So I'm not going to lie, I pretty much just cried my way through this entire chapter. I have so much going on in my life right now, so much that I need to figure out and writing this, just made me realize all of it. So, there's tons of emotion in this, mostly my own but I tried to end it on a happy note, though.
And, there is a chance for some Rosie hating in this chapter. Like, a lot, I'm not going to lie. She means well, but at the same time, you just can't help but want to slap her in the face! Also, I hope that I gave an insight to Emily, to show that she isn't such a horrible person all the time. And plus you can compare the Emily's. The Emily around Carter and the Emily around Rosie.
Also, the song at the end, is "Run" by Snow Patrol. That is what got me, that is what made me cry, i think. Because it's mine and my girlfriend's song and just...ugh. you know? Hearing it, writing it and thinking about life all together does not mix. But I shall end this note, and let you read this long chapter. Sorry about that, I just started writing it and I just couldn't stop myself.
Rosie's P.O.V
I watch as the morning sun dances across the freckles that are aligned perfectly around her nose and I can not help but wonder exactly what I had done to deserve this beautiful woman in my life. I had not been expecting this to be the outcome of my stay with Major Mason after General Kane tried to seize Costa Luna, I had not expected Carter to become everything that she is to me. It is not expected of a Queen to allow someone to be the equal to the thrown that is not in the same social standing as I, yet, I was sure that Costa Luna would accept her for everything that she is. She is the only person that I could ever truly have stand beside of me and rule Costa Luna, and be happy with. Maybe it was frowned upon, maybe my mother did not always understand or accept, maybe I should be with someone else, but all I know is that I love Carter and she loves me. That will always be enough to make me happy, should not that be all that matters?
I can not stop thinking about what Carter told me last night about General Kane's daughter. It does not seem fair that even from behind bars, this man is still trying to take away my country from me. I can never understand how one man could single handed try to ruin the only thing that I have left of my father, how could one be so selfish? Now his daughter, who knew nothing of what happened between all of us, would do anything to make sure that her father is avenged. I saw the fear in Carter's eyes when she was telling me of this, the way that her hands trembled when she placed them upon my shoulders, the way that she struggled to find the comforting words that she knew I needed to hear. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, no matter what she tells me, I know that she is only just as scared of her as am I. Major Mason is no longer with us, the one man that I trusted to always save me from attacks like this and whilst I trust Carter with my life, I am not entirely sure I trust her with the well being of my country. I know that she would do anything to save me, but if she has to make the choice of saving my life or saving Costa Luna, I am sure that she would allow this country, my father's country, to cease to exist.
I begged her to not become a protector like her father, I warned her of the consequences that would come if such a fight, like the one General Kane presented, such occurred. I warned her that giving up her life was a foolish thing to do, while it may seem honorable at the moment, years later I would only see it as a selfish choice. I recall the way that she looked at me with a smile that day, she told me that she would not do anything to risk leaving me even for a second, but she wanted to make a difference in someone's life, she wanted to be more than just some girl from Louisiana who sells bait. I understand that this is who she is, just as ruling Costa Luna is who I am, but I do not like the feeling of knowing that at any second she could be dead because of me. She had already given up so much to be with me, and I would not stand for knowing that she gave up her life as well. I just would not.
Her left arm is hugging tightly around my waist, I had not been aware of it until now. I smile softly as I trace the freckles down her tan skin, making a joke about the ones that resemble two eyes and a nose. I allow my fingers to trail down her soft skin until I am softly playing with her small fingers, pushing mine through the small space between them. I smirk at the golden ring upon her finger, recalling how warm the sand was the day that I placed it upon there, promising that I would love her until death do us part. I could never be with any one but her, even if she did not always see it sometimes. She was my forever and always, nothing nor nobody, not even General Kane's daughter would ever change the way that I feel about her.
I watch as she slowly begins to awake, she lets out a soft groan when her nose presses into the pillow that smells like the two of us. Her body goes stiff for a moment as she shakes her head, a soft yawn slipping over her perfect lips before she slowly opens her eyes. She smiles when our eyes collide together in a loving stare, she scoots herself closer to me, pulling me hard toward her and I chuckle at how child like she is sometimes.
