Yay for updating soon for both my stories?
Here we are. Chapter two of this trainwreck (no pun intended...okay, it was intended a little bit.)
FYI. This chapter is about 3/4 full of lemon. So if you are OFFENDED by 6-page lemon...Wait, why the hell are you reading this story then?
Everyone seems to like the banter...well it never goes away so I'm glad you like it.
Just so you know. I do not mean to OFFEND anyone with this story. If I have, let me know, I'll make a public apology and then bye-bye story. That's how much I do not want to offend anyone.
RECAP!
Bella: So you'll do it?
Edward: Yes.
"Really?" I asked, a little shocked.
"Well…" he trailed off. He sat down and ran his hands through his hair.
So he really does do that.
"I don't know…maybe we shouldn't."
"No, you said yes."
"I changed my mind."
"No," I said simply. I pushed against him and he fell back on the seat. I crawled onto his lap, straddling him, determined to get what I wanted.
"What are you doing?" He said in a tone not angry, nor surprised.
"Feeling you up, what does it look like?"
"Proceed, then." His grin was too cute.
I let my palm press into his cheek, then swirling with my finger to trace his jaw and ear, and then finally did what I wanted to do from the first moment I saw Edward.
I ran my fingers through his hair.
It was better than I imagined. His thick mane was silky and smooth, felt like the finest silk and it ended too quickly. I heard Edward hum in appreciation; his eyes closed now as he let his senses take over and heighten.
I put one arm around his neck as the other trailed down to his grey t-shirt and felt the muscles that were clearly shown.
He felt better than he looked.
And that's saying something.
I ran my fingers over his arm, up and down, just like the way he assessed me in the beginning.
I was exploring him.
I wrapped his arms around my waist, his fingers absentmindedly rubbing against my exposed skin on my back where my shirt had ridden up. I felt chills up my spine; excited I shivered which "subtly" ground my body into Edward. He gasped quietly and opened his eyes to smirk at me.
"So that's how you're going to play?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," I said as I diverted my eyes to the pattern of grey threads on his shirt.
"I think I should at least know your illness," Edward started and could see my apprehension in my eyes. "I mean, just so I have a logical explanation when you die of the most powerful orgasm and I need to explain to the police why you're dead," he added quickly.
"So if I tell you, it's just for your innocence?"
"Precisely."
"Sorry, you're doing time."
"You're a cruel, cruel girl."
"Don't drop the soap."
"Stripes aren't my thing."
"What are you, a girl?"
"There's only one way to find out," he said as he wiggled his eyebrows.
"Put out or shut up."
"You are really bossy," he stated annoyed.
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"I didn't mean for you to."
"You're cuter when you aren't talking," I chastised.
"And you're cuter when you aren't insulting me."
"Listen, we only have a few hours left, I really would like to do this before I grow a beard."
"I'm not sleeping with you if you grow a beard," he replied.
"It could be sexy," I added.
"Or not," he snorted.
"I like your scruff."
"Scruff? This is not scruff, its art."
"Art?"
"Just like the size of my di—"
"Enough! Just unzip your pants; you can even write a song about it."
"Just as long as you write about this in your next column and make sure you use my real name when you talk about the best fucking orgasm you've ever had in your life."
"I'm not a dating service."
"If you were, I'd sign up."
"Stop stalling," I lectured. Edward sighed and then stood up, my legs still wrapped around him, his hands supporting my ass, and my arms still around his neck.
"You don't want to do this," he said looking into my eyes.
"What makes you think that?" I asked.
"Because it means nothing."
"So?"
"So, you forget that I know you. I read your columns and I know that you are a romantic who believes that sex should mean something."
"What if I just want to get laid?"
"You're Bella Swan, that's not possible."
"What are you, the Chinese guy from The Karate Kid?"
"Wax on, wax off…" he replied.
"Just as long as you fuck me in the process."
I was losing.
I was losing fast.
What the hell happened to the ground I had covered?
Damn him.
"We'll see," he replied with a smirk.
The next thing I did is blamed on my body overtaking my control and my brain not functioning correctly.
I slapped him.
I slapped him hard.
