Chapter 32: Enter The Frenchman

I do not own the teen titans, hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, or anything really.

When Blackfire woke up, she was relaxed. Her eyes did not spring open in abject terror when she realized where she was and who she was on, she didnt gasp. Her eyes opened slowly, and the addictive scent of lavender greeted her in the darkness of Kali's cape. She closed her eyes and inhaled as much of it as she could. She stretched just slightly but caught herself and stopped, not wanting to wake up the vampire. She sighed, feeling warm and comfortable. The warmth radiating off of Kali passed through her skin to her very core, even her bones now felt warm and good.

"Good morning." Blackfire jumped slightly, she had not known the vampire was awake. No longer having to fear waking her, Blackfire shifted, curling closer to the human heat source. "Do you want to be one of us, Blackfire?"

Blackfire rolled the question around in her mind for a moment. It was still so tempting, and scary. "No."

Kali wrapped her arms around Blackfire and held them there. "Why not?"

"Theres other things I want in life."

"You deny what is blatantly obvious. Look at how you behave now Blackfire, you should be one of us." Kali moved a hand to the girls neck. "You drank my blood last night. You enjoyed it."

"You made me." Blackfire countered.

This was where Kali knew she had Blackfire, she was leading her by the nose into a trap. "You didnt resist."

"You could have made me anyway though."

Kali chuckled. "So? I could have killed you on the roof, and if I intended to kill you I would have just killed you in the dessert. You knew you couldnt win, right?"

Blackfire felt uncomfortable remembering the sheer amount of fear she felt. "I knew it was the end for me."

"Than why did you bother running? If you bothered to run away, even if it was futile, you would have bothered to struggle against drinking my blood, even if I could have forced you."

"Right." Blackfire said, that made sense. Then she realized it made sense for Kali, and kicked herself mentally. She had just thrown the issue to her.

"But if you didnt struggle," Kali began "I think you wanted to drink, on some level."

"Maybe your right Kali." Blackfire said, a little hopeless sounding. "But I still don't want to be a-" She was interupted when Kali shifted on the bed. Blackfire knew now from personal experience that the woman could stay still, without moving a muscle for hours on end. If she shifted, it must be for a good reason, Blackfire thought, and shut up.

"Shhh." Kali said, even though Blackfire had already fallen silent. She sniffed the air a few times. "Blackfire, I smell something foul on the wind."

"What?" Blackfire asked, confused.

"I fear today, that you might be exposed to one of the more disgusting things on earth."

"What is that Kali?" As she asked Kali moved a hand up her back, and Blackfire purred from the inadvertant stroke of attention. She blushed after she realized the noise had come out of her mouth, and hoped Kali had not heard. Luck was on her side, Kali was quite distracted.

"Something horrible Blackfire."

"What is it?"

"Some say its not right to refer to them as 'it', but I know better. They are evil, horrible things."

"What are they already?" Blackfire groaned, getting annoyed.

"French."

"Huh?" Blackfire just knew Kali was looking at her through the fabric of the cape, she could just imagine Kali was looking her right in the eyes if not for the flimsy fabric in the way. She was right. A moment later the cape peeled back, revealing daylight, and there was Kali, looking at her quite incrediously.

"You meant to tell me you've never been to europe?"

"Europe?" She asked, even more confused.

"Oh yeah." Kali said to herself. "Forgot, you silly foreigners."

"I resent that."

"Alright, sorry. Uncalled for." Kali teased. "I meant to say damned ignorant foreigners."

"Lets just go with silly." Blackfire said in a monotone voice.

Robin opened his eyes, and instantly felt the empty spot on the bed next to him. He didnt like that Raven was not next to him, most mornings she was right there. Even though it was warm in the tower he felt cold without her there. He looked around and noticed she was sitting on the floor nearby, meditating. He blushed slightly, trying to rid himself of the small feeling of dejection he felt by her not being there. It was alright, he thought, couldnt wake up at the same time every day. Without disturbing her he got up and headed for the bathroom.

Robin was fifteen, and even though it was slightly embarassing, he only ever needed to shave once every week. Today was Monday, and it was that time again. Or so he though. He looked at his face in the mirror, and rubbed a hand against his cheek. That was odd. There was no hair to be shaved. Come to think of it, there had not been any last time, the time before, or the time before all the way back to the night Raven had claimed him.

Robin poked his head out the bathroom door, curious on the matter. It was interesting enough to rouse Raven from her meditation, something even he hesitated to do. "Raven?" Raven flinched, coming out of it. Robin had caused her to hang up on Shinagami, and she was slightly peeved.

"What." She asked in a slightly annoyed tone.

"Why don't I need to shave?"

Raven groaned. "We've gone over this."

"We have?"

"Yes. We dont age, our bodies don't change. Except for the hair on our heads, and our nails, we stay like this for all time."

"You didnt tell me that part of it." Robin said defensively. Raven shook her head. "So, if I shaved my legs, it would never come back?"

Raven recoiled slightly. "As scary of a question as that is coming from you, no. Not quite. It will come back, but just takes years." Raven turned around to meditate again, trying to forget just how awkward of a question that was.

"Alright." Robin closed the door. Raven listened, but heard only silence for a few minutes and began to get nervous.

"Robin?"

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

Oh boy, 'nothing', a sure sign of trouble. "Your not shaving your legs, are you?" She asked, afraid of the answer.

"No."

"Good." Raven said, much more at ease. She turned around again, trying to get back to meditating. She was almost back, when Robin interupted her again.

"But what if I was?" He asked. Raven choked and sputtered, Robin heard this and laughed through the door. "Just kidding." He said deffensively.

Cyborg sat alone at the table, stirring his Cheerios. He had been doing this for some time now, and the o's had been liquified in the milk and mashed into a paste. He looked down at them, and found they were no more appealing than the last time he looked. Maybe if he stirred them a little longer... He missed Beast Boy, the salt to his pepper, the peanut butter to his jelly, the milk to his- he looked down at the bowl of food in front of him- finely mashed paste. He didnt feel complete without his partner in crime around. No, nothing was going right this morning. Normally Beast Boy was here, as was Jinx, Starfire, and Blackfire. He missed the usual three-way free for all between the elder tamaranian, the shape shifter, and bad luck charm. Normally he couldnt wait for them to stop fighting, but now he missed it. Cyborg let out a sigh that turned into a groan.