"Good morning, pretty girl," She mumbles, a smile curling at the edge of her lips and I feel the blush appearing in my cheeks. I do not understand how she can get to me in the simplest ways, with the softest touch, with the words that she speaks from her heart, she does not even have to try to be something that she is not. My mother once told me that if I fully understood why Carter made me feel this way or why my heart raced every time that she touched me, our love would not be as true or as passionate as it was, so I dared not question the things she does.
"Hi," I whisper as I sneak a kiss upon her lips and I felt her smile against my lips. We lay in silence as we become lost in each other's eyes and for one blissful moment I forget that I am responsible for a country, I forget that a bitter daughter is trying to take my world away from me, I am only aware of how unbelievably in love I am with Carter Mason. The girl who would have given up her life to live in captivity in Costa Luna just to know that I was happy and free, the girl who captured me with her smile and loving touch.
"How long have you been awake?" She asks and I am well aware that she does not want to know the true answer. I could only imagine the worry that would become etched in her dark brown orbs when I told her that I had been awake most of the night because I could not stop thinking about the impending attack that was sure to come in the following days. I could not tell her that I had been thinking of what I would do if I lost Costa Luna to his daughter, or how I would react if I watched her take a bullet for me whilst I lived in a life without her. I could not tell her how afraid I was, because I knew exactly how she would react and I was not going to be responsible for knowing that I was the one who put her in that place.
"It does not matter. All that matters is that I am awake and alive and in bed when you woke up this morning, just like I promised to you that I would be. See, you do not have to worry about Emily because she is not the one that I married, you are. You are the one that I want to watch wake up every morning even if you fight it for a while," I tease her and the blush quickly appears in her cheeks as she lets out an embarrassed giggle. She reaches forward, brushing my messy hair behind my ear and she scratches the discreet skin softly, and it takes me a moment to catch my breath.
"You should have woke me up," She states and I shrug my shoulders with a smirk, trying to not focus on the urging pain that was rushing over my petite body from her tempting touch, I swallow hard before I speak.
"I could not. Are you aware of how cute you are when you are sleeping?" I ask her and she shakes her head as a smile quickly appears on her cheeks. Sometimes I wonder what my father would have thought about Carter taking the equal to the throne, if he would have been accepting of my love for her or if he would have brushed it off as a disgrace. I am curious if he would have liked her and the way that she sacrificed everything that she ever knew to make sure that I was happy and safe.
"You are something else, you know that, Rosalinda? You are more than I ever imagined you could be," She says and I smile as I allow my lips to meet with hers. She kisses me hard as her fingers twist in my dark brown curls, my heart races eraticially in my chest and it takes everything that I have to control myself. Her hands slowly slip from my hair, trailing down the skin that was revealed through my pink silk pajama top and I shiver against her lips. She wraps her hands around my waist, pulling me hard on top of her as she smirks, pulling me into another kiss. I felt the moan slip from the back of my throat into her kiss. She chuckles softly, only low enough to make sure that I can hear her and I smile into another warm kiss with her. I take her hands in mine as I push them above her head with a soft groan before I pull away, placing a soft kiss upon her nose.
"I wish I could," I whisper against her lips and she groans with a hard roll of her eyes and I hate myself for making her feel the way that I knew she did. She blinks her long eyelashes softly, normally what would have been enough to allow me to give into my desires and forget about everything that I am responsible. Sometimes I wish that I could be that person for her, the one who did not have to worry about being in control of a country and simply worry about being her new wife and taking every chance that I had to be with her.
"Let me guess. You have to go do something for Costa Luna with Emily?" She asks and I smile sadly. She chuckles as I watch the tears that quickly fill in her eyes, but she pushes them away with a soft breath of air outward and I wish that I could take it all away for her, I wish that things did not have to be so complicated.
"It is not like I have a choice, Carter. It is not like I am choosing to leave your bed to sign some papers that have been sitting on my desk for months and it is not like I am choosing to sit with her all day, discussing the politics for this island and what is best for them. I do not have a choice in this, because if I did then I would chose to be with you. You know this," I explain and she only rolls her eyes with a weak laugh.
"No, you do have a choice. You are the queen, it's not like she can do anything without you. I haven't got to spend any time with you since we came back to Costa Luna. It's not just about you being with Emily, it's just about you being with every one butme. And I don't want to sound selfish, but you know, I miss you. I miss being with you," She whispers and I sigh as I softly kiss her once again, my heart swelling with the utmost amount of love.