I wiped that smirk off.
It felt damn good.
And then I saw the red welt on his face.
I gasped in horror.
"I'm SO sorry," I apologized profusely as he rubbed his jaw.
"Damn woman! Where did you learn to hit like that?"
"My dad is a cop," I shrugged.
"And he feeds you what? Spinach?"
"Close, steak and berry cobbler at the diner."
"Well no more protein for you, you've already broken a few cheek bones."
"I said I was sorry."
"I think I'm blind!"
"That's just because you are crying."
"I'm NOT crying!"
"Really, then what is that water doing coming out of your eye socket?"
"Shut up."
"Ohhh nice one!"
"Will you check my eye…" he said sadly. I sighed and put my hands on either side of his face gently.
"Look up, please." He looked up and I checked his eye and then rubbed his face soothingly. "You're fine."
"I know, I just wanted you to rub my cheek," he chuckled.
"Want that other cheek to match?" He stopped laughing at once and then narrowed his eyes at me.
"Alright, so you like Matt and Kim, you eat Saltines, you are a writer, and you hit like a sumo-wrestler."
"Still different?"
"Absolutely."
"How's your cheek?"
"It's fucking fantastic."
"Good," I said cheerfully. He rolled his eyes and then set me down me down on my feet.
"So what do you want to do now?" I looked up at him and smiled coyly.
"I'm not going to sleep with you," he said dryly.
"Why the hell not?" My voice rose.
"Because…because if we do sleep together, you'll fall madly in love with me and then I'll have to get a restraining order for when you stalk me and then it's just work work work for me."
"Always about you, huh?"
"Always," he smiled crookedly.
I went and sat down on my own seat and looked out the window, noticing the sudden change in maple leaves to evergreen forests.
It felt like home.
I looked away from the window and shuffled around in my bag looking for my iPod.
"Please don't tell me you're pouting."
"No," I said calmly. I didn't look at him. I just sat.
"So…you wanna do it?" he asked with his eyebrows rising.
I couldn't stop the smile from spreading on my face.
"Take your shirt off," I commanded as I stood.
"Whoa whoa whoa," he responded. "First there are going to be a few rules."
"Like what? No cuddling after?"
"No, I demand cuddling."
"Momma's boy."
"You love it."
"Get on with the rules, I haven't got all day."
"First, I get to set the pace."
"Fine."
"No cock-blocking."
"Excuse me?"
"No bullshit about how much you want it and then back out at the last second."
"Happened to you before?"
"I had blue balls for a month."
"Any other rules?" I said chuckling.
"One more."
"Care to share it with the class?"
"You have to talk with me the rest of the trip."
"Fuck NO."
"Take it or leave it."
I sighed.
I sighed again.
I sighed a third time.
"Oh for crying out loud, it's not that bad."
"You've never had to carry a conversation with yourself before," I replied.
"Bella," he warned.
"Fine, fine, but I have a few rules of my own."
"Alright, that seems fair."
"My shirt doesn't come off."
"Why the hell do you not want your shirt—" I held my hand up stopping him.
"You've got your rules, I've got mine." He sighed and then nodded.
"And the second one?"
"No talking to me for fifteen minutes after."
"You are a strange, strange woman."
"So I've heard."
"Alright, so we've got a deal?" He stuck out his hand.
I shook it.
I probably just sold my soul to the devil.
"You have a blanket?" he asked. I handed him one from my bag. He laid it on the floor and then undid his belt buckle.
And then it hit me.
HOLY FUCK I WAS GOING TO SEE THIS MAN NAKED!
You're only allowed to take one breath. One breath and then you're not allowed to be nervous.
I took the biggest breath I could manage.
Okay.
He pulled his shirt off, showing the glorious muscles beneath.
Take another breath!!!!
I eyed him up and down and then settled on his eyes, making sure I didn't look anywhere but there.
He fucking smirked.
I smirked back.
He undid the button of his pants and there he was.
All fucking glory hanging out there.
Buck fucking naked.
Bare fucking skin.
"I figured you a boxer-briefs kind of guy."
"I'm more commando."
I unbuttoned my pants and slid them down my legs and looked back at Edward.
