Chapter 38: The hardest part is letting go
I do not own TT, nor do I own the wayne static song 'Not for Me' posted below. I think its a good song, relevant to this chapter.
To: Just Some Guy. There shouldnt be any Kali/Blackfire lemons, that was just something running through Blackfires head in her excitement, nothing more.
To: Darby. I love you. The part of Blackfire imagining things with Kali was there just as kinda like those random things that go through all our heads. Kali saw it, thats all.
To: Wraithking: Hey, dont sweat it! Theres no french blood in you man, cuz you see french blood is pretty thin, nothing like our thick american blood. Early in life we bleed it out through all our little cuts and scrapes because its thinner and can bleed out the tinnier holes our nice american blood cant. also it is sometimes pale and yellow (muh like the french themselves) and leaves the body cleverly disguised as urine if we dont get cut too often. The french in europe, I am convinced, suffer from blood so light that a helium balloon would actually sink in it. They may also from time to time require an injection of concrete to thicken it up to prevent it from escaping in a fart-like gas. Like diesel fuel its lighter than water, which makes the french excellent swimmers. This is good for them, because Germans enjoy pushing them into the sea like lemmings. Now, if youre like me, you dont like the french, and probably do things that leave you with alot of french blood lying around. I myself have found several uses for it. For instance, it makes a wonderfull low calorie low cholesterol frying batter. Its flammable (Thank the germans for figuring this out) So it makes a wonderfull gasoline substitute (has not paid for gas in three weeks, but is running out of frenchman). The french are drunks, and the blood is a high proof; nothing like fresh squeezed. It can take grease stains off a driveway. It makes a good paint. You can never have too much of the stuff, I'm finding new uses for it all the time.
To: Everyone. I do not own Star Trek or William Shatner. But, if I did own him I woulda had him star in the Matrix movies. Can you imagine someone who overacts that much in the place of someone like Reives who can't act at all? LOL! Shatner could do enough acting for a dozen Keuna's!
You think you're smart
You're not, it's plain to see
That you want me to fall off
It's killing me let's see
You've got the gall
Come take it all
The jury is coming
Coming to tear me apart
All this bitching and moaning
Come on it's on
I'm trapped in this world
Lonely and fading
Heartbroke and waiting
For you to come
We are stuck in this world
That's not meant for me
asr me
So what you got
One last shot
It seems o hat you're not needed
Come on
It's killing me let's see
You got the gall
Come take it all
The jury is coming
coming to tear me apart
All this bitching and moaning
Come on it's on
I'm trapped in this world
Lonely and fading
Heartbroke and waiting
For you to come
We are stuck in this world
That's not meant for me
For me
I'm trapped in this world
Lonely and fading
Heartbroke and waiting
For you to come
We are stuck in this world
That's not meant for me
For me
I'm trapped in this world
Lonely and fading
Heartbroke and waiting
For you to come
We are stuck in this world
That's not meant for me
For me
For me
Morning found Jinx quickly, f it always does if you fall asleep exhausted. She jolted awake in Starfires arms and blinked the sleep out of her eyes. She was quick, and loathe to find that no matter what part of her she moved she felt sticky. She shifted a leg, then the other, and before too long she was free of Starfire and the carpet. She needed a bath. She looked down at herself and the dried blood covering her. She hated dried blood, it was so discolored and had no luster to it.
Starfire was out, and not likely to wake up util she was good and ready. She couldnt move her dead weight onto the bed, but did at least cover her with a blanket. She looked at the spots on the floor covered in blood- among other things. "Hope they invented rug-doctor." She said to herself, and halfway to the bathroom she realized the double meaning to her words and laughed.
Tamaranian showers were differant from earth ones. Hot water came out of a nozel, but it was already mixed with a cleaning detergent that needed no rinsing. You just stand there, scrub a little, and its done. In the end it was almost as clever as an automatic door. She could make a fortune if she patented some of these ideas on earth! Forget the tech, just work with the idea behind it. Jinx finished her shower, and stepped out onto the bathroom floor. Tiny grates opened up in it and a hot gust of dry air dried her off. Oh, there was no getting used to some of this stuff. She walked out of the bathroom to the dresser and opened it. Rows and rows of tamaranian tops and bottoms were there. No, no getting used to some things at all, she thought with disdain. Behind her Starfire wrapped the blanket tightly around her in her sleep. Jinx remembered they were leaving today; after this a short stay on god-knows-where and she was going home!
Her stomach grumbled heavily at her. Okay, time for food. She hoped Beast Boy was awake, and that he had not eaten that last of the canned dinty moores beef stew- that was good stuff. Jinx left a note explaining she was off exploring to Starfire and exited her room. She hoped he was awake.
Beast Boy was awake. Beast Boy was very awake, and had company. When the servant girl had come in to wake him he had pounced on her in his tiger form, and she had thought it was cute. So cute in fact that she called all the other servant girls to the room to see how cute this tiger was. He shifted under the pile of swooning servants, now this was obscene! He couldnt shift forms at this point because anything smaller and he would be crushed, and anything larger... well, anything larger might be considered even cuter and bring more of his 'fans' running and that was the last thing he wanted.
"Get off!" He yelled, but couldnt make it sound mean. No matter how hard he tried he couldnt make it sound mean. I mean, he thought, who can hate a crowd of addoring fans? "Come on, seriously! I can't breath!" He was answered by cries of 'how cute! It talks!'. "Help! Someone-" He laughed, he never thought he would need saving from such a situation. "Help me! Seriously! Jinx! Starfire!" He laughed some more at the situation. "Someone help me before I change my mind!" A hush came over the crowd of fans, and he heard whispers of 'Its Princess Jinx!'. "Jinx! Help! Are you there? Get them off before I start enjoying this!"
Jinx stood in the doorway and put a hand on her hips. She glared at the sea of red-heads. "Scram!" She yelled. Dissapointed groans issued from the crowd and they left in single file through the door. When they were gone Jinx went inside and sat down.
