Analysis

I sat up in my room at Charlie's, fuming. How DARE these boys? Or things, whatever they were? They certainly weren't 'gentlemen'; they weren't even men.

I couldn't stop thinking about the things that Jacob had told me.

What did this mean for me and Edward? How could he keep such a huge secret from me- especially when we had made a life-altering compromise based on it? And especially when he had already told Jacob? It didn't make sense. I had sacrificed my values, my beliefs, and my reputation, done something that was so not like me, when I accepted his marriage proposal. I thought about letting Alice spend so much time, effort, and money for the wedding. And I did it all because….well I love Edward and knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him anyway. I couldn't lie to myself though- I also did it with the expectation that I was going to get what I wanted, too. I know that Edward had me on a technicality- he never actually made any promises except to try. But that didn't entitle him to be so deceptive, did it? I thought back to when he had lied to me before, after flying me to Jacksonville. In that case, he had been trying to protect me. What was his reason now? Was it to protect me? Or was it just to protect himself?

I thought about Jacob's last remarks to me. How dare he say those things! Of course I thought honesty was important in a relationship. And the sex….I kept thinking to myself, it's only two weeks! It's only two weeks! Then, of course assuming I'm not transformed into an unusually sadistic and bloodthirsty vampire, I might obtain a semblance of a sex life in….several months to a year. Whoopee. Maybe I should stop thinking about that. I vowed to myself to get Edward alone in the meadow within the next few days….it seemed to work wonders on him last time we were there. I would demonstrate to all of us that Jacob was wrong about Edward and that I could have what I wanted before I transformed. That was the point of me still being human anyway.

I also thought about Jacob himself. Was it wrong that I spent time with him with Edward gone? Did my getting married change anything in his eyes? I wasn't sure. Thankfully, we managed to avoid the "we love each other" conversation. Of course I still loved him; however, I could not see it doing a shred of good to anyone to bring it up, not when I was married to someone else. I was relieved that he didn't bring it up, either. But I wasn't sure where that left us. I still loved spending time with him, he was still my Jacob. Almost. Most of the time.

It took me a long time to fall asleep that night; the wheels were churning so vigorously that I had trouble turning my mind off. When I finally did sleep, I had a million nightmares. Thankfully, I couldn't remember a single one by the time I woke up.

Edward was in my room, sitting in the chair. "Good morning, love," he said softly, when he noticed my fluttering eyelashes. His voice sounded heavenly; was it possible a dream had somehow slipped into the last hour of my nightmarish night? No, he was right there next to me, flesh and blood- well; maybe that wasn't the best analogy.

"Good morning, Edward," I breathed. What was it I was upset with him about again?

"How was your scrumptious dinner? Was Charlie impressed?" he asked, a knowing smile on his lips.

"Uh, I didn't exactly have dinner with Charlie," I responded. "I spent some time with Jacob last night. You knew that, obviously."

He nodded in affirmative. "Alice saw you disappear last night. I figured that is what had happened."

"I'm impressed that you didn't track me down," I teased.

"Yeah, I couldn't even track your scent with werewolves." He noted my change in expression. "Sorry, that was tactless. I just figured I would go with that silly plan I brought up a while back about trusting you."

"Perhaps you shouldn't, Edward," I sounded glum. "We both know what happened."

He held up my left hand, kissed my ring. "Things are different now." He looked into my eyes. "How is he taking everything?"

I studied Edward's troubled face, there was no pretense; he was truly concerned. "Uh, okay, I guess," I responded. "Are you upset that I saw him?"

"I would be lying if I said that it didn't bother me at all, Bella," Edward replied. "I know how Jacob feels about you, and I know that there are probably things that he can offer you, that I can't…." his voice faltered, and he put his head down.

"Edward, that's not true," I said convincingly, putting my hand underneath his chin and pulling his head up to look at me. "Edward, I'm your wife, and I love you, and we are going to have everything that we could possibly want together," I was more determined than ever to put my meadow plan into motion and prove it to him.