"I miss you, too. Believe me, I do. I wish that I could spend today with you instead of Emily, but I can not. Costa Luna is who I am, I am responsible for protecting them and giving them the best life possible. I want to make a difference, like my father. Just like you are making a difference because of what your father did. But I do not want you to feel like you are second in my life, because that is just simply not true. If anything, you are the single most important thing in my life," I demand and she nods her head with a sad smile as she kisses me.
"I know. Sometimes it just doesn't seem that way," She mumbles and I shake my head as I kiss her hard and passionately. I pull away, leaving my forehead against hers as we both heave for a breath and I watch the smile curl at her lips and it almost breaks my heart.
"I never want you to feel that way. Never. And I am sorry that you ever did," I exclaim and she nods her head with a sniffle.
"I know you are. I know that you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. You are too cute and kind to ever purposely cause any one pain. And I know that you can't help the fact that you are in control of Costa Luna or that you have to work with Emily. Your mother hired her, which means that she thinks that she will be good for you, she wants her to help you so that you can spend more time with me. I guess I just have to get over this whole sharing you thing, even though I don't like it. I miss having you all to myself, like when you stayed with us that fall. I-I guess, I miss Rosie. But, I love you. Both of you. And I hope that even though I am acting like a total ass right now, you know that," She explains and I giggle at the fact that she curses, it was something that a Queen would never be caught dead doing, but I must admit, Carter has talked me into doing a lot that a queen should never be doing.
"Of course I know that," I reply and she lets out a breath of air before we share another short kiss. I stare down at her, noticing the way that her eyes sparkled behind her brunette hair, the cute freckle that she has inches above her eyebrow, the scar that she has on her cheek from where she picked at a chicken pox and I honestly can not imagine her not being in my life. "Hey, I am going to leave this whole meeting a little early. You want to spend some alone time with me?" I ask and she looks at me with a smug grin upon her face.
"Are you sure? I don't want you to ditch when they need you. I mean, what if there is an emergency?" She asks and I shrug my shoulders with a soft laugh. I recall the first time that she and I got into a fight, it was after I nominated her for homecoming queen and she told me that she ordered me to take a short walk of the pier. I can still see the anger in her eyes, the passion, the fire, I think it was at that single moment when I knew that Carter Mason and I would always have something that I would never have with any one but her.
"If there is an emergency, they know where to find me. Besides, that paperwork has been on my desk for months now, I am sure that another few hours is not going to kill any one. I say that you and I go out to the pond, feed the ducks because they have been missing you. Or we can go shopping, because it is always fun watching you sigh every time that I try to buy you a new outfit. Or we can go dancing, I have the most perfect dress for you! Or, you know what? It does not matter what we do or where we are as long as we are together. Come on, what do you think? Please, Carter? Please?" I beg, sticking my bottom lip out, batting my eyelashes softly and she laughs with a playful roll of her eyes.
"Fine. I'll do this whole date thing with you," She down plays it but I know that she is just as excited about spending some time with me as I am her. I squeal in excitement as I kiss her once again and she laughs, pulling away as she sits up in the bed, her hair falling in brunette curls around her face, "five o'clock sound good?" She asks and I swallow hard as I push myself off the bed, brushing my hair away from my face.
"Sounds perfect," I smile before I exit, closing the door behind me. I leave my hand upon the brass doorknob as I press my forehead against the door, searching hard for the breath that she has taken away from me. Slowly, I feel my heart begin to slow down and I smile innocently with a quiet giggle, it was unhealthy what she was doing to me, but it was the most amazing feeling.
I am actually amazed at the amount of paper work that has gathered upon my desk since I have been away. I did not think that I was gone away with Carter that long, I had given us a few weeks for our honeymoon, just enough time so that the two of us knew how the other wold be in terms of marriage. Yet, there is a huge pile of papers that need my signature upon my desk, a pile that no matter how many of them I sign, seems to keep growing. There was something about the airport gaining a few more destinations, I simply signed knowing that the more planes that docked here, the more money that we would gain because of tourists. There was a paper about someone filing a compliant about their neighbors dog, I simply discarded it with a soft chuckle. I did not take care of those problems, that was Emily's job.
