Compromise, again

As it turned out, I didn't have to say anything at first. I had taken a deep breath, poised to speak the words that I never thought, in a million years, that I would ever utter to Edward Cullen. But in the meantime, Edward had slid his fingertips down the length of my necklace, and had gently pulled it towards him until he could see the pendant that Jacob had made. When he saw it, a look of realization filled his eyes.

"You want to be with Jacob, don't you, Bella," It was a statement, not a question. He sounded sorrowful, but still composed.

I slowly nodded my head, avoiding his gaze. I needed to be strong; looking at him would weaken my resolve. "Yes," I said softly.

"Bella, are you sure?" at the word sure, a note of anxiety entered his voice, causing it to waver a bit.

It was enough to snap my head up. Dammit- I had made eye contact. And now I couldn't look away. I examined his perfectly sculpted face, his eyes. How could I be sure of anything with anyone else looking into my beautiful husband's eyes? "I'm pretty sure." It was the absolute best I could do.

"Bella, we've done a pretty good job of compromising in the past. Seeing that you are still my wife, do you mind if I suggest that we try it again?"

I had no idea where Edward was going with this. But he had me. I was still his wife. I owed him so much more than this. Had our vows meant nothing? I felt sick. "I'm listening," was all I could mutter as shook my head in agreement.

"I just want you to really think about this, Bella. I was naïve in going along with your request to postpone your transformation. As much as I would love for you to stay human, for your whole life, in fact- I know now that it just isn't practical. Not only from a logistical standpoint, but even more so from an emotional one. Your being human just keeps us- further apart from each other- than either one of us deserves. I could never express my affection for you the way that I yearn to, and you would never be able to fully comprehend your desirability, or truly understand the level of my adoration for you. Unfortunately for me, that distance between us just isn't an issue for Jacob. Of course, it was silly of me to think that you wouldn't feel that distance as well, especially when you have him in your life." He paused, chuckled sadly, then continued:

"And then I had to abandon you this past weekend. Bella, I was trying my hardest to grant you your freedom, allow you to make your own decision about your transformation. I know how overprotective I can be with you at times. I remembered how upset you were when I had Alice babysit you when I went away. Alice had figured that you had spent a lot of time with Jacob this weekend because she couldn't see you, and I can't tell you how much I wanted to come back and steal you away. But I knew I had to let you decide what you wanted, on your own terms. I practically drove you into his arms." He winced for a second before his mask of composure was back.

"But Bella, your transformation is supposed to be less than a week away. Carlisle has been speaking with other of our kind, asking questions. Obviously, we don't often encounter those who would choose this life over a full human one, so your situation is quite unique. That being said, there is a chance that your transformation will be unique as well- another important reason that Carlisle needs to be present, why attempting that on our honeymoon would have been incredibly risky. Carlisle plans to keep a very close eye on the procedure, monitor your progress closely. But there is a chance that because the transformation was something that you requested, that your body may react more positively to the venom. Bella, your newborn stage could be much less severe. That would ease some of your worries, wouldn't it?"

"But what if my newborn stage wasn't less severe?" Whoops. I had meant that hypothetically, but I'm not sure if it had come across that way.

Edward sighed. "I don't know, Bella," he replied. "But what I do know is that, in a week or so, all of your insecurities -if you have ever questioned my feelings for you, how much I love you, how much I want you- they could all be in the past. We could have an unbelievable eternity together, Bella. Look at Carlisle and Esme. Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper. They all seem pretty happy, don't they? Well, except for Rosalie- but she doesn't count. Anyway, the point is, love, that the next several days of frustration, and even a few months of crazed newborn behavior, if that happens, will be pretty minute in comparison to a forever of happiness and love, which is what I promised you when I proposed to you. Bella, I meant those vows that I said to you on our wedding day. I want to love you forever."

My head was swimming with words. Proposed. Forever. Eternity. Wedding. Vows. I tried to push them out; focus on the task at hand. "So, Edward, on what exactly are you suggesting that we compromise?" There. I said it. To the point.

"Bella, I'm asking you that you don't tell me no right now. I'm asking that you take some time to think things through. You've made your decision after having spent a whirlwind weekend with Jacob; perhaps your perspective will change. You're supposed to be changed on Sunday! Let Carlisle and I set everything up for your transformation. Think about what it could do for you, for us. Bella, please, just think about it. Think about it until Sunday."

"So what is the compromise, Edward? What do I get if I do this?" I knew that this sounded selfish. And that, ultimately, it didn't matter- I would agree to it anyway. Still, I wanted to know.

"If you wait to tell me your decision until you show up on Sunday, than I will be supportive of whatever it happens to be. If you arrive wanting to be changed, then you will make me happier than I have ever been in my existence, and myself and Carlisle will be more than glad to do the honors. On the other hand, if your decision is to be with Jacob, than I will respect it fully. I will shake his hand, wish you two the best, and file whatever paperwork is necessary to have our marriage annulled. But please, just wait to tell me, Bella. You don't even need to speak to me before then, if you don't want to. But I would hate for you to make a decision this vital because of raging hormones or a knee-jerk reaction. Please think about it, love- I'm begging you."

How could I deny him this? I couldn't. I obliged; nodded my head.

Edward left shortly thereafter. He didn't kiss me before he left- I think he knew better. Jacob had him in the passion department- Edward wasn't going to convince me that way. It didn't matter- Edward had done enough damage with his words. A forever of happiness and love, which is what I promised you when I proposed to you. God, I was married. Was I crazy? I was thinking of giving up Edward- I had to be.

Suddenly, I felt overwhelmingly exhausted. It was as if all of the emotion and drama of the past two weeks had hit me in a single instant- a knockout punch. I knew that I had some serious thinking to do. I also knew that I had a lot of time, way too much time, if you ask me, to do it. I trudged up the stairs to my room and collapsed on my bed, not even bothering to change or cover up with a blanket. I immediately fell asleep, and within minutes was dreaming of vampires and werewolves. I slept until dawn broke.