"Oh thanks for helping me." Beast Boy said as he shifted back to human. Jinx looked at him quizickly.
"Helping you? I thought you were having too much fun."
Earth, England
Blackfire felt weak and tired when she woke up. Her limbs hurt, she hadn't felt this miserable since she had that damed earth cold. What the hell happened? She thought as she blinked the sleep out of her eyes and curled against Kali. Ah, Kali was there. Maybe she had something to do with whatever was wrong with her. Wham. It hit Blackfire that she had been Kali's dinner. So thats why she felt miserable.
"Thats what they all think, that its a cold or something after we feed on them."
It came as no surprise that Kali was awake before her. Something about it seemed alarmingly normal. She turned her head slightly and her brain rattled about in her skull. Great, add a headache to the mix. "I dont know which is worse, last night or the morning after." She complained. Kali laughed.
"Imagine my terror in your shoes, in a time where almost any illness was a death warrant." Kali lifted her and kissed her lovingly. "You'll feel better once your up and moving about. Get something to eat."
Blackfire rolled off of her against the wall. "Why did I let you do that?" She moaned, holding her neck.
"Because I appealed to your ego, telling you you could but she couldnt. It was true, but I could pursuade you to do anything using that argument."
How wonderfull. Kali could make her do whatever she wanted just by appealing to her ego, or issues about her sister. Blackfire thought as Kali kissed her- something she was doing with more and more regularity- and pet her hair. Did she truly intend to let Kali make of her what she will? No. She couldnt give herself over to this; she was meant for so much more. "I'm still not becoming one of you." She told Kali. The older woman shrugged.
"You'll change your mind. I'm not worried about it." Kali got up from the bed and forced Blackfire to stand. Blackfire faltered, and Kali caught her. "Come, I'll show you brittish food." Kali paused, and shuddered as if re-living an unpleasant memory. "One joke about the blood pudding and I'll make you eat it."
"Whats so special about brittish food?" Blackfire asked, a skeptic.
"Well, it hasn't changed much in seven hundred years as far as taste goes. Its mostly a good way of punishing yourself, unless you like your food wrapped in an old moldy newspaper and tasting like ink." Suddenly Blackfire thought she could survive the trip back to Amsterdam without food. Kali heard the thought. "Its America, Blackfire."
"Oh, heh, forgot."
"Silly foreigners."
Tamaran- Royal palace
An hour until liftoff. Nightfire lay on her bed counting the time down in her head. She was sure this would be the last time she ever saw her daughter. It pained her that she might not see Blackfire again. Her illness was continuing to rob her of her sleep, and she could see herself wasting away. Her fingers even were starting to look thin. Nightfire was waiting for her doctor to come to her. She had pulled her aside earlier in the day and told her she knew something was wrong. So, now at least she would figure out if there were a cure. The doctor was a familly doctor, it was the woman who delivered Blackfire and Starfire. Nightfires mind again went to her children.
A quick knock on the door broke her out of her thoughts. Nightfire didnt say anything before the door swung open. This doctor and her were very good friends; formalities be damned. "Thankyou for coming, Bara-leth." Bara-leth was virtually the same age as her, and had been her friend since before she married. The red head smiled and shut the door.
"Everyone knows somethings wrong with you, except the king. He's too dense." Nightfire laughed despite herself. Bara-leth had many liberties among the familly, reffering to the king as 'dense' was a regular thing.
"I prefer the term 'distracted' myself. What do you think is wrong with me?" Bara-leth pulled an instrument out of her bag and stood over her. (Think Tricorder)
"We'll know soon enough." She pressed a few buttons and waved the device over her patient a few times. A confused and shocked look passed over her face. "Its impossible." She said to herself. Nightfire looked alarmed.
"What is it? Can it be cured?" She asked frightfully. Bara-leth touched the device to her skin and it took a small blood sample, and began to beep. She looked even more shocked now and Nightfire was only becoming more frightened. "What is it?" She asked again.
"I've never seen this before. I have to do some more tests to be sure, but Nightfire, this says your pregnant, with a son!". Nightfire shook her head, this was impossible. She had already had two children, the most any tamaranian woman ever could.
"Thats impossible. If it were true I would not be ill like this."
Bara leth shook her head. "Oh yes you would, its showing as a tube pregnancy. We can fix that, but it would explain your being sick. Nightfire, you're going to have a boy." Nightfire looked down at her stomach in shock. Never, ever in recorded history had a Tamaranian woman have more than two children, some never even had one! It was a stress on the system most never recovered from, and a second child always left them spent, unable to reproduce again, always!.
"Bara-leth, I want this to stay a secret. At least for now. I want to be sure, and see it on a view screen before anyone knows."
"Its alright, come by my medical room later after your daughter leaves. I'll give you an ultra-sound and show it to you, and then we will re-position the child. I can do it with advanced tissue control, its uninvasive." Bara-leth sat down at the edge of the bed. Three children, thats alot to take in. She looked at her old friend. "I should have known this could happen when you had your daughters barely a year apart. This is un-precidented, Nightfire your the very first!"
"This stays between us for now, I want to be sure about this before I tell anyone."
Earth, London
Blackfire sat across from Kali in a local brittish pub. Kali had promised her anything and everything she wanted to eat, and she was yet to find something even slightly appealing. The fish 'n chips had been a big mistake; there was still newspaper ink on her face. The puddings had all been like paste, and the hamburgers were full of chunks of bone. "How did you ever survive?" Blackfire asked in horror as she spit out another foul mouthfull.
"Given the things your sister eats I could ask the same." Kali said lightly. The mention of Starfire didnt grate the older sister here, she was in a lighthearted enough mood.
"I'd club an earth seal for a nice plate of Tamaranian tihs yllems." A waiter took away the offending foods, and as Kali had instructed brought more out. Blackfire poked at shapeless glob of stuff she was certain was somehow alive. "I'm not touching this." She said. "This stuffs only going to make me feel worse!"