I glance over at the girl who had been working quietly at her own desk, her laptop opened in front of her as she chews one of her nails. Her hair is twisted up in a messy poiny tail, her nails are faded a soft black from previous paint. She is wearing a soft red t-shirt that mentions something about the band All Time Low, and a pair of faded jeans with red flip flops on her feet. Clearly, it was not the attire that a Queen should be wearing, but I could not help but make the note of how comfortable she looked and how the bright red make her blue eyes sparkle against her blond hair. I swallowed hard as I once again refocused upon the pile of paperwork in front of me, reading a few sentences before I find myself looking at Emily once again. This time she catches my gaze with an embarrassed smile and I chuckle as I slowly slip from my large desk and sit on the sofa that was seated perfectly between our two desks.
"Next time that I decide to get married, remind me to take that paperwork with me," I chuckle, rubbing my temple with my two fingers and she giggles softly with a simple nod of her head. She types a few more words on her laptop before she sits in the chair across from me, pulling her feet under her as she rests her elbows upon her knees, watching me with careful eyes.
"I don't think you are going to be getting married again any time soon. From what I have seen, Mrs. Mason is completely crazy about you. I don't think that she would let anything or any one tear the two of you apart. If your marriage did end, it would have to be at your own hand and I don't think that you are going to let that happen either," She states, picking at a patch on her jeans and I can't help but notice how shy she seems when she is alone with me. She is a completely different person when she is with Carter than when she is with me and now I only wonder if Carter's jealousy was causing her to misjudge this beautiful woman.
"No. I do not want to be with any one but Carter. The only way that our relationship would ever end would be because I thought it was best for her, you know? I do not want her to be stuck in this relationship if she is not happy because that is all that I have ever wanted for her ever since I was sent to live with her and Major Mason. I love her and I do not think that is ever going to change, I do not think that I can ever feel this way about any one other than her," I explain and she nods her head softly, remaining silent and I take notice of every little small thing that makes her who she is. The way that her dimples are revealed every time that she smiles, the way that she laughs at the awkward silence that falls around us when we have nothing else to say, the way that she twists her hair around her finger when she is nervous. She is so innocent and kind, I wish that Carter could see this.
"I don't blame you. When you find someone who makes you feel that way, you have to hold on tight to them and never let them go. True love only occurs once or twice in a life time if you are lucky. It's a scary thought to think that there are billions of souls in this world but there is only one person that you are meant to be with. I didn't believe in that or in love stories or happily ever afters until I saw you with Carter. It makes me totally rethink everything that I decided was soright before you," She explains with a swift nod of her head and I smile in acknowledgement. There was something about her that seemed so familiar, something that made me feel so safe with her.
"That is sweet of you to say, thank you. But enough talking about me, you already know everything about me. I feel like I do not even know you and that is not fair. Tell me about yourself, Emily or else I will forced to play twenty questions with you and neither one of us wants to do that," I threaten her, squinting my eyes tightly and she giggles, running her fingers through her hair as the blush quickly appears in her cheeks. She does not say anything for a moment as she softly plays with her fingers and the smile quickly curls at my lips, "I am serious about the twenty questions thing. I will ask you anything and everything, I have no limitations. So, if I was you, I think I would start talking." She laughs once again before she shifts in her seat, allowing her dark blue eyes to collide with my own.
"There isn't really anything interesting that you should know about me. I've had a pretty boring life, actually," She says and I roll my eyes with a quiet laugh as I push myself toward her only slightly, brushing a stray hair away from my face.
"A beautiful woman like you? Boring? I doubt it. I think you are just being shy, which is cute considering that I am the Queen and all. But I promise, I will not let them have your head because of whatever you tell me. I'm not listening as Queen of Costa Luna, I am listening as Rosalinda Mason, your co-worker, your friend. Come on, tell me what your life is like. Where are you from? Who are your parents? Do you have any brothers or sisters? Are you in a relationship? Do you have any pets? Just say something," I tease with a laugh and she blushes. She licks her lips as she sucks in a breath before she rolls her eyes and begins talking.
