Shibara1310 creeps in, wary about her surroundings. On tip toe, she makes her way to the red, leather, comfy couch that has been sitting in silence for three weeks, untouched. Stopping herself, she notices a plate of homemade Girl Scout cookies resting on the arm of the chair. But that's not what catches her attention…there's a box with a FedEx printed boldly on the side of it.
Shibara: Hm, I wonder what it could be…oh! Hullo! Gee, it feels like I haven't been here in forever…Maybe it's because I haven't. God, I am so sorry for not updating for exactly three weeks. At least we're getting closer to the release of Crisis Core! Yippee! All right, today we get an update on Cloud and Tifa's honeymoon, Zack's courage to ask Aeris that special question, and Reno's torture starts up. Also, we go over Yuffie's drama, and Sephiroth has a surprise for us. Then at the end, we will open the special package to see what remains inside of its dark depths…enough of my ranting; let's get this show on the road.
Disclaimer:What's the point of disclaimers? Shibi does not own FFVII or any of the characters, or any other random crap that pops up in here.
Eye Shadow and Sleepovers
Shibi: Sorry for the lame title. It was random.
Zack: Whoa…who are you again?
Shibi: I hate you.
Genesis: Well, we were thinking that you abandoned us…
Shibi: Hey, dudes that will be when Hell decides to start a snow cone business.
Zack scratches head: When will that be?
Shibi: …
Genesis: I think it means 'never'.
Zack: Ah.
Shibi: Who wants homemade Girl Scout cookies?!?!
Zack: Ooh! Ooh! Me, me!
Shibi: Sorry, I ate them all.
Zack: Already?! God, woman, like you need more extra pounds on you!
Shibi: -Slap!-
Zack: Ow!
Shibi: For your information, I am going on a diet.
Genesis: Obviously.
Shibi: Shut up.
Zack: So, what's the occasion of this chapter?
Shibi: I hate Fugly.
Zack: Haven't you always?
Shibi: Yeah, but this is a hate with passion. Deep, dark, passion, that is just showing the surface of its brutality…
Genesis: Beautiful description. Who's teaching you?
Shibi: Myself, actually…
Zack: Um, say that again? (he's still clueless from what she actually described)
Shibi: I hate Fugly more!
Zack: Oh.
Shibi: Care to know why? It just happened this morning.
Genesis: Frightening.
Shibi: Very.
Zack: Can you just tell us what the hell happened?
Shibi: We are not going to be swearing. Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.
Zack:…
Genesis:…
Zack: What?
Shibi: My dad just told me to write a random line so that he could see if I type correctly.
Zack: Do you?
Shibi: No, but I type pretty –beep- fast.
Genesis: Oh, the beeper is still here?
Shibi: -beep- straight.
Zack: -beep- it, what about our –beep- freedom of speech?
Shibi: You can –beep-beep-beep-
Genesis: Can we just get with the –beep- point?!
Shibi: Sure. Um, well, Fugly asked me out.
-Silence-
Zack: He did not.
Genesis: I refuse to believe it.
Shibi: Well, in a way he did…
Zack: Okay, replay the moment for us….
Shibi: Well, Fugly came up to me and this girl who's in some of my classes. Fugly came up to us while I was trying to explain the whole situation of our relationship to my friend. Then he was like 'well, er, I was wondering if you could hang out with me and some other people tonight at the theater.'
Zack: What did you say?
Shibi: I said no, but I'm busy tonight, which was a lie. My mom said that I should have told him to go –beep- off.
Genesis: Wow. That is just weird.
Shibi: It took all of my power to restrain my amused laughter…
Zack: Dude, stop with all that 'proper detail' and talk like a normal person.
Shibi: Shut up, I can talk like that if I want to!
Zack: Snippy, aren't we?
Shibi: SHUT UP!
Genesis:…problem?
Shibi: Today I am very crabby. Mess with me, I will bite your head off. Call me a name, I will hurt you. Talk behind my back and say rumors about me, I will torture you. Get in my way, I will push you. Got it memorized?
-Silence-
Zack: Um…are you okay?
Shibi: NO! I am not okay! Do I look okay?!
Genesis: No.
Shibi: Phew, whatever, let's get on with it…
Zack: All right. How's the newly wedded couple?