"I figured you a thong kind of girl."
"I'm more commando," I mocked. His crooked smile calmed my nerves and suddenly, I wasn't nervous at all.
I was proud.
Proud of myself for doing this.
Proud of myself for not giving a fuck.
Proud of myself for stepping out of the box.
Edward Cullen eat your heart out.
I removed my jacket and then Edward placed a hand out, which I took willingly. He pulled me to him, his eyes dark and majestic. Our chests pressed together and I could feel his heart race just as mine did.
I had the same effect on him.
"It's not too late to back out," he whispered. His lips were at my nose and as I looked up to his eyes, I realized something I hadn't before.
He actually cared for me.
It was all there in his eyes: care, kindness, gentleness, protectiveness, and tenderness.
"Wow," I stated out loud.
"I see the same thing too," he replied. I guess my eyes must have showed something he hadn't seen before. I opened my mouth once more for a witty remark but he shut me up with his lips pressing to mine.
He sucked on my bottom lip for a few moments, relishing in the taste as the shivers ran down my spine, exciting and tingling every nerve, fiber, bone, and muscle in my body. His hands were on my cheeks as he moved his lips with mine. Moans escaped and sounds that only animals make found their way out of our mouths.
We didn't care though.
I was too entranced by the pictures in my head.
I saw beauty.
Mountains, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a smoky club, beaches, monkeys, my old red truck, lakes, perfume, Edward smoking, flower girls, rivers, ballet dancers, cookie dough, and so many more things flashed in my mind and I couldn't help the feeling that Edward was pouring into me through a kiss.
It was something I hadn't felt in such a long time.
It was hope.
I kissed him more fervently now, never wanting this feeling to stop coursing my veins. I felt free and liberated and strong.
I hadn't felt strong in so many months.
Not since I found out about the sickness.
I didn't think the power could grow any stronger until Edward did the unthinkable.
He licked me.
OH SWEET GOD.
I opened my mouth and he ravished my tongue with his own, eliciting coos and mews from my mouth and making me hold on tighter to his torso. His tongue descended back into his mouth as his teeth bit my bottom lip.
His teeth were sharp.
I adored it.
I pulled him closer and closer never getting the distance I wanted between us.
Which was none.
My legs gave out and Edward and I were now falling to the floor, never stopping our kiss.
We hit the floor in a thud and laughed into each others' mouths. Edward flipped us so I was on the blanket as he stayed above me. My hands moved from his sides to his cheeks as his moved my cheeks to sides.
We were in perfect unison.
We broke apart gasping for air, not looking at each other in fear of losing our minds into beautiful abyss.
I allowed myself one peek.
His lips were swollen red.
OH SWEET GOD.
He started to swat my hair away from my neck and then began kissing and sucking on the sensitive flesh.
"Don't stop," I gasped.
"Oh I won't," he replied against my neck. I could feel his member growing firmer against my thigh and I felt a distinct clench in my abdomen.
I wanted him. Now.
I couldn't breathe and yet I was gulping too much air at the same time. I felt my toes curl and my heart swell with his kissing.
What the fuck would happen after he banged me?
Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. His tongue swirled against my neck and he sucked and teased his way up to my mouth.
I was going to combust.
His dick was firm and strong now, I could feel it rub up against me and I felt that fluttering feeling you get when you have to pee.
But to bathroom I did not have to go.
Oh shut up, Bella-Yoda.
I focused on his lips pressed against mine and opened my eyes to peer at his face.
His eyes were doing the same thing. I smiled as we kept kissing.
Just staring at each other.
For a minute or two.
Or seven.
His fingers were playing absentmindedly on the hem of my shirt, tickling my sides with feather-light touches. I closed my eyes and moved my lips with him, making the best kiss I had ever received.
Maybe we could be Bedward or Ella.
No.
No, Bella. Don't. No, no, no, no, no.
I shook the thought out of my head and focused on the glorious man in front of me, kissing my cheek and eyelids as his fingers gripped the ends of my shirt and brought it up and up and up and up…
NO! The shirt was off along with my bra and now Edward was staring at my chest.