"Uh, well, my name is Emily Penelope Robbins. I'm not from here, I know, surprising, huh? I'm actually from a small city up north. I was adopted, I didn't find out who my biological parents were until I was nineteen. I was so angry at my parents for keeping that secret from me, it took me a while to find my real parents but I finally did. Turns out, my dad is a real sweet guy, he's pretty powerful, too. But he got into some trouble with the law, I guess even the most sweetest and kindest guys are not above the law. I haven't seen him in like two years," She explains, she pauses with a long silence and I watch her with the most concerned eyes, hanging onto her every word like it was the last ones I would ever hear.
"I had a brother in my adopted family. His name was Josh. He was the most amazing brother that you could ever have, maybe that's a little biased but it's true. He always made sure that I was okay, that I was happy. Every time that I had my heart broken, he would sit up with me during the night, hold me while I cried, then he would show up at school the next day to make their lives a living hell. He was the...best. Then he decided that he wanted to sign up to fight in the war, even though we all pleaded for him to not go, but if you knew Josh, you would know that it was like talking to a wall. He had his first deployment a few years back and what time he was away I met this girl. And my God, Rosalinda, she was the most amazing, beautiful, sweet, kind, loving woman that I ever met," She smiles and I notice.
"When he came back, he found out that I was a lesbian and that I was with her and he totally lost it. He told me that what I was doing was sick, it was wrong and I was going to burn in hell for my actions. My brother never hit me until that day, but when he raised his hand to Casey, that was when I lost it. And um, I told him that I hated him and I hoped he died. He got redeployed a few days later and he..um, he got killed in a suicide bombing," Emily explains, choking up as the tears start rolling freely down her cheeks and I can not stop the tears from falling down my own cheeks as well.
"That's why I stopped all conversation with my parents. I-I couldn't talk to them and know that they blamed me for my brother's death. And they did. They said that if he had not found out that I was involved in a relationship with a woman, that he would have been more aware of his surroundings, he would have been aware that something was wrong and he wouldn't have died over there. I-I had to get out, so I found my biological parents. Then my father got arrested and his new wife did not agree with my lifestyle so I left. I came to Costa Luna because it is where Casey was from, I thought if I came here, I could find her again. But it turns out, she already has a wife and a beautiful little girl. And I suppose that I could have left, but I felt compelled to stay here, like it was the right thing to do. I got a nice little condo a few blocks away, your mother hired me to work as your assistant because I was qualified for the job and well...here we are," She explains, the tears spilling down her cheeks and I swallow the sob in my throat. I motion for her to come over to me and she does as I instruct, she takes a seat on the sofa next to me, allowing me to wrap my arm around her.
"Oh my God, Emily that is so horrible. I wish....I wish that there was something that I could do," I whisper, placing my chin on her shoulder and she laughs softly with a sniffle. She shakes her head as she pulls away, brushing her hair away from her face and I try to not notice the pain tht was hidden behind her bittersweet tears.
"It's fine. You didn't know and it's not like you have a time machine that can send me back in time and stop me from telling my brother that I hated him. I was just...so angry at him for not understanding, you know? I was his little sister, I found someone who made me feel completely happy, someone who made me feel alive and I thought that was enough to make him be happy. But I was wrong. I shouldn't have said but....I just didn't understand. How could you judge someone for being happy? How could you not...." Her voice trails off as she allows a soft cry to escape her and I pull her close to me, placing a soft kiss upon her forehead as I rub soft circles into her back, just like Carter did to me so many nights when I cried over my father. She sniffles, pulling away as she looks at me through her tear filled eyes.
"What about you? How did your mother react when you told her about you and Carter?" I am suddenly taken back to that summer when I invited Carter to come and stay with me, to how we went behind my mother's back and kept our secret hidden from all but Mr. Elegante. That was the summer when everything changed between my mother and I, and Carter and I, that was the summer that I made the decision that changed the rest of my life forever.
"I think that telling any parent that you are gay is one of the worst things that they can ever hear. While I was happy, I knew that she would not be. Every parent has their child's life planned out for them while they are still in the womb, even if they don't tell you. Telling someone whether it is your mother or your brother that you are in love with someone of the same sex as you, is terrifying. It is like all the dreams they have for you are crashing around them. Husband. Children. It is all gone. And it scares them because they do not know if you are safe or happy," I explain and she listens with curious eyes and I chuckle softly to myself.
