CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Alex was deeply, blissfully asleep and enjoying a dream which involved Peyton and Eli Manning arguing over who got to give her a foot massage when one of the brothers shouted. Alex frowned. Why would he do that? Her feet weren't that unattractive. As the fog of sleep slowly lifted from her mind, Alex realized the cry came from Bobby. "Oh," she thought. "He's in pain…Or having a bad dream…Or both…" She moved carefully from the bed. She was in the kids' room, but the beds there were as comfortable as Bobby's, if not as big. As she slipped on her robe and toed on her slippers, Alex heard another cry from the master bedroom. The cold sent tiny slivers into her skin as she rushed to the room.
Bobby was curled up and wrapped in a tangle of sheets and blanket. "Please," he murmured. "Please stop…No…No…It hurts…It hurts…"
Alex approached him cautiously. "Bobby…" She'd seen him in a nightmare's grip before, but this one appeared particularly vicious.
"No…Please stop…It hurts…"
"Bobby." Alex flicked on the small bedside lamp. Sweat soaked Bobby's clothes. "It's ok," Alex said. "You're safe…You're in a safe place…No one wants to hurt you…I'm here…" She hoped he hadn't hurt his arm or ribs in his twisting and turning.
He jerked and cried out in pain.
"Bobby." Alex touched him gently on his left shoulder. "Are you ok?"
"I…I…" he gasped. His face glistened with sweat.
"Here…Let me help you get untangled." She carefully eased him out of the twisted bedclothes. "Is your arm ok?"
"I…I think so." Bobby moved gingerly. "I'm sorry…I woke you up."
"It's ok. I wasn't sleeping that well," Alex lied.
Bobby rose unsteadily. Alex reached out to help him, and his left arm wrapped around her in an effort to help him stay on his feet. The move threw Alex off-balance, and she wrapper her arms around Bobby to keep them both upright. They wavered for a moment, but managed to remain standing. They stood together, stunned by the warmth both felt.
"You ok?" Alex asked, her voice muffled against Bobby's chest.
"Uh…yea…I…I'm fine." Bobby's voice failed to reveal his turmoil. He loved being in her arms. He was warm and safe. His fears and pain disappeared before her strength. "This isn't right," he thought. "I shouldn't…I can't…She's my partner…I think she is…She's my friend…She can't possibly…I'm not good for her…I…I'll hurt her…I've hurt her…"
"It's all right, Bobby." Alex seemed to read his thoughts. She rested her head just below his chin. "I…I like this…"
Bobby's heart flew, and he felt lightheaded.
"Bobby?"
"I…I think…I need to sit down." He sat heavily on the edge of the bed. Alex sat next to him. He struggled for a moment, and then collapsed in her arms. She eased him so that his head lay in her lap.
"Are you ok?" she asked again. She tenderly wove her fingers in and out of his hair, carefully avoiding the cuts and bumps on his head.
He looked up into her kind green eyes. "I…I am now," he whispered.
"Good…C'mon…Let's get you under the covers…"
She helped him get back in the bed. For a moment she looked down at him. She lay down next to him. "Is this all right?" she asked.
He wanted to tell her that nothing in his life had ever been so right. "Yes…"
She smiled and turned out the light. She pulled the sheets and blankets up and over them, and faced Bobby, who lay on his left side.
"Do you want to talk about the nightmare?" Her hand brushed his cheek.
"I…I'm not sure what it was exactly," Bobby said reluctantly. He wanted to confess to her, to tell the truth about everything, but he couldn't bear the thought that she might leave him alone on this cold, dark night, or that she might leave him forever. "It…It was a mix of…a lot of bad things."
"I know you have some terrible dreams," Alex said gently. "To have a greatest hits version of them…must be awful."
"Yea…Not exactly something you see sold on TV early in the morning." He wanted to talk to her, to continue to hear her voice, but he was so tired.
