Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Gene Roddenberry, and nutrek blongs to Abrams, Orci, and Kurtzman. Kirk isn't mine but we're working on that.

A/N: More fun times with our favorite Trek characters! I thought I'd be done with the movie by now but I'm barely half-way through!

Warning: CRACK. Also, lame inside jokes for people who know Trek.

The Enterprise Gang Watches Star Trek XI

Chapter 3: I'll Stop The World And Meld With You

Onscreen, Spock Prime melded with Kirk because he thought a meld would be the easiest way to explain how the hell he'd ended up stranded on Delta Vega. Through the meld, the audience watched as the scene flashed back to Spock Prime's capture by Nero.

"I do not understand the logic of your decision," said younger Spock, glancing at his elder self in veiled disapproval. "Melds are an intimate form of communication. You could have simply told Kirk what Nero had done."

"Ah, but this way I could be sure that Jim would believe me," Spock Prime countered. Spock shook his head, miffed by the casual way his older self was treating this situation. "It was imperative that he knew I was speaking the truth." Spock stood firm.

"It was still an illogical action."

"And this distresses you?" Spock Prime asked. A knowing gleam shone in his ancient eyes.

"He is my captain. I need him to be fully functional at all times," Spock explained, as if this was obvious. Kirk choked back his laughter at Spock's answer. He could be so unintentionally funny sometimes! Kirk liked that about the Vulcan.

"But you could've really hurt him!" Uhura spoke up, frowning at the wizened Vulcan.

"Aw, that's sweet of you, Nyota!" Kirk teased, earning him another glare from the communications officer.

"Don't call me that!" She snapped. "Not that I care about Kirk or anything," she explained. "I just don't want his brain damaged any further." Kirk tried not to look affronted, and failed miserably.

In the movie, Spock Prime was explaining how he failed to prevent the supernova from consuming Romulus on time. For that, Nero thought it was suitable to destroy Vulcan and make Spock watch. Thus, why he ended up stuck all alone on Delta Vega, with not even a bondmate for company. Now it made sense to the audience why Spock had been so overtly thrilled to have Jim come find him in the cave, as it had been a rather depressing day for the old Vulcan.

"I agree with the lieutenant," Spock added as he addressed the elderly Vulcan. "The meld irresponsible action on your part, and I will state my reasoning. You are aware that in many cases, human minds are not strong enough to endure the effects of a meld." Spock clearly was disturbed that this could've occurred. "You might have damaged him permanently."

"Spock, I did not act in a rash fashion," Prime defended his actions. "I have melded with Jim's counterpart countless times in our universe. I was already aware that our minds were quite compatible." Spock's eyes widened at that, as it was rare for two minds of different species to be compatible. It was why he had resisted melding with Nyota – it wasn't essential for the success of their relatively young relationship at this point. He didn't want to chance it in case their minds were incompatible, which would leave her broken-hearted. She was a highly competent, intelligent, and logical woman who loved him; their relationship was perfectly adequate the way it was! It would figure his mind would be compatible with his captain, of all people. They did work well during crisis situations, but other than that, the commander couldn't see why this information would be very beneficial. Spock had also still not reached adult Vulcan status.

On screen, Jim came out of the meld breathing hard. He was so shaken by what he'd seen in the meld, he almost suffered a nervous breakdown! (Nero and Ayel had conveniently left the room during that scene, Bones noted. He was relieved that they hadn't gone off together a la Sulu and Chekov, who still hadn't returned, but were only avoiding the audience's unpleasant reaction to their treatment of Spock Prime. He hoped, anyway.) But he had other, more important things on his mind at the moment.

Bones was not amused by the elder's treatment of his friend. He took it out on the Vulcan elder the only way he knew how – he yelled.

"What the hell did you do to him, you green-blooded sonuva-"

"Bones!" Kirk interrupted his CMO when he noticed Spock Prime flinched at the loud noise. "He didn't mean for that to happen. It couldn't be helped."

In the movie, Spock Prime was explaining that emotional transference was an effect of the mind meld.

"It couldn't be helped, my ass," McCoy grumbled. "That's exactly what happens when Vulcans screw around with other people's minds." He glowered at Spock Prime for causing his friend to endure that unnatural mind melty thing. Vulcans!

"I let him do it, ok, Bones?" Kirk's steely expression screamed 'drop it'. Because he was such a kind southern gentleman with the interest of others put firmly before his own, Bones let it go.

The drama over for the moment, everyone watched as Spock and Jim made the long trek to the Federation outpost where Scotty was waiting for them.

