A/N1: Massive thanks to Muggline for doing a great job with the translation of this story.
A/N2: I have to apologize for a very long wait. True to the line from the old song "you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone" we all became very aware of the amazing work ladyinthecloak usually does when she moved house and was unavailable for a while. As it turned out that she could not manage to beta this due to her many other obligations (keep up the good work, I love reading everything that you have laid your hands on!), Professor M McGonagall was kind enough to step in, and it is thanks to her that this chapter may finally go online. Also, thankyou WriterMerrin for "gamma-reading" this (blast those compound sentences!). Muggline
Chapter 20 – Waiting
They sat like that for a while: Hermione had her hand on Snape's shoulder, and they listened to the oppressive silence of the house. Hermione tried to say something – anything – comforting or encouraging. But before she could even compose a sentence, Snape stood up and took some steps through the room, stopping in front of the fireplace.
"Go to bed," he said curtly, not even turning around.
"But I...," she protested, but he interrupted her.
"You are tired and exhausted. Go to sleep and get some rest," he continued in a somewhat more polite tone, and she could not think of an appropriate answer. She doubted that she would be able to sleep one second but lacked the power to argue with him.
"What about you, Severus?" she asked softly while she got up on tired, shaky legs.
"I will sleep here on the couch," he said. They both knew that it was a lie. He would probably not move an inch, fearing that he might miss a message about his godson whose life now depended on the healers at St. Mungo's.
Hermione slowly went towards the stairs. When she had reached the first step, she turned around once more. "Everything's going to be all right," she said to his back. His shoulders slumped as if they were carrying a weight too heavy for him to bear.
He did not answer.
oOoOoOoOo
His bathroom was just as plain as the rest of the house, but it was fairly clean. She found a fresh towel in the only cabinet that had been crammed into the small room. There was no mirror, so she transfigured a bar of soap into a small pocket mirror – and immediately regretted it after looking at herself.
Her eyes were framed by dark shadows, and there was a pinched, tense expression around her mouth that made her look years older than she really was. But the worst thing was what was left of her hair. She had simply sheared it off without care. Now it was short and stood at odd angles in strands of many different lengths. Of course, she did not regret sacrificing her hair for Albus's healing potion at all. But the sight of herself in the mirror made her more sad and anxious than she already was. For one moment, she contemplated regrowing her hair by magic, but then she decided that there were more urgent matters at hand.
After returning the mirror to its original state, she washed at a snail's pace and then slipped stealthily into Snape's bedroom where James was peacefully asleep. Slowly and carefully, so she would not wake him, she crawled under the sheets. She curled herself up next to him with her legs against her chest in an effort to make herself as small as possible.
Unable to fall asleep immediately, her heart went out to Harry and Ginny, who were probably out of their minds with worry at the moment, to little Albus Severus – and to Snape. This last thought made her sadness slip deep down into her stomach, and she thought, "Please, dear God, help us. Make everything all right."
Tears streaked down her cheeks while she kept repeating the thought over and over again.
oOoOoOoOo
Hermione woke with a start when she felt someone poke her in the side. She opened her eyes in shock and saw James's face in front of her. It took her several moments to gather her thoughts and take in her surroundings, but then the events of the previous night came back to her in a flash.
"Where's my mommy?" James asked. His lower lip started trembling suspiciously.
"Oh," Hermione frantically thought of an appropriate answer for the child while she sat up. Finally, she said, "Mommy and Daddy will be back soon, you know. They had to go to St. Mungo's, because..."
"It's because of Al, isn't it?" the boy whispered while a large tear rolled down his cheek.
Hermione pulled him into her arms and caressed his hair. She decided to not tell him a pack of wild lies. They would only confuse him further. "Yes," she said tenderly, "it's because of Al. He's very ill, but he will get better. The Healers at St. Mungo's will give him some medicine and care for him a lot until he is well enough again to play with you."
"Sure?" James asked, sobbing. He lifted his head and looked her in the eyes.
"Sure," she said determinedly and wiped his tears away with her thumb.
"But when?" he asked.
"Soon," she promised. "But you can do something to help Mommy and Daddy."
"What is it?" he asked immediately.
"It would help them very much if you were a good boy so they don't need to worry about you, too. Your mom has told me that you are a big boy and always do as she says when she asks you nicely." He nodded solemnly and looked at her with a serious expression.
"When Mom and Dad come back, I'd like to be able to tell them how well you behaved, you know?"
"Of course!" he agreed.
When she pushed him away a little to get up, he scraped his feet on the floor and said in a whisper, "Hermione?"
"Yes?"
"Do... do we have to stay here with this man?" He hesitated a little, but then made up his mind and told her his secret. "I'm afraid of him. He always looks so angry!"
Hermione brushed his hair from his forehead and said, "He can be very frightening, hm?" James nodded.