"Now thats not true. Eat brittish food and it will cure whatevers wrong with you. Its said its so bad that it makes you forget whatever else might be wrong. I think if humans mixed a few of these dishes together they could make a meal so revolting as to drive cancer out of ones body once they consume it."
"Cancer and the stomach." Kali laughed at this. Blackfire put something goopy and red in her mouth, and immediately regretted it. She spit it back out onto the plate with no shame. "What the hell was that?" She asked, using a napkin to scrub her tongue.
"That-" Kali inspected it. "Whoa, I'm not even sure what that is. I certainly wouldnt put it in my mouth." She looked around the old tavern. She was starting to draw attention. In most places she could pass off as another english goth, but after just a few minutes people realized she possessed more grace and dignity than that. Yes, the brittish goths and vampires were an offensive bunch, even to her. She was really out of place here with her cape in this old style inn.
"I'm feeling dizzy." Blackfire complained, looking pale.
"You didnt swallow any, did you?" Kali asked worriedly.
"Maybe a little on accident. I think I'm going to be sick."
"Thats not good. Should we get you to a hospital?"
"Oye u at a bita zu lookey!" Said the man behind the bar. Kali looked about her worriedly.
"Not good. Not good not good." She said to herself as Blackfire was turning green.
"Huh? Did you understand any of what he just said?"
"No."
"Then whats the problem?"
"The problem is I didnt understand it. This is a gypsy establishment!"
"So?"
"So! SO? So, gypsies are known for putting anything in there mouths, incidentally they are also rumored to have invented oral sex. But back to the point, whatever you ate its not good."
"No- burp - kidding."
"Damn gypsie - pickey bastards." Kali muttered. "They probly didnt even cook that chicken you ate five minutes ago." Blackfire turned a little greener. "I should go in back to make sure the cooks washed his hands at least some time this week, and that the rats aren't any bigger than a shoebox." Greener still. Kali looked at Blackfire, a peeved expression contrasting Blackfires sick one. "Im willing to bet the floor back there is covered in dead bugs and grease. Its probly like walking on slippery rice-crispies."
"Lets just leave, please." Blackfire begged. Kali picked up her hamburger and sniffed it a few times.
"My god, this isnt beef its- well nevermind what it is. I'd say its some old ladies cat." Blackfire turned even greener, almost as green as a dish of food to her left, which was pretty green.
"I thought asians ate cats." Blackfire said. Her stomach was on the verge of backfiring.
"This from the girl who confuses Amsterdam with America. No, Asians eat dogs, or some do. Its a delicacy, and when you think about it meat is meat." Now Blackfire was truly sick.
"But you just said my burger was a cat!"
"Oy ut in boo oot gop dee gurk." The bartender again.
"Well, thats differant. It was someones pet! Look theres fur in it even!" As if on cue the sound of a feline hissing and spitting came from the kitchen. Moments latter a shaved cat came running out, making way for the door. A crazed cook was running after it with a large mallet over his head. Kali tripped him so fast no one saw, the cat went out the door, and the mallet flew at the bartender, striking his head and shutting him up. "I should go get Lance. He would be alot of fun in a place like this."
"Kali we should go. I'm gonna be sick."
"Alright, one minute. I'm gonna go play 'free willy' with the food." Blackfire didnt give a flying shaved cat about that. She wanted to get back to Ameri-Amster-wherever-the-fuck-the-tower-was. A well placed bolt took out the overhead lights and allowed Kali to slip into the kitchen and free the animals. Within minutes they were free, and she and Blackfire skipped out without paying. She was not about to pay them for making her daughter sick. In fact, she had carefully destroyed every appliance in the kitchen. No wonder that had been the cheapest place in town. On the way back to the flat Kali had had to stop and hold Blackfires hair back for her as her stomach revolted.
"I just want a regular, normal, American meal. Please. That would make me feel much better." Blackfire said, wiping her mouth on her gauntlet.
"Alright Blackfire. We'll go back to the tower now, we've been gone long enough."
Cyborg, Raven, and Robin sat on the couch together. It was just morning here, and Cyborg was rubbing his head. "Man, you guys should know that when I get THAT weird I need my reset button pushed."
"We thought you were losing your mind." Said Robin defensively.
"I was! Thats why you shoulda pushed reset!"
"No point in arguing about it." Said Raven, ever the voice of reason. She put her feet up on Lance, who was sleeping at the foot of the couch. "There home." She said, sensing Blackfire and Kali were back. Raven was unaware of Kali's desings on Blackfire and only thought the two were friends. Little did she know she was deaf, blind, and dumb, much as she was to Starfire and Jinx's relationship until she sensed it.
"ABout time. They are lucky nothings happened while they were gone. We'd have been screwed if any real villans decided to cause trouble." Thunder and Lightening, ever brawling crashed through the room, kicked up alot of dust, and left a wave of destruction behind them when they left. Raven was repositioned on the couch, her head on the floor and her feet on the back of the couch. Lance was gone.
"We're in enough trouble as it is." She said, trying to controll her temper. She eyed the trail of destruction. "They better stay out of my room."
"Isnt it our room?" Asked Robin.
"Its my room. I just let you in it." Cyborg laughed, Robin looked dejected, and Raven righted herself.
Tamaran
Starfire and her earthling friends boarded the ship bound for there destination. Beast Boy couldnt pronounce the name of the planet. As he approached the ship he had a deep sense of foreboding, as if he should not get on. It wasnt just a fear of flying, or anything like that, he felt almost like if he got on this ship he would not be getting off again. He didnt know if Starfire felt anything, he doubted it, she seemed too happy to be leaving. The farewell party was over now, and the only people left in the throne room were the king and queen. He looked at them. The king looked more sinister than usual, the queen looked like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
"They shall have to visit again soon." Said the queen. "I like Starfires green friend, he is most amusing." The doors closed, and the ship spiraled up out of the throne room, out of the open ceiling door and into the night sky.
