Chapter twenty-seven. I hate talking.
Edward's POV.
"Aaaahhh! Alice! What the f –"
"Oh Bella", shrieked Alice, cutting through Bella's outburst and my heart stopped with shock.
"Bella? Is she here?" I could recognise Emmett's voice from upstairs and also his footsteps pounding down the stairs.
Alice had jumped around Bella's neck and talking at full speed.
"Oh my gosh! I can't believe you're back! I knew you'd be back. Of course. Oh Bella why did you go? Where did you go? Oh my gosh! You took dad's car! You took his car and drove off! Why did you take his car? You were angry! Why were you angry? Mom and dad won't tell us anything and –"
"Bella!"
Emmett untangled Alice and placed her to one side. He grabbed Bella and squished her into a massive hug.
There were two more voices approaching from inside the house, Esme and Carlisle's.
It felt a bit awkward for me to be standing on the porch of the Cullen's in the middle of the night. Bella and Emmett were still in their close embrace. Esme and Carlisle were smiling, trying to look angry. Alice was still speaking and blabbering about anything and everything although no one was paying attention to her.
Then finally, they all turned to stare at me.
"Edward?" said Esme in confusion. Giving me a 'you've been here all this time' look.
"I…uh…"
Well, I don't think anyone would know what to do or say at that time. The only thing I was concentrating on was to not pee in my pants and to breath casually.
Of course casually turned out to be near hyperventilating.
"I bumped into Edward when he was driving home", Bella filled in. god bless her! "He wanted to make sure I was alright and could get home safely."
"That's really kind of you Edward", said Esme smiling brightly. Well, I guess that meant she wasn't mad at me or anything. Right?
"Yeah…kind", added Emmett, narrowing his eyes at me.
"Let's not stand about on the doorstep", said Carlisle waving his hands about, "in, in, in! Come on, it's quite chilly."
"I better get home", I told him, not wanting to get involved any longer.
However much I wanted to stay with Bella, I knew that she needed some time with her family.
"Thank you Edward", said Alice offering me a timid smile, "for bringing Bella back safely."
"It's alright", I mumbled as I was sure I was close to blushing, "goodnight. Bye Bella."
"Hey, Edward", Emmett called out as I turned around, "thanks man. Really, thank you."
"Um, you're welcome", I answered him awkwardly as he patted my back. I guess that was some sort of approval on his behalf. Bella and exchanged a short knowing smile, before I turned and walked towards my Volvo once more.
Bella's POV.
Damn it!
I wanted to thank Edward again. He had been like the best friend I was always looking for. He had been like the person I wanted to speak to. He had listened. He had helped. Then my sister interrupted us.
"Dad…" I began turning to Carlisle. I had never noticed how worried he was looking. His blue eyes weren't twinkling as much although he looked slightly relieved. "I'm…I'm sorry about taking your car."
"Let's talk about this tomorrow", suggested Emmett, waving his hand about, "we're all very tired and blah, blah, blah so let's go."
"No, I need to apologise", I said quickly. I knew that apologies wouldn't cover the things I had done. I couldn't imagine how worried Emmett, Alice and my parents were as I was away. I was only fifteen years old. How stupidly melodramatic of me! Taking my dad's car and driving out in the middle of the night.
"You're safe, that's all that matters", whispered Esme rubbing my back soothingly, "Emmett's right though, we all need to sleep. We'll talk about it in the morning."
And with that we were all dismissed.
The guilt that I felt didn't give me a restful night. I couldn't control my emotions sometimes. I didn't even understand why we had emotions. They ruled us too much. My anger had led me to run away like an idiot. Fury made me lash out and say the wrong words to the wrong people. And now guilt was burning through me.
I sat up in the darkness. I could just managed to hear Alice's soft breathing as she slept soundly. The digital clock on my side table read '01:38am'. I sighed and closed my eyes, still sitting up.
The only thing that I was ever sure of right now was my love for Edward. I didn't even know if it was love. All I knew was that it was a strong feeling. Something that I had never felt before. I didn't understand why I wanted him around so much. Was it because he made me feel better? If that was so, did that mean that I was using him?
I knew I was a selfish person. My insecurities made me selfish and self-centred. I didn't like to be alone. I didn't want anyone to leave me. I had been isolated once and it didn't feel good, although I was just a baby. The pain was all the same.
I didn't like it when people hovered around me too much either. I sighed as I realised how picky I was. Between Alice and I, it was always me who wanted the best things. It was always me who sought the most attention. And Alice, like the good sister she was, only gave in and let me have what I wanted.
Emmett cared and looked out for me too much too. Although I hated it when he acted over protective and didn't give me my choices, I was sure that I would be hurt if he didn't look out for me.