It was only the first Breakfast without his friends and he was already crawling up the walls missing them. He went to put his cereal-paste in the sink, leaned against the counter and looked at the gamers weekly magazine he had set there earlier. "Oh man." He read an atricle. "Super hot sexy ninja babe brawl XXVIII is coming out later this week and he won't even be here to enjoy it." He said to himself. That was one of Beast Boys favorite games, even if it was hot ninja babes brawling. He smiled at the memories of his friend finding the naked patch online, which made the ninja babes brawl naked. Yes, that had been a good day. "Man I'm lonely, I miss them guys." He said to himself, and then an overwhelming stench invaded his nose and made him gag.

"Oh ho ho my friend! You need not be lonely anymore! The Frenchman is here!" Cyborg turned around and quickly determined the source of the smell. He was big, and bulky. He saw the telltale sings of someone trying to suck in theyre gut to look muscular. The Frenchman was wearing a black berret, a white and black stipped shirt, and tight black pants.

Cyborg held his nose. "Your not supposed to be here so early." He said.

"Oh ho ho! I could not resist! Once I got the call I came with all expediency." The Frenchman made a hug gesture, and Cyborg tried to run away but the Frenchman grabbed him in a hug. "I will be your new friend!"

Cyborg broke away from the odiferous one. "Yeah, whatever. Lemme get the others." Cyborg looked around the kitchen, where all the food was kept. "You go wait on the couch." He said.

Within minutes Robin, Raven, and Cyborg all stood before the Frenchman. All wore disgusted, nauseated looks on theire collective faces. "Robin, what we gonna do with this guy?" Cyborg whispered.

Robin bit back a gag. "I got a plan. You guys follow along." He approached the Frenchman. "Mr. French." He said, and turned away to get a breath of fresh air. "Welcome to the titans."

"Ho ho ho! Thankyou my little friend." Robin looked agitated as being reffered to as 'little'. He preffered vertically challenged. "I am sure my application was just mis-placed somewhere, no?"

"Ci?" Robin said. What language was this guy speaking? Through the thick accent, he could barely make out words. He'd give the frenchmans arm and a leg for one of those babble fish Starfire once told him about. He shook his head, and got back to his scheme. "Mr Frenchman, super-heroing is a dangerous business."

"I FEAR NOTHING!" The Frenchman yelled deffensively.

"Of course not." Robin continued. "But, we run into alot of dangerous chemicals, and need to be disenfected. We would like to disenfect you now."

The frenchman looked puzzled. "But would it not be better to disenfect me after exposure?"

Robin cringed. That was the one flaw in his plan. He quickly found a way around it. He used the most paranoid voice he could muster, and looked around as if looking for some electronic bug. He approached the frenchman. "Thats what they want us to think." He said discreetly. The Frenchman nodded dumbly, as if catching on. Behind them Raven and Cyborg resisted the urge to cheer. "Come." Robin said. "We have to get you cleaned- er, disenfected." The titans lead the new comer to the stairwell, where there was a firehose. They instructed him to stand against the wall as they uncoiled it and pointed it at him.

"Wait!" Said the Frenchman, panicking. "Thats an ordinary fire hose!"

Robin cringed, again. He quickly walked up to the frenchman and whispered. "Thats what we want them to think." The frenchman laughed, an annoying laugh grating to the ears and threw and arm over Robins shoulder. Robin struggled to get away and began to gag.

"Ho ho ho, we are very clever then, no?"

"Nien, nien! Whatever!" Robin yelled, and broke away from his grip. He joined the others, but before they could start the Frenchman began taking his shirt off. It was obvious he was trying to puff out his chest and suck in his gut, perhaps for Ravens bennefit. To the titans it was obvious.

"Whoa whoa whoa Mr. Happy." Said Cyborg. "Gotta get the clothes too."

"Then I regret I have but one change of clothes." Said the Frenchman. An instant later the water came on, and he was pinned against the wall.

"Raven, go get some perfumes or something." Robin whispered. Raven nodded and dissapeared while Robin and Cyborg enjoyed hosing off the Frenchman. She reapeared a moment later with many vials of Perfume mixxed into a bowl, with the intention of just sloshing it on him.

"Hope this makes a dent in it." She said. Robin nodded to Cyborg and he cut off the watter. The Frenchman pulled himself off the floor, sputtering and gasping.

"What is that?" He asked, pointing at the bowl.

"Uhh, special chemicals. To keep you safe." Robin said.

"Smells like... womens perfume."

"Its what we want them to think." Robin said. He wondered just how long saying stuff like that would work, but then again, the guy was french. What chance could there be of him catching on to anything?

Raven approached the surrender monkey cautiously, but he threw an arm over her and caused her to drop the bowl. So much for that, she thought. An instant later she was assaulted by the smell, and decided to hold her breath.

"Me thinks it time for your disenfecting, no?"

"No. Not today." She said, getting warry of the position they were in. Next to them Robin was turning red with rage.

"Me thinks you should remove your garments, for better coverage." Said the Frenchman, in what he thought was a seductive tone. Robin watched as Raven struggled to get away, and one of the Frenchmans hands wandered too close to her breasts for his liking. Robins face became perfectly red, and all hell broke loose.

"HANDS OFF!" Robin screamed. The Frenchman looked up, startled. Robin extended his bo staff and hit the man across the face as hard as he could. It knocked him out, and he began to fall down the flight of stairs. Robin was not through though, he jumped down after him, still screaming at the top of his lungs about euro trash. A funny thing happened though. The Frenchman fell faster than Robin, hit the landing, and began to bounce down the next flight of stairs. This continued all the way to the bottom, meanwhile, Robin smacked face first into the floor.

Raven and Cyborg both stood wide eyed at what had just happened. The saw Robin pick himself up and put his staff away. He wiped some blood from his nose and smiled up at them. "Worth it." He said. Raven smiled. How many girls had guys willing to jump head first down stairs to protect theyre virtue from stinky foreigners?

"Rock paper scissors to see who goes and gets him?" Cyborg asked her as they heard the Frenchman smack onto the concrete bottom floor.