"Ohhh, goodbye Tamaran, I will see you again soon enough, I promise!" Starfire said as the planet began to shrink from view in the window. Starfire didnt know it, but the door she was leaning against, the circutry had a untraceable explosive charge placed in it. The charge was only large enough to fry one circuit, it was heat activated, and once it went off no one in the universe would be able to prove it was there. It would simply be viewed as a overloaded circuit.
"I'm glad to be going home." Jinx said.
"I dont know." Beast Boy offered. "Was it so bad? Our every need was taken care of, I had crowds of adoring fans. Yes, truly, it was a paradise." He said in a rare William Shatner moment. The girls just looked at him like he was nuts.
"I didnt just imagine it, but he just sounded like the renouned overactor from 'Trek Amongst the Stars', did he not?" Starfire whispered to Jinx, who just nodded her head in agreement.
"Hey look! I can fit my whole hand up my nose!" Beast Boy said in a nasally voice, one hand indeed up his nose.
"Well, the moments passed."
"Yes it has."
"Its so good to be heading home." Beast Boy said, with his hand now out of his nose. He missed Blackfire, alot. He was sure he would be heading back to tamaran some day, and hopefully next time with her. "So Star, whats this other planet we're visiting?" He asked. Starfire looked away from the porthole and at him and Jinx.
"It is a planet of little importance. Through history there royal familly has married into my own on several occasions. I imagine my father is sending me to let them know I am no longer available for marriage." Behind her in the door pannel the circutry began to heat up.
Beast Boy suddenly had a very bad feeling. He couldnt figure it out, but seeing the girls near the door unnerved him. "Guys, come on. Lets not stand near the door." He said worriedly. The fear in him was almost enough to make him shake. Jinx and Starfire looked at him like something was wrong with him. "I'm not fooling around! Get away from there!" Starfire and Jinx looked at each other and took a few steps away from the door- this is what saved Jinx's life. The doors circuit pannel began to spark and deafening alarms began to go off in the hallway. "What is it?" Beast Boy yelled, and at the same instant the door blew open, exposing the ship to the vacuum of space. Beast Boy and Jinx were lifted off there feet and sent hurtling towards the door screaming. Starfire let out a shriek of utter terror, and her lightening fast reflexes allowed her to beat them to the door.
"Hold on!" She yelled. She had Jinx by the collar and Beast Boy by his arm. She herself was only holding on by wrapping her legs around the bend in the wall. Jinx and Beast Boy were both screaming, but she could not hear it above the noise of the air being sucked out of the ship. The suction was powerfull enough so she was having trouble fighting it. "Hold on!" She yelled again, but wasnt sure they could hear her. Bits of debris went flying by, striking her face but she wouldnt let go. She tried with all her might to pull them back in, but couldnt do it.
Beast Boy felt Starfire lose her grip on him, and grabbed her arm with both of his. He couldnt think of an animal form that would help him. Anything bigger would make Starfire lose her grip and he and Jinx would be killed, anything smaller and he wouldnt be able to hold on. "Help!" He screamed. The wind picked up and he was slammed against Jinx a few times.
Starfire tried again to pull them in, but couldnt. She wasnt strong enough. Where were the pilots? Why hadnt anyone come to help her? A large cabinet came barraling down the hall at her, and she used her eyebeams to burn it to nothing before it could hit her. She looked from Beast Boy to Jinx. Where were the pilots? "Help us!" She yelled again. "Someone help!"
In a split second Beast Boy realized she couldnt pull them both in. He slipped a little down Starfires arm. He was now holding onto her hand with only one of his, and he was losing his grip. He could see Starfire was losing hers as well. He could see she still had a good grip on Jinx. It dawned on him that if he didnt let go, both he and Jinx would die. A feeling of peace came over him, and all the noise stopped. He couldnt feel his own hand anymore. He looked up at Starfire, and she must have seen something in his eyes because she knew what he was planning on doing.
"NO!" She yelled at him. He smiled up at her. One finger at a time he let his hand go of hers, but she held onto his wrist, preventing him from being sucked out. "Do not do this!" She yelled.
"I'm sorry." Beast Boy reached up with his other hand and began peeling her fingers from his wrist. Starfire screamed at him again not to, but it was too late. He saw the ship for a split second as he forced himself away from her, but then it was gone already. Nowhere in sight.
He screamed in pain with his last lungfull of air. The veins in his arms began to rise, the blood began to boil. Beast Boy flew through space, and determined to be brave opened his eyes to take in the beauty of it. His ears popped and bled, his eyes began to bleed as well. Pain tore at him like he had never imagined it could. He would rather have been lit on fire.
Light years away already Starfire pulled Jinx into the ship and forced the door closed, welding it shut with her bolts. She set Jinx down, and didnt even hear herself screaming about Beast Boy. Jinx slumped to the floor. She knew full well why he let go. Starfire took off towards the bridge, still yelling incoherrantly and Jinx took off after her.
On the bridge the two pilots took note as a sensor system informed them they had lost a mamal type life form. Starfire broke onto the bridge and realized they had never lost pressure, never known anything was wrong.
"We must go back!" She screamed. "The door! The door!" Her hands were shaking. She was shaking. "He's still out there!" The pilots were already in the process of coming about. They covered the distance back to where Beast Boy had let go in no time. Starfire waited, and Jinx caught up with her. The room was silent as they let the pilots scan the system for theire friend. Starfire knew they would not find him, it was almost impossible.
"Find him damn-"
"Princess we're detecting no human life forms in this system. I'm sorry, theres no one out here."
Jinx backed up against the wall, breathing hard. He had actually given his life to save her. She thought of him, tumbling about alone in space as a corpse and nearly threw up. It hurt to imagine someone so full of life being dead. "Find him damnit! We cant just leave him here!" Starfire collapsed onto the floor, sobbing into her hands.
"Theres no way. Our sensors can find something alive for light years about, but princess Jinx, a body out there is- well, it doesnt give off any energies. Theres no way to find it that wouldnt take months."
