Reason to Live

By mihoyonagi

Chapter 7

The next day, she took to exploration again. This time, however, it was daylight, and she had moved her journey from the foothills of the mountains to the banks of the river. I wasn't sure which I was more fond of; the idea of her being food for a mountain-dwelling dragon, or a water-dwelling dragon.

I suppose I shouldn't complain- she wasn't venturing alone on the mountain, which is what I warned her about the night before. And, well, at least the sun was out.

She came home a little before dinner time with three kinds of seashells, a piece of glass that had been rounded and fogged from the water and shone pink like the sky at dusk, and a scale that was deep blue lined with light purple.

"I thought, at first, it was a Leviathan scale," she admitted.

I took the scale and held it up to the light. "It's too dark to be a Leviathan scale," I pointed out.

She shrugged, slightly defeated. "I know. Once I got a good look at it, I could tell."

Dinner was just as quiet as the night before, but this time Yuffie cleaned the dishes after we ate, and I dried them.

"Hey, Vincent?"

"Yes, Yuffie?"

"Have you been to a lot of places?"

"I've traveled with you, Cloud, and the others nearly halfway around the world and back."

She pulled the stopper out of the sink and let the soapy water flood downward into the drain.

"That's not what I mean."

"What is, then?"

"Have you, like, stayed in lots of places? Not just traveled through them, but actually met some locals and eaten their food and really gotten a feel for the place?"

I went silent.

Most people are smart enough to know not to ask of my past, or ask about places I might have been to or have seen before we'd met. Yuffie wasn't the sharpest shuriken in the box, true, but I had a feeling she knew exactly what she was asking me.

But, I also knew why.

Yuffie's curiosity often got the best of her. Even though she wouldn't admit it out loud, she was an ardent scholar in the sense that she loved to hear and learn about other people and places.

She, however, had a short attention span, which is most likely why people don't catch her attention often enough for someone to notice her insatiable curiosity.

I suppose the short-winded way of explaining her personality would be that she's curious, but very picky, where both traits seem to fall on the rather extreme side.

"I've been around the world, but I haven't actually visited many places."

"Oh." She wiped her hands dry on the dishtowel that hung around the faucet of the sink. "Like where?"

Quiet overtook me again, and I stilled my hands from their drying duties. "Costa del Sol; Icicle Inn; Midgar; Juno; standard places for a Turk to be sent."

"Cool."

It was obvious she could tell my mood was quickly turning sour, for she changed the subject. "Want to go out to the forest across the river with me tomorrow?"

I raised a cautious eyebrow as I set the dry dish away in the cupboard. "And why would I do that?"

Yuffie smiled, cheerfully. "Because you hardly go out of the house, and I don't want to explore all alone tomorrow."

I weighed the situation in my head. She was right, no matter what angle I looked at; ignoring my little outing to purchase her books the evening before, I hadn't ventured outside much since she came to stay with me.

"Not for the whole day. Perhaps half."

"Sweet! We can pack a lunch, and you can help me level up my new Fire materia, and-"

Oh, Shiva, I'd started a vocal avalanche in her, hadn't I?

Well, at least she'd stopped asking about my past.

Yuffie wasn't at all a morning person, which suited me just fine. We ended up leaving the house later in the morning, but armed with a backpack full of food.

I don't think I'd been on a picnic since Lucre-

I stumbled, and nearly tripped.

It had been several months since I'd last though of her. Yuffie's company had kept my mind constantly in motion and unable to dwell over one idea long.

"You okay?"

Gaining my footing back, I looked up. "Fine. My shoe simply caught a rock."

She turned away, unaware of the uncomfortable state of my mind. "Well, try to be more careful. Why you can't just wear normal shoes is beyond me."

"Yuffie, knee-high laced shoes are hardly practical" A debate with her would serve to clear my mind. It always did; her logic was something I still had to figure out.

"They are comfortable, they look stylish, and if I fall out of a tree I won't cut my leg to Ifrit's grave and back." Her tone was matter-of-factly, as if I had no right to question her fashion sense whatsoever in the first place.

We rounded the top of a clearing that put us at the top of a hill, surrounded on one side by deep, thick forest, and on the other by rich, rolling fields of grass.

Yuffie looked to me with a sad smile. "Reminds you of more peaceful times, doesn't it?"

She was more grown-up than I'd given her credit for, it seemed.

We sat and ate our lunch in silence, watching the light breeze weave patterns across the long stalks of wild grass.

When we finished our food, Yuffie stood and wiped off the dirt from her legs. "I don't feel much like exploring anymore. At least not for today."

I looked up at her, curious. "What, then, do you propose we do?"

Her face was blank, her eyes unfocused, her mind planets away. "I just want to go home."