"It's ok, Bobby. Get some sleep. We can talk some more when you're ready."
"Ok…Ok…" He lost his battle and drifted to sleep. "Thank you…Thank you…"
Bobby woke and carefully shifted his body. His arm and ribs protested slightly, but he moved with as much ease as he could remember since the bank incident. "Where…What…" he thought. He turned and discovered Alex asleep next to him. Only a few inches separated them. Her face was relaxed and wisps of her blonde hair fell in front of it. A smile played at the corners of her mouth. She murmured softly and scrunched closer to Bobby. Involuntarily, his left hand reached out to touch her cheek. She purred contentedly, and a strange, wonderful warmth grew in Bobby.
"What is this?" he thought. "I've never felt anything like this…Something close to it, maybe…But nothing like this…And nothing close to it for a long time…" His left hand tenderly caressed her cheek. "This…this makes me…happy…happy…"
Alex stretched and yawned. She blinked and smiled at Bobby. "Hey," she said warmly. "Happy Christmas Eve."
Bobby pulled his hand away and rolled on his back. He stared at the ceiling.
Alex leaned over him. "You ok?"
"Yea…I…I just…need to go to the bathroom." He sat up and moved stiffly from the bed.
Puzzled and worried, Alex watched him lurch to the bathroom. She raised her body on an elbow and studied the closed door. "Ok," she thought. "This is Bobby. Two steps forward and three steps back." She rose, stretched, yawned, and started towards the other bedroom. "Time to get some breakfast in him."
Bobby stared at his face in the bathroom mirror. "Who am I?" he whispered. "How did I get here? Why does she? Why should I do?" He ran his left hand through his hair. "About work…About Alex…" The smell of coffee reached him, and his stomach rumbled. "Damn," he thought. "If I wasn't so hungry, I wouldn't have to face her." He sighed and reluctantly walked to the kitchen.
He shivered slightly in the cold morning air in spite of his warm shirt and flannel pajama pants. Alex stood over the stove. Like much of the house, the kitchen was small but modern. She waved a spatula in greeting as she heard Bobby.
"I turned up the heat…It'll kick on soon…I decided to be adventurous and to make pancakes." She smiled at him. "I know they're one of your specialties."
Bobby walked slowly to the counter and poured a cup of coffee. He took a long drink of the life giving beverage.
"How many you want?" Alex asked.
"Uh, how about starting with two," he said. "Can I help? I'm sure they'll be better than mine…"
"Well, they certainly won't have some of the exotic stuff you put in yours. Although I do have some chocolate chips…"
Bobby sat carefully at the table. "Doesn't sound like health food."
"It's Christmas Eve. We can be a little indulgent." Alex dropped several chocolate chips on the pancakes.
Bobby stared out the window at the grey clouds and ocean.
"You were right about the weather," Alex said as she placed a plate in front of Bobby. She pushed the butter and syrup over to him.
"Eames…You don't have to…If you want to be with your family today…" Bobby swallowed. His appetite had disappeared, and he began to cut the pancakes into smaller and smaller pieces with his fork. "I'll be fine…"
Alex sat across from him. His mood was on a roller coaster ride. "Look," she said, piercing a piece of pancake with her fork. "It'll be hysterical at my sister's house—that's where we go now that my Mom and Dad have the smaller place and where I think everyone will be—until evening. And I've promised to do some baking…a few cookies…"
Bobby looked at her with interest. "I never knew you baked…"
"When I get the chance," she said cheerfully. "And I thought…you could be the official taster…And help with other things."
Bobby tentatively took a bite of pancake. "I…I could really help you…" He pierced another piece with his fork.
"Definitely," Alex replied, happy to have at least briefly brightened his mood. "And making cookies should always involve at least two people…And you can lick the spoon…"
They spent the rest of the morning happily in the kitchen. In spite of the grey, cold world outside the small house, the kitchen was bright and warm, and Bobby wondered at several points if this was what real people with real families did. The first two or three batches of cookies weren't entirely successful, but this didn't bother Alex.
