A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait. I just had Softball tryouts and now im on JV! Woot Woot lol so i might not update quite as often. Maybe once a week. But if you review it might be more often :]

Also, This chapter i think is a big eye opener for our Dear Annabelle here. You will FINALLY know ths big " Secret" she has been running from.

Hope You enjoy :]

Diclaimer: DOnt Own the DC Comincs, only Annabelle Mathews :]

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Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

- Grey's Anatomy

Time seemed to stand still. Or speed up depending on how you looked at it, but for me it dragged on endlessly. Every breath, every move, was unimaginably slow. The pain, oh the pain, it was hard to bear. But I had to take it, one agonizingly slow breath at a time.

I hadn't moved from the blood soaked bed, not even to wipe away the smeared contents on my stomach. It was just too much, but I shut down, if only for a little while. The Joker wouldn't be back any time soon, or so I hoped, and I let myself drift. Drift back to times when I was at my worst, because it was the only thing that took the current pain away.

My eyelids fluttered closed, and I watched the scenes play themselves out before my very eyes.

It was a dark night, or early morning, now that I think about it, and there were very few passers by as I strolled down the street to my apartment. I had been living in New York City and I was surprised to see how few people walked the streets. Even though it was so late. I had been a bit tipsy and was skipping down the streets, singing softly to myself.

"Don't be a baby, Remember what you told me," I sang to myself, off key of course. And I continued, feeling on top of the world due to the alcohol."Shut up and put your money where your mouth is, That's what you get for waking up in Vegas." There were footsteps coming from behind me, but I was oblivious to them.

"Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now. That's what you get for waking up in Vegas." I finished my song, and sighed to myself. The wind whipped by me, the hair on my arms standing straight up. I had only been wearing a light green silk tank top that fit extremely well on my body along with a pair of dark blue skinny jeans. My average clubbing attire. But now that was beginning to feel like a bad idea as another gust of wind blew by me.

The footsteps coming from behind me had grown, and I sped up my pace in response.

But just like in every other horror movie you have ever seen before, this only made him walk faster. Of course this wasn't knew to me, but every time it happened, I couldn't help my heart from skipping a beat. And the strange thing was, I didn't know what it was from. Was it terror? Anticipation? Anger? Excitement?

Whatever it was, my heart never failed to react the way it did. And maybe, that was the point…

It felt as if the person following me was right on my heels and I, risk taker that I am, took a sharp right into an alleyway. Which was probably the worst decision of my life. I never like thinking about the next events. Never. They were too painful, too much to handle. So I usually tried to deny they ever happened. And never underestimate the power of Denial, it works wonders, but eventually, like all things, you have to come to terms with what has happened, what you've done.

I made it a few feet into the alley before I felt a strong pair of hands push me to the ground from behind. But I caught myself with my hands before my head slammed into the cold, hard, cement. I could feel a sharp sting go through my palms, but it was nothing I couldn't manage.

I turned myself over so that It looked like I was leaning casually against my hands, and I smiled up to him, my eyes dancing with something I myself didn't even know. There was a fire in them. One i hadnt seen since that day. And the man smiled right back.

He was a young thing, fairly decent looking. With average length dark brown hair, and blue eyes, he even had dimples. The way he walked towards me suggested he was slightly drunk, but also fully aware of what he was doing. Like he had done this before, but he still had such a childlike quality to him. His black button up shirt pressed against his skin tightly, even though he was in pretty good shape. And i could see him sitting in a school classroom, pencil in hand, ready to take an exam.

But what I really noticed was his smile, of all things. It was so happy, so innocent.

He had reached me by now, and was kneeling by my side. His outstretched hand pressed against my cheek, and I could feel the clamminess of it as he slowly brought it down to my neck. I hadn't acted yet, because I was slightly amused at his attempts. He was just a boy, no threat to someone like me. No, Not in the slightest.

As his hand found its place at my neck, I moved mine to his chest, and in one swift movement, I pushed him back as hard as I could. His back slammed into the brick wall of the alley, and he was momentarily dazed, allowing me to jump to my feet, ready for anything he could try. But, like I said, he was just a kid. And he wasn't looking for trouble.

Regaining himself, he stepped away from the wall, his hands up in surrender and backed towards the entrance. But I couldn't let him leave, we were just starting to have fun. I wasnt going to let him just run off and leave me without any entertainment.

And it wasn't until after that night that I realized how wrong of a person I was for thinking that.

As he began to exit, I flew forward and grabbed onto his arm, pulling him farther into the dank alleyway. Away from the civilized world of rules and regulations. Away from any disruptions. Away from the light.

