So, it's nearly Easter and I'm writing a story set at Christmas...
A short chapter, hijacked by Bobby's anxieties.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Alex woke with a start. For a moment she didn't know where she was; she became aware Bobby wasn't lying at her side. She sat up too quickly, and a wave of dizziness swept over her.
"Damn," she thought as she lowered her head and took several deep breaths. "I shoulda got more sleep…Where's Bobby?"
She slowly raised her head and looked around her. There was no sign or sound of Bobby in the bedroom or bathroom. The faint scent of coffee reached her, and Alex felt relieved. "He's in the kitchen," she thought as she checked the clock. "A little before ten…No wonder I need more sleep…He's up…He made coffee…He must not have slept well…" She sighed. "Bobby…Two steps forward…Three steps back…"
For a moment Alex looked longingly back at the blankets and pillow of the bed. She shook her head and propelled her body off the bed. She shivered as the cold air hit her and turned again to look at the bed. But the need to see Bobby was far greater than her need for rest.
Bobby, a cup in his hand, sat at the kitchen table. He wore a NYPD T-shirt and pajama pants, and his salt and pepper curls were in riotous rebellion on his head. He stared out the window at the sea and sky where clouds occasionally shadowed the sun.
"Hey," Alex said softly. "Merry Christmas."
He turned to her. "Merry Christmas." His voice was hoarse and his eyes troubled. "Did I wake you up?"
Alex crossed the kitchen, pulled a cup from a shelf, and poured a cup of coffee. She took a long drink.
"No," she said, making a face at the coffee's bitter taste and reaching for the sugar. "But I think your absence might have." She glanced at him as she spooned the sugar into her cup. "You get enough sleep?"
"What I got was good," Bobby answered. He seemed to be in a fog. "But…I had some pain…and a lot of thoughts…" He shrugged. "Gave up after a while and came in here to watch the weather. Made some coffee. I took some of the pain pills, and they've made me feel a little out of it."
Alex walked to him and placed her hand on his forehead. He stiffened, and she looked at him with concern.
"You're not warm," she said with a frown. "Maybe some breakfast will help."
"I…I'm not hungry," he said. "Maybe…you…should get to your family…"
"No one will get there before noon," Alex said. "And things really won't get going for a while after that. Nate won't be the only one of the kids to have had a late night."
"It's almost ten now," Bobby said.
"Wow. I think this may be the latest I've ever slept on a Christmas morning," Alex said. "I remember a couple years where I didn't sleep at all from Christmas Eve to Christmas night. We always gave our presents to each other on Christmas Eve." She sat at the table. "Cheap perfume and horrible ties for my Mom and Dad." She grinned. "There'd be stuff from Santa in the morning, so no one would sleep. The good thing about a big family…By the time the last kid has stopped believing in Santa, it's not too long before there's another that does." She looked across the table at Bobby, who stared out the window. "Do you want to come with me?"
"Uh…Want…maybe…But I'm really wiped out…I appreciate it, Alex, I really do…But right now…With the drugs and everything…All I can think about is getting back into that bed," Bobby apologized.
Alex thought he was thinking about a great deal more, but sensed he was genuinely exhausted. "Well, you're barely out of the hospital. And you spent a lot of time with Nate last night, and that would wear out anybody." She drained the last of her coffee and stood. "I'm going to take a shower and get dressed. You can decide while I'm doing that."
"He's hiding," Alex thought as she walked to the bathroom. "All of the doors and windows are closed, and he's hiding behind them. Well, we got them open last night. We can do it again."
She finished getting ready and walked into an empty kitchen. She frowned and turned to the large bedroom. The door was open, and Alex found Bobby sitting on the bed. For a moment her heart broke. He looked desperately alone and tired. Alex wanted to rush to him and put her arms around him, but as she stepped closer to him, Bobby turned away.
"I'm sorry," he said in a choked voice. "You…You don't deserve this…You deserve…"
"Bobby…Don't kick yourself around…"
He raised a large paw as a shield. "Please…Alex…I…I…I'm so tired." He drove his palms into his eyes. "So tired."
She moved quickly to his side. "It's ok…You stay here if you need to…You can get some sleep."
"It's not just that…It's the stuff in my head…If I could just shut it off for a while."
She sat next to him. "I'm here. I'm here and I want to help you."
"I know," he said after a moment. "I know…and it means so much…" He rushed behind his walls. "But you need to get to your family…"
"You're hiding, Bobby," she said softly.
He ran a hand over his neck. "Yea…Yea, I am," he admitted. "But tonight…I promise…I'll talk to you…It's just…You should have a good time with your family…Especially today."
She started to place a hand on his shoulder, but he stiffened.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry…Alex…Please forgive me…"
"I thought." She was hurt and confused. "We might be past all of this…"
"It's not you…It's never been you…It's me…" Bobby leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. "Alex…Are you sure about this? I'm so screwed up."
"I'll grant you that," Alex said softly, and was relieved at Bobby's snort. "But you've got some wonderful things going for you."
When she reached for his hands he didn't pull away from her.
"Has it occurred to you that I might be worried about you today?" she asked.
"Yea." He stared at their hands. "But…I promise you…I'll take care of myself…I'll probably spend a lot of the day in this bed." His crisis seemed to be over for the moment.
"You'll call me if you need me…"
He nodded. "I promise."
"You'll eat? Get something else in you besides coffee?"
He nodded again. "Cross my heart."
"All right." Alex released his hands and stood. "But I'll call you later, and if you don't answer, I will drive right back here. And I'll tell Nate you're misbehaving."
A smile tugged at the corners of Bobby's mouth. "Understood," he said. "And tell Nate Merry Christmas." He wearily pulled his legs up into the bed.
Alex stepped close to the bed. "I hate to tell you this, but he might not notice you're there."
"Not a problem…He should be thinking about a lot of other things." Bobby yawned. "I promise, Alex…tonight…if you want…I'll talk…"
She brushed a curl from his forehead. "All right. Merry Christmas, Bobby."
He smiled. "Merry Christmas, Alex. Now get out of here…Have fun."
She helped him pull the blankets around him. When she turned at the bedroom door to say goodby, he was already asleep.
In spite of her worry about Bobby and apprehension about their "talk", Alex enjoyed the celebration with her family. Nate and her mother noticed Bobby's absence, but her mother was warm and understanding and Nate distracted by his presents and cousins. Her mother insisted that a large quantity and variety of food was set aside for Bobby, in spite of Alex's protests that the beach house was supplied with more food than Bobby and she could eat in a month. In the late afternoon, when most of the kids had reached the limits of their sugar buzzes and most of the adults were in near comas from turkey and sheer consumption of food and drink, Nate sleepily wandered over to where Alex sat in a large, overstuffed chair. He climbed up next to her.
"So," Alex said as she wrapped an arm around him. "Santa bring you everything you wanted?"
"Yea," Nate said. "And thank you for the Legos. And I need to thank Bobby for the books. They're cool."
"He'll be happy to know that," Alex said. "If you think they're cool, they must be."
Nate unsuccessfully tried not to yawn. "Was he tired?"
"Yea. But he had a really good time with you last night…"
"I had a really good time with him too," Nate said. "I just wish he wasn't so sad."
Alex's grip on the boy grew tighter. "So do I," she said when she could trust her voice. "So do I."
End chapter