a/n: I know, I epically fail...majorly. I mean, honestly I haven't exactly had a lot of alone time to write. Vacations...work...and people got in the way. So, onward!

"Hold your own,
Know your name,
And go your own way,

And everything will be fine,

Hang on,
Help is on the way,
Stay strong,
I'm doing everything."

-"Details in the Fabric"

Jason Mraz

Edward P.O.V.

The door to the dorm room shut close and I could final rest peacefully. They were all finally gone. Finally. I had some time alone with Bella. Alone time where it was just the two of us, no one around to bother us, to judge us. We slept until noon, our bodies tangled together on the couch, when we decided it was time to get up and make some breakfast.

Waking up beside her was something that I thought wouldn't be such a big deal, something not very exciting. It exceeded my expectations. Her sleeping form was so…calm, so peaceful. The feeling of her petite body wrapped up in my arms, her head resting against my chest, was something I couldn't describe. I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach that made me all warm and tingly.

Flashback

Her hands intensely clutched the blankets between her fingers. Her lips murmured over and over again something I could barely hear.

I leaned in closer to her lips and I heard it.

"I can't choose," she breathed, "Edward? Jacob?"

"I'm right here, Bella. Right where you left me," I said softly, my hand unwinding hers from the blankets. I placed her small, soft hand in mine and brought it to my lips.

"I'm here for you, la mia vita."

"Edward?" she sleepily groaned.

"Yes, Bella?" I questioned, believing for a second that she was awake.

"I don't know who I want."

I gulped. She couldn't choose between me or Jacob. She didn't know. I didn't want it to come to this. I didn't want to make her choose.

She rolled over and I draped my arm over her, still holding her hand.

"I'll help you, Bella. I will."

End Flashback

"Edward, trust me. I can make eggs like none other. My dad says they're better than the ones that the diner makes. Do we have any peppers?" Bella wondered, shuffling through the refrigerator.

"Yeah, probably in the drawer, with the other vegetables."

I heard the drawer open, and her hands moving the various contents around.

"Try the back of the drawer…" I added.

"I have it covered, Edward," she spat, dangling the bag of peppers in her hands. She rolled her eyes.

Woah. Bitchy Bella.

She found the cutting board under the sink and washed the peppers off.

"Bella, is that hot sauce?" I questioned as she set the bottle of death on the counter beside the stove.

"Mhmm…" she murmured. "Just a pinch, Edward. No need to go overboard on that."

I briefly recalled the moment where Emmett decided to do hot sauce shots with Jasper. I sat out of that one for obvious reasons.

Bella served her Mexican omelets, and I had to say they were amazing. A little bit of spice, but it was still mild. I was skeptical as to how they would turn out considering she put some weird ingredients in there. I thought back to the Thanksgiving dinner, and I really shouldn't have been so shocked.

"Edward, you ready to dig in?" Bella asked as she held a fork out to me.

Bella decided we were eating out of the pan for some odd reason. I couldn't complain because then there wouldn't be any dishes.

I could sense that Bella didn't want to talk. She seemed standoffish. I picked up on her vibes, and she seemed grateful that we didn't exchange any displays of affection.

"Well, I better go pack, and you should too, Edward."

And she left so quickly that I couldn't even reply. I was left alone with dirty dishes. I just hoped that Bella would figure it out, whether it included me or not, I just wanted her happiness to be my top priority.

Bella POV:

Staring at the suitcase in front of me I was kicking myself for not packing earlier. Yeah, sure I had a few pieces of clothes thrown into the suitcase but it was hardly what I would call packed.

I opened my drawers and threw some clothes that looked decent enough to wear to the annual Clearwater Christmas party that was held on Christmas Eve. I grabbed a few sweatshirts, because winter in the Olympic Peninsula was totally different than the winter in La Jolla.
I picked up my shirts and began folding. I looked at my one shirt that was red and a little low cut.

Jacob would like that, I thought.

I folded it and placed it neatly in my suitcase.

I rummaged through my closet and found a midnight blue blouse that Edward told me he liked.

I folded that and placed it right beside the red one.

Jacob.

Edward.

Fire.

Ice.

This disgustingly wrong web of lies that I had tangled was catching up with me in the most random places, like packing, for example. I took me a moment to really process what I had been doing.

They were two totally different people, and I was a different person around each of them. I wasn't staying true to myself anymore.

I wasn't just packing what Jacob liked any more, I was packing what Edward preferred as well.

I really needed to make my decision, and fast. I do realize that most normal human beings would take time and thoroughly process a decision that would fully change the course of their lives. On the other hand, I never considered myself a normal human being. Never.

I just stood there, empty handed and with an open mind, and for the first time ever, I allowed my mind to wander freely.

