Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Gene Roddenberry, and nutrek blongs to Abrams, Orci, and Kurtzman. Kirk isn't mine but we're working on that.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed last time, and for those who reviewed Mission To Gamus! I love you all.

Warning: CRACK. Also, lame inside jokes for people who know Trek.

The Enterprise Gang Watches Star Trek XI

Chapter 2: Homage To The Wrath Of Khan That Also Steals Much From Star Wars

They turned their attention back to the movie. Everyone watched as Kirk saved them from a quick obliteration by Nero because out of 800 people on board the ship, Kirk was the only one to connect the dots that a lightning storm in space equals death trap. Soon Pike ordered Spock, Kirk, and Mr. Champion Fencer to come with him. Much to Spock's chagrin, Pike promoted Spock to Captain and Kirk to First Officer.

"Sir, why did you make Kirk first officer?" Spock wanted to know.

"Because I'm awesome," Kirk answered for Pike.

"I was not addressing you, James." Spock huffed. "Admiral Pike, if you please?"

"I just think you guys would make a great team," Pike said honestly. "Kirk, you need Spock to keep you from trying every crazy idea that runs through your head. Spock, you need Kirk to help you loosen up."

"Makes sense to me." Kirk beamed at Spock, who rose his eyebrows and turned away, muttering something about illogical humans.

Onscreen, it was time for Kirk, Sulu, and Olson's space jump. Spock Prime leaned over and whispered something to Kirk.

"Sure I'll let you know right before Vulcan implodes so you don't have to watch it happen," Kirk said rather loudly. Everyone in the room, save for Ayel and Nero, gasped in horror.

"VULCAN IMPLODED!?! Ach, lad, ye just spoiled the movie!" Scotty exclaimed from the kitchen.

"Why would you do such a thing, Jim?" Pike wanted to know.

"Uh, sir," Kirk reminded him. "You knew Vulcan was destroyed. Scotty I can excuse on grounds of being eccentric, but not you."

"Oh, that's right, now I remember." said Pike. "Guess that brain slug did more damage than I thought…" He bared his teeth at Nero, who began to innocently whistle the tune to 'Lamb Chop's Play Along'. It didn't help his case much.

.~.

As it turned out, the cadets managed to knock out the drill, but Olson exploded in fiery blast of death. (Everyone blamed the red uniform.) Chekov managed to earn his keep by beaming back a falling, linked Kirk and Sulu at the same time.

"Thanks for saving my life, Pavel," cried Sulu.

"You're welcome," said Chekov. "It wouldn't be the same on the bridge without you, Hikaru."

"Will you two go get a room?" Bones growled. "The way you keep staring at each other makes my skin crawl. I can't quite put my finger on it, but sorta reminds me of the way Jim-"

"wanted to warn everyone that Vulcan's destruction has arrived," Kirk loudly interrupted, shooting a death glare at the doctor. Bones was about to make a smart-ass remark when Chekov and Sulu left to "use the facilities".

"Uh, guys, I was kidding," McCoy laughed nervously. "Guys?" They didn't return. McCoy really didn't want to think about that, so he focused on the movie instead.

Vulcan's epic implosion was accompanied by tragically sad music, courtesy of genius composer Michael Giacchino. Just before that, Spock accidentally let his mom slip through his fingers to her death. Uhura tried to comfort Spock but wasn't allowed to give Spock what he needed by the Vulcan's own doing.

"Rejected!" Kirk taunted Uhura, who was not pleased.

"Kirk, you are such an ass," she snapped. "All of us deal with grief differently. I think Spock's reaction was perfectly normal for a Vulcan."

"Yeah, well, he's half human too," Kirk muttered. "Sometimes you gotta call him on his bullshit if you're ever going to cut through his Vulcan defenses. But what do I know? I'm not his girlfriend." Spock Prime had a random, massive coughing fit. Kirk and Uhura glared at each other yet again. Spock slid down a little lower on the couch, and tried to disappear. He failed.

