CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Alex left Nate comfortably napping in the chair. She knew he wouldn't be disturbed—everyone else in the room was also napping. She walked out on the porch that surrounded the house and hoped that the cold, fresh air would clear her head. Deep in thought, her head down, Alex turned a corner and banged into her oldest brother Mike.
"Hey," he said. "Is that how Major Case detectives catch a perp? Stumble over him?"
There was an edge to Mike's comments, and there had always been an edge to Alex's relationship with him. She loved him, as she did all of her siblings, but, like the rest of her brothers and sisters, she often bristled under Mike's attempts to rule and protect the younger members of the Eames family. And no one in the family bristled as much as Alex did. She'd battled Mike even more than she fought with her mother. From her first bike ride to her battles with playground bullies to her dates with boys Mike found unsuitable, Alex grappled with her brother's efforts to protect her. He was a lieutenant with the NYPD, and had discouraged Alex's ambitions to be a cop, and it appeared to Alex that he tried to block her career at every turn. He warned her against going undercover, against joining Vice, against going to Major Case, and especially against partnering with Bobby Goren. After Joe's death, Mike dropped not so subtle hints that Alex might consider another career, or at least another path in the department. When Alex agreed to be a surrogate for her sister, Mike again raised warning flags about the dangers of her work. And when Alex lay in a hospital bed after Jo Gage's attack, Mike accosted Bobby in a parking lot and was about to lay into the younger and bigger man when John Eames stepped between the two men. (Her father later admitted that he might have saved Bobby from a bad beating. "It looked like he wouldn't have laid a hand on Mike," he said.) Fortunately for Mike, their father also stepped between brother and sister when she confronted him about his attack on her partner.
Alex looked at Mike warily. "I thought you'd stopped smoking."
Mike flushed. "Smelled it, uh?"
"A little, plus the fact you're out here…But I wasn't sure until you told me." Alex leaned against the railing and smiled. "Major Case detectives know how to get suspects to talk."
Mike smiled wryly. "Got me. I'm really going to try to stop after New Years. I've cut back a lot." He took a drag of the cigarette he no longer tried to hide. "How are things in Major Case?" he asked, just a little too casually.
"Getting back to normal…or what passes for it," Alex answered evenly.
"Don't worry about that mark in your jacket, Lexie…Every really good cop has at least one…Hell, I'm starting to think the best have the thickest jackets."
Alex was surprised. Mike tended to be a by the book man. "I bet yours is pretty thin."
Mike smiled. "I keep telling you to pay more attention to rumors. You'd find out a lot."
"Well, if it'll give me some ammunition against you, maybe I'll start." Alex had rarely felt so comfortable with her brother.
"How's your partner doing?"
The hairs on the back of her neck rose. "He's doing ok…A little bruised and battered…But he's been cleared to come back to work."
"Good to hear." Mike surprised her again. "God knows I've argued with you about him and he's not the most conventional guy in the department…But any cop who could handle that bank robbery and get the hostages out…" He shook his head.
Alex pushed her luck. "And the undercover operation that got me in trouble…"
"The word is that Goren was trying to help his nephew…that the kid shouldn't have been in jail and he saw some stuff…"
"Yea," Alex said and briefly wondered if Donnie knew what his uncle risked to try to protect him.
"Well, I can understand why both of you did it…Can't agree with it entirely, but I understand it. Family is family. Besides, I've also made a New Year's resolution to give up telling you what to do." Mike grinned. "Not that you ever pay any attention to me."
Alex's head swam. "Just how much alcohol do you have in you?" she asked shakily.
"Not that much…A lot less than that night I was a jerk to Goren…Think he'll accept an apology?"
"Yea…any time…"
Mike shook his head. "The thing about that…He coulda dropped me with one punch…But he just stood there…Didn't run away…Didn't try to cover up…Just waited for me…"
"He's not big on the physical confrontation thing," Alex said. "Especially when he's feeling guilty…He probably thought he deserved to be beat up…"
"Well, he didn't, and I need to tell him that," Mike declared. "What's he drink?"
Alex smiled. "Very, very expensive stuff, Mike. This is going to cost you."
"Well, if it makes things good, it'll be worth it." He smiled. "I gotta warn you, Lexie. I don't think it's going to be easy for me to stop trying to take care of you."
"Hey, I need all the help I can get sometimes."
"I do have a peace offering for you in my truck," Mike said.