"Find him anyway!" Starfire yelled from the floor.
"You wouldnt like it if we did, princesses. You wouldnt recognize him, and we just cant. This ship isnt made for this. I can have base command send another, but thats all. He might not even be in this system, he could be light years away." The pilot explained calmly. Starfire looked up, understanding what he said was true but trying to fight it anyway.
"It would be wrong to leave him." She protested.
"Princess our scanners only pick up living things we-"
"NO!" Jinx interrupted. "I'm ordering you to find him! Do it now!" Behind her the navigator wired down to sick bay, ordering a doctor up, but Jinx paid no attention. She threw herself at the pilot and began hitting him. "I order you! You have to listen to me!" Starfire tried to pull her away to comfort her, but Jinx would have none of it. "He was our friend, we can't just leave him. Please!" Jinx backed away from the pilot, feeling dizzy.
"Please sit down, another ship will be on its way within the hour to pick up the body."
The body. Jinx for the first time thought of him as a dead thing, she saw it in her mind. Somewhere out there he was hurtling through space, and there was no life left. Beast Boy was gone, really gone, and it began to sink in. The finality of the situation struck her like a fist in the gut, and she doubled over. She growled, and promised herself she wouldnt let him stay out there. She got back up, and held her hands at her sides. She channeled all the energy she could muster into them and the whole room glowed pink. "Find him now or I'll tear this whole fucking ship apart!" There was a slight pain in her neck as a needle was inserted. She lost her power, and began to pitch foward. She was asleep before she hit the ground. Behind her was the doctor, who had just injected a sedative.
Starfire watched her hit the ground. She could have caught her, but had not even thought of it she was so devastated. It was her fault, all her fault for not being strong enough. She was not strong enough to save them both, and Beast Boy had sacrificed himself to save Jinx, so she wouldnt live with the guilt of losing them both. A new wave of tears hit her hard, and Starfire pulled her knees to her chest and just cried until the doctor dosed her too and then she fell into a mercifully dreamless sleep.
Earth, Tower
The news arrived quickly. The tamaranian navigator contacted the tower an hour out from the small blue planet and broke the news. Cyborg did not take it well. Once the link was dead he smashed the computer, again and again until there was nothing left.
Mourning was not easy for a group such as this. Several teenagers, all with personal demons, some who hide behind masks and others who mask what they feel. There was no reason here now. When you got down to it every last member was disfunctional in some way or another, and for teenagers who feel emotions in such a pure, raw form, mourning the loss of a friend is not easy. Instead of coming together and offering each other some form or another of comfort like they should, these teenagers did the opposite. They each went in differant dirrections, not able to stand the sight of one another because it reminded them of Beast Boy in some way or another.
Cyborg sat in Beast Boys room on the bed. He had calmed down a little, but not much. He looked around Beast Boys room and saw a picture of them together. Tears sprung to his human eye. He gritted his teeth as one wave of raw emotion after another hit him. This was it, he thought, not only did he lose his best friend, but now he was going to lose the titans too. The team couldnt survive this. He looked around the room, through dresser drawers and under the bed for something Beast Boy had shown him once. He found it in a closet. There was a large suitcase. This case was one of the few things to survive when Marcus Agustus lit the tower aflame. He pulled it out and set it on the floor and opened it. Inside were many items, all carefully wrapped in paper. He picked one up and unwrapped it. It was a knick-knack, a green elephant. He set it on the floor next to him. The next one was a green dog. He unwrapped a few more. All were green, all were made of porcelein. It was his collection. Cyborg cried harder as he unwrapped a few more. A kangaroo, a hippo, a dolphin. They were all ugly, things you'd expect a tasteless old lady to own but Cyborg knew Beast Boy had spent countless hours looking online and at garage sales collecting them. Cyborg decided he had unwrapped enough. He knew he would want him to have these. He took them from Beast Boys room, trying to think of something to do with them his friend would have approved of.
Blackfire had learned of his death, and split from Kali. They had spent most days now in each others company, and it was unusual now to be seperated. Kali had left her though, humans mourned differant from her, and she had to let Blackfire have her space. Kali had her own mourning to do now as well, she intended to use the time they spent apart as a chance to sort her feelings over Jessica. She looked out the door to her room from the bed she laid on, and saw Blackfire walk by. Her mind was closed off, which was odd. The last few days Blackfire had taken to leaving her mind perfectly open to her, or even broadcasting her thoughts. Kali let it be, her feelings right now were most likely personal.
Rage and hate. That was all she felt, but for once it wasnt directed at her sister, Jinx, or anyone. It was aimed at herself. If only she had gone home to Tamaran with her sister, then she would have been there. She might have been able to save Beast Boy. But no, she had stayed on earth, refusing to go because she disliked her sister and Jinx, and because of this the one she loved paid for it. Blackfire turned down another hallway, and then another untill she came to the laundary room. She looked over the detergent bottles here with dead eyes. She found the bottle she was looking for and held it close to her. She sat against the washer and cried for several minutes. What was she doing? Oh god, she couldnt stop herself. She wanted to cry out for someone to come help her but she couldnt. She uncapped the bottle and the pungeant smell of bleach wafted up. In her mind she knew her insides were stronger, and that it would take more time and bleach to do the job but she didnt care. She lifted the bottle to her lips and tilted it upwards. It burned her tongue and gums horribly, her throats nerves screamed in pain as the acidic liquid went down into her stomach. She drank as much as she could bear, and hoped it was enough. Fuck the throne. It didnt matter. Fuck it all. Drink some more. Be with you soon. Oh god what have I done? These thoughts raced through her mind but without focus. Now what? She imagined it would take a while. Already her insides were burning up and disolving. She doubled over in pain. She hoped she had a few minutes left. She did not want to die alone. She chewed several mints to mask the smell.