Next up on Homage To The Wrath Of Khan That Also Steals Much From Star Wars, it was time for Pike's torture scene.

"Excellent," Nero sneered. "We get to watch the puny human divulge Earth's codes."

"You're not so tough, Nero, if you had to rely on a slug to do your dirty work," Pike taunted.

"Shut up," the Romulan leader yelled. "I don't have to listen to you. I'd rather talk to Spoooooock!" The half-Vulcan sighed.

"What is it that you need, Nero?"

"Nothing, just wanted to yell your name really loud," Nero admitted with a sheepish grin.

"Very hot, sir," Ayel complimented him.

"Thanks," said a blushing Nero.

"Well that was awkward," said McCoy.

"Honestly, Nero," said Kirk, shaking his head as he tried to forget that last exchange. "You really suck as a villain if you have to resort to imitating Khan."

"I'm not imitating anyone! I'm my own person," Nero growled. "My numerous similarities to Khan including the loss of my wife, my power-hungry tendencies, and my bent on destruction and revenge persona are irrelevant! Do you hear me? Irrelevant!"

The torture scene finished, and now it was time for Kirk and Spock's fight number one. Everyone watched as they debated what to do next. Well, Spock debated – logically. Kirk just sort of yelled. Eventually Spock got fed up with Kirk's disrespectful attitude and ordered him of the ship.

"Dude, did you really have to nerve pinch me?" Kirk wanted to know. "Cause my neck still really hurts. Maybe you could massage it for me?" Spock Prime coughed as Kirk devilishly waggled his eyebrows at his younger self. This was almost too much for the elderly Vulcan!

"You deserved it!" Spock insisted, ignoring Kirk's immature comment. "You were undermining my authority as captain."

"Yeah, but Delta friggin Vega? I almost got eaten by a monster! Twice!" Kirk wailed. "There were two separate monsters!" Indeed, there were. Everyone watched as Kirk was chased by the first monster, and then the second.

"It seemed like the most logical thing to do at the time," said Spock. "You were beginning to emotionally compromise me."

"My Kirk had that affect on me as well," Spock Prime volunteered.

"Your Kirk?" McCoy frowned. Spock Prime cleared his throat.

"The Kirk of my timeline," the elder Spock elaborated.

"Yeah, well, you seem to be a lot more stable than this Spock here," said McCoy. "I'll bet you didn't choke your Kirk."

"Actually… I am ashamed to say that I did." Spock Prime blushed, but would not elaborate on the circumstances.

"I know what happened!" Kirk said, sounding smug.

"Tell us!" Uhura urged. "Please?" Spock Prime looked terrified at this aspect.

"I would appreciate if you did not, Jim. That information could have disastrous effects on your timeline as we know it."

"I wasn't going to tell, Spock," said Kirk with a smile. "I would never betray your confidence like that. This guy melded with me, and Vulcans don't do that with just anyone," he informed his audience. "In fact, Spock, have you ever melded with Uhura?"

"Whether I have or haven't is none of your concern," said the younger Spock. Uhura gave him a sad face, cause she was really hurt she hadn't experienced a meld. "Do not look at me like that, Nyota. Mind melds are usually reserved for bondmates only, although in extreme circumstances they have been used to transmit information." Uhura felt better.

"More proof that this guy is reaching senility," McCoy muttered.

"That must be it," Kirk said with a straight face.

They all watched Spock Prime save Kirk from the Wampa Ice Creature, err the Delta Vega monster. Spock mentioned that Kirk had been and always would be his friend. Everyone gathered from their conversation that Kirk and Spock had been besties in the other universe.

"Like that will happen," said Spock. "I would rather be best friends with Nero." Kirk and Spock Prime shared a look of amusement, as if they knew something everyone else didn't. And perhaps they did!

End Ch. 2

A/N: More to come!