Silent Screams

by girlinblue17

In her selflessness, she became a pawn to her worst enemy. She might have followed his commands, but inside, she silently screams because of her fate. The events of Resident Evil 5, as told from Jill Valentine's perspective.

4. Pancuronium

Part IV: Pancuronium

I don't really know how much time passed since my escape attempt. It could've been days, months… I don't really know.

They kept me steadily on Pancuronium. They were careful to keep the dosage to a minimum to keep it from becoming lethal, but it was already enough to paralyze me from head to toe. Moretti… Oh God. I don't even want to remember. I remember telling myself that if, by some miracle, I get out of here, I will have a hard time deciding between Wesker, Excella, and Moretti who I'll kill first. I couldn't show them any weakness while they were in this room, but when they leave, all I could do was cry.

I haven't cried in about ten years. Not even after the Mansion incident. There was no time to grieve, no time to cry for the ones we lost. Chris and I… We took it out on our work, but the pain never really disappeared. We knew that if we started crying, we probably wouldn't be able to stop, and we couldn't afford that, because we had to fight. Now… I guess we were right. The tears really don't stop, and I couldn't even wipe them off my damn face.

Wesker never failed to notice them and mock me for that, but I didn't care anymore. I was pretty much the living dead. It's funny how things work. For the first time, I, who blasted zombies, ended up empathizing with them. I wondered, was I the same as them? Can they actually think, but are betrayed by their bodies, couldn't control the hunger that drives them on?

I don't really know anything anymore. All I knew is that it was the end of the line for me. I knew it, and Wesker sure as hell didn't make any attempts to disguise that he knew it as well. He and that woman, Excella, talked about their plans even while they were around me, absolutely sure that I wouldn't, couldn't do anything about it, couldn't stop them from destroying the world.

I did find out one thing though. Excella kept Wesker on a steady dose of something that keeps him from mutating. I don't know if I'll be able to use that knowledge to my advantage, but I filed it away. Just in case.