"I told my mother the summer that I moved Carter out here. She thought that I was just letting her stay because we were friends and Major Mason was gone away on a mission and I let her believe that for a really long time. I made sure that we did not get caught kissing each other or holding hands or doing anything romantic related. But finally I got tired of hiding her because it made me feel like I was ashamed of our love and I was not. I am still not ashamed of her. So one night, when it was just my mother and I in the living room, I sat her down and I told her about the time that I spent with Carter. I told her about how she made me feel, like I was more than just some princess, that she made me feel like I actually made a difference in the world. I told her that I had these feelings for her, that while I knew that she would not be accepting, I was tired of hiding it from her. I told her that I was not ashamed of being in love with Carter, that I knew that she was the only person that I could ever be in love with, the only person that I could ever be happy with and as her daughter, I hoped that was enough to keep her still loving me," I paused, squinting my eyes as the crashing silence of that night came back into memory, I could still see the bitter tears in my mother's eyes when I told her that I was not in love with a boy.
"What did she say?" Emily encourages me, placing her hand on my shoulder and I look at her with a weak smile.
"She was quiet for a really long time, then she just told me goodnight and went upstairs. I remember that I cried so hard that night because I thought that I had lost my mother, I remember that Carter came into my room and she held me and told me that she was so sorry for everything. And I...I realized that I was not. While, I may have lost my mother, losing Carter would have been much harder for me. Then that morning, when Carter and I was eating breakfast together, my mother came downstairs, she looked at the two of us, at how happy we were and she told me that she was happy for me," I reply with a sniffle and Emily chuckles with a warm laugh and it makes my heart stop. I look at her, our eyes crashing together and I only wish that I could take away the pain that I knew was eating away at her inside.
"Then you are really lucky, Rosalinda. Because you still have your mother and you have Carter. Don't ever take that for granted, not even for a second. Carter is a lucky woman to be with someone like you, and I know that she may seem like she's being impossible because she does not want to share you with me but I have to say, that if I was in her shoes, I'd be the same way. If you were mine, I wouldn't want to share you with any one else either," She whispers and I nod my head with a simple smile, feeling the blush flush into my round cheeks. Suddenly, a warm yawn escapes from me and I quickly apologize with a soft giggle, "you want to take a nap with me? I'm pretty tired too." She offers and I wrinkle my brow, glancing at the clock, it was only a little past three.
"Uh, yeah. I suppose it would not hurt. I have a date with Carter at five and I do not want to be yawning the entire evening. That would be extremely rude of me," I reply and she nods her head in understanding as she places a pillow in her lap. I slowly slide down into the sofa until I am laying in her lap and she slowly runs her fingers through my hair. I listen to the stillness of the room as she softly exhale and inhale and I smile when I think of Carter in bed this morning. Emily was right, I was really lucky to have her.
I tossed slightly, allowing my nose to meet against the pillow as I let out a soft breath. I groan as I toss on my back, squinting my eyes before I opened them to find Emily, smiling down at me. It takes me a moment to realize exactly what I was doing here but when I do, I only smile back up at her, mesmerizing every pigment of blue in her eyes. I sigh as I slowly raise up, rubbing the back of my neck softly as I groan at the fact that I was sleeping in a right angle for such a long period of time. I glance up at the clock to find it twenty-five minutes after eight and my heart stops in my chest. Carter.
"Oh my God. Carter. Oh my God!" I exclaim as I quickly jump to my feet, throwing the door of my office open. I dash out of the office, uncaring of how my hair was in a mess, how wrinkly my clothes were or how I was not presenting myself in a very queen like fashion. I run to the stairwell to find her sitting in the bend of the stairwell in a very fancy dress with Thomas beside of her. His hand is on her knee and I notice the rivers of mascara that is running down her chest and my heart twists in my chest. She looks up at me and there is something in her eyes, something that I had never seen there before. Disappointment. I shake my head as my lips move but no words escape from me and I can't help but feel so small standing in front of her now.
"Carter. Carter, I am so sorry. I was in there with Emily and we started talking and I..." But Emily comes out, interrupting me.
"That was so amazing, Rosalinda. Thanks. I am glad that it was you in there because I don't think that I could have done that with anybody else. I hope that we can do it again sometime soon," She kisses me upon the cheek and I swallow hard, trying to not think about the anger that was now rushing over my wife, "I'll see you tomorrow? Bye, Rosalinda." She smiles, her eyes collide hard with Carter's and I notice the right side of her lips turn up in a weird smile, "Carter." She nods her head before she exits from the palace. I look back at Carter who is now crying once again and she shakes her head softly as the cries escape from her.
