Chapter Eight
Rory looked up as Lane walked by. "Lane." she yelled gaining Lane's attention.
"Rory. Hey, did we have plans?" Lane asked surprised to see Rory on Dean's day off.
"Can't a friend just want to see a friend?"
"But it's Dean's day off..."
"And what's your point?" Rory asked defensively
Lane shook her head quickly. "No point. What's up?"
Rory sighed. " Nothing... and everything."
"Well let's go to the house and talk then." Lane said heading towards her house
"We can't go to your house."
"Why? I mean I know Mama Kim has ears like a hawk but..."
"No, we have termites. Your mother seems to think that I'm a carrier."
"That's ridiculous."
"Tell that to your mom. She practically beat me with a broom halfway down the street this morning."
"OK then what about your house?"
Rory shook her head again. "No, mom's freaking about the termites too. Said something about only being in the house when absolutely necessary. She thinks the termites are going to get her or something. Besides I don't want to run the risk that she might be there and might hear us."
"So you tell Lorelai everything."
"I know.. I'm just... I'm not ready to tell her this." Rory said shakily
Lane nodded noticing that Rory was beginning to worry her. "Ok then where?"
Rory thought for a moment while they both walked unconsciously towards Luke's. "I'm not sure."
"What about Luke's?"
"The town has ears Lane."
"Not upstairs. And all you have to do is make those doe eyes and Luke and Jess and we have a haven for gossip."
Rory and Lane both smiled evilly and walked into Luke's. Rory saw Luke at the counter and immediately made her way towards him. "Hey Luke."
"Hey Ror." Luke said happily
"Can I ask you a favor Luke?"
Luke looked at her curiously. "What is it?"
"Me and Lane need to have some girl talk. We can't go to her house cause Mrs. Kim thinks I'm a termite carrier..."
"That's ridiculous. People do not carry termites..." Luke interrupted
"You know that and I know that but Mrs. Kim apparently either doesn't know it or doesn't believe it, either way we can't go there. And Kirk has Mom thinking the house is going to fall down the second we walk through the door so she's freaking out and we can't go there either. We obviously can't talk anywhere public since the town has ears..." Rory trailed off now making the infamous Rory doe eyes, "So we were hoping that you would let us go upstairs and talk for a little while."
Luke sighed. "Well... um... I don't think..." he said and then made the mistake of looking at Rory and saw the eyes. "Sure go on up."
Rory smiled widely. "Is Jess up there?"
"Nah. He went out."
"Thanks Luke." Rory said skipping up the stairs
"Yeah thanks Luke." Lane said following her up there.
"Your welcome." He called after them loudly
xxxxxx
Lane walked into the room and looked around in awe. "I've never been up here before. There sure isn't a lot of room up here. How do you think both him and Jess get around up here without killing each other?"
Rory shrugged. "I'm not sure. I think that Luke just kind of tries to stay out of Jess' way. Jess is a bit of a slob and Luke probably goes insane if he spends too much time up here."
" So which bed is Jess'?" Lane asked curiously
"What makes you think I know?" Rory asked defensively
"Down tiger. I just figure you've been up here before at some point in time considering how well you and Jess get along."
Rory sighed and plopped down on a bed. "This one is Jess'. Luke doesn't like to sleep near the window, plus Jess likes to be right next to the radio so he can change it when a crappy song comes on."
Lane nodded. "I can appreciate that. So let's sit down and talk."
"OK." Rory said not making an attempt to move from Jess' bed
Lane walked over to her and sat down on his bed as well. "You think he'll mind that we're on his bed?"
"No probably not. He's not incredibly anal or anything."
"So..."
Rory took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Have you ever hurt anyone, and I mean really hurt them."
"Physically?" Lane asked confused
"No, emotionally." Rory said clarifying
"No, but then again I doubt you have either Ror. There isn't a mean bone in your body." Lane said soothingly
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes." Lane said definitively
"Well I have. I really hurt someone and I feel terrible." Rory said softly
"Who?"
"You remember Tristan?"
"I remember you talking about how annoying he was and I remember that you pointed him out at that party we went to last year."
"Right well, I really hurt him."
"You have a tendency to over think things. Slow down and start from the beginning." Lane said trying to help
Rory took another deep breath. "He bought me PJ Harvey tickets."
"When?" Lane asked surprised that she didn't already now about this
"Right before school ended."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"How often do I talk about anything regarding Tristan? How much info on Tristan have I ever really given anyone?"
"Now that you mention it. Not a lot. You pretty much keep most of Chilton a secret." Lane said as if realizing it for the first time
"Plus I didn't go so it was really irrelevant. Anyway, he spent the entire week trying to convince me to go with him and I kept turning him down. Finally on the day of the concert he was agitated with me and decided to force me into going with him. He stole my books and refused to give them back until I agreed to go with him."
"Wow."
"Yeah, so while I'm standing there arguing with Tristan Dean shows up."
"Oh no."
"Yeah, so I'm arguing with Dean and I know that Tristan is still standing there because I can feel his eyes burning into me."
"You could feel him staring at you?" Lane asked incredulously
"I can always feel it when Tristan is staring at me." Rory said nonchalantly, "Anyway I'm arguing with Dean and Tristan is just standing there behind us in perfect earshot still holding my books when I screamed to Dean that I hated Tristan and that I loved him."