Shibi: Cloud and Tifa are still at the North Pole.
Zack: Why did they go there?
Shibi: They wanted to be alone for their honeymoon.
Zack:…
Genesis: Ah.
Shibi: They also wanted to meet Santa Claus.
Zack: …
Genesis: …
Shibi: …
Zack:…………
Shibi:…………………………………………………………. Hah! I have more dots than you!!!
Genesis: …………………………………………………………………………………………...…………………………………..
-smirks-
Shibi: Was I just Pwned?
Zack: I think so…
Genesis:…
Shibi: Stop it!
Reno runs in: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHGGGHHHHRRRRGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!2313!!!!!
Shibi: Whoa, in a hurry?
Reno: SAVE ME!!!!
Shibi: Got Jesus?
Reno: That's not funny.
Shibi: I think so.
Reno: I swear, I have just been brutally tortured…-pants-
Zack: What happened to you?
Reno: Yuffie and Kadaj…tied me to a –beep- chair and made me watch –beep- Care Bears and Teletubbies.
Shibi: Wow, that is scary.
Zack: Dude, I feel for you.
Reno: I ain't gay.
Shibi: -gasps and slaps Reno- How dare you?! Zack is the opposite of gay! He's too hot to be gay.
Zack: Heh, well, thanks, Shibi, I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not…
Shibi:…
Reno: Anyways, that's not the end of it.
Genesis: What happened?
Reno: They forced me to try on a preppy pink girl shirt and go to the mall with my hair down.
Shibi: Shocking.
Genesis: Indeed.
Reno: I –beep- hate them!
Zack: What made them do that?
Reno: I made a move on Yuffie, so what?
Zack: Aw, dude, that is not cool.
Shibi: Well, it's a good thing you lived through it. Did you know people think that Reno is Axel's somebody?
Zack: Who the –beep- is Axel?
Reno: And what's with the –beep- beeper?
Shibi: I had it installed, remember?
Reno: No.
Shibi: Huh. Well, Axel is only the coolest guy breathing in Kingdom Hearts.
Zack: I see.
Shibi: He reminds me of a sexier Reno.
-Silence-
Reno: I think that's –beep- impossible. I am smexy.
Zack: Sorry, but I have that place. I'm way too sexy.
Genesis: I am not part of this conversation…
Shibi: Guys, shut up.
Reno: I'm smexy.
Zack: No, I'm smexy.
Reno: I am!
Zack: No, I am!
Shibi: STFU!!!!
Zack: …
Reno: …
Genesis: …what does that mean?
Shibi: I have no idea. I don't think it's nice.
Zack: No, it's not, you stupid –beep-
Shibi: -SMACK!-
Zack: Ouch, -beep-beep-beep-beep-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep- That hurt!
Shibi: Don't you dare call me that…
Genesis: Um, what did he call you?
Shibi: I don't know. But why else would it be bleeped out?
Genesis: Ah…
Shibi: I'm craving pickles…
Zack: You're pregnant or something? –receives another slap- Ouch!
Shibi: I am never even alone with a guy.
Zack:…
Genesis:…
Reno: Huh…
Shibi: In real life. I mean! God, you're confusing me! I would never, ever, ever, get in a situation to get pregnant. You know what, this is an awkward subject, and I'm going to bring up something random, like shampoo.
Genesis: I like L'Oreal.
Shibi: I do too. They're commercials are interesting…
Reno: -snorts-
Shibi: You say something?
Reno: No.
Zack: I need to pop the question to Aeris…
Shibi: You haven't yet?!
Zack: Um, no.
Shibi: I miss Pikachu.
Zack: Hah.
Shibi: I hate you!
Zack: Right back at you!
Shibi: You don't mean that…do you?
Zack: No!
Shibi: Good.
Genesis: Ugh, does anyone know where Sephiroth is?
Shibi: What, you want to see him? He's not gay, you know, so you have no chance with him.
Genesis: ….-beep-?
Zack: Hahaha!
Shibi: Hey, that was a joke…
Genesis: I am not gay…
Shibi: Well then why do you…Never mind.
Zack: Do tell.
Shibi: No. But I have evidence that Genesis might be gay.
-silence-
Shibi: But then again, he's too cool, and there's evidence that he's straight as a dried spaghetti stick.
