Disclaimer: In my time of absence, I have not acquired Naruto, so no, I do not own Naruto.

I'm back!!! Oh how I missed fanfiction so...

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"S-s-s-seduce!!!!" Hinata exclaimed. There was just no way.

"Yes, seduce." Sakura said smiling at Hinata's expense. She already knew that Hinata was panicking, so now she had to ease her worries.

"Don't worry, it won't be too crazy." Sakura stated.

"D-demo.... I d-don't want t-to seduce S-sasuke." Hinata said in an almost whiny voice.

"Then lets not call it seducing... just a helpful push and get Sasuke's dumb ass to run after you." Sakura said. Hinata couldn't help but laugh at Sakura's way of putting it.

"How are we going to do that?" Hinata asked, feeling slightly better. Sakura opened her mouth her mouth to speak but then stopped short. She crossed an arm and put the other one under her chin and then 'hmm'd.

"For this plan to work, we'll need to get help." Sakura finally stated.

"Huh?"

"You will get Sasuke-kun's attention." Sakura said with vigor. Hinata had a bad feeling about this.

It was going to be a long week.

-

A long week indeed. Sasuke hasn't had to use his stealth since he was a rouge ninja. Damn Anbus... they were still pathetic.

"If it wasn't for Naruto, these pathetic excuses for ninja would have never caught me." Sasuke mumbled. He jumped about two feet in the air, then dodged an onslaught of assorted kunai and shurikun. The last kunai was aimed at his head but he easily moved his head to the side and caught it with his finger in the hole. It was then he noticed the note attached to the kunai. It wasn't an explosive tag, being that there was no sizzling sound. He opened it lazily, he didn't want the Anbu to think he was actually cautious of them, even if he was. It read:

At least I'm not hiding from a Jounin

While Sasuke could of easily made a witty comeback -being that they hid from everyone- but he was too distracted by the reminder of Hinata. At first he was ticked off. Who in the right mind ignored an Uchiha. It didn't matter though, He wasn't the one that wanted to see her anyway. Strangely after that thought, he saw Hinata walking with Sakura, Ino, and Ten-ten. Hinata was blushing heavily -cute... did I just think that? No!- and was holding a clip board. He didn't want her to know he was looking so he kept his eyes low and his hands in his pockets as he passed by.

He thought that it showed that he didn't need or care for her... at all. But of course the next day just after his regular visits to the psychiatrist -another one of Tsunade's ideas-. She thought he would need therapy after being with Orochimaru for so long. The damn bitch apparently told the guy that he was sexually harassed by the snake sannin. And that's all they ever talked about!

The point was, he was heading towards Naruto's, to vent -even if Naruto beat him almost every time- when he saw Hinata once again with her cute blush and clip board but this time, with some guy who was rubbing the back of his head in such a Naruto way that if his smile got any bigger, he was going to kill him!!!

But of course if he did that it would mean he was jealous of him. And of course Sasuke Uchiha is jealous of no one. His chakra flaring up had nothing to do with the couple nearby. Or his massive glare... it was all the psychiatrist's fault. Yep nothing to do with them. His chakra kept wavering though since he still had his chakra cuffs on but he had enough to scare any normal ninja away.

The rest of the way he went brooding. The civilians in this part of the village were less cautious because of the constant brooding he did on his way to his boyfriend's house.

His chakra level had dwindled but the people here were seriously asking to get hurt.

"Look. The Uchiha is going back to his boyfriend's house."

"I wonder what got the Uchiha so worked up this time."

"Whatever it is, the Uzumaki gaki will make him feel better."

"I think it's because people said he had a girlfriend, he's gay so he might have been offended."

"Good point, the Uchiha is a drama queen, so that's probably it."

"I wonder how Uzumaki makes him feel better."

"Sasuke's most likely the Uke so they probably have se-"

Mother. Fuckers.

First off, he wasn't gay. Second, if he was gay, he wouldn't be the Uke. Naruto would be. So damn them all for thinking that. He always knew the villagers here were idiots. Sasuke and Naruto were not gay. Even if they were he would be the Seme. And god damn it! Orochimaru did not RAPE HIM!