Jacob made me feel so at home, so comfortable--but so did Edward. Edward was always sweet and loving, and he never seemed to take me for granted. There were definitely times where I felt that Jacob wasn't always acknowledging my presence. Sometimes Edward would do random acts of kindness, opening doors for me, offering to help. The first time I ever met Edward was through his kindness. He offered to help me with my bags.

I sat down on my bed, I needed to figure this whole mess out. I threw random articles of clothing into my suitcase, not giving a rat's ass anymore about what I packed. I gave up on pleasing people. All my life I did what was best for everyone else around me. Well, guess what? It's time for me, Isabella Marie Swan to put myself first for once.

I let my mind go, I let it go across my mother, that I never knew. Somehow, I ended up at Jacob.

Jacob. Jacob. Jacob.

I ripped out a my notebook and a pen.

I immediately began scrawling down the tornado in my mind, completely disregarding if it made sense. I needed to vent. I needed to process it all.

I stared at the words that I had written, they were beginning to smear as my tears dropped onto the ink. I wasn't sad because of what happened, I was disappointed. I had made my decision. I chose Edward.

I had that feeling stuck inside me though.

Remember when you were little, and all you did was sleep with a certain blanket? As you got older, you parted with it. Maybe you didn't sleep with it anymore, but you put it away in a box, and your interests shifted. Either way, whenever you'd see that blanket, an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia would sweep over your body. It was a part of you at one point, and you were still holding onto that specific part for dear life. It had taken me until now to realize that Jacob Black was my blanket. I kept him around for comfort. There was a time that I was in love with him, but not anymore. I have changed. I really didn't realize that I could drop the damn blanket and move on, until I finally did. Now, I can see that there are so many different opportunities out there, Edward Cullen being one.

I walked out into the hallway and Edward was standing there, running his hands through his hair like usual.

"Is that all you ever do?" I questioned, quirking an eyebrow at him.

He smirked, his lovely, original, panty-dropping crooked grin making my breath hitch.

I quickly jerked myself back into reality.

Back to business.

"I was thinking, maybe we could go get some coffee, you know before we leave for the break," I said quietly.

I'm not sure if he caught on to my attitude or not today, but he nodded his head in agreement with no questions asked.

We walked silently to the coffee shop, side-by-side. Not a single glance was exchanged between us. My body was tense, upset and all-around disconnected from my brain.

I think we made it there in record time.

I slumped into my chair while Edward ordered us drinks. He hung out by the counter waiting for them to be made.

I sat there and thought exactly what I would say to him, I wondered what he would think of my decision. Where would I go from here?

He came over with our drinks and sat down, handing me the styrofoam cup with a lid and a straw.

"Green tea, one whole packet of sugar, half a cream. I got the same for myself," he added.

It was a green tea day, because there's nothing like crying your eyes out alone, confused and unsure of yourself and then taking a sip of that.

"Edward, we need to talk," I said quietly.

"I should've known--" he growled as he got up, shoving his chair back into the table.

"Edward! It's not like that!" I cried, standing up after him. His expression shifted, his eyes once hooded with sadness, now had hope in them. "Sit."

He sulked, realizing the scene he had just made, and pulled out his chair. I sat down after he was already seated.

"I've been thinking lately," I began. "About where I want to be in my life, Edward. I'm sick of being something I'm not. I'm not a cheater, a liar. It's not in my nature, it never was, never will be."

I gulped and let that sink in. Edward nudged my green tea towards me. I took it in my hands and slurped a small amount through the straw. The burning liquid stung my throat, and it took my mind off of my problems.

"I've realized that I'm not the same person you met. I've changed. What I'm doing right now is totally and completely wrong, not to mention unfair to you and Jacob."

The words burned my throat, so I decided another sip of tea was mandatory.

His eyes were burning into mine, so much so that I had to look away. He was pressuring me, and as I looked away his gaze softened, and it was less intimidating. He must've realized exactly how difficult this was for me, and telling him would be just as hard.

"What I guess I'm trying to say is, Edward, I've made my decision."

I visibly saw him stiffen, his entire body just went rigid. His fingers squeezed his cup and the lid popped off. He quickly pushed it back on, and refocused on the matter at hand.

"I'm not the same person who you met six months ago. I'm better. I'm better because of you."

"Bella, can we please cut to the chase here?" Edward questioned.

"I chose you, Edward, I want to be with you."

The words poured out of my mouth like a waterfall of sorts.

He smiled, the most sexual, romantic, in-love smile I have ever seen in my entire existence.

His face leaned in towards mine, my eyes fluttered closed. His warm lips met mine and it was like a match was dropped on gasoline. Every doubt, every worry was presented and gone in that one instant. A wave of relief washed over me.

