Change

Edward's demeanor had shifted slightly since the toast. It seemed like he was onto my plan. I decided that I didn't have much time to take action. I drank the rest of my champagne in a single gulp, summoning my courage.

"Edward, can you pour me another glass of champagne?" I asked sweetly. "Oh, and if you would tell me what's in the picnic basket, I'd love to eat. I'm starving!"

When Edward reached around for the champagne bottle, I quickly turned away. My purse was already open, so I grabbed the tube of lipstick and rapidly applied it while hunching down, sans mirror. I probably looked like Courtney Love, but I didn't care.

When Edward went to hand me the full glass, he took an extra moment to stare at my lips. "Is that red lipstick?" He whispered.

"Yes," I said, my heart palpitating wildly.

Edward set the glass down gently on the ground, and leaned forward to kiss me. The kiss was a little rougher than usual, which I loved. He laid me down on the ground and began kissing my ears, my jaw line, my neck. Damn! If only I had applied the blood; the lipstick seemed to work like a charm. I debated as to when I would try to add that final touch, and decided to wait for a moment to see if things went further. He kept kissing me, but otherwise gave me no impression that he was going to advance things, so as much as I hated to do it, I briefly interrupted him.

"Edward, I thought you were going to feed me first," I said, trying my hardest to be seductive.

"Oh, I found myself momentarily distracted, Bella. I do apologize," Edward said in his velvety voice. "I didn't think you minded." He shot me a smile before glancing into the picnic basket and examining the contents. I took advantage of his momentary distraction to dive for my purse again and frantically rummage around for the needle.

"Let's see, a baguette, fresh mozzarella cheese, prosciutto, fresh basil leaves….." Edward was reciting. Meanwhile I had found the needle and was pulling off the cork. "…fruit salad, a couple of bottles of Evian…." I had successfully removed the cork and getting ready to prick my finger… "…and a brownie." Yes! Victory. I made the tiny poke and squeezed a few drops of blood out.

"Bella, are you all right? What is wrong?" Edward instantly glanced up from the picnic basket, on alert.

"Nothing, Edward, I'm fine. Perfect." I put my hand up to my neck and rubbed. Playing the role of a fidgeter, I was actually trying to massage the blood into some key areas.

"Bella, why did you just rub blood onto your neck?" I couldn't fool him. "Do you know how dangerous that could be for me? We are here in a secluded place, alone. No one knows where we are."

"But Alice…." I said weakly. "She probably sees it. She was the one that gave me the idea. I just wanted to turn you on, Edward. And I thought that my blood didn't affect you the same way anymore. Remember my birthday last year?"

"Bella, that was different. An accident. This is purposeful. Do you want me to kill you?" It was getting more and more difficult to control the emotion in his voice.

"No, not necessarily….." I said quietly.

"Not necessarily?"

"I just want to drive you crazy, Edward. And I want you to make love to me. I want you to want to make love to me." I tried to stay calm, but it was difficult. I'd never felt so rejected. My eyes got glassy as tears started to form in the corners.

"Bella, it's not that I don't want to make love to you!" Edward nearly shouted, his voice never sounding less restrained. "I just can't, not with you now, human. We've tried. I'm so sorry." He put his arms around me.

"Edward, do you know you can't, or do you think you can't?" I asked him. Tears started to make their way down my cheeks.

That caught him. He sighed. "I know it."

"How long have you known it? Since before our compromise?"

His voice dropped to barely a whisper. He looked tortured. "Yes."

My emotions boiled over. I had suspected it all along, but it was different to actually have to confront the words. He knew. And he didn't tell me. He let me fucking marry him. And he didn't tell me.

"How could you not tell me, Edward?" I demanded, a coldness entering my voice, pushing his arms off of me. "How could you keep something that big a secret from me?" I finally remembered why I was mad at him.

"I was afraid it would change things too much, Bella," his voice cracked. He was in agony.

"Change things? CHANGE things? Look what I am changing for you! I married you at eighteen, and I NEVER thought I would get married that young! I am about to give up the rest of my life, to turn into a VAMPIRE, to be with you! And YOU'RE worried about a little CHANGE?" The words just flooded out.

Edward spoke softly. "Bella, I never asked you to change for me. Everyone has seemed to understand the impact of such a big decision but you. I would love for you to stay human. You don't have to change at all."

I was livid. "Maybe you never asked me to change. But you did let me MARRY you, and all the while you were LYING to me!" I spat out. "Besides, I DO understand how big this decision is." Maybe I hadn't before, but I did now. Ever since Jacob had kissed me and I had visualized what my life with him would have been, I understood. I threw out the next sentence without really thinking about it. "I don't even know if I WANT to be a vampire now! And I don't know how we're going to make it if we can't even have an HONEST relationship! JACOB was the one who told me about this, not you! HOW COULD YOU?!"

My last few sentences really struck him. Edward froze, stiffened. "Well, Bella, I think that you need to think about what you really want before you make a decision," he said. He didn't even fight for me. Damn him.

"I'll do that, Edward," I replied bitterly, knowing that he wasn't going to try to alter my decision. Didn't he understand that I wanted him to? I was fuming, furious. I needed to get out of there, away from that romantic place. I picked up the full glass of champagne and downed it in one large gulp. Edward watched wordlessly as I stormed back into the forest.