A/N: Well, long time no post, isn't it? Sorry about the long wait... I've been insanely busy with school and everything. Senior year, baby! XDD. Anyway... sorry for the long wait. So, this oneshot is my very first in the Batman universe (thanks to my friends, I'm now obsessed with Batman, especially with the Joker and Harley Quinn). I hope you all enjoy it, and I really hope I haven't destroyed their characterization... o.o That's what I'm afraid of. Anyway, this is JokerxHarley, I absolutely love and adore that pairing, so... please read, review, and enjoy! :D

A Little Soap and Water


One thing was for certain... she needed one of these.

Harley Quinn contemplated the faucet knobs for a bit before turning one on and closing the shower curtain to prevent water from splashing out. The shower was rarely used; she and her beloved Mistah J were always too busy with one thing or another to really enjoy it. Tonight, though... tonight, she was feeling unusually filthy, so she had excused herself from the Joker's presence and was now standing in the bathroom. She knew he'd have her head for excusing herself without his permission, but she didn't care. Her hygiene was a bit more important right now.

She stripped out of her costume and took off her mask, eying herself in the mirror above the sink. Her undergarments soon joined her costume on the floor, and she pulled her long blonde hair out of its two pigtails. She grinned as she saw her slim hourglass figure. Back when she had been Dr. Harleen Quinzel, she'd always been so worried about her weight... She didn't need to do that now; her life of crime was keeping her slim and fit. It was wonderful.

Harley stepped into the shower, reveling in the feeling of the warm drops of water streaming onto and down her body. This felt amazing... and she had to wonder why she didn't do this more often. She stood still for a moment, her eyes closed, doing nothing but feel all her stress melt away under the influence of the heat. She really needed this... just the relaxation alone was making her feel cleaner.

After a moment, she opened her eyes, finally deciding that she actually should do something while she was in here. Reaching for the yellow loofah that hung from the faucet, she took the pomegranate-scented shower gel and poured some onto it. She decided she'd indulge herself tonight, for this didn't happen very often.

She was in the middle of washing herself when a familiar voice called her name. "Harley!"

It was her Joker! Harley poked her head out from behind the shower curtain and said, "It's open, Puddin'!" She didn't care that he could get in; they'd seen each other naked many times before.

Creaking sounded as the door swung open and closed, and the shower curtain was suddenly yanked open, causing her to yelp.

"Mistah J!" she cried indignantly. She hadn't expected him to do that!

The Joker stared at her, his eyes traveling down her soapy body and back up. Harley braced herself for any yelling, any harsh words... but all he said was, "You forgot to wash your hair."

"I was just about to do that, Mistah J," she said, a bit baffled by his reaction. As she reached for the shampoo, his hand caught her wrist, yanking it away.

"I will do that," he said sternly, pulling his purple coat off. Harley watched him as he stripped out of his clothes and -- to her surprise -- climbed into the shower with her, pulling the curtain shut.

He reached around her to grab the shampoo, his arm brushing hers briefly.

"I expected you out by now, Harley," he told her, "what with you rudely leaving me earlier." Harley trembled at his words. He was intending to punish her...

Something cold suddenly dripped onto the top of her head, and suddenly her Joker's fingers were there, massaging her scalp. "Women and their cleanliness," his voice muttered. "I don't understand it."

Harley relaxed slightly. He was being gentle with her, somewhat...

This thought vanished when Joker's grip on her hair suddenly tightened, and he suddenly brought her against him, an arm across her chest and her head roughly tilted to the side. The pale skin of her throat was exposed, and her pulse quickened with excitement.

"You leave my side for a shower, do you, Harley?" he muttered in her ear. "What have I told you about leaving me without permission?"

"Not to do that." Harley's voice was small, but strong.

"Little Harley needs to learn to listen to Daddy, doesn't she?"

"I'll... I'll always listen to you, Mistah J."

"You'd better." The Joker let go of her hair and turned her to face him, pinning her against the wall of the shower. Harley looked up into his dark eyes, and she almost melted at the intensity they delivered.

The next thing she knew, the Joker had smashed his lips against hers, and she was kissing him passionately. His body was pressed against hers, his arms around her and his hands on her back. Harley's eyes fluttered closed, caught up in the passion of the moment, and she slowly wrapped her arms around him. This moment was perfect, this moment was heaven... The bliss that filled her mind just then was unlike any other. She didn't want this to end... She didn't care if the water got cold; she wanted to stay here, kissing her Joker forever.

Suddenly, it ended just as quickly as it had begun: The Joker ripped his lips away from Harley's, and he detached himself from her. She reached out a hand, wanting to pull him back in, but he pulled open the shower curtain.

"You're done," he said. "Be outside in ten minutes." He stepped out of the shower, replaced the curtain, and left the room.

Harley stayed where she was, her chest heaving as she took deep breaths to render herself active again. He came in and left so suddenly... She loved her Joker. She loved him so much, so deeply... she couldn't imagine life without him.

After a moment, she shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around herself to dry off. Looking down at the floor, she saw that the Joker had taken his clothes with him. He probably hadn't wanted to tempt either himself or Harley, so he would've wanted to change in a different room... Harley sighed.

Within minutes, she was dressed and outside, just as the Joker, her Joker, had told her. He grinned at her, his typical evil grin.

"Enjoy your shower?" he asked.

"Sure did, Mistah J!" she returned with a smile.

The Joker took her hand. "Come, Harley!" he declared. "The night is ours!"

The duo's laughter echoed into the air, and Harley liked nothing better than to be with her one and only Mistah J.