"You know I don't wear a lot of jewelry," Alex grinned. "So it better be cash."
"Sorry…You know what a cop's salary is." Mike returned the grin. "You remember what you asked for about six months ago? It's late, but I finally finished it."
"Actually," Alex said. "Right now is the perfect time for it."
"Hey!" A niece appeared on the porch. "There's a Trivial Pursuit game starting…Either of you interested?"
"C'mon, Lexie," Mike said. "You can be on my team. Some of your partner's smarts must have rubbed off on you."
It was one of the best times Alex could remember with her family. There was nothing spectacular about it, but she recalled Bobby's words from the previous night, and realized how precious a good time with a happy, loving family was. Nothing bothered her, not even her aunts' concern over their niece's apparent lack of a romantic life.
"Oh, leave her alone," Alex's mother said. "She's happy."
Alex gave her mother a grateful look and wondered when their relationship became so good.
There was a steady stream of worried questions about Bobby, and after each one Alex resolved to call him. But she became swept up in another conversation, another game, or another plate of food. She was in her car, heavily laden with food and packages—including the precious one supplied by Mike—when she realized she hadn't called Bobby. "He's probably asleep," she thought. "I'd just wake him up."
It was late when she finally pulled into the beach house's drive. The foggy, dark, chilly, and wet night was a sharp contrast to the cold clarity of the previous one. Alex carefully carried her burdens to the kitchen. She was grateful that she hadn't disturbed Bobby, but uneasy that there was no sign of him. She put the food away, struggling to find a place for it in the already over burdened refrigerator. Carrying one package, she walked into the living room, where again there was no sign of Bobby. She moved on to the master bedroom and knocked softly on its door. There was no answer, and Alex's concern grew.
"Bobby?" she asked softly and opened the door.
In the room's darkness she could just make out a large lump in the bed. She walked to the bed and saw Bobby's head just above the covers. Impulsively, Alex reached out and gently touched the graying curls. Bobby stirred and poked his head out from beneath the blankets. He blinked, stared, and saw Alex. He smiled sleepily and shyly, and Alex's heart melted. Bobby sat up slowly and stiffly and winced.
"I'm sorry," Alex said. "I woke you up."
"It's ok…I think I may need to take my meds." His voice was husky with sleep. He rubbed his right arm. "Look out…I'm going to turn on the light…"
"You don't have the splint on," Alex said.
"The doctors said I could take it off sometimes, especially if I'm careful," Bobby said. He put an extra pillow behind him. "You look good…Happy…Have a good time?"
"I had a great time," Alex said enthusiastically as she sat on the bed. "The only bad thing is you weren't there. A lot of people asked about you. Even Nate."
Bobby smiled. "Always good to be missed," he said genially. "I made the right call though. I've spent most of the day here. Got a little lunch. Took a soak in that big tub. Read. Got some sleep."
"You're certainly in a good mood. The rest or the meds?"
Bobby leaned back against the pillows. "Both probably…and…" He looked down at his hands. "What we said last night."
"Merry Christmas," Alex said, and placed the package before him.
Bobby stared guiltily at the brightly wrapped present. "I…I don't…I'm sorry Alex…I don't have anything…I didn't have the chance…"
Alex laid one of her hands over his. "For heaven's sake, Bobby," she said gently. "You were in the hospital…and had enough troubles before that. Besides, this was supposed to be a birthday present…It's late."
He raised his eyes to meet hers. "Really," he said dryly. "I hope it's not perishable."
Alex smiled. "No…just took a while to get it made."
Bobby turned the package in his hands and examined it. "Can I open it?"
Alex grinned. "You sound like Nate…"
"There are some psychiatrists that argue we're all really four or five years old at heart." He grew pensive.
"What is it?"
"When I was five…That's when I remember things falling apart…Although I didn't realize how different my family was for a while…Last night…I kept looking at Nate and thinking…I wanted to protect him so much…to keep him from never getting hurt…And…And I want to do the same for you…but I can't…I know I can't…Especially if I'm the one you need to be protected from…"
"Bobby," Alex said patiently. "The only person who needs protection from you is you." She reached out and took his chin in her hand. She lifted his head so that he had to look at her. "Talk to me."
"But…but…You'll never want to be near me again," he whispered.
Puzzled, she studied him. "Bobby…What could you have done that would make me do that to you?"
He took a deep breath. Alex thought he looked very much like Nate when the boy confessed to breaking a glass.
"Brady."