Bobby held up a shapeless lump. "A mutant?"
"It was supposed to be a star," Alex grinned.
Bobby tentatively nibbled it. "It tastes good…Actually, it tastes really good."
Alex displayed another lump, this one blackened on one edge. "This one's not bad if you avoid the burnt part."
Bobby laughed. "We've invented a new cookie…the mystery lump. I'm sorry, Alex…I don't have a lot of experience in making cookies."
"I usually make them with my Mom and sisters," Alex said. "But when I was a kid, I headed off to the living room to listen to my Dad and uncles and cousins talk about being cops…Used to frustrate the heck out of my Mom…She tried to make me a lady…" Alex surveyed the kitchen. "The good news is that we have plenty of supplies to make more."
"Yea, if we survive eating the mistakes," Bobby said.
Alex laughed with him, and realized it'd been a long time since she'd heard him laugh. She turned away from him so he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes.
"Alex?" Bobby moved closer to her. "Are you all right?"
"It's just…We haven't laughed much lately…I've missed it…I've missed hearing you laugh…Hell…Bobby…I've missed you…Just missed you…"
"I…I've…" Bobby swallowed. "I've missed you…I screwed up things so badly…I…"
Alex watched him slipping away from her. "C'mon, Bobby…No trips on the self-pity express…Let's just keep working on the cookies…You're a big help…"
"Ok," Bobby said after a moment. "Ok."
The cookies improved immensely, but Bobby's mood remained as grey as the weather. He seemed to becoming more tired as the morning moved toward afternoon. Alex was on the point of offering a not so subtle suggestion that he take a nap when her cell phone rang.
"Dang," Alex said. "Bobby…Could you get that? My hands are covered in flour…"
"Sure." Bobby went into the living room to get Alex's phone. "Hello," he said hesitantly.
"Oh…I was trying to reach Alex Eames," an older woman's voice said.
"Oh, Damn," Bobby thought. "It's Alex's Mom."
"Mrs. Eames? This…this is Bobby Goren…I'm just answering her phone…I'll get her…" He started to the kitchen.
"Detective Goren…May I call you Bobby…" Mrs. Eames' voice was warm and concerned. "Just a moment…
"Of course you can call me Bobby," he said. Apprehension filled him. He knew that Mrs. Eames didn't trust him and that she blamed him for what her daughter suffered at Jo Gage's hands.
"Bobby…Please…I'd like to talk to you for a moment." Her speech was slightly slurred, and Bobby remembered that Mrs. Eames had fought back from a stroke. "How are you? We've seen so little of you. Is Alex taking good care of you?"
"She's taking terrific care of me, Ma'am," Bobby replied. "She's remarkable."
Mrs. Eames chuckled. "I know…She's always been the toughest and most independent of my children…Didn't always make for an easy time when she was growing up…Not always easy today…"
Bobby smiled in spite of his fears. "Yea," he said admiringly. "She's the toughest person I've ever known…Bravest…"
"Bobby, she's said the same about you."
He couldn't speak.
"I know you think that I hold you responsible for what happened to Alex," Mrs. Eames said deliberately. "But she explained what happened…How it hurt you…When it happened…I needed to be angry…To strike out at someone…Blame someone…And you, unfortunately, were a good target…"
"It's all right…I understand…" Bobby had the uneasy feeling that he found it easier to deal with Mrs. Eames' anger than with her understanding. "And…and thank you for coming to…to the funeral… and the flowers…"
"That was nothing…I still feel I have lot to makeup to you…I know you just got out of the hospital…And as wonderful as Alex is at a lot of things, her cooking isn't one of them."
"She's doing fine so far," Bobby said. "We've been making cookies…I'm the official taste tester…They're starting to look as good as they taste."
Mrs. Eames' laugh reminded Bobby of Alex's. "You're a good influence on her, Bobby."