Reno: What a nice way to compare a straight person…
Shibi: My life be like, 'ooooh, ahhhh,' ye-e-ah-ah!
Zack: Whoa, what are you on?
Shibi: Nothing! I have ear phones on, so der, I am listening to music!
Zack: Oh…
Shibi: My life be like 'oooooooooh, ahahahaha!'
Genesis: Okay.
Zack: Yeah. Well, I don't think Genesis is gay.
Shibi: Prove your point.
Zack: All right. Genesis?
Genesis: Hmm?
Zack: Do you think I'm smexy?
Genesis: No.
Zack: Do you think Cloud is hot?
Genesis: No.
Zack: Are you gay?
Genesis: No.
Zack: See? Strange that he isn't defensive…
Shibi: He's sneaky like that, aren't you? You little –beep beep beep-
Genesis: Hey, what did I do?
Shibi: Everything!
Reno: Let's watch TV.
Shibi: I don't watch TV.
Zack: Oh. Really? What's that thing over there –points- that you've been sucked into for the past three weeks?
Shibi: I was not sucked in there for the whole three weeks!
Zack: My point…?
Shibi: Pssh, fine, have it your way.
Reno: Yay! I want to watch Grey's Anatomy.
Shibi: Never watch it.
Reno: Why not?
Shibi: I have no interest in it. Should I? What's the point of it? Do you need to watch it in order to live?
Zack: Good point…at least on a computer you can do something.
Shibi: -beep- straight.
Genesis: Holy Crunchiness!
Shibi: Hey, you took my line!
Genesis: Oh, sorry…
Shibi: Well, what's wrong?
Genesis points at the turned on TV: There.
Sephiroth on the TV screen flips his silky waterfall of silver hair and smiles.
Sephiroth, using his deep, sexy voice that makes fan girls squeal: Because you're worth it…
Shibi: -laughing fit-
Zack: -laughing fit-
Genesis: Hah, heh, no I did not laugh…
Reno passes out on the floor.
Shibi wipes away a tear: Man, I was going to use him for better purposes…
Zack: Heh, okay…?
Shibi: I'm working on so many stories right now…
Zack: Explain, please.
Shibi: You sound like a shrink.
Zack: Can't help it.
Shibi: Yes you can.
Zack: Shut up and tell us why your life is so –beep- strained!
Shibi: Ah, there's the Zacky-pooh I know…
Zack: You stole Cloud's nick name.
Shibi: He's not here, so hah hah.
Zack:…
Shibi: Anyways, oh God! That did sound wrong…
Zack: What?
Shibi: When I said 'for better purposes'. I apologize…-bows-.
Zack: Yeah, yeah, yeah, get on with it…
Shibi: Oh, um, well, here it goes: On my Guardian Angel story, I have a gazillion files that have scattered pieces of the chapter that I need to put all together and post up after Valentine 's Day. The thing is, I'm getting a lot of reviews on it, so I guess it's pretty good, maybe…I had a critique review on Come Home about how much it was wrong, but oh well, I can learn from it. I finished my Axel and Naminè one-shot and I will not let the title be known until I post it up, so ha ha. You can guess the title if you please. Anywho, on my original ideas for two novels…My first story has a rough draft of the first five chapters, a million ideas for the title, and the plot is more organized and understandable. My second one is a story I came up with just two days ago when I was watching Touched By An Angel. It just popped in my head, and no, that show has nothing to do with it, and I'm writing the first rough draft now of a few chapters and will have my teacher read it. I have no idea what the title should be and that's about it!
Zack: Wow, was that in one breath?
Shibi: Impossible.
Genesis: Scary.
Shibi: Very.
Zack: Berry.
Shibi: Gerry.
Zack: Cary.
Shibi: Dairy.
Zack: Airy.
Shibi: Wary.
Zack: Vary.
Shibi: Larry.
Zack: VEGGIE TALES!!!!!!!!!
Shibi: O.o
Genesis: Talk about random…
Shibi: I choked on my own spit.
Zack: I wanted to know that.
Shibi: Great, we're on the same page then.
Zack: …
Shibi: You have a passion for vegetables dancing around and singing off key?
Zack: Aeris likes watching it with Kadaj.
Shibi: Ha, haha, hah, ha…hah…heh…meh…er..eh…meh…derrrrrrrrr…..grrr….