"So Spock, there was something I've been meaning to ask you about the meld." Jim thought this would be the perfect time. Nothing major was happening on screen, just the introduction of Scotty's little alien friend, Keenser.

"What is that, Jim?" Prime responded.

"There was a word you kept calling me, well, the other me. What does t-"

"I do not believe that is a suitable topic of conversation at the present time and place," Spock Prime interrupted, actually interrupted him. And was he blushing? Why? Jim was confused. All he did was ask a question!

"Ok, Spock, but you have to tell me sometime." Spock reluctantly agreed, as long as Jim would keep the information to himself. Like that would happen. Jim couldn't keep a secret to save his life. Unless it was a really important, deeply personal secret. Now those, he could keep.

Everyone was thankful that Jim finally shut his big mouth because Scotty had just showed up in the movie. Spock and Jim explained who they were and where they came from. Naturally, Scotty wanted to know if they still had sandwiches in the future, cause he was in love with sandwiches! Turkey, ham, BLT, banana and peanut butter, it didn't matter. He loved them all because they tasted YUMMY! The guy loved food so much he even mentioned that he tested his trans-warp beaming theory using a grapefruit of all things.

Spock Prime almost keeled over in shock at Scotty's statement, especially when it cut to him and Jim in the movie for no apparent reason. Jim whacked him on the back in case he was choking. Spock Prime immediately felt better.

Eventually, Scotty was ready to test his "new" theory on himself and Jim, cause they needed to reach the Enterprise, and pronto! Spock Prime admitted his fondness for cheating and changing time, thanks to the Kirk in his lifetime. Keenser and Scotty had an emotional goodbye that was in no way paralleling the other two who were forced to be separated. Jim and Scotty were successfully beamed aboard the Enterprise. Well, Jim was. Scotty was in hot water.

"Hey, Scotty, it's your moment of glory!" Jim shouted towards the kitchen.

"Ye cannae fool me, Captain," Scotty shouted back. "Ahm about to get sucked through those Jeffries tubes, aren't I? Well ye can forget it. Ahm not coming in there until ahm good and dry, ye hear me?"

"Loud and clear, Mr. Scott," said Jim, laughing as everyone watched himself chase Scotty in the tubes all around engineering. Thanks to Kirk's quick thinking, Scotty was released from the clutches of the turbines, and materialized on the floor. His head was buzzing and he was soaked, but otherwise he was fine.

"So that is why Mr. Scott was dripping on the bridge," Spock realized. Jim wisely refrained from making a smart-ass comment. They watched as Spock ordered Cupcake and friends (as opposed to Barney and friends, they hadn't met the Gorn yet) to seal off the engineering deck and capture the intruders. They were brought up to the bridge where Spock was going to assign the consequences to those who would dare infiltrate the ship during warp. Except, you know, Jim had other plans…

"Woohoo, my favorite part of the movie's coming up," Jim muttered, rolling his eyes as his cheeks flushed with anticipation. Yeah, he was embarrassed about losing a fight to Spock. That was it.

"Coincidentally, mine is as well," Spock agreed. (A/N: It really is ZQ's fav scene with Kirk, trust me on this one!) He did get some emotional satisfaction from watching himself beat the crap out of Kirk, who clearly deserved it for insulting his recently deceased mother. It was blatant cruelty to vulnerable half-Vulcans, and Spock wasn't going to just stand there and take it!

"It's my favorite as well!" Scotty called from the kitchen. "I get to set eyes on the lovely lassie for the first time!" Uhura grimaced, and moved closer to Spock if that was possible. Spock Prime chuckled at this, remembering the Scotty and Uhura from his time. It had taken them decades before they finally admitted their caring for one another. All those years wasted - it was a bitterly familiar concept to Spock, one he was trying to help those in this universe avoid if he could help it.

"Seriously, Spock, we need to work on your recognizing sarcasm skills," said Kirk, shaking his head. "Because me getting my ass kicked by you is certainly not my favorite part of the movie. No way in hell! Why would anybody ever think that? My favorite part is when I get my Big Boy Captain medal!"

"Shh, the fight's about to start!" Nurse Chapel squealed as Spock asked how they managed to beam aboard the ship while moving at warp.

"Yeah, shut up, everyone, it's a good part," Bones agreed. The nurse and doctor glanced at each other, froze, then quickly looked away.

Spock Prime just sighed. He didn't know how much more he could take of all this unresolved sexual tension floating around between the characters! It reminded him of his own universe too much.

End Ch. 3

A/N: TBC! The best is still yet to come.