"This ones on me." Raven said, and telleported him back up just as Robin finished climbing the stairs. The Frenchman began to stirr.

"Oh ho ho, my head. What happened?" He asked, dazed, and in much pain from his descent.

"We missed a spot, hold on." Robin said, as he turned the watter back on and used the force to push the Frenchman back down the stairs. For the second time in two minutes, the Frenchman set a titans record for fastest trip to the bottom of the tower. He looked to his team mates, who nodded with approval.

"Guys gonna have to learn the towers female population's pretty much spoken for." The subject made both he and Robin think of Starfire and Jinx. Man, who saw that one coming? They thought to themselves, as they shifted uncomfortably.

"Kali isnt. But she doesnt like the french." Raven said.

"Why not?"

"Our noses are sensitive."

Cyborg heard the Frenchman smack into the bottom of the stairwell again. "Booya." Robin looked at them both, and shook his head.

"And we didnt let Beast Boy get a dog because we thought it would smell."

"I know." Added Raven. "We're going to have to get some of those zip-on furniture covers if we want to keep him around."

At the top of the stairs, obscured from the others view, stood Kali and Blackfire. Kali, through some of her magics, had assisted the Frenchman in his trip down the stairs. She was also holding her nose. "That, Blackfire, is a French man."

"Smells gross."

"They smell even worse up close, believe me."

"Like what Robin did, smackin him around then hosing him down again."

"His hearts in the right place, but he should have tried something sharp."

"But he would have cut his head right- oh."

"Yeah."

Starfire wished she could plug her ears. Jinx had taken forever to fall asleep the night before, and only then because she had personally held her down. Now the girl was chatting incessantly, about nothing and everything and Starfire swore revenge on whoever had given her the caffeine drinks.

"Loot at these doors." Jinx said speedily as she opened and shut the door again and again. The knob was little differant from earthen ones.

"What about them Jinx?" Starfire groaned.

"It has a knob."

"So I have noticed."

"Well, the ones at the tower, those don't have knobs. Its been so long since I used a doorknob I thought I would forget."

Starfire cringed as the door slammed. "And your point, what is it Jinx?"

"These doors don't have auto whatever thingys. The ones at the tower do, and your sisters always putting earth tech down."

Starfire chuckled slightly, that was sort of funny. "Yes."

"I mean, on earth we got all sorts of doors that open all by themselves, this is like, the royal space ship and it doesnt have them."

"You may inform my sister of this upon our return Jinx."

Jinx and Starfire were roused from theyre deep discussion about doors as red lights began to flash, and a klaxon siren began to play. Jinx looked to Starfire, who looked quite concerned. "Red lights and a siren, thats bad when your on a space ship, right?"

"We must get to the bridge!" Starfire said as she grabbed Jinx. They passed a porthole on the way, and Jinx stopped her. "We must hurry Jinx." Starfire stressed.

"No, look." Jinx pointed out the porthole. "Ships." It was obvious, looking at the three ships outside that they were pirate ships. They were 'well used' and there were large spots on the structure where you oculd see where some damage had been repaired, and other spots where you could tell damage had been ignored. The gigantic metal structures were each easilly ten times the size of the ship they were on.

"Oh not good." Starfire said. "We must get to the bridge."

Halfway to the bridge the lights began to dim, and Starfire began to show fear. Jinx was a little lost, too busy being amazed by how much this resembled what hollywood did. When they reached the bridge, everyone, including Beast Boy was in a panic.

"Princess! They have a power dampening beam trained on us, we can't move, or fire weapons. We will be drained of all power in fifteen minutes!."

Jinx stood back and the guards and pilots advised her of the situation. Beast Boy went running by her, and she tripped him. He smacked down hard on the floor and glared up at her. "What is your problem? We're about to be killed here!" He yelled at her. She remained calm.

"I think I can take care of this." She told the pilot.

"Back off, we're working." Jinx growled at this.

"Whatever. I got this." Jinx approached the viewscreen that displayed the three large ships. "Starfire?" She called to her. Starfire turned from another screen nearby.

"Yes? This is a most inconvenient time Jinx."

"Can I take care of this?"

It seemed to hit Beast Boy and Starfire at the same time. Oh yeah, master of bad luck, thats right. Starfire nodded. "Yes, please do." The crew backed off as Jinx began to concentrate, all too disturbed by the weirdness of the situation. Jinx focused on the three large ships outside, and her eyes began to glow pink.

Now, she wondered, what was the worst thing possible that could happen to three ships in outer space? She wasnt sure, but whatever it was it caused alot of explosions. The two closest ships exploded in a blinding flash. The furthest spun in place for a few seconds as pink energy crackled over its surface, and then several small explosions ripped through its outer shell, chased a moment later by one large explosion that tore the ship apart.

"Nife effect." Said Beast Boy.

"Yes, that was most truly destructive."

The crew of ths ship could only gawk. That slight girl had just destroyed three Vorlack class cruisers with a thought. A collective sigh was let out from the crew, and they watched in dis-belief as the princess and her friends left the bridge, as if nothing had happened.

"Its like they do this crap every day." Said a navigator.

"I dont care, I'm calling home to tamaran, I think his majesty is going to want to know just what we're dealing with here."

"What power..." Said another of the crew still shocked. "Perhaps Earth is not a plannet as harmless as we have been lead to believe."

"Uhhh, in the database it says 'harmless' under earth." Said the navigational officer.

"Well." The pilot looked back out at the debris field. "Change it to mostly harmless."

"Done." The crew was completely unaware that Jinx's power was based on bad luck, and the worst possible thing that could happen. They believed her to just have the sheer power to destroy the ships with a single thought. This was bound to cause Jinx some trouble later, in a situation where bad luck couldnt help her.

Jinx, Beast Boy, and Starfire strode through the lower decks of the ship, towards the kitchen. "That happen often?" Jinx asked Starfire.

"Pirates are not normally a problem in this sector, we were undoubtedly traveling with our shields down to increase speed. They normally drain a ship of its energy, and wait for the inhabbitants to die as the life support systems malfunction."

Beast Boy came up between Starfire and Jinx. "So its like they get a ship in perfect condition, they just have to wait for everyone to die?"

"Not this time." Jinx said, pushing him away so she could walk next to Starfire.