I was in love with Edward Cullen and I didn't care who knew.

I really didn't care.

Our lips parted and I smiled so hard, so happily that my cheeks started to hurt. I let out a tiny giggle of relief.
"You were killing me there for a second," Edward chuckled.

"I didn't mean to!" I laughed.

"What do you say, let's get out of here?" Edward asked.

"I say, that's a great idea."

We both got up, and Edward draped his arm around my shoulder.

This is where I was meant to be, in Edward's arms, by his side.

We were sitting on our couch, the very couch we spent so many sleepless nights on. But for some reason, the air in the room was different. We were totally and completely alone for more than a span of four hours.
I climbed into Edward's lap, his hands snaking around my body. I couldn't help but notice exactly how perfect and how right this moment felt. The entire feeling of perfection just magnified exactly why I should be with Edward.

I turned to Edward, his eyes were fixed on the television. God knows what we were watching, it wasn't like I was paying any attention. I shifted in his lap so that I was facing him. He smiled, and grabbed the remote, turning off the television.

He took the sides of my face softly into his palms. I fixated my gaze to his eyes. His beautiful, green eyes. It was one of the very first things that I noticed. But it was ridiculous, because once his eyes captured yours, you were doomed, because then you were drawn in by his perfect face. Then staring at his face again, I was lost in his eyes. It was a total catch twenty-two.

I was easily distracted by Edward's lips when they said my name.

"Bella?" he chuckled. "Earth to Bella."

I immediately snapped out of my up-close and personal Edward ogling.

"I-I'm here," I murmured unconvincingly.

"Good," he said, smirking his panty-wetting smirk.

And before I knew it, Edward's lips were upon mine moving quickly and heatedly. A low, breathy whimper escaped my lips. He was hovering over me, how I ended up lying down, I had yet to figure out. I guess he just had that effect on me.

"Bella," he said."Are you sure you want to do this?"

Had I wanted to do this? Of course I wanted to do this, dammit. If I was going to make my decision, I was going to do it thoroughly.

"Edward, I completely and totally want to do this."

His lips met mine, roughly and zestfully. His fingers slowly undid my ponytail, allowing my hair to fall down my shoulders.

"Beautiful," he smirked.

I stood up, gripping onto his hair for balance. He hoisted me up, carrying me off to the bedroom. Never once did our lips loose contact, that was until we reached the closed door of the bedroom.

My pulse quickened as I fumbled for the doorknob to my room, I gripped it tightly and twisted it. We stumbled into my bedroom, his lips finding mine again. I fisted my hands in his hair and wrapped my legs tightly around his torso. His hot breath met mine as we broke for air. I felt Edward stop just before my bed. I climbed out of his arms and tugged on the bottom of his shirt. I quickly lifted it over his head and gazed at his exposed chest. It was glorious. I mean, I had only been living with him for the past six months, and I had seen his shirt off plenty of times, except it never ceases to stun me. This time, this time...was definitely not for a hygenic purpose. It was just for me.

Damn, I felt selfish.

I took another look at his half-naked body.

I take that back. All. Mine.

He cleared his throat. "Bella, you are still fully clothed."

I looked down.

"And your point is?" I questioned, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Well, I personally don't think it's fair..." he started.

I began to lift my shirt over my head.

"Bella, would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?"

I stop mid-strip and stared at him. "Would you like to do that part?"

He smirked. "Yes."

I wound my hand behind his neck and brought our lips together in an unearthly kiss. Everything just washed from me in that very instant, every worry was taken care of. There was a fire raging between us, and invisible sparks that flew from where we touched. Each passionate moan and whimper of longing, building us up to something so natural it only seemed to heighten my senses.

He steadied his hands and held the hem of my shirt between his fingers. I looked up at him through my dark eyelashes. He lifted my shirt over my head in the most painfully slow manner that the world has ever seen. I quickly dipped my finger into the waistband of his jeans, pulling his body closer to me. I fumbled for a moment as I attempted to unbutton them, and I finally got it. Success.

I swiftly did away with his bottoms, letting them puddle at our feet. His warm hands traveled to my hips and he hastily undid the button of my jeans. His fingers hooked in the belt loops and slowly but tortuously glided my pants over my legs. I watched intently as his perfect eyes trailed every inch of my skin.

"Bella, love," he whispered in my ear. "You're beautiful."

I felt his lips softly kiss my ear as I whimpered his name.

His hands traveled down my back and unclasped my bra. I heard a throaty moan escape his lips.

I bit down on my lip as his hand palmed my breast. His pace and force were incessantly changing, soft, hard, quick, slow. I felt my nipples harden, and my core ache with longing. I wanted his hands anywhere and everywhere, ready to care for my dire needs.