What did that mean? I wanted everything. I wanted to always win in all situations. And now, I did.
I had hurt my siblings and my parents, the people who loved me. And what did they do? They left it. Emmett said to leave it till tomorrow. Esme agreed. They weren't going to punish me; they were going to go easy on me. Because they cared so much.
And caring so much meant that they knew what was best.
I sighed and fell back on my pillow. Was Carlisle and Esme right? Did I need to see a psychiatrist?
I had been lying to myself. Carlisle and Esme noticed it. I did have a problem with food. I controlled what I ate because it was just about the only thing that I could control. It had nothing to do with the fact that I wanted to be skinny. No, my size was fine. It was because I could control what I ate. Somehow it made me have some sort of command. Power.
I jumped as my phone started to ring. Grabbing it off the side table I dug under the covers and answered.
"Hello?" I whispered without looking at the ID.
"Bella…why are you whispering?" asked a voice.
Shit.
"Mike…oh…I forgot you were going to call", I sighed I peeked to see if Alice was still asleep. Check. I went back under the covers.
"We're meeting up, remember?" said Mike sounding impatient, "come on, have you left your place yet?"
"Uh…no. Listen, I can't come out tonight" I answered him, "my family and I had this argument thing and…I'll get in big trouble if I get caught."
"So? Don't get caught", he replied simply, "come on Bella. You said you would. I really want to talk. I miss you, Bells. Please?"
I smacked myself mentally before speaking again.
"Where?" I asked in a resigned voice. I had to get this over with. Mike and I could never happen again and he had to know that. I needed to tell him face to face, to explain and finish it off perfectly.
"We're by the old shack, want me to pick you up?" he asked.
"Who's we?" I asked him curiously.
"Just some of the others and some friends" Mike explained, "but I'll just park there and we can wander around so that we can talk."
"Pick me up in ten minutes."
--
The old shack was an abandoned mansion that teenagers normally hung around when they had nothing to do. Or when they had booze and needed a place where the police wouldn't raid in on them.
"Bella!" a loud shriek over the noise of talking and shouting made my head snap up.
We hadn't even walked into the house yet. The front garden was decorated with empty beer cans and coke bottles. Well, at least the door was still intact.
Before I had gotten enough time to register that my name had been called, I felt something warm hold on to my hand. I looked down.
"You guys are back together?" Jessica appeared from nowhere wearing a small black dress that made me feel self-conscious in my skinny jeans and top.
"What?" I demanded in confusion. She pointed at me, then at Mike then at our linked hands.
I blinked.
"No, we –"
"Sort of", answered Mike. I turned to face him.
"Uh, no. We're just here to talk", I said looking at him meaningfully.
"Oh…" said Jessica as her eyes flickered between Mike and I, "well, Lauren and the others are in the garden, let's go. I didn't know you'd be coming tonight."
"Actually Mike and I are going for a walk", I said stiffly as I removed his hands from my own, "nice to see you Jess, tell the others I said hi."
"Wait! Where're you guys walking?' asked Jessica before I turned.
"Just down the street", I answered quickly. That should be enough time for me to convince Mike to stop his ideas of getting back together with me. And I needed to get back home. It was already two o'clock.
Tomorrow I needed to talk to my parents anyway, I needed to apologise and explain. Emmett and Alice needed an explanation too. Most of all, I had to tell Esme and Carlisle that they were right. After thinking it over tonight I thought that maybe I needed to see a psychiatrist after all.
"So let's talk", I said taking a deep breath once we were a little bit away from the old shack. Mike smiled sheepishly at me. I leaned against a lamppost and waited for him to begin. To get this over with.
"I want us to get back together", whispered Mike taking a step closer to me. Well, I knew that bit.
"I don't think that's a good idea", I told him. Well, I hadn't prepared a speech or anything but I knew what needed to be said. "Listen mike, you're a good friend. But that's all you are."
Cheesy.
"And Emmett doesn't like you", I added quickly, "so…there."
"Emmett hadn't stopped you before", he said sourly, "You don't care what he thinks, remember?"
Damn…I might've said that to him when we were going out.
"Well, I didn't care", I explained, "but I do now. That's just how it is."
"But that means you can't date Jacob either, right?" asked Mike. I arched an eyebrow. What did Jacob have to do with this?
"I don't want to date Jacob", I explained to him, "he's just a friend. Like you."
"You said you loved me before", he muttered, staring at the ground.
"That was when I did", I explained. Well, I lied but I couldn't break him down completely. "Look Mike, you've dated me before, now just move on. Besides I don't think you love me, we're too young for that crap. Ok?"
Mike didn't say anything for a while which kind of got me worried. Then after staring at the same spot for a couple of minutes he finally nodded.
"I want to go home", I said to him, "take me home."