"I'll be with you soon." She said, and doubled over in agonizing pain. She managed not to cry out, and some blood seeped up out of her throat and onto the floor. She wiped her mouth and managed to block out the pain. She would go lay with Kali now. She got up, and convinced Kali would not smell the bleach she walked to her room, fighting the growing pain the whole way. She had to be carefull to keep her mind blank. She reached the door and looked inside. Kali looked to be asleep. She approached the bed, carefull to breathe through her nose. Even that was burning now. She swallowed some blood that tried to escape through her mouth. Kali opened her eyes, and her arms for Blackfire. She went into them and laid on the vampire. It was close now, she could feel it. The instant Kali embraced her the elder woman stiffened and sniffed her; so much for masking the smell. She held her at arms length, with a horrified look on her face. Her insides convulsed, and Blackfire was too weak to stop the blood from seeping up through her mouth as she coughed and sputtered. Kali cried out in terror.
"Blackfire what have you done?" She shook the girl. Kali did not know what Bleach was or what it could do to flesh. All she knew was that this smell was not good. She felt the life draining from Blackfire, massive blood loss from her color. Internal bleeding. Blackfire slumped foward against her and Kali screamed again. Blood was seeping out of her mouth and she was gurgling. She was drowning in it! Kali nearly paniced. She laid Blackfire on the floor and knelt above her. She sliced a horrible gash in her own wrist and put it to Blackfires mouth, hoping she could swallow it. Her blood would help her heal if she could just drink it. She couldnt. Kali looked around, her last resort becoming clear. She had to be somewhere else, somewhere with mortals she could use. She grabbed the dying Blackfire and brought her back to london in an instant, and was with her underneath the bridge the city was known for. She tried again to feed Blackfire blood, but it was no use. Blackfire was dying. Her body began to convulse as it drown in its own blood and Kali could smell burning flesh from the bleech. She loved Blackfire, she couldnt lose her now! The only option was to take her, and make her a vampire. It hit her also that she was about to make Blackfire a vampire against her will. On the inside the wanted it, but verbally protested it.
"Forgive me Blackfire." Kali knelt next to her and removed the top of her own dress. She put a hand above her heart and dug her fingernails into her ribs. She screamed in pain but it was drowned out by the traffic above. She created a hole above her heart and felt it beating against her fingers. She was bleeding profusely now, and would need to feed for this wound to heal, but that didnt matter. All that mattered was Blackfire. She took the unconcious girls hand and slipped it into her chest and held it against her heart as long as she dared.
Blackfires body went lax, she was dead. Kali screamed. She thought she had lost Blackfire, but the spirit had not left the body. Something else was wrong, had she died the instant she would have changed? Kali didnt know, but removed her hand from her chest. Hunger was tearing at her. She saw Blackfires chest move, and she began to cough up the blood from her lungs. Kali sighed in relief. Life returned to the body slowly. She had caught her just in time. She rolled Blackfire onto her stomach, and she vomitted up a mixture of Bleach and blood, and half disolved parts from her stomach. Kali set her back down on her back, and put her top back on. She was covered in her own blood, but the wound was healing. It hurt now, she had not noticed most of the pain at the moment due to her desperation. The hunger was painfull as well. She was loathe to leave Blackfire alone, but couldnt bring her with her to feed. She sensed a group of mortals walking on the bridge right above her. Three of them. That would do.
Kali took to the air, just barely, and made herself as close to invisible as she could. She crept up behind one of them, a drunk man twice her size. She entranced all three to follow her invisible form down below the bridge, where she fed on them one by one. Her wound sealed up after the first, and she let him drop to the ground. The other two stood nearby, completely unaware of what was going on. She removed the wallets of all three and tossed them in the river. She fed on the other two, and her entire power returned to her. She looked to Blackfire. The girls life force was strong now, but she was going to be hungry. She picked the men up one by one, and dealt a few soft blows to them, just enough to leave bruises. When they woke they would simply think they had all been mugged. She pulled her dress out and looked down at her chest. There was less blood now, it was all seeping back into her slowly; a benefit of getting old.
Kali picked Blackfire up and held her close. She waded through the london river to clean herself and now her child of blood and filth. Once at the other side, with Blackfire still asleep she teleported to an estate she owned in Madrid, Spain. It was a lavish place. An advantage to being immortal was that you established wealth over the years. Kali had set up a system as such that it accumulated wealth automatically. Her estates the world over were all maintained by people who might work for her for twenty years and never see her face. This place was no differant, she had not been here in fifty years but it was all the way she had left it. Kali was glad the estate was empty. She went to her chambers and set Blackfire down on the bed.
Kali went behind a curtain and changed out of her wet clothes. She cleaned herself up, and was feeling nervous. What had she done, she wondered. Would she lose Blackfire for this? Kali lit a candle and set it on the night stand. Blackfire began to writhe in pain in her sleep. Kali watched, half with dread, half with interest. She imagined Blackfires change might be differant seeing as she caught her just at the moment of death. More violent, she imagined. Her cells had died, then been braught back to life, and now they were going to die again, be re-made and once again ressurected. Kali was not one for prayer, but she said a silent one that Blackfire would be alright. On the bed Blackfire stopped breathing and Kali listened, terrified at the thought that she might not breathe again, but just as she was losing hope her lungs sucked in air and Blackfire sat up as if someone were pulling the front of her shirt.
"What have you done?" Blackfire demanded. She was supposed to be dead! She looked about her quickly, her sense of sight playing tricks on her. Her vision was twice as sharp as it had ever been, the detail she saw the world with was staggering! "What did you do to me?"
"Look on this world with your new, vampire eyes." Kali saw that Blackfire was caught up in how well she could see. She imagined death had siphoned off some of her own power into Blackfire, making her gifted beyond her years. Just as with her sister there were several things here that she suspected were 'firsts' or at the very least extremely rare.
Blackfire caught sight of the tiny flame of the candle. In an instant she was sure she could watch for hours as the little flame danced back and forth. The bed beneath her, she could feel each individual thread in the blanket under her fingers! She could count them without looking! Pain lanced through her abdomen, throwing her off guard. She leaned over the side of the bead and vomitted the last of a blech/blood mixture. "I should be dead." Was all she could say.