"Brady." In Alex's voice, the name became a curse. "That bastard. What'd he do to you, Bobby?"
"Not me…but he...he hurt…my Mom…"
Alex gripped his hand tightly. "Yea…I figured that."
"She…she had an affair with him…She didn't know what he was…But…he hurt her…and after that…She was really sick…Everything fell apart…I know it wasn't good…But after that…She may have been sick before then…but after that…she was really sick…"
"Oh, Bobby…"
"It…It's worse…"
Alex stared at him, trying to understand what could be worse than discovering your mentally ill mother was the victim of a vicious monster.
"The affair…It started several years before…"
A heavy stone settled in Alex's heart.
"Brady…He thought…I was his…son…" Bobby choked. "And my Mom…that last night…I had to…I just had to ask her…She's dying…It's her last hours…And I have to know." He gasped for air. "And she didn't know…She was never sure…I always thought my Dad…" Bobby grimaced. "The man I thought was my Dad…That he was the one…Who betrayed…But she did…And…And even if Brady isn't…" The idea was too horrible for Bobby to say out loud. "What if every time she saw me…I was…This reminder of what he did to her…And if my Dad…the man I thought…What if he guessed or thought…Maybe Frank guessed…Maybe that's why they hated me…Ignored me…Oh, God…Alex…All I've ever wanted…I want to be a good man…I want to be loved…Someone…"
Alex seized his face in her hands. "I love you," she said fiercely. "I know what you are! You are a good man, and I love you!"
The pain and fear in Bobby's eyes terrified her, and Alex had to force herself to keep looking at him.
"You…You're afraid," he whispered. "Of me…"
"I'm not afraid of you, Bobby," Alex said desperately. "I'm afraid for you, but not of you."
He trembled.
"Bobby…I trust you…Would I let you anywhere near Nate if I didn't trust you?"
"But that was before…before you knew…"
"Bobby…You're the one who always says…You make yourself what you are…You are what your actions say you are…Everything I know about you…Everything you've done…They tell me you're a good man…A very good man…" She leaned forward and brushed her lips across his forehead. "Brady has no more to do with who you are than William Goren did. You are a good man…A good and brave man who's overcome so much."
He trembled. "You…Alex…You don't know…In Tate…I…I wasn't anything…I didn't…I didn't know who I was…."
Alex held her breath. Bobby hadn't told her anything about his time at Tate beyond that it was bad.
"I couldn't remember…if I was Bobby Goren or William Brady…I was so thirsty…I would've done anything for a spoonful of water…That room…it was so bright and hot…It smelled of piss and sweat and fear…I wasn't afraid of dying…I wanted to, part of the time…But the pain and being alone…The only thing…the only thing I could hold on to was you…but…at some point…I didn't know if you were real…" The words flooded from him. "I knew it would be bad…but I didn't know…I wasn't anything in there…All I knew…I could do…It didn't matter…I wasn't even a thing…I…And I hurt you…Maybe…Maybe I am crazy…"
"Bobby! You are not crazy!" Alex pulled his head to hers. "I know what you are. I'm real…I'm here with you." She searched for a way to reach him. "Here…" She handed the package to him. "Open this…"
"What…"
"Please…Open it…"
Bobby numbly fumbled with the wrappings. They fell away to reveal a box slightly smaller than a shoe box. Bobby lifted the lid and gasped. He carefully and reverently pulled a wooden box out.
"It's beautiful," he whispered.
It was about the size of the box that held it. The deep cinnamon colored wood glowed from its high polish and felt smooth in Bobby's hands. The top bore an intricately detailed carving of a NYPD detectives' shield. With a start, Bobby saw that it carried his badge number.
"Alex…" He could barely speak. "It's…the work that went into this…The quality of the wood…"
"Here." Alex pointed to a latch. "Open it."
He opened the box, and a choked sound, something between a surprised gasp and a cry, came from Bobby. The box's interior was lined with a soft, rich velvet, and was divided into several small spaces. One of the middle spaces held a brightly colored ceramic blob with bright red ribbons attached to it. Written on the blob in a child's printed letter was the word "HERO".
"Mike made the box," Alex said, pleased she could keep her voice calm. "He's very good at woodworking. He enjoyed carving the shield. Said it was tough and challenging. The medal is from Nate, who's pretty good at making medals for his age." Alex smiled. "I know you have all these medals and no place to put them. I thought this might take care of that."