"Guess not! Did you see that blast?"

"I caused it, of course I saw it."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." Beast Boy rubbed the back of his neck, and the three came to the kitchen. Starfire floated to a table that was always kept well stocked with fresh food.

"Dig in friends, the best of tamaranian quisine is before you!" Starfire merrily dug in, while Jinx and Beast Boy watched, slightly disgusted by the appearance of the food. Something about big, green blobs was unnapealing, everything looked like poorly drawn cartoon vomit. Jinx cautiously approached the table and stuck her finger in something that looked similar to pudding. It seemed like a safe bet, who didnt like pudding?

She brought her finger to her lips and sucked it clean, and immediately doubled over trying not to gag. "Gross." She choked. "Its like bottom-of-a-shoe-stew."

"Psst." Said Beast Boy, whispering. "I saw this coming, I came prepared." Beast Boy was not one to be caught unaware in the way of food. After the numerous bad dishes Starfire had prepared and claimed good, he had decided it best to pack for the trip. Many of his suitcases were stocked with slim jims, hersheys, and all the junk food and soda he had been keeping in his room. He had often wondered what the food must be like from Starfires planet. She drank mustard, what did that say? "I've got food." He whispered, not wanting to offend Starfire, or any royal cheffs that might be bigger than him. Jinx gave him a ravenous look.

"Your kidding."

"No, I thought ahead."

"You think?"

"You want some or not?"

"I mean, of course you think. You think quite often." She said politely.

"Come on." He told her. "Star, we're gonna go explore the ship." He told the tamaranian host. She looked up from a pile of what looked like dookie and nodded.

"I will stay, it has been too long since I have enjoyed traditional tamaranian food." Starfire looked up, and they were already gone.

"Man." Said Jinx as they ran. "When they loaded all your stuff on the ship, I thought it was just that you packed like a girl."

"Are you kidding me? I've had her food, even the good puddings are bad, I'm brown bagging it."

"You didnt bring stuff that needed to be refrigerated, did you?" Jinx asked, thinking this was too good to be true.

"Of course not. I've got slim jims, nutra grain bars, cereal, everything. Its like I packed everything from a convenience store."

Jinx had some fond memories of robbing convenience stores, but it had always been for money. They approached Beast Boys room without being spotted. Once inside Jinx couldnt believe the sheer amount of suitcases and steamer trunks. "All full of food?" She asked.

"All but one."

Somewhere in the middle of her third bag of Skittles Jinx decided Beat Boy wasnt so bad. "I take back some of the nasty things I called you." She said as she bit through a tobassco slim jim.

"Just some?"

"All would take sour skittles, and I dont see any." Jinx joked. They both laughed. A few skittles were thrown in each direction.

Beast Boy swallowed what was in his mouth. "Jinx can I ask you something?"

"Shoot." She said, through a mouthfull of pringles.

"You genetically engineered?" Beast Boy held his hands in front of him deffensively. "If you'd rather not say its alright." He had just about made a friend out of her, and the last thing he wanted now was to go pissing her off.

Jinx swallowed a few skittles hole. "You mean you don't know?"

"Nuh-uh."

"You titans have lousy intelligence." She said absent mindedly.

"Hey, what do you mean?"

"For instance. You, Beast Boy, age fifteen, born in C.O.I.S. genetic labs, fondness for tofu-"

"Not anymore."

"I know, but the point was in the hive we knew everything about you titans, and you dont even know if I'm geneticly engineered?"

Beast Boy cursed mentally. "Nope. Hell, we didnt know anything about you all."

Jinx sighed. "But yeah, I was built from scratch. I've looked into it, I know you were made pretty much the same way." Jinx sat back against the wall, trying to think, sifting through some old memorized names. "There was actually an intern that worked on both of us, low level guy I read about. Named Charles something."

"Neat, what did he do?" Beast Boy leaned foward, listening. His ears pointed almost straight up, showing he was giving her his complete attention. "Was he really important?"

Jinx shrugged. "I've looked into it all heavilly, at the time he was just an intern. Probly swept floors or something."

"But hey, doesn't it bug you too how you were made?"

Jinx looked at him like he was crazy. "Hell no." She popped a soda. "They did a good job, so what do I care?" She guzzled it while Beast Boy looked on, thinking that point of view over thoroughly. Jinx coughed, sputtered, burped, and soda came out her nose, making her eyes tear.

"Thats right."

"Huh?" Jinx wiped her nose and looked up. Beast Boy shifted through a few forms and settled on a tiger.

"They did do a good job on me, what the hell do I care?" As if to demonstrate the point Beast Boy swiped his paws at an imaginary enemy.

"Easy there tiger." Beast Boy looked at her, his tiger eyes narrowing.

"You've been waiting forever to have a chance to say that, havent you?" He shifted back to his regular form.

"No." Jinx leaned foward towards Beast Boy and put on the meanest face she could muster. Beast Boy began to get nervous and sweat broke out on his forehead as Jinx's eyes narrowed and she beared her fangs at him. Jinx let out a growl and Beast Boy fell backwards from his sitting position.

"AAH!" Jinx laughed at him as he sat up. "What was that all about?" He asked, his voice sounding like someone who had almost been hit by a mac truck.

"Just making sure I still have it."

"You got it alright." Said Beast Boy, as he shook a soda behind his back. Jinx raised an eyebrow, wondering what he looked so smug about.

Robin and Raven sat on the couch together, slightly exhausted after the long day. Robin had Raven seccured tighly in his lap, and was just waiting for The Frenchman to find them so he could make it perfectly clear she was his. If this failed to work, he planned on laying her on the ground, and rutting right there in front of him. Raven groaned. "Robin let me go." She tried to break his grasp, and wondered when he got so strong.

"No."

"Please."

"No. He has to learn."

"He's french, he can't learn." Raven and her houkounin looked up as the Frenchman entered the living area. He walked straight up to them, and looked at Raven as if Robin were not there.

"Ho oh oh." He said in his annoying, putrid, euro trash accent. "Raven, I have something for you." He held out tickets for a movie.

"No." She said, and Robin growled behind her. The Frenchman ignored the low rumbling noise and the glare.

"But you have to come, I already bought the tickets."