"At least a good subject for her to experiment on," Bobby answered.
"You have to let me…to let our family…Make this up to you…We'd love for you to come tonight…or tomorrow…to join us for Christmas…"
"I…It's a family celebration, Ma'am…I don't want to intrude on…" Bobby rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand.
"We'd like you to think of yourself as part of this family," Mrs. Eames said gently.
Alex, wiping her hands on a towel, emerged from the kitchen. "Who is it?" she mouthed at Bobby.
"Mrs. Eames," Bobby said. "Alex is here…I'll give the phone to her…"
"Please, Bobby," the older woman said gently. "Consider coming…"
"I…I will…I'll consider it…" He handed the phone to Alex and shuffled into the kitchen.
Bobby poured a cup of coffee. Holding it, he stared out the kitchen window at the grey sky and sea. His thoughts were as dark as the weather. "Not everyone hates me," he thought. He'd avoided all of the Eames family as much as possible after Alex was taken. The few times he'd encounter her father Mr. Eames was heartbreakingly understanding and sympathetic. Bobby's one encounter with Alex's angry oldest brother was cut mercifully short by her father's appearance. He'd managed to have no contact with her mother beyond one brief, horrible moment in the hospital corridor. The older woman glared at Bobby with such venom that he had carefully avoided her for the rest of Alex's time in the hospital.
"Alex," Bobby thought. "She must have talked to her Mom…"He leaned heavily on the sink. "So now her Mom feels sorry for me…"
"Hey," Alex said warmly. "My Mom says she talked you into coming tonight…"
"I…I said I'd consider it…"
"I'm afraid that means yes to Mom," Alex replied cheerfully.
Bobby rubbed the back of his neck.
"There won't be a crowd, Bobby." Alex moved to the oven to check on the latest batch of cookies. "Just my Mom and Dad, my brother-in-law and sister, and my nephew Nate. The rest of the horde will be at my brother's tomorrow."
Bobby stood in thought. These were his favorites among Alex's family, especially Nate.
"Nate misses you," Alex said as if reading his mind. "He's gotten bigger since you've seen him. He's a lot of fun…really into Santa this year. If everyone goes to Christmas Eve services, we may get him to ourselves."
"I…I may not last very long." Bobby's defenses began to crumble.
"No one would be upset if you needed to crash," Alex said. "And you should get a nap this afternoon."
Bobby stared out the window. Alex pulled the tray of cookies from the oven and placed them on a counter.
"Please," she thought. "Please, Bobby…Come…" Her placid face showed nothing of her thoughts. "Please come…"
"You're sure," he said after several very long minutes. "I won't be intruding…"
"My Mom wouldn't have asked if you were," Alex replied cheerfully. "Not even if I got down on my knees and begged her. Which, of course, I'd never do." She examined the cookies. "These look perfect."
Bobby turned to look at Alex. "Yea," he said. "Perfect." He stared into his now empty cup. "Ok," he said. "I'll go…if I feel ok…"
Alex felt ridiculously triumphant. "Ok," she said as calmly as she could. "Hey, you ready for some lunch, or too full of cookies?"
"I'm not hungry, but…I'm a little tired."
Alex thought Bobby looked completely drained. "The doctors said you might not have a lot of energy at first," she said. "Are you in any pain?"
Bobby shook his head. "No, surprisingly…just tired."
"Well, if all that sugar hasn't given you a buzz, why don't you try for that nap?"
"Ok." Bobby stumbled wearily to the bedroom. Alex followed him, and when he sat heavily on the bed she helped him shed his slippers and covered him with the blankets.
"I…I'm sorry," he said. "That you have to do all of this for me."
"It's all right, Bobby…I don't mind…And my family really wants you to come." She gently touched his forehead, and Bobby felt its warmth spread through his body. "You get some sleep."
He was asleep before she left the room.
END CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Sorry that this chapter was hijacked by Alex's mom.