I wish I could have fainted.
Why couldn't I be one of those girls who find out bad news and just KAPLUNK! hit the ground?
His eyes were wide as I sucked in a sharp breath, waiting for him to jump off of me and put on his clothes as fast as he could.
The scars.
But he didn't run.
He didn't move.
He didn't even speak.
For the first time, I wished he would talk.
But after a moment, his fingers brushed the disfigured skin. His eyes looked into mine and then looked back at the skin. His face showed no emotion, just curiosity.
I bit my lip in anticipation of what he would say.
"You are beautiful," he whispered. "You hear me? Gorgeous."
I nodded slowly as a single tear escaped my eye and fell into my hair.
Before I could say anything Edward pressed himself into me, completely surrounding himself inside of me.
OH SWEET GOD.
The feeling was magnanimous, filling every nook, cranny, and crevice in my body. There was neither cold shock nor any powerful heat radiating; just heart-wrenching, stomach-clenching feelings of wonderfulness.
"Oh fuck," Edward moaned as I let my chin push upward and gasped for breath. I wasn't going to last, this feeling of hope and passion and OH SWEET GOD's were too much.
And then he started to move.
OH SWEET LOVING GOD.
I bit my lip as he delved further and further into my body, his eyes focused on mine and his lips kissing the corners of my own.
He needed to know that I was okay.
So I smirked at him.
And just like that, Edward started pounding into me.
"OH SWEET GOD," I yelled. I couldn't stop the words from spilling out. I cursed and swore and whimpered until I finally got what I needed.
A release.
My insides clenched around him and he gasped in delight. I felt a sudden shell within me bursting with tiny jetpacks of energy fill my body.
I felt good.
I stopped breathing as I took one last final look into his eyes, our kissing stopped as he focused on the pleasure emanating from below. The look in his eyes amazed me every time.
That same look of care, kindness, gentleness, protectiveness, and tenderness was still there.
Only with one more thing: lust.
He shook inside of me and then his body collapsed on top of mine. I wrapped my arms around him, shaking along and placing my hands across the sheet of sweat on his back.
Call it gross, call it disgusting. I found it hot.
We lay there for awhile, not speaking and not saying anything. He was still in me, still causing a nice friction between the two of us.
I sighed in happiness.
He rolled over, grabbing the blanket with him and then placing me on his chest with the blanket on top of us. I watched the wall for some time, thinking about how last month I would have never in a million years think that I'd be doing this.
Sex on a train.
Sex on a train with a stranger.
Sex on a train with a sexy stranger.
I smiled widely.
And then I did the unthinkable.
I chuckled.
I giggled.
I laughed.
I cackled.
Edward started to laugh with me. And by the end of it, we were holding our stomachs as we laughed at the hilarious and ridiculous situation we were in. His body was rumbling and I giggled more at the vibration underneath me.
I sat up and started to get dressed, turned away from him, still laughing a little. I heard him behind me doing the same and as soon as I was dressed I turned around. Edward was folding the blanket, handing it to me, a polite smile on his face.
Fifteen minutes of silence, here we go.
I sat down on my bench and thought back to the last days in my head. I leaned against the wall and before I knew it, I was asleep.
And then I was awake. I opened my eyes quickly and blinked back the sleep from my eyes, rubbing my face and stretching my body.
"How long have I been asleep?" I asked Edward who was writing in his journal.
He looked at his watch and put up a finger for me to wait. I was confused so I began to speak but then he nodded his head. "Fifteen minutes," he said wearing the brilliant crooked smile.
"I need something to drink," I said as I swallowed. My throat was dry and had a sour taste in it. Edward pulled out a water bottle from his guitar case and passed it to me. I drank generously and then handed it back to him, a fourth remaining in the bottle.
"Wow, way to leave some for the rest of the starving population."
"There is still some in there."
"Yea, full of floaties and backwash." I laughed and then stretched my back out more.
"So…" he started. I rolled my eyes.
"Seriously starting that shit again? We don't have to talk about it," I replied.
"But I want to."
"Always about you, huh?"
"Absolutely."
I put my feet up on the bench and sat parallel to the bench and leant up against the wall.