"I can't believe you would do this. I-I thought you said that I was most important...I thought that we were....I can't...I can't do this, Rosalinda. I'm sorry...I just...I can't," She whispers before she disappears up the stairs, the slamming of our bedroom door echoes through the stairwell and I cringe with a sigh. I twist my fingers in my hair as I walk up the stairs, sitting beside of Thomas, who's dark brown eyes collide with mine and I feel so small, so child like, it takes me back to the time that he and I broke the window to my father's office when we were playing outside.
"Look, Thomas, it is not what you think, okay?" I explain and he shakes his head with a soft laugh. He holds his head in his hands for a moment as he scratches his dark brown hair before he looks back at me and I am fully aware of the beautiful girl that I had just broken because of my own lapse in better judgement.
"It is not what I think? Well, you do not even know what I think. Or what Carter thinks for that matter because if you did, you would not have been in there with Emily," He snaps and I pull away, my brow wrinkled as I allow a soft gasp to escape from me. There is anger in his voice, anger that I do not associate when I think of Thomas. Where did his kind, compassionate words go? When did he stop telling me that it was going to be okay? When did this turn into an argument about how it was wrong of me to be with Emily instead of Carter tonight?
"Do you know what I think? I think that you are being really stupid, Rosalinda. And I am telling you this as your friend. You know that Carter is feeling really insecure right now about the fact that the two of you have not spent any time together. You told her this morning that she was the most important thing in your life, correct? You said that you would make time for her tonight and you two would go on a date, you said that it did not matter where you were as long as you were together. So she puts on a fancy dress even though she hates it, just because she knows how much you love them, she does her hair and paints her nails, two of things that make her sick to her stomach to even think about doing because she knows that you think it is cute and it makes you happy. A-and then you forget about your date? And you are in there, doing what? Having sex with Emily?" He points out and before I am even aware of it, my hand is colliding hard with his face. I heard the smack echo through out the palace and I pull away, looking at him through my tear filled eyes just to find his own matching mine.
"You..you think that I had sex with her?!" I exclaim and he laughs, rubbing the red streaks that I left behind.
"Well, what do you think Carter is going to think? You come out here, your hair is a mess, your clothes are all wrinkled and then Emily comes out and hers is too. And she tells you that she had an amazing time, that she could not have done that with any body else and she wants to do it again sometime soon? Even the most trustworthy partner is going to think that you had sex with her!" He explains and my heart twists in my chest. How could she think that? How could she think that I would not be faithful to her? How could she possibly think that I would want to be with someone else other than her?
"I know you, Rosalinda. I know that you would never cheat on any one, especially Carter. But I also know what she is thinking because she was telling me about how you were when you were with Emily and the way that Emily is when she is around you. She told me about how Emily said that you marrying Carter was a mistake and that she was going to be with you before everything ended. She is so scared that she is going to lose you and then when she saw you, all messy and Emily..and she kissed you...I guess, she just..she panicked. And I know that you do not mean to hurt her but maybe you should stop and think about her for a moment. She is going through a lot right now with this whole General Kane mystery daughter thing, she is scared that she is not going to be able to protect you and she....there is a lot going on in her head, a lot that she will never tell you. She just wanted tonight to be special for the two of you, she wanted to spend time with you and show you how much she loved you," He exclaims and I shake my head, the tears falling from my eyes as I hold my head in my hands.
"I would not do that her. Ever. I...I did not know that she is....I screwed up so bad," I cry and he only laughs with a simple shake of his head as he wraps his arm around me, pulling me close to him as he places a kiss upon my head. I look at him through my tear filled eyes and I can't help but laugh through the tears when I notice the smile upon his face, "I love her, Thomas." And he only nods his head with a laugh.
"I know. She does too. But maybe you should learn how to show it a little better, hun," He jokes and I blush with a laugh.