Bobby tenderly touched the homemade medal. "This one…It's worth all of the others put together…You…You said your brother Mike made this? But he…I thought…"
"His opinion of you has…"Alex chose her words carefully. "Evolved." She held Bobby's hands. "Nate knows what you are…Mike's learning."
Bobby placed the medal back in the box, shut the box, and carefully placed it on the bedside table.
"Have you decided," Alex asked hesitantly. "If you're coming back?"
Bobby looked at her with confusion. "Coming back where?"
"Work…the Department…Major Case…"
"Of course," Bobby said, although he had just made the decision. "If only to annoy the Chief of Ds…From what you've been telling me, he's the only one who doesn't want me. It's going to be hard…the two of us…I don't want to come back if I can't work with you."
"And I don't want to be there without you." Alex leaned forward and brushed her lips against his curls.
It wasn't that a dam broke as much as they simply flowed with a river's current. There was nothing frantic or desperate about their caresses and kisses. They were gentle and curious. Neither Bobby nor Alex knew who removed whose clothing; neither knew who touched the other first; neither spoke. They had said everything they could to each other. They were lost in the joy of discovering each other. Bobby thrilled to Alex's soft, smooth skin and her gentle coos of pleasure. Alex reveled in Bobby's large, strong, hands and his large, full lips. Both moved with great care and tenderness. Bobby feared he might hurt Alex, and Alex knew Bobby still suffered physically from his wounds. They each wanted to savor their first moments together, to remember every sensation. When Bobby began to join his body to hers, he looked into Alex's eyes, and even before they were together physically, they were one.
They lay dazed, neither sure where one started and the other ended. Bobby's bulk was comfortable and warm over Alex. He wanted to remain draped over her forever, but as he returned from the heaven she'd taken him to, he feared he was crushing her. Bobby turned slowly on his side, taking Alex with him. He tenderly touched her face, seeking assurance that she was real. For several moments they held each other, not daring to speak. Bobby blinked, and tears fell down his cheeks. They were the first in a flood, and Alex pulled his head to her breasts as he sobbed. She rubbed his back in gentle circles until his cries eased, stopped, and he fell asleep. She soon followed him.
The dull pain nudged at the edge of his mind. It wasn't bad, certainly not as bad as many pains he'd suffered in his life, but it was enough to wake up Bobby. For several moments he thought he was dreaming. As he realized he really was nesting in Alex's arms, with his head on her naked body, Bobby was overwhelmed by joy and love, and he couldn't breath. When he recovered, he carefully raised his body and tried not to wince as his right arm complained at the action. Alex stirred, frowned, and reached for him. Bobby slipped a pillow in her arms, and this seemed to placate her.
"She misses me…She wants me," Bobby thought. He shivered from both the cool air and his thoughts. He moved stiffly to the bathroom. When he returned, he stood by the bed. Alex lay with the faint light painting shadows on her face. Her hair splayed over her pillow like a golden halo, and she was the most beautiful thing Bobby had ever seen. "And she loves me," he thought. "She's so good…If she loves me, there must be something good about me." He carefully slipped into the bed and under the covers. He pulled the pillow from Alex and slipped it behind him. Alex stirred again and moved to curl up on his chest. His hear soared.
When Alex woke, she found she rested on Bobby's chest. It was a comfortable place to be, especially with the soft flannel sheets against her back and Bobby's warm skin and fine hair against her front. She didn't move for several moments and realized that a large, strong, tender hand was making light circles on her back and that Bobby was repeating her moves of the moments before they fell asleep. She raised her head, and in the pale light she saw Bobby's great, dark eyes looking at her. Her own eyes filled with tears; she blinked, and they fell down her cheeks.
"Hey." Bobby's thumb tenderly wiped away the tears on her cheeks. "Are you ok?" Anxiety edged into his voice. "I…I didn't hurt you…"
"No…No…It…It was wonderfully, Bobby. Wonderful." Alex wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "It's just…" She raised her body so that she rested on her folded arms on his chest. "You were looking at me with so much…So much love and care…It was a little too much for me."
Bobby smiled at her, and Alex's heart soared. "Yea…last night…It was a little too much for me…It…It meant so much…" He swallowed. "I love you so much…"
Alex kissed him on the nose. As she settled back on his chest, she saw the small box on the table.
"You liked your present?" she asked.
"I loved both my presents," Bobby answered. "I only wish I had something for you."
"You gave me a great gift," Alex said.
"What?"
"You." And she kissed him again.
END