Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Sorry I haven't updated in a long time! I was sick and well...that was enough:) Do not own:(

spoilers: Honor Code

Tony watched longingly as a dark little head buried itself in his father's embrace. He inched further as he sat on the edge of his desk. He sighed. He was happy for the boy of course, but another emotion was trying to coexist and it made him feel physically sick. Tony sensed Gibbs presence before he spoke a word.

"Nice , isn't it?"

Gibbs watched the scene before him with a heavy heart. While he heard the hint of jealousy in his senior agent's voice, he himself felt it.

Tony kept his eyes on the father and child as they headed toward the elevator.

Gibbs threw a quick glance to Tony as his words from the previous day ran through his head.

"How old were you?"

Tony 's eyes were glazed over as his legs swung back and forth rhythmically, embracing the comfortable motion.

Gibbs lowered his head realizing the younger man was lost in the past. He knew the look when he saw it.

"Tony?"

Tony turned to face his boss suddenly realizing he wasn't alone.

He quickly turned his head away, wondering how bright his eyes must have looked at that moment.

"11."

It came out more like a whisper than he wanted it to.

He scratched the side of his nose, a distraction, a way to focus on something other than the painful memory resurfacing.

"My mom had just passed away a few months before. The time came for spring break and all..., "

Tony flashed a weak grin.

"He figured, a little work, a little pleasure maybe some time with me" he stopped, ".....with me...."

His words drifted off.

Gibbs moved in a little closer but didn't touch the other agent.

"I mean," he tried. Defending the man came natural to Tony." We uh...." Tony's eyes dropped to the floor staring at the patterns in the carpet.

"We had dinner together. We talked ...for a little bit. Actually I did more of the talking, no surprise there, huh, Boss?."

He looked up to Gibbs waiting for a joke, an insult, something to signal he was listening. All he saw was a sad smile and suddenly, he wished he had kept his mouth shut.

"Did you miss your flight?"

Tony froze for the moment. His blood ran cold. His jaw twitched and his eyes darkened. So many people had asked that question. Logical...hurtful....

"Yeah, must have been that. " Gibbs knew that something he had said triggered the change in tone.

Tony stiffened suddenly his hands flailing about.

"It makes sense right? I am a screw-up so I must have just missed the flight of the private jet that my dad went on...I mean I guess it can be pretty hard to count to 2 when you had more than one Vodka by 8 am ...."

He laughed mirthlessly before growing solemn.

"I was standing there, bags packed when I realized he was gone. He left me. He left me wondering ..." Gibbs kept his focus on his friend. Shoulders had sagged, defeat evident.

He was done.

Gibbs resumed his position and sat right next to the other man on the edge of the desk until their legs touched side by side. Tony eyed his boss unsure and cautious at the gesture.

"Wasn't your fault. Didn't mean to imply that it was. Just don't understand why some people do what they do. "

Tony nodded and faked a smile. "I wonder that everyday, Boss."

Gibbs patted Tony's knee and stood up. Tony looked to the knee, relishing the brief contact before looking toward the man he often wished was there that day instead of his own father so long ago.

"You were great with Zach, Boss. You would've made a great dad."

Gibbs stared steadily at the elevator where the happy scene had ended moments before as flashes of his own past, unknown to the others, came back to dwell instead.

"You don't know that."

Tony heard the words, torn and painful uttered from his mentor's lips and now it was his turn to wonder what he had said wrong.

To try and amend he spoke, "You would be. I mean you would never leave your kid behind, would you Boss?"

Imagined screams in a horrible death, a crying child's pleading words, 'don't go, Daddy.'

It was too much to bear. He turned quickly and began to leave, pausing briefly to his agent, eye to eye from across the room wishing he could say more to him but right now....right now....

"We all make mistakes DiNozzo. Some we can fix...many we can't ."

Tony's eyes questioned the response.

"Take that anyway you like."

With that GIbbs left. Tony was once again left behind watching and wondering.....

Hope you like the update. I have a lot of ideas so I will have another one soon. Love to hear your thoughts!