"Oh."
Rory nodded and forced herself to hold back tears when she remembered just how much she must have hurt him. "I heard my books plummet and thud against the cement. I could practically hear his face sadden and I heard him storm off."
"You probably just shocked him. I mean from what you told me he was a player."
Rory shook her head. "I knew how Tristan felt about me. I stopped believing I was nothing but a conquest to him the night me kissed."
"WHAT!" Lane yelled hopping to her feet
"At Madeline's party. Me and Tristan shared a romantic kiss on a piano bench. I told you this! How do you not remember?"
"I don't know. Maybe I was so wrapped up in Henry that I didn't even notice. The only non Henry related thing I remember from that night was you crying and saying you needed to wallow."
Rory stood up and began to pace back and forth. "I knew he liked me. I knew that he cared. I knew that what I said hurt him and I did nothing to stop it. I saw the words form in my head before they left my mouth. I saw his reaction in my head before they left my mouth and I still said them. I knew what saying I hated him would do to him and I didn't... I didn't even try..." Rory said tears welling in her eyes threatening to pour over her cheeks any second now
"Ror... I'm sure..." Lane said not liking the Rory she saw
"I think I made a mistake." Rory said interrupting whatever Lane was about to say
"What are you talking about?"
"Dean. I made a mistake with Dean. I shouldn't be with him. I don't love him." Rory said as if finally realizing it
xxxxxx
Jess entered the diner and saw that Luke kept looking up in the direction of there apartment. "You ok there uncle Luke."
"I'm fine and stop calling me that. I told you it's just Luke." Luke snapped glaring
A loud 'WHAT' was heard coming from the apartment and Jess looked over at Luke and his head rocketed up towards the noise. "What in the hell was that?"
"Rory and Lane are up there. They needed to talk about something."
"And you volunteered out apartment?" Jess asked slightly shocked
"She made the eyes." Luke said walking out into the back room
"Oh well if she made the eyes than that makes perfect sense." he said to no one before heading up the stairs. He was about to open the door when he heard, "Dean. I made a mistake with Dean. I shouldn't be with him. I don't love him." slip from Rory's mouth. Deciding to see what Rory said after that he plopped on the floor and sat down. He knew he shouldn't be eavesdropping but she had been so miserable lately and if there was a way to help her then he was going to take it.
xxxxxx
"Whoa! Wait a minute, you don't love Dean?" Lane asked surprised that Rory had just said that
"I don't think so. I mean I know that I care about him, but love, Lane I don't think so."
"But you told him that you loved him Rory."
"I told him what he wanted to hear."
"Why would you do that?"
Rory took a deep breath. "When I was Dean everything was perfect, but when we broke up... everyone walked on eggshells around me. I was so irritable and Dean was walking around town sulking. People were scared to talk to me because they were scared to mention Dean and even if they barely knew Dean they wouldn't be able to stop themselves from bringing him up. Mom and me fought constantly. The only logical thing I saw was that if I was with Dean everything would go back to normal. I knew Dean wouldn't take me back until I was ready to say I love you. So I did. I said it, and I think that even as the words were coming out of my mouth I knew I was lying." Rory said obviously about to cry
"So you've just been faking it for the last couple of months?" Lane asked stunned
"I think I convinced myself that I was in love with him. I convinced myself that this was what I wanted. I was wrong."
"And what brought on this sudden epiphany? Was it Tristan?" Lane asked curiously
xxxxxx
"And what brought on this sudden epiphany? Was it Tristan?" Jess heard Lane say. He racked his brain trying to think of who Tristan was. He had never heard of anyone named Tristan. He made a mental note to ask Rory about it some other time.
xxxxxx
"I don't know, maybe I'm not sure. Dean has been acting insane lately. He's so jealous. He watches me like a hawk whenever there is another guy in the room. I swear I heard him threaten Kirk the other day when he had the audacity to offer me a flower."
"Why did Kirk offer you a flower?"
"He got a new job at the flower market. He said he was promoting their new flowers." Rory said rolling her eyes. "But I really don't love this side of Dean and it made me realize that I don't think that I love the other side of Dean either."
"Well what are you going to do?"
"Nothing. Besides you don't have to love someone to be in a relationship with them. I'll just pretend that I don't know that I don't love him. I was doing that just fine before...I'm not ready to hurt him. And I know that this will. I can't hurt anyone else right now. I just realized how much I hurt Tristan I can't hurt Dean too."
Lane shook her head. "That's not a solution Ror. You can't stay with him just because you don't want to hurt him. It isn't fair to either of you."
"I know, but I'm just not ready to end things..."
"Well what about the Picnic Basket Auction. You won't be able to avoid him this weekend Ror. I know that you blew him off today but Saturday you won't be able to. You're going to have to at least have lunch with him."
Rory groaned. "I forgot about that. Maybe I just won't auction a basket this year."
"Do you honestly think that Lorelai is going to let you get away with that?"
Rory sighed. "No."
"Then what are you..."
"I'll just have to figure something out, or just grin and bare it."
AN: For anyone who thinks that Rory is out of character, I want you all to think back to the last time her and Dean tried to make a go of it. You can't tellme for one second that she really wanted to be with him then, she just knew that she didn't want to hurt him... so read and review and if you don't like my Rory then oh well...