"Edward," I panted, barely able to form a single word.

His hands wound behind my back as he lowered me onto the bed. His tongue darted out of his mouth and tasted the sheen of sweat that developed on my skin, his tongue worked across my breasts as I gripped tightly to his hair. My body ached for him in every way possible.

His lips became dangerously close to mine, and he placed a quick peck leaving me wanting more.

Before I knew it, his fingers were hooked onto my panties. His smirk was full of lust and hunger, clearly I was in for it. I deviously smiled back at him, allowing a hiss to escape my lips as his fingers trailed further down my thighs, taking my panties with them.

Edward's body hovered over mine, and his arms kept his flawlessly, God-sculpted chest just inches from my grasp.

"My turn," I giggled.

I stood in front of him as I glided my finger just above the waistband of his boxers. His entire body shivered in response.

I smirked, as I slowly dragged my fingertip right down the contour of his hardened member.

Then, I heard Edward murmur something under his breath.
I cocked my head to the side and grinned.

"What was that, Edward?" I asked innocently, but I'm sure the fire in my eyes proved otherwise.

"Fuck," he grunted.

I let a small chuckle. "That's what I thought."

I dipped my fingers into the waistband, and gave his boxers a light tug. I let gravity do the rest.

Holy fuck.

I'm sure my expression gave Edward that smug look on his face.

I kissed his lips as his hands traveled from my hips to my breasts as his thumbs slowly passed over my nipples, and a silent moan escaped my throat. Each touch, each way his tongue would envelop mine was new, exciting and downright arousing. His hands moved down my back as I hitched my legs around his torso. I created the friction I needed grinding harder and faster with each pass, our kisses swallowing our moans.

I felt my back hit the bed as his lips left mine.

"Bella, are you sure?" he questioned, his eyes half full of lust, half full of concern.

"Y-yes, Edward," I replied, my chest quivering.

I felt his erection press against my thigh, and I breathlessly said his name.

He attacked my skin with dozens of kisses. He shifted his weight and started at my thigh and worked his way up. He paused at my hipbone and darted his tongue out of his mouth. He glided his tongue across my skin at a painfully slow speed, sending shivers down my spine. I felt like I was about to explode with frustration. His lips swooped upon mine again and I fisted my hands in his hair. I frustratingly dug my heels into the mattress, trying to relieve some of this frustration in any way shape or form.

"Anxious, are we?" Edward breathed, breaking our kiss for a moment.
My only response was a moan of pure lust.

And in one quick movement, Edward was inside of me.

Both of our gasps screeched to a halt for that one second. He was purely mine, and I was purely his. Our bodies instinctively found their rhythm, each thrust was desperately needed.

I gripped tightly onto his back, searching for something to hold on to. I was falling, faster than ever into an ocean of pure bliss and ecstasy.

"Edward..." I groaned as our thrusts became stronger. I was teetering on the edge of bliss and reality. He was getting all the right spots, I could barely contain my screams any longer.

He was close, and I knew I wasn't far behind. With one final thrust, we climaxed, screaming each other's names like a mantra.

"Oh my god," I gasped, my chest heaving rapidly, trying to pump blood through my flushed body.

Edward crashed beside me, his form nearly enveloping the entire bed.

"I have to agree, with that statement," he gasped.

I snuggled up under Edward's arm, sweaty and spent. Right now, I was too absorbed by my post-coital state to care about anything. I could care less about Jacob's reaction to the break-up. I made my decision, I had promised Edward and I wasn't going back on my word.

"You're packed, right?" Edward asked me, as he pulled me closer to his body.

"Mhmm..." I whimpered, dreading going home and "taking care of business" as I have called it.

"Good, because then we can sleep in a little bit tomorrow," he chuckled.

"Or...we could..." I giggled suggestively, as I traced my fingernail down his chest.

"Yes, I suppose we could do that, it may be a tight squeeze, though," Edward chuckled, his eyes completely lust-filled.

"Edward!" I chided him, giving him a playful smack on the chest. "I'm sure we could fit it in."

The corners of his mouth turned up, forcing a smile to spread across my lips.

"You're a bad influence on me, Bella Swan."

Oh, like he should talk?

"Right back at you, Edward Cullen."

I felt his lips graze my cheek, and I instinctively pulled myself closer to his body.

I felt his heart beat in time with mine, each thump, slowing our bodies down, bringing us back to reality.

I could do this. I could so do this.

And with those affirmations, I let my mind wander until I fell asleep, right where I wanted to be, in Edward's arms

a/n Thank you for being so patient and continuing to read this! We love hearing feedback! :)