"Should be? You were. I caught you at just the moment of death."
Blackfire remembered Beast Boy. "Why? Why didnt you let me die?" She lunged off of the bed at Kali. The older vampire allowed herself to be pinned to the wall, gauging her fledglings strength. "Why didnt you let me die?" Blackfire demanded fiercely. The gravity of Beast Boys death hit her again, and she dropped her arms to her side, backing away from Kali. "You should have let me die." She said simply. She collapsed to her knees and cast her head down to the floor.
"Would he have wanted that?" The question caught Blackfire off guard. She looked up at Kali through her wet bangs. "Don't you think he would be ashamed of what you've done? Think about that." Kali knelt in front of Blackfire and put her hands on her shoulders, forcing Blackfire to look her in the eye. "I only did this for you out of love. You know that."
Blackfire began to feel something, something all over her body. It felt dry. Her teeth, even those were broadcasting something to her brain. She poked at her I teeth with her tongue. They were indeed sharper, and she found that at will they descended. "Whats wrong with me?" She asked, feeling dizzy. It was the thirst but she had not made the connection of that yet. Her throat felt so dry, her mouth itched to chew something. She was whimpering like a scared animal when Kali guided her mouth to her neck. Blackfires lips met the skin but she refused to open her mouth.
"Its alright. You need to drink." Blackfire did not. Kali decided she had to try another tactic. "Please, Blackfire, he would want you to live, and now this is what you must do in order to do so."
Blackfire wracked with one last sob and let herself go. She inhaled through her nose only to find the scent of lavender was stronger than ever, she smelled it so much more sharply. Her new teeth descended of theire own accord, and it was almost painfull now to keep her lips closed. Her throat was truly on fire now and she knew what would sate it. She thought of her sister, the times she had seen her feed from this same fount of blood. How had she ever survived this thirst? It didnt matter. Blackfire parted her lips and thought of Beast Boy, yes, he would want her to survive. What a fool she had been. Kali made only a small noise as she sank her teeth into her. Thick, red, delicious blood coursed down her throat. She moaned againse Kali, pushing her back and trying to get more. Kali allowed her to do so, still measuring her power.
Kali realized Blackfire might be quite dangerous, and saw something she had not seen before. She had changed her just at the moment of death, and the void death created in her siphoned off more of her life force than the change usually would have, making Blackfire an extremely strong fledgeling.
Blackfire took gulp after gulp of the thick salty blood. She wrapped her arms around Kali to steady herself. After a few minutes she broke off, and relaxed against Kali. Beast Boy, she should be thinking about Beast Boy, not blood. "Oh god Kali, what have you done to me?" She asked, panting for breath.
Kali ran a hand through Blackfires wet hair. "I have only given you what you wanted when you drank that poison; so your just like me now- dead." Blackfire began to shake in fear, and Kali did the only thing she could do. She held her, and whispered reassurances into her ear.
Robin sat on the roof waiting for Starfires craft to deliver she and Jinx. His eyes were red from tears, silent ones. He couldnt believe Beast Boy was gone. It was unspoken amongst the titans, but each and every one had at the conception of the team expected to see one of the team die before it was over. In such a dangerous line of work how could he have survived so long just to be killed by a malfunctioning door? Robin had been preparing himself for so long for someone to die, and now that it had happened and he had not seen it he was unable to accept it. The instinctual half of Robin told him Beast Boy would come bouncing off the ship the moment it landed and say something stupid, but the factual side of his mind knew the truth, that he was gone and never coming back. It hurt so badly. He was joined by Raven at his side, and felt pitty for her. He knew that with her circumstances she could not mourn the way most would, she had to stay reserved and calm. He was carefull not to excite her, or say anything that might cause her to lose her control. He waited for her to speak first. He did not have to wait long.
"Is this the end?" She asked. It was her personal oppinion that it was Beast Boy who kept the rest of the team honnest, without him she feared it was only a matter of time until Jump Cities big T was vacant. She and Robin would stay together, of course, but she didnt want to be seperated from the others. She waited for Robin to respond.
"No. No its not the end, he wouldnt want it to be. We have to keep the titans going for just for him. No matter how hard it is to get by we cant stop now."
"Alright."
Robin wished she was free to show more emotion. "Remember all those nights in the beginning? We were up until three in the morning, sometimes all of us later just talking about what we should do, how the team should be run, and what should happen if one of us fell?" Raven nodded. "It was so easy back then to think about one of us being killed. We didnt even know each other, we were still strangers just about."
"I know. And we agreed back then that if any of us died that the team should survive. It just feels like the rules have changed now that we know each other so much better." Raven laid across Robins chest, listening to his heart. "I still don't believe it, that he's gone. I cant accept it, or I'll lose control and someone will get hurt."
"I'm sorry Raven. I'll go with you, to the dessert. No one can get hurt there."
"You can." Raven said, tears coming to her eyes. She managed to choke them back just like she had all tears before them.
"I'm not afraid."
"Then, you'll come with me, tonight? After Starfires back?"
"Yeah."
Raven bit her lower lip. "No, you could be hurt. Theres no way to know what could happen, I could turn sand to glass on accident, or cause lightening to strike."
Robin held her against him and rubbed her back. "I'm not afraid Raven, and we both know that if I dont come you won't do this. You'll sit out there to sun-up and not do anything." Raven was going to say something, but bit her bottom lip. She knew he was right.
Raven sensed Kali and Blackfire in the tower, and wasnt even shocked to feel that Blackfire was a vampire, a strong one. Perhaps it was more a matter of not caring than not being suprised. It was important though to go find out what was going on. "I have to go talk to Blackfire." She told Robin, who had no idea she had even left again.
"Alright. I'll be here, I want to be here when they get home."