A dozen emotions flashed across his face before he settled on one I was very familiar with. It was one I had seen on countless of men's faces. Every time I gave them the slightest inclination that I was interested. It was lust, and his face was full of it. I dragged him deeper into that alley until we made it far enough, that the entrance was barely visible behind all of the dumpsters and such.

But he surprised me by pushing me against the wall forcefully, practically throwing himself on top of me. And I felt the air blow out of me, it took me a moment to recover, but I did.

When I had gotten some much needed air into my lungs, I felt his wet lips slide up and down my neck, and I couldn't help but gag. It was disgusting, the way his lips smacked against my skin, and the way his hands were fondling my body in all the wrong ways. It needed to stop, and as my anger bubbled to the surface I knew nothing good would come of this night.

As his hands went lower and lower, tugging at the waist of my jeans, I placed my hands over his and yanked them away. He was surprised and opened his mouth to speak, obviously unaware of my intentions. This was not one I wanted him for. There were better men for that. Or at least there was more Rum for that.

" Babe, what's wrong. I thought we was havin a good time." He said, his words slightly slurred. His voice, though, was rather rough for his appearance. It sounded old, aged.

And I fired back hotly. " Well obviously, Babe, you were wrong." my voice held a venomous tone and I knew my anger was taking over. I was no longer in control, and this anger, it was deadly.

In life we're taught that there are seven deadly sins. We all know the big ones... gluttony, pride, lust. But the thing you don't hear much about is anger. Maybe it's because we think anger is not that dangerous, that you can control it. My point is, maybe we don't give anger enough credit. Maybe it can be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all, when it comes to destructive behavior, it did make the top seven.

But in that moment, I couldn't think straight. I was only focused on the anger, the way it made me see things differently, and the way it made me feel. The way it turned my vision red and made me go temporarily mad. Temporarily being the operative word.

His face was scrunched in confusion as I pushed him against the opposite wall, where he fell onto a broken mirror. The glass breaking even more around him. And as the light hit it, tiny rainbows danced off of its surface. LIke a spectacular light show a midst the eery darkness.

By now he had given up completely, that look in his eyes, it just screamed defeat as he looked up to me expectantly. Waiting. I could now see the worn down look of his skin, and the wrinkles around his eyes signaling the hardships he had been through in his few years of life. But monster that I was, let that slip from my goal. And my goal was simple.

If one of us was going to die it would be the other guy, which in this case was him.

Kneeling down to eye level, I traced little shapes over the skin of his face, getting myself ready, as I picked up a piece of glass with my other hand. And strangely, it felt right there. The pointed scrap of glass felt like it belonged in the palm of my hand. Like that was its place. With that shard of broken glass I felt like I could do anything, be anything, I felt like I was on top of the world.

And as I plunged the broken glass into the base of his throat, that feeling only strengthened, making me feel invincible. Nothing, and nobody could stop me now. And of course, he struggled, but only at first. Because soon the blood loss was just to much for him, and he let go. His limbs growing limp, and that youthful look in his eyes fading away, until two black lifeless pits took its place.

As I stared down at his lifeless body, I couldn't keep that smile from forming on my lips. The smile of a murderer. Like I said, disappearances happen. Pains go phantom. Blood stops running and people, people fade away.

Then as quickly as the vision entered, it left, and my eyes flew open. The pain had gone, yes it had, but it left another pain that wouldn't be as forgiving. This pain would stay with me forever, and it would always haunt me. It would creep its way into my dreams, turning them into nightmares, and every time I closed my eyes, I would see his face. The face of the man I killed.

There's more he had to say, so much more, but... he disappeared.

But at the same time, I had to be thankful. I hadn't let this into my brain in a while. Afraid of what would happen. And yes it hurt. The hurt it left was agonizing, painful, and slow. It would be the death of me, and I knew it. One way or another, I would find myself slowly being eaten away by the guilt. Or by the desire to do it again.

Either way, I was screwed.

But pain is a part of life, both physical and emotional. And I just had to get through it. Each breath at a time. And no, I would never forget, and no it would never go away. It will always be a part of me, a chapter in my life I will never be able to erase, but for now I could sweep it under tomorrow's rug until I cant any longer. And that day shouldn't be any time soon.

I brushed my hands against the cuts at my stomach and winced at the sharp pain there. But I continued touching my sore stomach. The blood had almost stopped flowing, and had dried across my stomach, leaving shapes all over my skin. Swirls, and circles and triangles. It really was beautiful, if you gave it some thought. And the pain, maybe that just added to the effect.

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

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Okay, Now. I need to know what you think. I know this chapter isnt that great, i mean NO JOKER! Come on eww lol.

Dont worry, he will show up next chapter. I just needed to finally let you guys know a part of her past.

Probably the Biggest oart of her past, so Tell me what you think.

Ill update faster if you reviewww. :]

So Review Love Bugs.