Chapter 4
Disclaimer: see previous. Thank you again for the reviews , alerts, etc. And to my unsigned reviewers thank thank as well!!!
spoilers: Bait, a bit of Hiatus part 2 and some insight from TV Guide issue with Ziva and Tony:)
Tony sat at his kitchen table staring at the cracked tile across the room. He wasn't quite sure why he had found it so fascinating at the moment but he did. The glass filled with amber liquid twirled around deftly in his fingers. He was starting to feel numb. Not that this was the first time of course. Today, he had been in charge unexpectedly. It was a test...a test he nearly failed. Using his gut...thinking like GIbbs was the only thing that saved Tony today, the only thing that saved those kids today. The only thing worthwhile in this whole disaster. He took a long sip. Thank God it was a Friday. He would be paying all hell tomorrow if he started drinking on a school night. Tony sighed and slammed the glass down nearly shattering it. He stood up and grabbed his jacket. If he stayed here any longer he would surely go insane and drink to the point of not remembering anything. He needed to remember this.. He had barely drank enough to be considered intoxicated so he reached for his keys and locked the door behind him as he headed to the one place he felt at ease.
Gibbs sat slowly sipping his coffee as he continued to read over the reports for the day. Tony had done good....a hell of a job. Gibbs twitched a part of him desperately wished he could say those words exactly to his senior agent, but he knew he couldn't. Not today anyway...maybe someday. The ding of the elevator broke his reverie as he saw the man himself emerge . Tony was dressed casually in jeans a comfortable t-shirt, his head down, not registering that Gibbs was even present yet. Gibbs glanced at his watch.
"1 a.m. a bit late to be here isn't it DiNozzo?"
Tony jumped clutching his chest dramatically. "Geez, Boss, you nearly gave me a heart attack."
He took a moment to gain his composure. "What are you doing here?"
Gibbs smirked. "Reading over the reports from today."
Tony 's eyes narrowed a bit as he sauntered over to GIbbs' desk.
"Thought those were all good."
Gibbs nodded as he continued to reread them.
"They are."
Tony crossed his arms to his chest, "Then why are you looking at them again?"
Gibbs broke contact with the forms and met his agent's questioning green eyes.
"Admiring the handiwork."
Tony nearly balked at the compliment. "Thanks, I suppose."
Gibbs tilted his head raising an eyebrow.
"Why, I suppose?"
Tony pushed himself off of GIbbs desk and walked back toward his own.
"Nothing. "
Gibbs wasn't about to let it drop. He knew Tony needed some prompting.
"This about that kid today?"
Tony gazed up at GIbbs.
"Yeah" , he replied sarcastically, " it's about that kid. I nearly got him killed!"
Gibbs ignored the raised voice knowing it wasn't meant for him.
"But you didn't ."
Tony sighed , dropping his shoulders in defeat.
"Yeah, and you know why? I did what you would have done. So if you want to thank anyone, thank yourself!"
He shoved the papers on his desk onto the floor , stood up running his hands through his hair and began to pace.
Gibbs watched the motion. It was like Tony had become trapped in his own skin, fighting and clawing his way out, but to no avail. he was still Tony... a Tony who had no faith in his own abilities no matter what. That needed to change.
"It was your decision."
Tony stopped pacing .
"It's what you would have done. "
Gibbs leaned back onto Tony's desk making himself comfortable.
"Is it?"
Tony kept his eyes on his mentor. "Yeah...I mean...you wouldn't have killed a kid, right?"
Gibbs thought about the question honestly for a moment and shook his head. "I don't know what I would have done in that situation."
The words seemed to tear at the fabric of Tony's being.
"Oh my God."
Gibbs watched as Tony came to a conclusion.
"I was basing my whole decision on what you would have done instead of what I would have done. Can't do that. "
Gibbs smiled as Tony admitted the truth to himself.
"No, you can't. Always trust your own gut."
Gibbs stood up and leaned in over Tony who had now slunk to his seat, resting his hand against his cheek.
"When you 're team leader someday, you'll really understand that."
Tony's eyes widened almost in horror at the thought.
"I'm not leaving."
Gibbs smiled, dipping his head.
"You might not be, but I will someday."
Tony stood up. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest.
"Not anytime soon, right Boss?"
Gibbs shook his head. "Not planning on it."
Tony smiled in return.
"Good."
Gibbs began to walk away.
"Gibbs?"
Tony's voice sounded so lost and forlorn that Gibbs couldn't help but show some concern in his eyes.
"What if that time comes and I make a mistake. What if I'm not ready? What if I don't know what I'm suppose to do?"
Gibbs reached out a hand and rested it on his shoulder with a gentle smile.
"When the time comes, you'll do what needs to be done. "
He paused squeezing Tony's shoulder as the two men stood face to face. Gibbs repeated in all earnestly.
"You'll do."
Please review. I really didn't like in Hiatus when GIbbs said You'll do ( s I know many of you didn't;t.) Maybe in my world anyway he meant it more along the lines like this ( he was smiling and grasping his shoulder when he said it.) Translation in Gibbs tone: pride. Also The TV Guide mentioned how Tony was growing out of his own skin. I think he can see that that especially this past season.