"I dont have to anything." Raven said, in her most annoyed voice. The Frenchmans shoulders slumped, and he walked out of the room. The pair let out a collective sigh, and Robin let Raven up, and walked to the kitchen.

"Can you believe that? Like I wasn't even there!" Robin fumed.

"I know." Raven felt dirty just from him looking at her, and tried to shake it off.

Robin opened the fridge and began to root around for his next meal. "Oh look at this." He moaned, holding up a block of cheese at arms length. On it were the crooked teeth marks of the frenchman. "He took a bite out of the whole thing, and put it back. Its so disgusting." He complained. Across the room Raven crinkled her nose.

"Throw it out, and dont eat anything out of there. Who knows what else his mouth's been on."

Robin looked at all the ruined food and shook his head. He slapped a 'Bio-Hazzard' sticker on the door as he closed it. "Thunder and lightening should be here in a day or so, meeting of the elementals thing."

"Can't come soon enough." Raven said as the Frenchman entered the room again.

"Oh great." Robin said to himself. The Frenchman ignored him as he strode to Raven, and Robin made a mental note to beat it into him that Raven was his and that he was the leader around here. It would be great, two seperate beatigns, he decided to save one for later even.

Raven turned and looked away as the Frenchman stopped in front of her. "What?", she said in her most icy voice.

"Oh ho ho!" Raven cringed, did the guy do that every time he opened his mouth? Where was 'German Mans' application when she needed it? "I will return the tickets, but how about we do something.. Saturday night, about three AM?"

Raven groaned. How much of an idiot was this guy? She shot Robin a look in the kitchen to let him know she would take care of this. "Theres nothing open that late. I Don't feel like doing anything with you." Unfortunately the idiot did not take a hint at her tone of voice.

"I did not say we had to go out." He wiggled his eyebrow -yes, there was only one- at her. It was a disgusting move, and he was about to suggest something even more disgusting. "I promise to be gentle."

Ravens stomach revolted, and around her many things broke and sparked as she lost control of her powers. She felt dirty just by his suggestion of it. "Get... away... from." Raven was interupted by Robin, who growled quite loudly in the kitchen. He jumped off the counter, and landed on the couch next to her. Raven didnt resist as he grabbed her, and kissed her passionately.

"Mine!" Robin growled when he broke the kiss. Raven was sure the look on his face was one that would have frightened even Slade, but the Frenchman just shrugged.

"When you are done with the pip-squeek Raven, you know where I am." He said, turned, and walked out of the room. Raven had to restrain Robin as he clipped the scythe to his staff and tried to cleave the oblivious euro-trash in two. It was several minutes before Raven pursuaded Robin to calm down, and both she and he sat on the couch, trying to contain theyre anger.

"If he touches you, I am NOT responsible for what I do." Robin said in a flat tone. "I'll kill him, I will kill him, scoop his brains out of his skull, and use them to grease the axles of my car!"

"A noble thought," Said Raven, still recovering from restraining Robin. "but it would take the brains of ten frenchman just to lubricate a trycicle."

"I don't care. I'll cut out his living guts, and hang him with them."

"Robin, french don't have guts." Raven leaned back, and pulled Robin onto her lap. "I feel dirty just being around the guy."

"He's the first non-cartoon charecter I can actually see the stink lines coming off of."

Raven laughed. "I think I need a shower."

Robin rose an eyebrow. "I think I need one too."

Raven sniffed him tentatively. "Yes, you do. We're gonna need some febreeze around here."

"And after the shower?" Robin asked, leaning back onto her more and giving her good access to his neck.

"After the shower-" Raven kissed the flesh, feeling the pulse underneath it. "-After, I think I could go for a drink." Robin felt the nerves all up and down his back go haywire at her suggestion. "But I shower alone." Raven said, and Robin found himself alone on the couch, cursing the way she could tease him so. Robin was roused by a scream, coming from the garage.

"Oh tradgedy upon tradgedy!" Cyborg yelled, not caring hwo silly he sounded. He had not felt this violated, ever. He had gone to the garage, gotten in his car, and it smelled. His seat was in the wrong possition, there was gum on the dash, someone had used all of his gas even. The car smelled like a dead cat in the middle of summer. "My car! My car!" He sat outside of it now, kneeling on the ground, cradling something in his hands. This is how Robin found him.

"Cyborg! Whats wrong!" Robin asked, bursting through the door. He ran to his friend.

"The little guy!" Cyborg said between tears and sobs. In his hands he held one of those pine tree air fresheners that go on a rear view mirror. Cyborg had cut his into the shape of a man. It was now black instead of green, and shriveled. "He just couldnt take it! He tried n tried, n it was too much!" Cyborg wailed, mourning the loss of his air freshener.

Indeed, whatever had smelled was far too strong for the little man to handle. He had turned black and shriveled up from the smell. "Cyborg," Robin began, "I'm sorry man."

"He was so young!" Cyborg wailed, and cried into his hands. This crushed the shriveled little man. Cyborg sniffled loudly, and got up. "You did your best little guy, you did your best."

Robin poked his head inside the T-Car, and instantly pulled it out. It smelled, STRONG. Robin knew this smell, better than he would have liked, and kenw there was gonna be alot of hurt dished out when Cyborg was done mourning. He stepped back, and bowed his head as Cyborg deposited the used air freshener in the ash tray. Cyborg spun on Robin, brought his cannon arm up, armed it. He held it in front of his face, growling. "Someones goin DOWN!" He yelled.

Robin could only sweat. He couldnt make up his mind as to which he would rather do, beat up a frenchman, or join his vampire for a 'drink'. His fists pulled him one way, his heart another. In the end he decided to Join Raven. "Just don't break anything valuable." He told Cyborg, who was suiting up with a respirator.

"I don't care what you tell me, this guys going down." Cyborg growled. His voice sounded silly behind the mask.

"I said valuable Cyborg." Robin quickly checked his own car. He was glad he had locked it, and left the windows up.

"Oh, I get it. Heh heh."

Robin quickly checked his own car. He was glad he had locked it, and left the windows up.

"Get away from me if you like having legs." Kali warned the Frenchman down the hall. She was just on her way to the kitchen, and she smelled something.

"Oh ho ho so beautiful." Said the Frenchman, and advanced on Kali.

Kali held her breath and narrowed her eyes. "I dont like french."