I packed up the bag and slung it over my shoulder, contemplating Yuffie's sudden change in attitude. Depressive wasn't like her.

"Are you alright?" I didn't want a long-winded explanation, but I knew that if I didn't ask I was going to regret it later.

She walked in front of me, just like before. Though I couldn't see her face, I knew she wore a solemn expression on it based off her tone of voice. "Just remembering happier times."

We were halfway home before she said anything else. "It looks like home."

"Wutai?"

"Yeah. It looks like the fields outside the city, right after you get out of the mountain pass. All that grass in front of you, and sheer cliffs behind you. The sea to both sides."

She fell quiet for another long while.

"And, I guess, it reminds me of her a little bit."

There they were; her reasons- homesickness and a broken heart.

I changed the subject, knowing that if I did nothing she'd slide further back into herself.

"What would you like for dinner?"

"I'm not really hungry. I think I'm going to take a bath and go to bed when we get home."

"Yuffie, it's two in the afternoon-"

"I know what time it is, Vincent."

It was a curious thing, to hear her tone of voice almost spiteful.

"I wasn't the one who took her away, Yuffie. I'm not the reason you can't go home, either, so taking your anger out on me isn't a decent solution." It was harsh, sure, but words of comfort didn't seem to be the medicine she needed. Truth was always the best drug, no matter how painful the taking might be.

She taught me that.

"Sorry," she bit out after another long silence stretched between us. "Shit's just messed up."

My voice was quiet, and I felt silly, but I knew what I needed to say to make her feel less helpless. "You have friends to see you through it. You're not alone."

She didn't speak again until we made it back home, but the mood had lightened considerably.

I fumbled with the key to the front door, a precaution Yuffie had insisted when she first moved in, claiming that she needed to feel safe. Little in the world was scarier than me, but I didn't want to argue with her so I told her I would install it if she bought it. When I finally had opened the door, she pushed past me and entered the foyer first.

"Thanks."

"I've done nothing you need to thank me for. You'd just forgotten."

She placed her hands on her hips, her back facing me. "I want grilled fish for dinner."

And that was how the day ended; us cooking dinner with Yuffie shooting jokes of rather bad taste my way the entire time.

At least she'd stopped being depressive. That was a start.

Now if only I could get her to speak less…

When I woke the next morning, having drifted off for a few hours after finishing my rather unsatisfactory novel, I knew she wasn't in her room. It was fairly early for her to be up, true, but it was Chaos that woke me in a panic. I could feel unease coursing through my mind.

That was the problem of having so many things inside of my body- there was no outlet, only the most basic of communication. It was like trying to discern what was written in a foreign language when you've never even heard of the country. I could get feelings like anger and remorse, but the problem was trying to figure the cause. Chaos lay mostly dormant, uncaring in the ways of my personal affairs; so long as he wasn't affected by my actions and thoughts, he never bothered me.

When I set my feet to the cold, hardwood floor I knew instinctively where Yuffie had gone. The cold sensation of skin against wood was far more prevalent this morning, meaning that the secret staircase hidden in the extra bedroom was open.

Meaning Yuffie had decided to explore the basement.

No wonder Chaos was in such a fit; the last thing in the world I wanted was Yuffie, or anyone else for that matter, knowing exactly what was housed inside my body. Shiva's thong, even I didn't know all that my body was a shell for.

I didn't even bother with the spiral staircase- I jumped down the hole in the middle, landing easily on my feet. Letting my body go still and relaxed, I reached out and tried to pinpoint exactly where Yuffie would be 'exploring.'

That's when I heard it. Faint, quiet sobs, muffled by a thick case.

Oh, for the sake of Ramuh's beard- she was in my fucking coffin.

I kicked the door open. Prying apart the coffin lid, I began to shout.

"What possessed you into thinking this was a good idea?"

Her little body fell to the dirt floor, her knees under her, her breath coming in large gasps.

"Your answer had better come swiftly. I'm not your damn babysitter, and I'm sick of acting like it."

Yuffie's sobs slowed as she tried to regain a normal breathing pattern. I stood above her, still full of rage, and waited for her answer.

"I wanted to see why you thought staying in that musty piece of shit was 'penance.' I wanted to see why you thought sitting in there forever would be better than staying outside with your friends. I wanted to see why you'd take a stuffy box over human interaction."

I was still. It was as if my brain had stopped working properly for a moment, and had to shut down and restart.

"You WHAT?"

"Goddamn it, Valentine! You're such a piece of shit! There's nothing in that box but your anger and your sadness and your bullshit!"

I looked to the upright coffin, my rage slowly dissipating.

I was still pissed, sure, but… She was trying to find out things about me without having to ask me outright.

