This was a smut challenge that never really made it to the smut part lol

I suck at writing smut and normally can't read over it after it's written. I attempted and it came out all kinds of wrong so I ended up with this… It's totally random and follows all the guidelines but when I finished I lacked the most important part of the challenge…THE SEX

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The challenge:

1. the phrase "me love you long time" must be used
2. food on a stick
3. utility belt
4. cracker
5. animal of some kind

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'Surprise! No, that sucks.' She clears her throat and tries again, this time a huskier tone to her voice. 'Surprise. Okay, no, this is just stupid. Just go in the house already.' Getting out of her car she walked up to the door and knocked lightly. 'No answer. I'll just try the handle. Ahhh yes. They should really keep this thing locked. What if I was a robber?'

Walking into her girlfriend's house, she heads up the stairs, turns the corner and pauses at the noises coming from the other side of the door. 'I really hope that's not what I think it is,' referring to the soft moans and gasps coming through the door. Then she hears loud laughter that is unmistakably her girlfriends 'Okay, what the…' She pushes through the door to the sight of a beautiful brunette sitting in the middle of her floor with cartons of Chinese food all around.

"Ashley!" she yells breaking into the laughter and thoroughly frightening the smaller girl with a chicken on a stick dangling from her mouth.

"Holy shit, Spencer. What are you doing here? How did you get in?" She says jumping up fumbling with trying to shut off the television unsuccessfully.

"Sucky-sucky, 5 dollar. Me love you long time. Too long time."

"Okay, I came over to surprise you. Plus your front door is never locked, so that answers your questions. But I come up the stairs thinking that you were possibly in here with someone else only to find you pigging out and watching really bad Asian porn." She makes a slightly disgusted face while stepping forward to shut off the embarrassing display on the TV. "Ashley what are you thinking?"

"I was-uh-um" she stutters and stops to clear her throat, "I was just bored and I order a butt load of food like I always do and started flipping through the channels and I thought that this, um, well, that it was fitting for my choice of nourishment for the evening." She looks up and gives to most innocent smile ever before turning her gaze to her bare feet that are shuffling back and forth on the carpet.

"I don't even know what to make of this but can we totally forget that I ever came in here to witness that, please?"

"Definitely!" Ashley picks her head up and walks over to her girlfriend. "So, how 'bout I find something a lot more decent to watch, and you, my lovely, magnificent, gorgeous girlfriend join me for an early dinner?"

"I'd love to."

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After stuffing their faces the girls lay across the plush couch in the brunette's room to watch 'Ed, Edd 'n Eddy'. After about and hour Spencer decided that her jeans were too constricting considering the amount of food she'd consumed. Coming out of the closet in a pair of sweats and a tank her eye caught sight of something she'd never seen before in the room previously. "Hey Ash, what's this?"

The brunette glanced up to see what she was asking about without moving her body from its comfortable position. "It's my ninja utility belt" she said nonchalantly and laid her head back in its resting place.

"And you're saying that like its normal to have a ninja anything" Spencer said going back to plop down on the couch next to the brunette.

"I told you I get bored and E-Bay is my best friend and my enemy. That's how I ended up with that. And it was a bargain only 12 bucks."

The blonde looked at her girlfriend as if she was crazy and mumbled "A wasted 12 bucks" under her breath. "What the hell are you ever gonna use this for you hardly wear any clothes as it is so I don't see you in all black dressed as a ninja anytime soon."

"I hadn't planned on ever using it really. I told you I have a problem, okay. You should be trying to help me not judge me. I am but a mere weakling" she says gesturing a slight faint.

"You are so incredibly weird. I don't know what I see in you."

"You see lots," she paused and gave a mischievous smirk, "like last night when we were in the back of my truck after dinner when you..."

The blonde cut in, "okay I get it, and I so don't need a refresher. That was so..."

"Amazing!"

"Yeah, until my brother came and knocked on the window when he saw a foot sticking out the sun roof. God, that was embarrassing."

"Ahhh, good times."

"Whatever...you perv. You do realize that I will never be allowed to be in a parked car with you ever again. And it's your fault that I have to volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club this weekend instead of spending my time with you and..." She leaned over and whispered the rest in the brunette's ear.

