Claptrap could only watch on the ground below. As soon as he gained the courage to move, he raced back to Crimson Raiders HQ and up the stairs. "Come in Doc Alpha!" Claptrap begged as he looked through the call log and dialed in his number. "Come in Doc Alpha!"
"What now?" Alpha groaned as he turned on his monitor. "I went to sleep…" He rubbed his eyes and shoved his glasses onto his face. "Claptrap? Look, I can't save you man. I'm sorry, but I can't…"
"TheVaultHunterswereabuctedbyaladynamedLillianandhergiantblackcloud!" Claptrap wheezed out. "You got to call someone!"
"Uh-huh…" Alpha blinked a few times as he ran the first sentence through his head and deciphered it. Once he did, he turned around and typed away on a computer, doing a quick search on the ECHONet. "Okay. Blogposts, pictures, selfies…really now…articles…you're telling the truth." Alpha's complexion went from drowsiness to worriment. "The person behind is named Lillian? Any last name or distinguishable marks?"
"Long red hair, military uniform…"
"This her?" Alpha asked, showing a monitor with a giant picture of a lady.
"Yeah!" Claptrap bounced.
"Name is indeed Lillian…last name Jones…" Alpha started to read off a list. "Former captain of a Maliwan unit…honorably discharged? That's rare!" He laughed at that subversion of a cliché before continuing. "Owns 15% of the company, operates a small army in the Abschluss Abyss that hunts bandits and keeps peace in that part of Pandora…nothing here really useful or incriminating." A seven note music blip played and a new picture appeared on the screen, showing Lillian with a blank face holding up the peace sign in front of a restrained Lilith and Maya. "Oh." Alpha got out. "Her blog just updated. The tag reads: 'Caught myself two rare creatures. Score!' Well…"
"I need to do something!" Claptrap shrieked. "WhatcanIdowhatcanIdo..."
"Nothing man." Alpha coughed out. "I'll make a few calls and get some help from a bigger fish…maybe Torque could pull a few strings…perhaps Jakobs can lend a hand…"
"Could you turn me back into Fragtrap?"
"Easy!" Alpha pursed his lips and blew. "Rebuild the programs using ghost data and the thing necessary for combat, steal a proper size tire from Scooter's that you could use to climb stairs, remove your limitations on attacking humans, supply you with guns…" Alpha then fell out of his chair, taking various objects with him along the way. He remained there before jumping back up yelling: "OH YEAH, I'M GOING TO SEND OUT A DYING MACHINE TO FIGHT A ENTIRE ARMY!"
"I fought a entire army before!" Claptrap proclaimed. "Sure, I had five other friends helping me, but I still held my own! If I take all of the legendary weapons in Sanctuary, I could at least make my way into their base and free the Vault Hunters so they can finish the job!"
"You only have two weeks to live!" Alpha growled as he started to do another search. "Look, the Abschluss Abyss is on a different continent than where Sanctuary is, and Lillian was smart enough to disable the Quick Travel station there, and I can't reactive it without physically going down to location and hooking everything back up…and I'm still trapped in my lab!" Alpha threw his hands up in the air out of disbelief. "Even if you did catch the first boat or plane to that place, you will have to fight through the hundreds….no, THOUSANDS of monsters, bandits, and all of Lillian's army at all! Possibly millions!"
"How's that any different to me fighting scavs, kraggons, the Lost Legion, and Guardians?" Claptrap debated, getting more and more irritating. "Get the magic touch going, I'll go find a tire to become my new stair-climbing wheel!"
"Don't waste your time!" Alpha protested. "Honestly! Take what time you have left and just enjoy it! I'll summon reinforcements…" One of his other screens started to flash. "Oh great. Off-world communications has been disabled." He admitted with a blank tone, turning back to Claptrap with a defeated look. "Go get the damn wheel."
"Yay!" Claptrap squeed before rolling off at max speed to go and find the wheel of his dreams. "I know what I want to do with the rest of my life! I'll save the Vault Hunters and Pandora! I'll finally be the hero I always imagined I am!" Alpha groaned as he could hear Claptrap echo in both of his ears. He did originally think he would just execute a code that would knock out Claptrap and open up the memory banks so they could be rewritten to make Claptrap forget, but at this point?
Claptrap was the only thing standing in Lillian's way. Might as well chance it, there was nothing here to lose. Well, save for the world.