It's now 5 months since Harry died and it's taken its toll on Charlie. Feeling halfway human again it was my turn to take care of Charlie as he did when I was… somewhat dead.

The first few weeks were the hardest of course. I couldn't mention anything about Harry or anything that would make him think of Harry. I truly got scared at one point though because the Saturday Harry died, Charlie didn't go fishing. I tried to tease him about it but it changed nothing of how he felt for his lost friend.

The next several weeks after the funeral were better. Charlie went fishing again because he missed it but he still had a sad look on his face. Whenever we went to Billy's he wasn't as enthusiastic anymore. Football games only meant "time to watch TV" not "time to go watch happily with friends".

Being human though, he got better. Charlie accepted the fact that his close friend had gone on and was now somewhere watching over him and Billy.

As I thought about Charlie's healing process I thought of myself with my healing process.

Charlie got better in what? Half the time I got better? Less than half? I sighed shaking my head. At least Charlie tried, I thought glumly. I… I didn't even know what I did. I did nothing. The horror took over me and I went to study calculus to take my mind off it.

Calculus was not helpful.

I went over the same question about 5 times before I realized I couldn't do any work. Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I slumped onto my bed. I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours and thought about the Swan's healing processes some more.

Charlie tried. Although it was harder than usual for him, he tried to grasp that Harry was gone. He tried to go back to his regular life. He tried to move on.

I didn't. I did nothing at all. I was dead. I didn't and couldn't grasp that – he – was gone. I didn't and couldn't go back to my old life. I didn't try to move on.

That was when I started to cry.

It hurt to think about this. Me being like this. Edward leaving like that. I took 5 deep breaths in attempt to keep myself together. It worked. Trying to hold on to how much of me was together I thought of Jacob.

Jacob.

I was glad I found him. Or he found me. Or whatever order. We found each other. He was helping me feel halfway human again even if he was all human himself. I laughed at that thought. We're both halfway human, I thought with a chuckle. I knew this kind of bond would go and grow bone deep and I was glad. He was my best friend in any world and for that I was thankful.

Aww(?) xD

x o x o bjaarcy