Heat

I was being chased by an unseen object, a black shadow. I was running at full speed, and was amazingly agile considering I was stark naked. I was in hell. No, I wasn't in hell, I was just… in the pit of a volcano? On the surface of the sun? It was difficult to tell. Redness, heat, everywhere. I cried out.

"Bella, honey, wake up," I heard a soft, husky murmuring. "You're dreaming."

"Mrrrmmmmppphhhh," I replied, trying to understand, gather myself. It took a minute to comprehend; I slowly opened my eyes.

We were lying naked and Jacob was spooning me- I could see his tanned, muscular arms wrapped around me, his hands resting on my waist and hips. That would explain the heat in my dream- I was sweltering. We were in his bed, in his tiny bedroom. Bright sunlight streamed in through the windows. I slowly turned my neck to face him.

Jacob was positively glowing. His dark hair was spiked in all directions, he had a slight smile on his full lips, and his black eyes had a look of pure elation. His tall, dark, muscled body was pressed tightly against mine, refusing to let a millimeter of air come between us. I remembered once calling him sort of beautiful; as I looked at him now, I realized that there was nothing 'sort of' about it.

"Good morning, honey," he whispered softly.

The way he was looking at me made my skin flush. Or maybe it was just being so close in proximity to his scorching body. I was still groggy, but a few select snippets of the previous night started invading my memory. Making out in the garage. Carrying me to his bedroom, still kissing me, my legs wrapped tightly around his hips. Gently laying me down on his bed. Kissing me in every place imaginable. Touching me everywhere with his large, dexterous hands. Watching his completely defenseless and unrestrained excitement. Bringing wave after wave of pleasure to my unknowing body. The perfect combination of passion and tenderness. Whispering in my ear after it was over. Thinking that I was in ecstasy; and that physically this was the most incredible thing I had ever experienced in my entire life. Oh. My. God.

I didn't respond to him. I was speechless. I turned my head back around. As I did, a glint of metal flashed at me from his nightstand. A ring. My ring. More memories from the previous night. Edward and I raising our glasses in a toast. Edward and I kissing on the blanket in the meadow. Edward and I fighting. The words I screamed at him. Leaving him. And seeing that flash of metal triggered a final memory- so disturbing that I wish I had repressed it entirely- Jacob softly kissing my arms, then my hands, then my fingers. My right, then my left. Thumb, forefinger, middle finger. Hesitation. Me, not wanting him to stop, pulling off my ring. Setting it on the nightstand. Oh. My. God.

I suddenly felt sick, nauseous, like I was going to throw up. I wanted to be able to pass everything off on the champagne I drank- what I did, how I felt now. I had two glasses, after all, and I'm not much of a drinker. But I couldn't. I knew what I was doing. My heart started palpitating. My mouth was instantly parched. I felt dizzy. My breathing accelerated, became erratic. I focused on not passing out.

Jacob noticed the shift in my emotions. He moved his hand gently up and down my arm, softly kissed my shoulder. "Bella, are you okay?"

I looked at him again. I tried to speak. My voice refused to exit my larynx- it was trapped. I coughed, licked my lips, cleared my throat. "Ja-" I started coughing in a fit; I needed to clear my throat again. "Jacob, what have we done?" my voice came out in a strangled whisper.

As much as Jacob was trying to be sympathetic to my conundrum, he just couldn't. It was impossible. He was technically an eighteen year-old guy who had just gotten laid for the first time, for crying out loud- he was just too biased. He physically could not keep the grin off of his face. "Bells honey, I don't know about you, but I'd say we had the most amazing and spectacular night ever. I'd say that I'm so happy that I finally got to really show you how I feel about you, how much I love you, and what you would be missing out on if you gave me up, if you gave up your humanity. And I'd say we finally got to do what I would like to do with you every day for the rest of my life. And yours." He grinned again, but there was a note of sadness to it. "But that's just what I would say, Bella. What would you say we've done?"

My mind was spinning. More magic words. I was utterly confused. I had no idea what to think, what to feel, what to do. It was all a question mark. But there was one statement that I could not avoid saying. One solid truth, despite my confusion on everything else. Period. "I don't know. But I'm married, Jacob." I reached out; grabbed the ring. I held it up for him to see before sliding it back onto my finger. "Remember?"

Jacob shrugged. "I'm not going to feel guilty for loving you, Bella," he said matter-of-factly. "And I loved you long before the bloodsucker ever put that ring on your finger. Besides, I never vowed to be true to him- you did. Do you remember?"

Ouch, that stung. I winced. But as much as I wanted to come up with a nasty reply- I couldn't. Because Jacob was absolutely right.

"Yes." I did remember. I thought back to that day- it felt like a century ago- so much had happened since Edward and I had taken our wedding vows. God, could it really have only been two weeks? I had been filled with hope, promise. The stark realization that I was already in bed with another man, wolf, whatever- after so little time, hit hard. I was reeling.

"Jacob, I have to go." I had to get away, to think. Seriously, what the hell was I still doing here? I jumped out of bed, started frantically searching for my clothes. But if Jacob had been glowing before, he was now a new moon. The gleam in his eyes had completely clouded over; his bright smile now a scowl. Four select words were all it took to make my Jacob, not my Jacob. He looked like he was about to cry.

"Bella, wait. Stay with me. We can talk about this." He said roughly, desperately, as he watched me; having located all individual articles of clothing, I anxiously started attiring myself. He got up and threw on some boxers for my benefit.

"Jacob, I don't need to talk. I need to think." I softened my tone a bit in an attempt to leave him with a good memory. I finished dressing. I approached Jacob, hugging his waist, like old times. "You know that I still love you." – I had already done the worst thing I could possibly do to Edward; conceding this little truth seemed like so little in comparison. "I just- can't believe what I've done. I need to figure some things out."

He nodded brusquely, refusing to relax to my touch. "I understand. I'm suppose I'm just- afraid of what you'll figure out."

I released him; changed the subject. I was afraid of what I'd figure out, too. "Speaking of figuring things out, Jacob, what do you think that Billy knows? Do you think he told Charlie anything?"

"Uh, I'm not sure. He was asleep when we- passed his room. I don't think he's here now, but he obviously saw your car. But I doubt he's mad about it. If he told Charlie you were here, I'm sure it was just to keep him from worrying." He softened a bit; looked thoughtful.

"Okay, Jacob, I'm going to go now. Can you do me a favor?"

He sighed and closed his eyes. His response took some effort. "Sure, honey. Whatever you want."

"Can you…..not go anywhere near Edward? And if you do, could you please not think about what happened between us? I would hate for Edward to find out…..from you and not me."

Jacob bristled slightly at the sound of Edward's name, but then nodded. "I think that's a good idea. I'll do the best that I can. I'll try to keep the rest of the pack away, too."

"Okay. Thanks. Well….goodbye, Jacob"

"Goodbye, Bella. I…..love you."

I had no idea how long it would be before I saw him again. I sensed Jacob felt the same; he crushed me in a hug. I couldn't protest even if I wanted to, and I didn't want to. I absorbed as much heat as I could take in; trying to store it for later. I had a feeling I would need it.