His seething was stopped short when he was suddenly surrounded by three konoichi. Sakura, Ino, and surprisingly Ten-ten.

"What kind of costume would you find sexy?" Sakura asked.

"What kinds of things turn you on?" asked Ino before he had a chance to answer.

"Come on Uchiha, we know your not gay." Ten-ten said as if she just knew something. It annoyed him.

"Go bother Naruto." Sasuke said angrily.

"But this is a matter of life or death!" Ino yelled. He knew she was exaggerating but it made him so damn curious. Sasuke walked faster and was just about to make it to the door when Naruto opened it.

"...Hey guys? What... are you doing?" Naruto asked with a very confused face.

"Nothing dobe, go back inside." Sasuke said going in himself.

"But I'm huuungryyy." Naruto whined. After being completely ignored, Naruto turned back to the girls.

"Ne, Sakura-chan, didn't you and Hinata-chan have something really important to work on and that's why you wouldn't be able to see us for a while?" Naruto asked. He was really glad to find out that Sakura and Hinata weren't mad at each other but he was really curious to know what exactly was so important.

"Gomen, but we can't tell you... yet." Sakura said sheepishly.

"But you can help us!" Ten-ten exclaimed.

"He can?" Sakura echoed.

"Yeah! What are things Sasuke would like to see on a girl?" Ino asked.

"Huh?"

"You know... what turns Sasuke on?" Ten-ten added.

"I-I d-don't know." Naruto said going back into his apartment. He wouldn't know those type of things... Heck! He doubted that even Sasuke himself knew.

"Then help us and find out. Don't worry, it's for a good cause." Sakura said pushing the rest of him in.

"I-but.... fine." Naruto said closing the door behind him. He walked into the small living room and set himself down on his couch. He closed his eyes and tried to think of the best way to approach him. When he thought of the best way, he spoke loudly so Sasuke could hear since he was in the other room trying to sleep.

"Hey... Sasuke." Naruto called.

"What?" Sasuke answered, his voice muffled.

"Are you really gay?" When Naruto heard no answer, he opened his eyes, only to come face to face with Sasuke's glare. Sasuke seemed really mad but Naruto decided to continue anyway, he wasn't one to be scared of Sasuke's glares, seeing that he got one whenever he was around.

"Well... this one time I was trying to defend your straightness -Sasuke's eyebrow rose when he said that- but I never seen you do anything that would prove you like girls." Naruto finished. He had gotten up and started pacing, exaggerating it.

"So, you want me to do what?"

"I don't know... be perverted. Comment on how hot someone is, go out with somebody?" Naruto questioned. He himself wasn't that sure, but he knew being part of it was perverted, being around Ero-sennin was proof of that... though he took it too extreme (Who cares I love you, Jaraiya! Err...sorry inner fan-girl came out, ignore that)

"Don't be stupid, dobe." Sasuke mumbled. He sighed and threw himself on the couch.

"What's wrong?" Naruto asked. It was rare to hear Sasuke sigh and it was usually only when he lost patience and he hadn't lost his patience with him since they were 12, at least he thought so. Shows how much Naruto knows.

"Nothing." He answered.

"Just tell me."

"It's. Nothing." Sasuke said. Couldn't people just leave him alone?

"But seriously, what turns you on?" Naruto said. Sasuke just rose his hands and mumbled, "Eh a no."

"What?"

"Ed a no."

"What?!?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Sasuke yelled. Naruto took a step back and collected himself. When he got over the shock of Sasuke losing control, he continued.

"Don't you ever think about it." Naruto whispered foolishly. It managed to get a smile from Sasuke... a super microscopic smile but a smile nonetheless. It was nice to know that it was still Naruto here.

While he was going to shake his head no, a flash of Hinata in nothing but a towel stopped him and he shook his head yes.

"Thank Kami! Your not gay!" Naruto yelled into the ceiling. Sasuke growled and Naruto looked at him and smiled sheepishly.

"Can I go to sleep now?" Sasuke asked impatiently. Naruto nodded and Sasuke took off his shirt so that he could finally get some sleep.

Naruto waited until he heard Sasuke land on his bed to do a silent victory dance, "Two birds with one stone." he whispered/yelled.