"Would you like to try my vanilla?" Asked the Frenchman, getting closer.

"Would you like to try STANDING UP TO GERMANY?" Kali's eyes narrowed into slits. "Here, go into the closet down the hall." She said, and the Frenchman did so, thinking she would be in soon. Kali instantly transported to Siberia, where the Moscow Circus was playing. She ducked inside the back of the tent and began looking among the cages. It didnt take long to find what she wanted.

"Sporkavitch." She read the animals name tag. The large bear looked up at her with lazy eyes. "How would you like to do me a favor?" She cooed in russian. The bear did not respond, but kept looking at her. Kali reached inside the cage, and pet it on the head. She decided it best to anger the bear for her purposes.

"Communism doesnt work." She told the bear. It looked at her, and she was sure the look on its face stood for 'no shit'. "Lenin wore a tu-tu." The bear growled at her, and she saw a poster nearby of the same bear riding a moped wearing a tu-tu. "Not that theres anything wrong with tu-tu's." She added. She tried to think of a way to truly anger the inner beast of this tamed animal. Then, she got it. "Your owner just bought a new bear, a french bear." The bear in the cage howled its rage, and banged against the bars. "They are going to make both of you share a cage." The bear threw itself against the metal bars, and bent them as it howled. "Perfect." Kali said, touched the bear, and teleported back to the tower.

Once back at the tower, she opened the closet door. "In you go." She told the enraged bear. It lumbered into the closet, and threw itself at the already screaming Frenchman. Kali closed the door, and applied enough pressure on the knob to fuse the door shut. The bear could be heard roaring, and things could be heard crashing from inside the closet as she walked away.

"Poor bear." She said to herself. She stopped in mid-stride, and walked back to the closet. "They were going to make you eat out of the same dish too." She yelled through the door, and as if on que the bear howled louder and the Frenchman screamed more. Kali turned, this time to be accosted by an angry Cyborg.

"Where is he?" The metal man growled. "He took my car without asking, and put THESE on it!" He held out 'Kerry Edwards' stickers. "He broke the hula-girl bobble doll on the dash, wasted my gas, and now he must die!"

"Don't bother. He sollicited me for oral sex, I trapped him in the closet with an angry circus bear."

Cyborg stopped and for the first time heard the screaming and growling inside the closet. "Hey we keep out best cleaning stuff in there." He said, completely unconcerned for The Frenchmans well-being.

"Whatever," Kali patted his human cheek. "Just sit there and look pretty, open the door when the bear gets tired for me."

"But..." Cyborg said, not quite knowing how to say this. "What do I do with the bear?"

"I dont know. Feed him."

"Shouldnt he go back to the circus?"

"No, I like that one. Think I'm gonna call him Lance." Kali left Cyborg in the hallway, dreading the consequences of having a new pet Kodiak bear.

Beast Boy was in for yet another surprise across the galaxy. As it would turn out, this ship had an indoor swimming pool. Of course, on a space ship any pool would be an indoor one, but he didnt quite grasp that. He laid back in a chair, after having done a few laps as a dolphin. Starfire was floating around the pool on her back he noticed. He couldnt do that in his human form, he wondered if she was using her powers of flight to aid her in staying afloat. He dismissed the thought.

"I'm bored." Jinx said from the poolside. "How long untill we get there?"

"One and one half earth hours. Be patient Jinx."

Jinx groaned. "But I dont like swimming."

"But Jinx," Starfire said as she turned her attention to her. ", we share a watter bed."

Both Beast Boy and Jinx sweat dropped. "Thats not the same thing." Jinx said. Beast Boy sat back, cursing that Starfire didnt understand there were some things you didnt just share with the world. Starfire climbed out of the pool and sat next to Jinx, pulling her into her lap. Beast Boy began to feel uncomfortable, and wished he had used cut off jeans instead of regular swim trunks with flimsy fabric.

"Is there something else you would rather be doing?" Starfire asked Jinx. Behind them Beast Boy couldnt help but dwell on another meaning of those words, and his situation became more dire.

"Yeah. I can think of something." Jinx said, she visibly relaxed in Starfires grip, and before she could finish what she was going to say Beast Boy imagined in his mind what that 'something' might be. "We could go home." Jinx finished, sounding hopefull.

"No. We have to do this, and then-" Starfire was cut off by a loud yell. Both girls felt a gust of wind and saw a green blur fly past them, and splash down into the pool. Beast Boy felt the cold watter alleviate his condition, and came up from the bottom, laughing sheepishly.

"Whats your problem?" Jinx asked, narrowing her eyes. He had gotten her wet, and she had stayed out of the pool because she did not wish to be wet.

"Had a..." Beast Boy broke out into another nervous sweat, and cursed his hormones and gutter-mind. "...Bug in my hair?" The girls just shrugged, and left him in the pool as they went to get ready to land. Still in the pool, Beast Boy hoped that there wouldnt be any public displays of affection where there wasnt a pool nearby.

Jinx and Starfire had an hour and a half to get ready. To them it was laughable. Everyone complained women took forever to get ready, but it was untrue. Starfire and Jinx knew they could be ready in ten minutes, but like all women, they liked having a little spare time. They shut the door to the room they shared behind them, and Jinx noticed Starfire lookign at her oddly.

"What?"

"You were not unpleasant towards Beast Boy." Starfire said. "Are you feeling alright Jinx?"

Jinx laughed a little. "I'm fine. Hey you asked me to get along with him didn't you?"

"Yes, but I did not expect results so soon."

Jinx shrugged. "We had a little talk while you were eating, think we can mannage to be around each other now." Jinx turned and headed for the bathroom, leaving Starfire sitting on the bed.

"But Jinx." Starfire said, Jinx froze in her tracks. "You must be hungry, you have not eaten." Jinx broke out into a cold sweat.

"I-I-I"

Considering the day he had had, and the things he had smelled, the scents that greeted him when he stepped out of the shower were a god-send. He inhaled deeply, tasting the scent of citrus, some flowers, and what he was sure was a hint of female arrousal. He inhaled again, getting a better grasp on seperating the differant scents. Yes, he could smell Raven. It was pleasant, and he knew it meant a good ending to a bad day. He finished towling off his hair and lifted the cloth from his face. He found the source of most of the scents, incense burning on a dresser.