"Really now! I may have to kidnap you with my stealthy moves and trusty utility belt tonight."

"Oh, shut up you."

"But not right now. Mama is full and this couch and a quick nap and cuddle with my girl is calling my name."

After napping for about half an hour Ashley woke to blue eyes gazing at her. "Hey"

"Hey"

"What, am I drooling or something?"

"No, no, you're fine. I was just thinking."

"About?"

"About how much I enjoy doing this, just lying here with you and how my weekend is gonna suck. But I know something that could make it much better. Or someone I should say."

"Spencer, No!"

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"I can't believe you actually talked me into coming with you to this frea-- Ooh look a duckie!"

"Never underestimate the powers of a Carlin, Miss Davies. You do seem to be enjoying this more than the five year olds Ash." Sticking out her tongue at her blonde companion Ashley started to head towards the ducks "Ash, I don't think I would go over there if I were you. Those don't really look like a friendly bunch. Plus, they're eating so just leave them alone."

"Psshh right, an angry bunch of ducks. No one can resist my charm. Watch and learn blondie. Besides, I have my trusty crackers in this nifty sack you made me carry all through this stupid park. If they don't love me, they can at least take the food."

10 minutes later…in the bathroom

"I told you not to mess with the damn ducks! Now hold still"

"Oww! Fuck Spence, what the hell did you just do?"

"Nothing yet, you're just anticipating the pain you big baby."

"Okay well you go and let a duck beak you in the face and have it try to run away with your ear and see how it feels. It fucking hurts, look." Holding her head at an angle, "am I bleeding? I feel like I'm bleeding." The words continue to rush out as she squirms on the counter.

"Well if you'd be still I'd be able to tell whether or not you're bleeding."

"Okay, but…but don't touch it. It might get infected or something."

"Ash, calm down."

"Fine, fine, okay, calm, calm. I can do calm." The brunette starts chanting this over and over trying to brace herself for the oncoming pain while Spencer starts making her way to inspect her ear. She brings her hand up to cup Ashley's cheek and it's smacked away.

Spencer looks at her shocked. "The hell? Why'd you hit me?"

"You were gonna touch it" she whimpered.

"Was not!"

"Were too. Let's just get out of here I'll be fine." Hopping off the counter she starts to move towards the door.

"You're not fine and I can have you cleaned up in no time if you'd just sit still for more than ten seconds."

"No, its okay we can..." she's cut off as Spencer forcefully pushes her up against the sink and kisses her passionately silencing her.

"Just hold still" she whispers into the brunette's ear. Ashley just nods her head, closes her eyes and clenches whatever she can to brace herself.

"All done"

Opening her eyes, "all done? What do you mean all done, I didn't feel a thing."

"I told you it would take mere seconds."

"Oh Spencer. My hero." Ashley playfully fawns earning a smack on the arm.

"Shut it you. Let's get out of here before they come looking for us."

Grinning mischievously, Ashley grabs the retreating body and pulls the blonde to her small frame. "I have a much better idea."

"But…"

"Don't worry about anyone coming to find us," she cut off placing gentle kisses to the back of the blonde's neck. "I might have mentioned to one of the senior counselors that you were feeling ill and had a serious case of something bad. Something that required immediate attention."

Turning in the brunettes arms. "Really, so what is this illness that I 'might' have?"

"Oh, no one told you. I could have sworn that you were feeling that illness that causes you to be in bed all afternoon" She paused in between statements with butterfly kisses to a different body part on the blonde. "soaking wet" kiss "needing" kiss "wanting" kiss "screaming" kiss "for a certain brunette, with eyes only for you." She pulled back to stare into eyes full of want, "but maybe I was mistaken. We can go now I guess."

As she pulled away strong arms embraced her tighter and pulled her into a passionate kiss "c'mere." Taking a breather but not pulling out of the embrace the blonde spoke breathlessly "I think maybe we should head to your place and have that checked out. I'm feeling it come over me again." The hurriedly stumbled out of the bathroom. Damn ducks! Ashley cursed, catching a glimpse of the damage from the predator ducks in the mirror, only a few bruises blazed on the side of her face and hopefully Spencer was going to make her feel sooo much better.

~~~The End~~~