I stand in the doorway of our bedroom, watching the fragile girl who sat in our bed with her knees pulled up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. I notice the shorts and t-shirt that she is wearing and I smirk at knowing that even though she is equal to the throne of Costa Luna, she is still the same Carter that I met that fall. I notice the emptiness in her eyes along with the tears and my stomach twists like an anchor has been dropped inside of me. How could I do this to her? How could I let her believe that I cared more for Emily than her? I was not aware of all the things that was going through her head before now, I was not aware of how scared she was of Emily, of General Kane's daughter, of how much she felt like she was ultimately going to lose me. I shake my head as the tears appear in my own eyes, I swallow the cry in my throat as I push the door all the way open,
Her eyes collide hard with mine and it is like she is cutting right through me. She does not say anything instead she only refocuses her attention back onto the picture that hung on the wall of us at our wedding. I smile at the photo, of the way that her arm is wrapped around my waist, the way that we are both looking at each other with the largest smiles on our face. It was a different world for us at that moment in time, unlike now. I wrinkle my brow before I walk over to the nightstand, grabbing a silver CD as I placed into the player and the soft melody fills the room. Her eyes quickly meet with mine and I smile softly as I hold my hand out toward her.
"May I have this dance, Mrs. Mason?" I ask softly and she looks at my palm for a long while before she finally slips her hand within mine. I softly pull her to her feet as I place my hands upon her waist and her arms wrap protectively around my neck as we slowly began to sway back and forth to the song of our love, the song that was everything that we were.
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Our eyes are lost in each other's as I count the swirls in her dark brown orbs and I lose my breath as I steal hers. We slowly move around in soft circles as the soft melody echoes off the walls around us, I finally stop counting in beats of four, instead I only move the way that I feel like I should. I never break my eyes away from hers as the tears quickly fill in my eyes and she smiles sadly at me, knowing exactly what I was thinking of.
"I love you, Carter. Not Emily," I whisper and she only nods her head as she slowly closes the distance between our bodies, pulling me tighter to her. I recall the first time that we danced to this song, it was pouring the rain outside, it was after we had our first fight as a couple and she played me this song and told me about how I was the only good thing that ever happened to her. It was amazing how something so simple can mean so much.
"I know. I just feel like no matter what I do, I am going to lose you anyway. Maybe it won't be to Emily but what about General Kane's daughter? I have no idea who she is. Director is trying to give me a name or a face but nobody seems to know anything about her, apparently she is some secret love child or something. A-and I can't protect you from someone when I have no idea who they are. And seeing you with Emily tonight, knowing that you were with her instead of me after we promised that we would do this date thing...I just...I can't lose you to her," She cries and I shake my head with a warm smile as I step toward her, slowing our dance down only slightly.
"She was telling me about her life. About how she was adopted and her brother did not accept the fact that she was a lesbian. She told me about how he hit her and her girlfriend and how she told him that she hated him and wanted him to die. And he did, Carter. He died. And her parents blamed her. Her and her girlfriend broke up, so she came to Costa Luna to find her, only to find that she is married and has a baby. But I swear, we did not do anything. I would never do that to you. Especially after the talk that Emily and I had. About how lucky I am to have a love like ours. I am not going anywhere and neither are you. You are my forever," I exclaim and I brush away the tears that are now streaming down her cheeks as I choke back my own sob.
"Promise? Because I don't think that I could handle losing you," She cries and I can only smile.
"I swear," I whisper as I pull her into a long kiss. She sighs as she pulls away, leaving our foreheads together as we slowly dance to the music and we are so close that I can feel her heart beating a perfect rhythm. I look at her through my tear filled eyes and I can not stop the words from spilling out of me, "You are the only thing that's right, in all I have done, Carter Mason." I whisper and I feel her lips collide hard with mine. Suddenly we are not worried about being responsible for a country or who may catch us, suddenly we are far to lost in one another to care about anything else but the other. She wraps her legs around my waist as I softly lay her back on the bed, my body hovering above hers as I stare down at her with nothing but the utmost love in my eyes. She sniffles slightly as she reaches forward, pushing her fingers through my hair and I can not help the tears falling from my own eyes.
"I love you so much. Never forget that," She demands and I simply nod my head before I lose myself in a round of pleasurable kisses as our bodies began to move as one underneath the white silk sheets. Fingers became tangled in hair as clothes became a memory on the floor, all innocence was lost to one another as I realized that I needed nothing more than the girl below me. I did not need Costa Luna. Emily. I only needed Carter. Forever. Always.
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do
Light up...
Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads
Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess
Thoughts? Comments? Review please.