She smiled. "You are right. He looks quite frightening. But he is not a bad man, and you don't need to be afraid of him. There are people who can't really show when they like somebody, you know?"
He gave her a sheepish look. "Does he like me?" he finally asked in a doubtful voice.
Hermione swallowed, but then she said, "Yes. He also likes your dad and your mom very much, and especially Albus. Albus is his godson, just as you are Uncle Ron's godson. And you are a very special person to Uncle Ron, aren't you?"
"But why can't he show when he likes somebody?" James pressed the subject. It was obvious that he was at a loss and could not understand why Snape was like this. In his short life, he had never experienced rejection or people who were grumpy all of the time, disregarding everyone around them.
Hermione thought very hard how she could wrap up her answer to be understood by a small boy, who had never experienced anything but love and kindness at his parents' house. "Maybe it's because he is afraid of being laughed at or even hurt when he shows it," she said quietly.
She did not know whether James understood. But to her immense relief, he stopped asking and allowed her to help him get dressed.
oOoOoOoOo
With James's small hand clutched tightly in her own, she descended the stairs towards the sitting room. She saw Snape sitting upright on the sofa and felt her heart constrict painfully. When he heard her steps on the stairs, he turned his head towards her. Obviously, he had not slept a second. He still wore the cloak that she had Transfigured for him, and his hollow face was paler than ever.
"Good morning," she said, nervously wiping her free hand on a trouser leg. "No news?" He shook his head.
"Erm... I could make us some breakfast while you freshen up and get changed?" she suggested. "If anyone Apparates, I will be there."
He thought about her suggestion and seemingly could not come up with an objection. So he nodded curtly and said, "You'll find tea and some food in the kitchen."
His voice sounded very hoarse, as if he had not used it for a long time. She turned around to hide the sad expression on her face from him. But she could feel his gaze on her back just before he started climbing the stairs.
"Wanna help?" she asked James, while they proceeded to the kitchen where she started searching Snape's cupboards for food and dishes. He nodded and slowly carried the plates that she had given him. Then he laid the table with utmost care.
She was choked with emotion while observing him. He obviously made an effort to be a good boy, to not drop anything or fool around. At the same time, she thought of his little brother, whose small body was fighting for its life. She blinked and swallowed, but the tears came nevertheless.
oOoOoOoOo
They ate in silence. Hermione knew that it was not due to her cooking when Snape put his half-eaten piece of toast back on his plate and pushed it aside.
"I'm not hungry either," she whispered and clutched her teacup with both hands.
"May I get up, please?" James asked cautiously, looking from Hermione to Snape and back. He had eaten his toast and eggs, and when Hermione nodded, his face lightened up with relief.
"Do you have any books with pictures for James to look at?" Hermione asked Snape. At first, he did not seem to hear her, but then he got up and said, "I'll go and look."
After several minutes, he came back, holding an old, leather-bound tome with yellow pages. Hermione saw that it was an ancient edition of i'The Tales of Beedle the Bard'/i, and she was quite astonished that someone like Snape owned such a thing. Snape held the book out for James with a pinched expression, and James looked scared when he finally took it. Snape was about to turn away when James plucked up all his courage and tugged his cloak to make him look down.
"I will not damage the book, sir," James whispered. "I'll turn the pages very carefully."
If Snape was surprised by this statement, at least he did not show it. He only nodded in James's direction and said to Hermione, "I'll Apparate to St. Mungo's." She understood that he simply could not take the uncertainty anymore, as well as the torture of a silent house where he was condemned to inactivity.
She wanted to say that she'd accompany him. Then she remembered James, and she emitted a choked sound that expressed all her fear and despair.
"Come back as soon as you get some news," she pleaded. But she did not know whether he had heard her, because he vanished with a loud bang, leaving her alone with her ever growing sense of panic.
oOoOoOoOo
Hermione knew that he had not been gone for more than an hour, but to her it seemed like eternity. She paced the room nervously and tried to tune out her worst fears. James quietly looked at the pictures in the fairy-tale book and asked her a question every now and then, but she gave only half-hearted answers.
'Albus hasn't survived the night. He must have died,' she thought. In the next moment, she hated herself for producing such terrible thoughts. But no matter how hard she tried to believe in a happy ending, she could not manage. Her throat constricted while the horrible pictures kept repeating before her inner eye like an endless movie.
She felt quite sick, and her hands shook so hard that she dropped her wand. When she finally heard the 'plop' of Apparition, tears welled up in her eyes.
Snape stood in the door, only a few steps away, and she lunged forward with a choked sound. His hair had fallen over his face, and she could not see his expression. All at once, all her feelings came crashing down on her. Hope, fear and sadness made her swoon, and she would have fallen if he had not grabbed her upper arms.
He held her, and when she looked up, she could see the truth about Albus Severus' fate in his eyes…