Reno wakes up: You're weird.
Shibi: Look who's talking. Okay, who wants to open the box?!?!?!
Zack: Not yet!
Shibi: Why not?
Zack: We have a lot more to talk about!
Shibi: Great…
Zack: Like you are so cool and I love you!
Shibi: …
Genesis: That was random.
Reno: Again?
Shibi: True, I love making Zack embarrassed through my power of the keyboard. I can control your thoughts and your words, mwhahahahahah! I shall rule the world!!!! I am the black spider, and all shall fear my wrath against the Easter bunny!!!!!!
All: O.o
Reno: Okay, cool, um, where's Yazoo and Loz and Rufus?
Shibi: Loz was found in the rubbles of the bombed Yaoi bar. He made a bold sacrifice to protect his dignity.
Zack: He has none.
Shibi: Touché.
Reno: Rufus?
Shibi: He's still missing.
Genesis: And Yazoo?
Shibi: He's attending Man Camp.
Zack: Wow.
Genesis: Interesting…
Shibi: He's going to prove himself for Yuffie.
Zack: How sweet, watch me cry in compassion for his poor soul.
Shibi: You can just send him a nice card.
Zack: I wouldn't have my heart in it.
Shibi: Good for you.
Reno: So, is there any hope for Rufus?
Shibi: No. He's dead. He's always been dead. He died in the game. He's not supposed to exist.
Zack: How sad.
Shibi: Hah.
Zack: So why is this chapter called eye shadow and sleepovers?
Shibi: Because. I felt like saying that. Also, I put on purple eye shadow today, and that is rare.
Zack: Why?
Shibi: I never wear makeup.
Zack: Is that why you look so scary?
Shibi:…
Genesis: Moving on…
Shibi: And my friend is sleeping over tomorrow night.
Zack: Cool.
Shibi: Yeah. She's going to get hyper off of ice tea, candy and PowerAde.
Zack: There is no hope for men.
Shibi: I know.
Genesis: I'm tired.
Shibi: I was mean to my dad today.
Zack: How?
Shibi: He fixed a cup of cocoa, and I had the milk out. He asked nicely for a teaspoon and a half of milk for his cocoa.
Zack: What did you do?
Shibi: I poured the milk until I couldn't pour anymore…mwhaha. I am evil.
Reno: Yes, you are…
Shibi: So, let's open that FedEx box!
Zack picks up package and shakes it: OMG! It moved!
Shibi: Lyke, dat iz so cool.
Zack: Ttly. Lets open it! Im so xcytd bout c-ing wutz inside it!
Shibi: Y r we tlking in txt tlk?
Zack: Duno. May b we need help.
Reno: I dunt tink ppl wil understnd wut wer sayin.
Shibi: Course not. Wer weird lyke dat. And datz da point.
Genesis: You guys need serious help.
Zack: Wut u tlking bout? I dunt need hlp!
Shibi: Ditto!
Genesis: Yeah, right.
Shibi: Okay, that was just weird and random and lame. Open the box!
Zack tears open the lid: Oh. My. God.
Pikachu: PIKA!!!!!!!!!!
Shibi: BABY!!!!!!!!
Zack: He's back…
Reno: Oh no…
Pikachu: Pika! Pika, pika, pika-chuuuu, pika, pika, pikachu, chu, pika! Pichu!
Shibi: -Gasp- No!
Zack: Um, problem?
Shibi: We're gonna have a guest in the next chapter.
Zack: Who?
Shibi: Pichu.
Genesis: Who or what is a Pichu?
Pikachu: Pika! Pikachuuuu, Pichuuuu, pika pika pika!
Shibi: Whoah…surprise for the next chapter! What will happen? Hmm, I wonder…until next time!
Special thanks to punkiemonkie for the ideas that supported this chapter! I do not own some of the random moments in here. Punkiemonkie, I give you that girl scout cookies I hid from Zack during the whole chapter. (No, I did not eat them all)
Please, people, do not take what I said seriously. It is meant to be a joke. Haha. See? I'm laughing. No, I do not think Genesis is gay. I said that because I was random. I'm random like that. Haha.
Next chapter:
Safety pins and moose tracks! Updates and news about the seventeenth chapter. Cloud and Tifa return.