"Any regrets?" Edward asked.
"None whatsoever. You?"
"Fuck no."
"I'm sorry about the crying."
"Don't be."
"I'm sorry for laughing."
"Don't be."
"And I'm sorry I keep apologizing."
"Don't be." I looked over at him and he had a smile on his lips as he kept writing.
We stayed silent for a few more minutes, nothing awkward, just on a whole new level now.
The realization hit us both.
We would remember each other for the rest of our lives.
We could no longer ride a train without thinking of this experience.
We were now tied to each other.
"Fuck," I spoke aloud.
"You don't want to remember me?" He teased, knowing what I was thinking.
"That I gave my body to you and then showed you my scars? No thanks."
"They aren't that bad."
"Don't even try that, they are bad and I know it."
"I take it that's why you are going to New York?"
"Yea, they think it's come back."
"Breast cancer?" he choked. For the first time, he seemed bothered by my disease.
"It's not like you have to live with it," I said defensively.
"Bella, that's not what I meant. You are a part of my life now, I don't want anything bad happening to you."
"You say that to all your one-train stands?"
"Usually," he joked.
I smiled politely and stayed silent.
"How long have you known?"
"A few weeks."
Seven weeks, six days, and eight hours to be exact.
"How'd Jacob handle it?"
"Do you see the bitch here?"
"So not well."
"Ding ding ding we have a winner."
"Smartass."
"Jackass."
"So what? You come home, have sex with him, tell him you have the big C and then what? He throws a fit like a fucking child and you dump him on his ass?"
"Close," I laughed. "I told him at home, well his house, a few days after I found out. He said he would support me in whatever I wanted to do. The scars are from cutting into them and trying to remove the tumor, but as you can see, that wasn't the prettiest work."
"Please don't tell me he whined cause of your tits weren't to his fucking standards," Edward said angrily. His anger surprised me and I could see his knuckles clench white in fists.
"No, he was a good friend. He did all the work around the house, he brought me soup in bed when I was too sick to get up, and he even bought me flowers from time to time."
"How Ward Cleaver of him."
"But he just wouldn't let me talk to him about what would happen if…"
"If you died."
There. Finally someone could say it without sounding like they pitied me.
"I don't need pity and that's what Jake did. I found that I couldn't be with him if all he ever did was say "sorry" and fluff my pillow like nothing was wrong. I needed him to join the real world, grow a pair, be a man, and talk to me about what happens if I did. What I want to happen after I'm gone."
"And you told him all of this?"
"After I did, he said I was too needy."
"You have fucking cancer, you get to be needy."
And that's when it happened. That's when I realized that I really did like Edward Cullen. Because even through the bullshit and drama, he could still make a crass remark and it wouldn't offend me. It made me feel better and it helped take some of the intimidation out of having cancer. I didn't need someone to say "I'm sorry", I needed Edward here to make fun of this thing with me.
Because that's the kind of person I am.
"That's what I said."
"And he replied with what? Drool?"
"Close, he just got up and walked away. He went to a bar for a few hours and then came home. He was drunk and wanted to have sex, so I said okay."
"Way to go," he encouraged.
"And halfway through it, I realized that this was the only way that Jacob and I were going to be intimate: through sex." Edward nodded in understanding. "So I hopped off, ran to the closet, packed my things and dumped the ass."
"Good for you. So here you are?"
"Here I am." He smiled at me and then got up and sat perpendicular to me, placing my legs on top of his lap.
"I'm not going to rub your feet and tell you it's going to be okay. Do I want it to be okay? You bet your ass. Do I want you to die? Not after the orgasm you gave me. But I won't pretend like this isn't a problem."
"Thank you," I said. For the first time in a real long time I meant it too. No more "thank yous" for putting a warm cloth on my head, no more "thank yous" for sleeping in the other room so I could have more bed space, no more "thank yous" for doing the groceries when I was too sick to do them.
"I'll take that as a thank you for the sex."
"You should." I paused for a few moments. "So now what?"
"Now, my gorgeous friend, what are a couple things you want to accomplish before you die?"
Don't even ask me how this story came to me.