"Hello." Robin started, he turned around to find Raven had teleported behind him. She was wearing a simple black dress that went to her knees. It was held up by two thin straps, and hugged her chest and hips well. Robin was extremely impressed, having so rarely seen Raven out of costume. It revealed less than what she usually wore, but he liked it even more anyway.

"Hi, Raven you look great." He swallowed. "I like your dress." Raven giggled at him.

"Its a night gown."

Robin flushed, heavilly. "Oh." A goofy grin crossed his face. "It still looks good on you." Raven kissed him. "I'm sure if you went out in it, no guys would know the differance." Raven laughed a little and put her arms up around his neck. She swung her hips back and forth across his, making him shudder. "Raven." He whispered, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around her. He took a shaky breath, it seemed no matter how many times he was with her he still felt shy and nervous. His body was quick to react to her pressence, and made itself known through his sweat pants.

"Robin." She whispered. She smiled, still finding it funny that he had thought this was a dress. "I want to try something new with you, it might be scary."

"What is it?" Robin pulled her flat against him, and shifted his hips against hers.

"I want us to share our conciousness, if only for a little while."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to see what you see, feel what you feel, I want us to share this."

"Is it dangerous?"

"No, but it will be alot for us to get used to. From what I'm told, its like being two people at once."

Robin thought about it for a moment, and nodded his head. "How do we do it?"

"Sit on the bed love." Raven sat him on the bed, and pulled a ceremonial dagger from her nightstand. "Hold still, I have to cut you for this." She told him. He held out his hand, and she took it in her own. "I have to make a rune on my forehead with your blood, and one on yours with mine. As the blood dries we become more and more of each other, and when we want to we just wipe the dried blood off to undo the spell." Raven held his hand in her own, pressing the dagger against his palm. Why was she, a vampire, hesitant to draw blood all of a sudden? "This is going to be nothing like you have ever dreamed of." Robin saw she was having some trouble, and held the dagger with her. He pushed it into his palm for her so she didnt have to and Raven let the blood pool for a moment.

"I look foward to it." He watched in awe as Raven dabbed some of his blood onto her finger, and painted a rune on her own forehead. "What does it mean?"

"Its an ancient keltic word for 'one'." She told him. Robin smiled, thinking he understood.

"And you put 'two' on my forehead?"

"No. You get 'one' too. The point is for us to be the same." Robin watched her prick her own finger and scrawl a rune on his forehead. A dab of blood dripped down between his eyebrows, and he caught it with his tongue as it fell from the bridge of his nose.

"Lay down with me Robin." Raven commanded. Robin felt his vision swimming as the blood began to dry, and it was obvious Raven was having similar problems as she swayed slightly. The dagger clattered to the floor, and Robin would have sworn he heard it twice, from two differant spots. They laid down facing each other and embraced.

"What now?"

"I'm not sure. I've never done this, do you feel that?"

Robin concentrated, and he felt something. It felt like he was lying on his left side, but that couldnt be. He was lying on his right side, facing Raven. It was her left laying down, not his. Then he realized that they were going to feel what each other felt, and that she most likely felt his right side against the sheets. "Its weird." Robin smiled and restrained some nervous laughter. "It feels so weird Raven."

"I know." Raven closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Soon Robin we will see through each others eyes at the same time. Its going to be like having two minds, two bodies. We're going to be each other at the same- time." Robin said the last word with her, and both shuddered a little in each others arms. They were starting to feel terribly uncoordinated, Raven flexed her fingers and Robin looked at his hand, thinking it had moved. "Its starting." Raven opened her eyes, and could see Robin clearly. It was foggy, and completely seperate from what she saw in front of her but she could see herself through Robins eyes at the same time. She gasped, and moaned as her conciousness stretched, and Robin did something similar. "Robin." She said with some strain in her voice.

"Raven, I can feel you." Robin felt Ravens body with his own, and when he tried to move a part of him he couldnt be sure if he did or not. When he tried to move his own hand he accidentally was trying to send impulses to Ravens hand, and it stood still. He smiled and laughed lightly, as he found his own hand. "Raven this is so amazing."

"I know." Raven was experiencing similar problems. She kissed him, and felt his tongue brush her lips. She opened her mouth and theire tongues met, and each reveled in the taste. One could never taste theyre own mouth, but they both found the taste each other were enjoying to be good. They rolled together on the bed, enjoying the sensations they were causing for each other. It became abundantly clear that they were terribly uncoordinated in this state. They held each other at arms length, trying with all theire might to get a good grasp on the sensation. Raven heard heavy breathing and it took her a moment to figure out that it was coming from Robin. He looked nervous as he reached out for her with shaky hands. Raven allowed him to have his way with her as he rolled her onto her back and nearly fell over himself. He lowered himself onto her and kissed her gently as he hiked the night gown up around her waist.

Robin was pleased to discover Raven had forgone any under garments. He placed his hips against her, pushing against her through his sweat pants for a minute as he tried to get used to feeling what she felt. It was bizzare to say the least, and he likened his connection with Raven to being in heavy shock. It was like those minutes after a serious injury where you were confused and numb. He broke the kiss and gasped as both what he and Raven felt rolled over him.

Raven felt it too, and forced him to push against her a little more. Both cooed from the pleasure. Slowly Robin kissed her neck, working his way down to her collarbone. She sat up and after a few tries working together they were able to get her night gown off. Robin resumed his ministrations, paying attention to each breast, and teasing her upper inner thighs with his fingertips. It was difficult to keep this up as what she felt flooded into him. It began to become too much for his mind to handle at the same time, and Raven seemed to realize it.

"Lay down." She commanded. He laid down on his side and she put her back to him, pressing against him. He took the hint, understanding it would be easier to do what he wanted if he didnt have to prop himself up. His hand found its way between her legs, and Raven closed her eyes to enjoy the sensations he wrought upon her. His fingers were not very skilled due to the link they were sharing, and a few times he stopped entirely, his mind sending impulses to her own hands instead of his own on accident. It didnt matter, neither could control what the other did. Both sat up quickly as they were startled by a loud roar.

