Chapter 9

I can't help it. I totally loved the premiere ( very Tony centric!!!)and needed to do a missing scene. SPOILERS major if you haven't' seen it yet. Thanks again for the support and reviews, alerts, both signed and unsigned. WArning: contains some slight TIVA if not your thing skip but not much. I am just seeing and writing in the direction the writers are.

Once again, I do not own the characters:(

spoilers: Truth or Consequences. Takes place before Tony's breakdown of "No."

Tony: After that business as usual lost all meaning.....

The days and nights began to mesh for Gibbs' s team as a whole, what remained of it anyway. The did their jobs, went home in the evening and hid their demons in only the ways they knew how. Still, the effort to carry on was becoming almost unbearable for one member in particular.

Tony sat at his desk, typing, listening , breathing, at least he thinks he was. Nothing around him made sense anymore. He could only comprehend basic words and phrases.

"Grab your gear."

He followed orders to the best of his ability, but the jokes were gone. The smile buried somewhere with Ziva along with the guilt he carried .

It should have been me. She wanted it to be me.

Tony stood lost and motionless for God knows how long when he heard a faint voice attempting to break him out of his funk.

"Tony?"

Tony turned to face his boss, his eyes wide and vacant, brown hair falling into his face making him look a lot younger than he was.

"Sorry, Boss, did you say something?"

Gibbs twitched slightly in some semblance of a sad smile and crooked his finger urging his agent to follow him.

Tony sighed, dreading what he knew was to come but at the same time really didn't care anymore.

Once the elevator doors had shut , Gibbs hit the emergency button.

He said nothing, standing still as if at complete attention to his agent before him, waiting for him to make the first move.

"I feel like I can't breathe. "

At fist Gibbs was a bit shocked but quickly hid his emotions. This was not the first thing he had expected to leave his second's mouth.

"it was like when I had the plague, remember?"

Gibbs face should some irritation and Tony quickly moved on.

"Course you remember. You were there."

He rubbed his hands together, trying to remove the sweat that had been building along with his erratically beating heart.

"Everyday...I mean...I can hear the words people say to me, but I ..I can't understand them anymore, you know? I can't sleep. I can't eat, I can't do anything right...."

His eyes faced his mentor longing clearly evident for what would never be and shame at admitting it with the two words about to leave his lips.

"She's dead."

Gibbs nodded his head slowly lost in his own thoughts and conclusions no matter how much he wanted to deny them.

"I know, DiNozzo. I know."

Tony looked straight into Gibbs seeing stark blue reflected back, passive, accepting of Tony's emotions no matter what and at that moment Tony knew he understood as well. There was no one to blame.

I know. It meant so much more than that.

Gibbs looked away briefly fearing the damage his next question would have on Tony but knew he had to ask it.

"Can you still do your job?"

Tony kept his gaze on Gibbs, feeling a stab of pain that was familiar but not unwelcomed.

"Yeah, " he replied not trying to hide the bit of anger lacing his words even though deep down he knew Gibbs had to ask, He was the leader and he had another member to protect besides him.

Gibbs nodded.

"Good."

The emergency button switched back on allowing the two men to exit the secrets and confines in that tiny space only to go on... business as usual.

"Grab your gear."

I know a bit short. Hope you liked ! Please review. I love to red them and will reply back if signed!!!