"Don't use metaphors you don't understand, dobe." Sasuke yelled. He was supposed to go to sleep!

"Hey!" Naruto screamed as he went into the room and tackled Sasuke. They rolled off the bed and Naruto tried to punch him but Sasuke grabbed his arms, so he did the next best thing... he bit Sasuke.

"You... bit me." Sasuke said astonished.

"Well you called me dumb!" Naruto said. Sasuke wondered how Naruto turned to such a childish retort but decided to just stop thinking and go with flow. In other words, he bit him back.

Thus starting a war.

-

Kakashi was just minding his own business when he was suddenly attacked by three gorgeous woman.

"You shall be our sex slave for the rest of your life!"

Umm... a man can dream, right? So anyway, he was heading to the bookstore so he could get the newest volume of Icha-Icha Paradise, when he was suddenly ambushed by six beautiful woman and-okay, okay. It was a summons to the Hokages office. So he lazily poofed there.

"Kakashi." Tsunade said as she signed a paper. She put it on one pile and stamped the next one without looking and repeated. Kakashi stood there sweat dropping... this really was their Hokage. After standing there for about five minutes, he was going to say something when Tsunade put her pen down and covered the stamp, instantly stopping him.

"Do you... happen to know where Sasuke is?" she asked as she crossed her fingers and put them under her chin. Kakashi rose an eyebrow and wondered what this was really about but decided to answer anyway.

"Nope, haven't seen him all day."

"Hm. Do you per chance remember Sasuke's punishments?" Tsunade asked, a vein forming on her forehead.

"Not... reall- Oh! Theres an Anbu watching him at all times aaaaand... he has to live with me aaaaand he has to wear chakra cuffs at all times and and..." Kakashi trailed off and tapped his chin with his Icha-Icha Paradise book, simply out of habit. He had to have one in his hand.

"And..." Tsunade question.

"....And I forgot the rest." Kakashi said, smiling sheepishly. Tsunade punched her desk and broke it in half. Kakashi unconsciously took step back.

"Let me remind you. He isn't to be alone.. ever. The purpose of that is that he is kept from getting ideas and trying something. Now, that completely defeats the purpose if nobody is with him!!" Tsunade screamed, losing her temper.

"Right... what if he's with someone right now?" Kakashi said, not wanting to be stuck with babysitting.

"Then your off the hook but if he's not with somebody right now, you will be punished as well." she answered.

"Right." Kakashi said, standing there, already reading the book that was in his hand.

"Go find him!" Tsunade yelled.

"I'm going! I'm going!" Kakashi yelped, poofing to the place he was sure to find Sasuke.

Naruto's Apartment

Appearing at the door, he heard.. noises from inside and he wondered what was going on. But either way, he knew that Sasuke was with Naruto but he still couldn't help but let his curiosity get the best of him. And so he knocked on the door. The ruckus stopped and then he heard footsteps running toward him, in which the door opened revealing Naruto... completely disheveled.

"Kakashi-sensei? Oh I know, Teme!" Naruto screamed, turning back. Kakashi wasn't listening, he was completely fixated on Naruto's torn shirt and bruised marks all over his body. And were those... hick-

"What?" Sasuke said, appearing behind Naruto. He was in no better condition than Naruto. He had no shirt period, and the 'bite' marks were more feral. Kakashi stared for a little more before answering the question.

"I just needed to make sure you were here." he said.

"Well now you know. Hurry up Naruto, we're not finished." Sasuke said, pulling Naruto in for round two and slamming the door in Kakashi's face. Kakashi absentmindedly walked away from the door and wandered around a little before the reality of it all hit him. He stopped and shook his head.

"I can't believe it, my students are really gay."

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Ugh... No internet connection. Sorry that I just completely disappeared. I have a couple chapters written up, so until the next bill you won't have to worry about me disappearing. So criticism would be much appreciated. This is one of the nicer chapters, I like this one. No really I do, I added some humor in there so hopefully you guys like it but if you don't, tell me to just stop trying.

But of course Positive Reviews are the best! So even though it's been a while...

Read & Review!!!