"Just a TV." They told each other, and Raven smiled at him. She gently shoved him back down onto the bed and held his hand in front of his face. He eagerly licked her arrousal from his fingers. She slipped her hand under his pants and grasped his swollen member, Robin let out a hiss and she blushed slightly when she realized she had too. Without letting go of him she used her other hand to remove the sweat pants, leaving them both exposed. Raven found she was getting used to the spell much quicker than he was, her countless hours of meditation giving an unforseen bennefit. She massaged his sex, pumping it a few times. A wave of pleasure ran up his spine, and hers. She licked the underside of the shaft and parted her lips slightly, allowing some of the tip into her mouth. When she was sure she wouldnt be overwhelmed by what he felt and bite him she parted her lips more and lowered her head slowly. Robin gasped and gripped the bed sheets and Raven froze a moment to get used to what he felt.

Raven brought her head back up and applied suction. Robin moaned, and she repeated the process again. She thought she was starting to get the hang of it, and no longer feared biting him when she felt him hold her by the head. Raven thought he was going to start thrusting, but he lifted her off of him. Raven didnt protest as he lifted her up to his face. They kissed again, and Robin lined up his hips to enter her.

Both gasped for breathand held each other tightly as he entered her. Theire eyes clenched shut as they were overtaken by the pleasure. Robin took in a deep breath and held it. He opened his mouth to try and cry out her name, but all that came out was a ragged moan. Robin snaked his arm up over her shoulder and held the side of her head against his as he shifted his hips for a thrust. Her liquid heat enveloped him again and they shuddered together. "Ra-ven" He cried, as he repeated this again. Robin could feel her teeth begin to 'itch', and it excited him, wondering just when she would turn her head slightly and sink her fangs into his flesh. He didnt have to wait long. After only a few minutes Raven issued forth a feral growl. Robin whimpered as Ravens hands gripped his head and forced him to look to the side, exposing his neck to her. Robin continued thrusting, and his release began to build as Raven bit into his neck.

Raven drank greedily and moved her body in motion with Robins. She whinned and moaned against the bite, and was frustrated when she felt her and Robins release beginning to build. It hit Robin quickly, and when she felt it through him she broke contact with his neck and yelled his name without first swallowing what blood was in her mouth. It spattered on the bed, her, and him, as Robin spilled into her. She clamed down around him as his warm seed plastered her insides, and her own release het her. It washed over her, causing her to collapse on top of him. It washed over him below her, and they bucked wildly a few times, unable to control themselves. Finally they settled down in a heap of tangled limbs, quivering flesh, and frayed nerve endings.

Raven reached out for Robins forehead and smeared the now dried blood as well as she could. She did the same to herself, and the link broke instantly. It left them in a slightly confused state for a few moments. They came around again quickly though and held each other in they're arms for warmth, seeking shelter from the night that seemed to have suddenly grown so cold.

"Raven.", Robin gasped. He slid down her form a little, resting his head on her chest like they normally did when they slept. Raven put a hand on the back of his neck, and another on the back of his head, running it through his hair. "I think that we'll need to get used to that. Its so hard to move even."

"What are you talking about?" Raven closed her eyes, they were very heavy all of a sudden. "Robin that was perfect." She laughed a little, and he did in kind.

She was hungry, but she had no money for food. She was tired, but there was no where safe to sleep. Worst of all she was cold, and she could find nowhere to go to get warm. Robix sobbed, and leaned against a street lamp. She was going to have to resort to plain theivery soon to stay alive, and even then it would still be difficult. She did not exist, no birth records, social security, nothing. She couldnt get a car, or rent a nice motel room even. What good was money if she still couldnt even secure a place to live?

She supposed it didnt matter, she had won. Her mother was dead, she had stabbed the aorta perfectly. So, she won. She had killed one of her parents, and lost against the other. One might call that a tie, but Robix thought otherwise. One of them was dead, and she was quite alive. Victory, plain and simple. She passed by the bay, and could see the brightly lit tower out on the watter.

craack

Robix looked into the nearest alleyway. She had heard the unmistakable sounds of bones breaking. What she saw was almost enough to make her stomach turn. It was a metal man, who she thought was Cyborg at first, stomping a corpse into mush. She quickly realized it was a man wearing a gigantic suit of armor. He had a large hammer in each hand, and an even larger one on his back.

Howard stomped the mugger to death with glee. His eyes shone with a light only a mad man could posess, and he growled. He heard a gasp behind her, and spun quickly to see a strange looking girl. She didnt pose a threat, so he didnt bother activating his new jet-pack attatchment to escape. Instead he was curious, this was the first person who had seen him at his work, and not screamed. "What do you want?" He demanded. He didnt notice the Robix casually activate the Red-X suit under her clothes.

"You stepped in something." Robix said, unsure of what else to say. "What the hell are you doing?"

Howard glowered. This one didnt fear him, but didnt respect him either. "I'm doing what I was ordained by god to do." He kicked a loose pile of flesh in Robix's direction as if to prove a point.

Robix raised an eyebrow. "Really? You don't say?." Great, she thought, another big religious nut. She entered the alleyway, ready to fight. She didnt think it likely this person would let her get away after seeing him, so she planned on fighting in the alley, where her agility and speed would give her an advantage.

"Be gone. This does not concern you."

"Maybe it does." Robix said with an edge in her voice. "Might have been someone I knew." She watched his grip tighten on his hammers.

Underneath the mask Howard blinked grogilly. He had not been eating, or sleeping right in the last weeks. His new line of work had consumed him, and under the suit he was covered in sores and dirt. "Go away." He turned back to what he was doing, stomping flesh. Deep down he knew he was too far lost now, something had gone wrong with him. It didnt matter, he was going to keep doing this untill it killed him. He was burning out, but he didnt care.

"Whatever." Robix backed slowly out of the alley, leving the deranged man to stomp his flesh. It didnt bother her, but she thought a fight would have made for an interesting diversion.

The condescending little bitch, Howard raged as he took his aggresion out on a pile of human hamburg. He had let her go, it was such a stupid mistake. She had insulted him, and he had been too out of it to get her for it.

DUN DUN DUN. Gonna be a knock down, drag out fight between Robix and Howard in the next few chaps, forming how the titans get involved with him. Should be fun. This has been a LONG ASS CHAPTER! Please leave a review, i think its only fair.