Raven got up and headed for the door of the roof. What had Kali done? She found Kali quickly, in her room. She was holding Blackfire, who seemed beyond exhausted. "I want to be up when my sister gets home." She said, trying to fight the sleep.
"Kali whats going on?" Raven asked, trying to figure out what was going on.
"She tried to kill herself, it was all I could do." Kali said. She felt it was all the explanation she, the teacher, should have to give to a former student. Raven approached her, and studdied how well the dark gift had taken roots in Blackfire.
She thought about it for a minute, how she could be this strong. "Did you take her just at the moment of death?" It was the only possibility she could think of. It was hard to sense it, but Kali was slightly weaker than she had been in the morning.
"Yes. I wanted to change her, but not this soon. It was this or let her die." Blackfire righted herself in Kalis arms and broke away from her slowly, standing on her own again. She eyed Raven hungrilly.
"You have fed her?" Raven asked, only slightly wary of Blackfire. Blackfire sized Raven up. She could smell the other girls blood, there was something in it differant from Kali's and she wanted it.
"Kali." Raven said, now worried. She fed off a houkounin. Blackfires sense for finding 'good blood' must have been much keener than her sisters. Starfire never once even wanted to feed off of her after Kali adopted her. The only problem with having such a good sense though was that it was leading Blackfire directly to her, and Raven did not like to be looked at in this way. Luckily for Raven Kali fed her again. She was not inclined to feed other vampires. The night on the roof when Starfire changed was not something she wanted a repeat of.
When she was done Blackfire pushed away from Kali, seeming more awake. "When will my sister be here?" She asked. At this minute she and Ravens coms lit up, indicating Robin had spotted the ship. Kali left first, she knew Starfire might need her. Raven held Blackfire back, intent on getting a word with her.
"Is this what you wanted?" Raven asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Eventually I wouldnt have been able to refuse her, but not this soon." Raven did not remove her hand, meaning the answer was not satisfactory. "I wasnt completely forced against my will, I did want it in some way if thats what you meant."
The reunion was not a happy one. Starfire had to tell the others what had happened because Jinx felt too much shame knowing he had died so she would be saved. Starfire felt her sisters change, but it was not the appropriate time for questions. Jinx felt it as well, as did Robin. Cyborg was the only one who did not know, but it was not important that he should.
All found it odd that for once Blackfire didnt blame her sister. She went out of her way to let her know she didnt blame her. Still, it bought her no solace. Finally, after things had settled Blackfire, her sister, and Jinx were left alone on the roof. Jinx shrank away from Blackfire, warry of her as she was warry of all other vampires. Now, Starfire thought, was the time for questions. "Sister what has happened to you?" Starfire asked worriedly.
Blackfire bit her lip. She didnt think she could tell her sister she had actually tried to end her own life- and in a way succeeded. Starfire did not need to be any more upset. A sad smile crossed her face. "Kali happened, I suppose. I'm glad for it." She embraced her sister, to the surprise of Jinx. "I dont blame you for this Starfire, dont you ever think that." She whispered. She thought of Beast Boy again. How would he want her to live her life, what would he have her say? Blackfire took a deep breath, new tears coming to her eyes, she knew what she should say. It was something she had never said to her before, at least not outside of childhood innocence. "I love you Starfire." Her sister jumped slightly in shock, but returned the embrace a little tighter. It was time to stop bearing grudges; it was a grudge that ultimately took Beast Boy from her. If she had not called home, he would still be here, so no, no more grudges.
Robins fingers flew over a keyboard, pounding out the hardest email he would ever send. All vigalante groups were required to report deaths of members to the JL. Being the only true human on the team Robin always thought it would be one of the team writting this email for him. The JL took care of all funeral arangements. Due to the nature of his death at his funeral it would be an empty coffin they laid to rest. It was in typing this that he got stuck. He couldnt bring himself to write that his friends body would never be recovered. He wondered if he would really feel any better if Beast Boy was lying in a morgue cooler somewhere, and he didnt think so, but for Beast Boy's sake he wished he could be recovered. Robin finished the email, and on the second attempt was able to include that the body had either been destroyed or was un-recoverable. Robin sent the mail, and backed away from the computer as if it were something dirty. His hands were shaking. "God, why him?" He asked the empty room. Why did he of all people have to die such a horrible death?
Damn it all, damn it all to hell. If he had known losing a member was this hard when he joined, he would never have taken the lead position. The computer beeped, and he noticed his email had been returned, sighting he had left a field of entry empty. The words 'Cause Of Death:' were blinking red at him. He pulled his chair back up to the keyboard and typed: Heroism. Thats what it was, wasnt it? He was just doing what they had been doing all along, sacrificing of himself to save others, he just paid more heavilly for it than before.
He felt he was being watched, and turned around to see Raven hovering near him. He had not known how long she had been there. "Thats very fitting." She said. She must have had seen him typing.
"The funerals in two days, no body, so they dont want to drag it out. Word goes out over the news in thirty minutes." Robin said, his voice becoming unsteady. "Its a state funeral." It would be taken seven miles up into the cemetary on a horse drawn carriage. The titans were to walk behind it, and when it arrived be the pallbearers. "You want to go?" Raven seemed to shrink away from him at the question.
"No. No, I'm not ready to accept it. I need time to let this sink in."
"Its alright. I can understand."
Alright people I'm sorry about this. Before you decide to stop reading because he's dead I'll tell you this: He is not dead. Nope. You'll see. Just wait for the next chapter. (Cracks fingers) Things are gonna get done people! I need reviews to keep me going, and to keep making nice long chaps like this. If any of you out there are writters, I'd ask you to tell people the story has been reposted here. Some still dont know that and just think it was deleted and that I gave up. (Yeah right). I enjoyed writting this, hope you enjoyed reading it, and theres gonna be some more changes, but good ones. I hope the way I changed Blackfire was a way even those who didnt want her to be changed could appreciate. I know what some of you are thinking, this vampire coven has nothing but female vampires. Thats going to change soon. (not beast boy!) Leave a review please.