"Go upstairs."

She didn't have to be told twice, though her actions were sluggish. Her arms wrapped around her upper body as her feet slowly made their way up the creaking, rotting steps.

I let out a deep breath, reaching into my pocket and taking out my phone.

"This is Tifa."

"I need a favor."

"Vincent? Oh, Gods above, what did Yuffie do?"

"I'll tell you about it later. Would you mind picking her up for a weekend at your place? I need some time alone and I don't trust myself to leave the house."

"Sure thing. Cloud and I'll be there by nightfall."

When I returned upstairs, Yuffie was in her bedroom, curled upon her bed.

"I'm sorry."

It was uncomfortable to see her look so weak.

"Tifa and Cloud are taking you for the weekend."

"I didn't mean any harm. I-"

I held up my hand, drawing a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

"I'm not used to so much interaction, Yuffie. This is too much. Apart from the traveling I did with everyone, I've had minimal human contact for the past three decades. I need to be alone for a while, and I don't think I trust myself to leave the house."

"You're kicking me out?"

"You may return when I'm feeling better."

She bit her lip, but at least she'd stopped crying.

"I'm sorry."

"I know. Pack your things."

I left her to herself and I returned to the basement, full of such a torrent of emotions I felt as though my head would spin off my damn shoulders and pirouette out the door. Crossing my arms, I sat in front of the coffin that I, prior to less than a year ago, had occupied for thirty years.

I understood her intentions. Yuffie wasn't the type to do something that would intentionally hurt someone. She'd screw you over in the most interesting way, but as far as actual emotional harm goes, Yuffie simply wasn't the type.

She'd tried to bring up my past the day before. She wanted to know of me, just as she knew of her other friends, but I'd so easily and coldly closed her off.

But that was my nature. The closer I became to someone, the more it pained me when fate, the fickle bitch, deemed it fit to slap me in the face. I'd had my world ripped apart by love and kindness once; I wasn't prone to opening up for anyone again.

Sure, Yuffie had found a soft spot I might occasionally exhibit, but such was to be expected; despite being filled with monsters and demons, I was still human. Perhaps not much of me was still human, but the point still stood.

I heard the front doors open and close hours later, alerting me that Tifa and Cloud had arrived. Heavy footfalls echoing down the empty basement hallway notified me of Cloud's imminent arrival.

"What's she in trouble for?" His voice was calm, like that of a father when his most troublesome child gets sent home from school for being naughty.

"I found her in my coffin, Cloud. I found her inside my goddamned coffin."

I was met with understandable apprehension. "Did she say why she decided to hang out in there?"

"Character exploration, it's to be assumed. I refused to tell her about my past, so she went snooping."

"Yeah, that sounds about right."

"I'm not sure how I should respond to this, Cloud." There- it was out in the open. I hated appearing weak, but what other choice had I? It's not as though I knew how to handle shit like this.

"We'll take her for a few days, and you can sort things out here. Don't think too harshly of her. She worries for you; you should know that."

"Worrying achieves nothing."

"Look, Vincent. She's still young. She's had a pretty strange life. If all she wanted was to learn something about you and you shut her down, can you really expect her to just leave it be? You're as much to blame as she is."

I sighed, knowing he was right.

I hated speaking of my past, but Yuffie, ever curious, had found me interesting which meant that even after this little episode she was still likely to try something just as dramatic.

"When you're feeling less like crap give us a call and we'll bring her back. Teef and Yuffie get along great, and they haven't seen each other in a while so I'm sure I'm not going to get any sleep tonight because of all the 'girl talk' that will be going on."

Ouch. I felt that one. "My apologies."

"Sit here as long as you need to, Vincent, but know this; you and Yuffie are both just about as stubborn as people come. One of you is going to have to give way a little, or you're both going to topple over. Learn to make compromises and she'll learn, too."

I thought bitterly about how it was my house – my life – she'd intruded upon, and how I was already making the compromise of allowing her residence inside the one place I wished be alone.

Then, I though of what an ass that last thought made me.

"You give good advice, Cloud."

"Yeah, well, living with Tifa has taught me all of this. The hard way. She might be more stubborn than you and Yuffie put together.

"I heard that!"

Cloud winced, turning to the door. "I mean it in the best possible way."

Tifa smirked, unconvinced.

It was somehow relieving to watch other people interact. I felt my mood lighten slightly. I also felt somewhat bemused by the fact that Cloud hadn't heard Tifa descending the stairs in the first place.

"Yuffie's ready to go."

"We were just about done talking, anyway." Cloud turned toward the door. "Don't forget, Vincent; push and pull- yin and yang. Relationships, no matter the size, are all about compromise and understanding."